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  5. HollowBubble


    I fell awful posting this because I've never spoken to a doctor and been diagnosed with anything.... I'm a 17 y/o girl. I've had a job, my family loves me, and I've had friends who I really care about that really care about me. I came out as bisexual and everyone I knew accepted me, even my grandmother who used to talk about how being gay was a sin(she actually became a supporter because of this). Seems like a happy teenager right? Yet I constantly feel alone. I feel like I'm trapped in myself. All my days bleed into one another and sometimes I can't take it. I used to be really bad about self harm. Once my mom and my stepfather found out. They were really supportive at first. I trusted my stepdad the most, as he knows about this sort of thing. He used to self harm before him and my mother married which is why I trusted him. I had even stopped self harming. I know he would still talk about it to this day but.... My mom stopped trying to help. If I have a day where I can't stop crying she just yells at me, screaming how she walks on eggshells around me, and how I use how I feel as a crutch in life. I feel like.... Like she doesn't care about me anymore. I felt more alone than ever... And now their all gone. They went on vacation and left me all alone in my home for four days, and all I can think about is how suffocating the silence is. How alone I am. I can't talk about how I fell with my family anymore, and the only friend I had spoken to about this is clinically depressed, and the last time I spoke to her about this she tried to kill herself... Said I had brought her down too much... I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't speak to my mother or my best friend. I don't have a doctor or anyone to speak to because we can't afford it and my moms not 100% sure I'm not faking this whole thing. I'm lost.... And I need help. I know that. But I just don't know where to get help from
  6. Hi, I am a male in my mid 20's and have suspected for the last year that I have BPD. I've been having a rough time since breaking up with my ex last year and moving away from her a few months ago. I've finally decided that enough is enough and I need answers. I'd asked for a diagnosis before but was told it might not be in my best interests. Now I have an appointment booked for next month. Question one: I was wondering what the process is and what they will ask? Is it a case of answering yes or no to whether you have specific symptoms? Or is it more in depth, perhaps done over mutliple sessions? Also, my potential BPD has always affected me but it became particularly intense in my relationship because of the dreaded fear of abandonment. It was my first serious relationship and I behaved in ways I never thought I would. In front of strangers though I am very passive, polite - albeit sometimes very awkward depending who it is. I believe they might have a hard time believing me because I wil be calm and well mannered. If only they could see the mess I become when my adrenaline is rushing and my emotions are running high! Question two: Does anyone know from their experience if this will be a problem? Thanks in advance!
  7. We are struggling to access the right support for my adult daughter . My daughter was managing life with BPD until she met her partner. Growing up, The Drs warned us that she may struggle with relationships because of intense fear of abandonment . This led to paranoia, possessiveness, over controlling , and repeated episodes of DV {Her attacking her partner{. She is now pregnant , living with BPD and pregnancy hormones , her symptoms have escalated. She has been arrested for the first time, she has become extremely violent and now social services are involved. She was managing before the relationship, so I know this is not her, its her illness. Non-mental health Professionals lack understanding or compassion, especially police. More awareness is needed.
  8. I recognise a lot of what you describe in my daughter who has BPD. Its good that you are looking at yourself, trying to make sense of whats going on for you. Also scary I guess. Getting a diagnosis helped my daughter in that she now had "something to explain her behaviour". However, we still struggle with accessing support . In our experience BPD seems to be a bit of a "taboo subject" and seems less recognised, unlike Bipolar or Anxiety and Depression. I wish you luck, get as much help as possible, don't battle with this alone.
  9. CharcoalKiss

    Returning to old

    Not great recently, but doing ok. I know what you mean about the comfort of old. That's why I came back here. I needed something I knew. i'm really glad you're doing better than you have. Always striving for the up!
  10. Hi everyone, I'm new, and i've struggled my whole life with undiagnosed mental health issues. I've found it difficult to engage with services over the years (GP, counselling, CBT) with varying degrees of success, and I've been prescribed 20mg citalopram for suspected depression and anxiety for the last 7 years. In that time i've managed to fall through the cracks, so I just order my repeat prescription online and attend a 5 minute medicine review once a year. I struggle daily just to get by, but I'm just about functional enough to hold down a job, and i've worked hard over the years to conceal my problems through a mixture of healthy (self care) and unhealthy (cannabis, isolation) coping mechanisms. I've always been labelled as odd, overly emotional, and dramatic, and been confused about why I struggle in the ways I do. I recently read an article about BPD, and it all just seemed to click. I have no emotional skin. I feel everything so much more deeply than other people, and can have an out of proportion reaction to even the smallest of things. I struggle with any situation where I am not in control and have rapid and debilitating mood swings, from depression and hopelessness to rage and anger. I'd never before characterised my relationships as unstable, or thought I had any fear of abandonment (I pride myself on being very independent), but once I really thought about it the evidence said otherwise. I have absolutely no idea who I am or what I like, and I just tumble from obsession to obsession constantly in both my career path and hobbies. I have curbed most of my self destructive and impulsive behaviour as i've got older (i'm now in my early 30s) but my past is riddled with bad decisions and behaviours i'm ashamed of, including self harm. I can 'go off' people periodically, or start to question their motives and integrity. I experience extreme paranoia, including thinking that other people (even strangers) are watching and judging me. Recently, as i've been trying to notice my thoughts and behaviours, i've wondered if what i've always thought of as 'spacing out' is actually dissociation. I can find myself staring into nothing and thinking nothing for extended periods of time, multiple times a day. My eyes will completely unfocus (which I thought was a sight issue as I wear glasses) and I find myself simply stuck, or having to physically shake myself out of it if it happens around other people. It can also happen when i'm very upset, like i've experienced so much emotion my mind and body just shut down, unable to cope any longer, and I go completely numb. I've been reading everything I can get my hands on about BPD, and the more I read the more it seems to fit. I understand the issues with self diagnosis, but i'm also aware of how difficult it can be to get even the most basic mental health support. I have a plan to reengage with my GP to explore my options, but I have no expectations about what they can do for me. I'm also looking into private services, although the costs would be difficult to cover. Does anyone identify with my experience, or have any advice? I'm hesitant to jump to conclusions, but in all my life nothing has ever come as close to explaining my struggles as BPD. At the very least it's encouraged me to make my mental health a priority, and that can't be a bad thing. Thank you for taking the time to read this
  11. BerlinImissyou

    guess i shoud do this since i never do

    A pet moth! ❤
  12. Saharah Blue

    Nightmare inside me own mind yell

    Many of understand the complexities of multi DX's around here. You are bound to rub elbows with all sorts. Welcome to the site.
  13. Saharah Blue


    Welcome to the site, make yourself comfortable, great name btw.
  14. Saharah Blue

    Returning to old

    ups and downs but doing better than I have in ages. I still have the odd blip and I still find the site a comfort, even if it is one of old. Always search for a peace within. I am always happy to see an old face/name on list. Good on you for posting. How have you been?
  15. Nina of the Light


    Hey CK!!! How is everything in your world? NIna
  16. IrringHumanSide


    Hi, call me Blackbird or my username. I’m a person with PTSD, anxiety, depression, dissociative issues, and hallucinations. I’m agender and pan. I don’t really know what else to say, ask me questions about anything you feel like?
  17. CharcoalKiss

    Returning to old

    Hi Saharah, How are you?
  18. Saharah Blue

    Returning to old

    welcome back, I hope you are able to find the support you need.
  19. CharcoalKiss


    *waves* Hi Nina!
  20. CharcoalKiss

    Returning to old

    Hello everyone. I've been a member here since January 2008, but haven't been on the forum for around 8 years. But, I'm back. I need to be back. I hope you're all well. It's nice to see some names I recognise as well as some shiny new ones. -- CK
  21. Nina of the Light


    HEYA Dice and Joshua!! All is well. It's been a long journey! I suppose it has for most of us. I'm getting ready to start a brand new chapter of life. I'm leaving the United States and moving to Costa Rica!! Peace and healing will be my main focus. I wish you all the best. I'm hoping to check in here more often now. So... what's up? what's new with you guys???? Tell me something!!! Love, NIna
  22. Personailty disorder is a living nightmare that however much you try you cant get out off like your drowning everything is strange boxing match that never ends so hard to express and explain to someone who doesnt have it where do you start your acting out but you dont mean too to you your doing nothing wrong at that time i have personailty disorder with alot of other disorders its very complex and i hate the struggle of it goin out of your mind feeling you are alone and no one understands
  23. I'm 36 now and was diagnosed recently with BPD. Although my partner said that he was going to support me the best he can, started reading up on the info that I printed out for him etc. he still has no idea how to handle this! He takes everything personally despite my trying to explain that I can't control this! He gets impatient and shuts down. I keep ending the relationship but he always gets back in touch and we end up back together. With a step child, termination of a pregnancy and family fall outs all happening this year I don't see a way out any more. The relationship makes my BPD worse but being without the guy absolutely kills me too. I feel that I'm stupid staying with someone that doesn't support me but he's so good in other ways. He has mental health issues himself - ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE SITUATION!!!
  24. Jessicatt

    Can someone help me...please

    You must make yourself busy in house work and your college/university works. Don't think about the depression and that your friends are not helping you and listening to you. Whenever you feel alone, type a diary on your mobile or write it on the diary book. It will help you alot in this situation. Also if this continues to happen then please consult with doctor he/she will definitely help you out in this matter. I am also feeling sorry for you
  25. Lisa207

    Advice please

    Gosh.. It's interesting that you say this as I have blamed both of my parents for my mental health and I no longer speak to them. They do have narcissistic tendencies.. But for you to reach out means that you truly want to know how to deal with the issue. I can only say what I wished that my mother would do. Maybe write a letter to your daughter telling her that you love her and want to know more about her condition so that you both deal with it in a healthy way. From my perspective we deal with really difficult emotions and we don't know how to handle them as they feel overwhelming. Peaceful and kind encouraging words always help.
  26. HollyR

    BPD World Mental Health Assessment

    I'm really sorry to hear that you have been struggling, but it is a positive that you are seeing someone about it and getting the help you need. If your counsellor has mentioned that you may have it, whether they are qualified to diagnose or not, it's more than likely that you are suffering from the disorder. I suffer with Borderline Personality Disorder myself so I understand what you're going through. I know it's hard, and it's really great that you're seeing someone to help you! Stay Strong! x
  27. Hi! My name is Holly and I am a new member on this website. I wanted to put something somewhere about my condition where I felt comfortable and like I'm not being judged, so I thought a forum like this would do the trick. I know I shouldn't be ashamed, but I don't like lots of people I know, knowing what I've got, just because I know what some people can be like when it comes to discussing Mental Health. Insensitive and ignorant. It was in July of 2018 when everything came to a halt in my life, I tried to end my life via an overdose, things had gotten to a point where I felt that suicide was the only answer. I was then hospitalised and spent a week overall in general hospital, and in the Mental Health Unit. The whole experience was just horrendous from start to finish, but it did give me time to think about my future and how I was going to go forward from this. I had officially hit rock bottom, and sometimes you don't always go up, you just stay there, which is where I was for a little while. A team of doctors spoke to me after three days of observing me with other patients and told me I was ready to go home, so off I went with my boyfriend, nobody told me anything about my diagnosis and after a few weeks, I didn't hear anything from the Mental Health Team who said they were going to stay in touch for 6 months. A few weeks later I started to think to myself that my original diagnosis of Depression and Anxiety Disorder was a little vague and that there was definitely something more going on. I'd been previously tested for Bipolar, and had been suffering with bad Mental Health since I was 12. All in all I'd suffered with a lot of Mental Health Disorders but didn't know much about Borderline Personality Disorder, so when I did some research on it, I thought that the symptoms sounded a lot like me. Unstable relationships, strong impulsive behaviour, extreme fluctuations in mood and a burning fear that I will be abandoned by anyone who says they love me. I went to my GP because I just wanted to get the ball rolling and get tested, just so I knew if it was anything or nothing. Turns out it was already on my notes from the hospital, no one had told me that I suffered with it in there or the days after I came home. I didn't question it any further, and the doctor sent me on my way, it all felt a bit like I was being dismissed. After I came out of hospital my anti-depressants were doubled in dose and since then I've been taking them daily to try and stabilise my emotions. It's just strange though, one minute I'm happy, almost too happy, then I'm down and moody or emotional, then excited, anxious and angry all within a few hours. It's all so extreme, there's never really a grey area, it's just black and white. I've always known that there was something else, I just couldn't quite put my finger on what the problem was. But now I'm seeming a counsellor once a week for DBT, and week by week I'm slowly telling her more and more about my life, and the traumas I've been through to lead to this point. Sometimes I do feel very unlucky, because as many of you will probably understand, living with bad Mental Health is tiring more than anything, you just spend so much time exhausted and drained from trying to hide your emotions from others because you don't want anyone to worry, and you don't want people to know. You spend a lot of time thinking what if? What if things were just 'normal' whatever that is? It's very confusing and fingers crossed my therapist and make it easier to deal with and if not, cure it completely. I will be posting more soon about different subjects, but I just wanted to introduce myself really!
  28. Spiraling

    Hello memers *dabs*

    Farewell to Peace Farewell to Peace, my long sought foe, although you have already left. How ignorant was I on that pivotal day as fire was forced upon your back! Foolish was I to send you away, all the while counting my cash. Soon, I realized you had brought the cash with you and burned it all to ash! What is burned cannot be renewed, what is flaming cannot be retrieved, what is ashes cannot be fixed. But Peace, what is lost can always be found! oh, and hello people. I speak riddle. No plaguies please (plagerism)
  29. Spiraling

    How can I dissappear?

    Unfortunately for some, there is no way to disappear. In both secular and religious beliefs, matter cannot be created or destroyed. No matter how far you run, your problems will be one step behind you. However, you are one step ahead. The only way to break free is to turn around and fight. If the problems say you are worthless, that is a lie. They are decievers, do not listen to them, do not give them a foothold. If you let deceiving thoughts enter, you must either fight back, or let them destroy and take everything you know. No matter the struggle, fight now and live the rest of your life a champion. Waiting ‘till tomorrow will only give them a foothold.
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