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  3. Saharah Blue

    BPD and my relationship

    amajm, I can relate to the behaviors in yourself that you are describing, however, you are fully responsible for the way in which you treat others. I have found in my own experience that it tends to be the people we want closes to us that also triggers us into acting out in a way that we need more validation. Are you in therapy right now? Sah
  4. Saharah Blue

    New to the forum

    This forum is dedicated with actual sufferers of mental illness. It is has not bee set up for partners, parents and caregivers. It is a peer support forum only. If you are looking for support for your loved one, there are other forums that are equipped for this.
  5. Fi80

    New to the forum

    Hi I’m new too with a partner who has unstable emotional personality disorder. Life is very tough right now. We both work and have 3 kids. I’m often the verbal punch bag and it’s now daily , often asking me to leave, telling me it’s over, blocking etc then 30seconds later please don’t leave me. I find it exhausting and very hard because I love them unconditionally but at the same time have no one to talk too, friends tell me to leave but I know that’s not the answer. it would be good to hear from others in the same situation
  6. Normally when I am hurt, I tend to lash out and say the most cruel things I can think of to my boyfriend. We have had a generally rocky relationship which has been on and off for four years. I want this time to be different. When I say these hurtful things to him and hurt him, he usually wants to have some time alone (usually about a day), but then I get really clingy and don't want him to leave because I feel like he's going to leave me completely or cheat on me. I feel like maybe I am being irrational and should just give him the time? I do not want to ruin the relationship as I always do but when he needs time alone I feel abandoned, like he hates me, or would do things behind my back. I hate feeling alone when he's gone but would rather leave him his time if its best. I am really trying to change my behaviors. But right now I am having this huge breakdown because he wont speak to me and is upset. I dont know if I can handle the pain of feeling alone.
  7. Saharah Blue

    Newbie Here

    Josh, Hi, welcome. Just thinking a moment about what you have written, it reminds me that a good deal of MH symptoms surface when we are under stress and strain and I wonder if these feelings are surfacing as a result of a mix of your current life stresses and possible things in your past that are vying for your attention? Sah
  8. Saharah Blue

    how do i tell my mum about my bpd diagnosis

    Personally, I would not mention an exact DX just talk about some the struggle with MH and not feeling up to certain things when you don't feel you are able to participate, family doesn't magically become supportive, it has to be learned and often instigated by the parents for the whole family to adopt a new way of interacting.
  9. dedog101

    how do i tell my mum about my bpd diagnosis

    i dont know how much help i can be, but if youd ever like to talk to somebody who also suffers with bpd, you can message me on twitter @yungskrrtgod or instagram @connofwgkta666
  10. then same, im a 22 year old male living in ballymoney. ive lost everything to this, all i want is somebody i can trust. if you want to be friends with the outlook of meeting up in real life, message me on twitter @yungskrrtgod or on instagram @connofwgkta666
  11. PeteM

    New to the forum

    HI everyone.... A little about me... Im a 43 year old man who has no close family left. I've been diagnosed with bpd/eupd for around 5 years but i suspect (like many others) that I have been suffering with this for more years than I actually realise. I used to have the best support network with friends and psych's and support workers but having gone through a period where things weren't so bad, I pretty much lost all of it as it was deemed that I didn't need it anymore. Ive had severe problems with self harm in the past where I have been to hospital several times to have an ungodly amount of cuts dressed (as a result, my arms are now shoulder to wrist covered in scars). Ive made two attempts on my own life in the past and to be honest im thankful that I didn't succeed and the desire to do something of that ilk is now virtually non-existent. I find myself in a situation now where I have devoted my life to something in the hope that it might lead me out into a brighter future...only now after some years its beginning to look more and more like my effort has been for nothing. It hurts more than I ever thought something like that would. I feel useless.... I have a couple of really good friends left but they too have their own issues that they live with... I live in the middle of a city but Ive never felt so alone. Im always there for people since I know what it is really like to have no one, but now i need people to be there for me and there is no one. Its just me again....I feel as if Im fighting a battle with a slippery slope. thankyou if you have read this...time is one of things that we all give to people but its the one thing we can never take back. I appreciate the time taken to read this
  12. faithlessone

    Hold your nerve

    I think it's a load of bull and a massive over reaction by the Gov. Scared of the MSM
  13. faithlessone

    New to the forum.

    First things first You have to tell her what you have told us, show her this thread, Secondly talk to your doctor and ask for a referral to the local community mental health team, it is scary at first but worth it, To me it sound like you have something like me, your behaviour is similar to mine, heavy drinking, reckless spending, broken relationships, self harm (for me it was getting into lots of fights and only being satisfied after having the shit kicked out of me) Eventually I tried to kill myself and consequently was taken seriously by the CMHT & was diagnosed with BPD at age 42, that was 10 years ago & I'm still here I've had a lot more good years than bad since my diagnosis I'm struggling at the mo with this lockdown situation but no where near the way I would have before my diagnosis, There is light at the end of the tunnel good luck mate!
  14. hi, i'm 20 years old and have always suffered with mental health issues, mainly depression. when i was about 16 i started developing multiple signs of bpd, i had been living with this for about 3 years and then when i was 18 i moved out of my family house and started to realise just how unstable i had become. i did nhs therapy for a few months until i eventually received a bpd diagnosis. its been about 6 months since i was diagnosed and i am still struggling internally with this , it has put alot of things into perspective for me and im glad i now have an idea of what i'm dealing with. i haven't told anyone, not my roommates/best friends, my brother, but i especially have not told my mum. the problem is my mum quite clearly has some serious mental health issues herself, and she has used me as her sort of therapist for as long as i can remember, but she has no awareness of mental health and is very naive to the topic. she is extremely sensitive and takes everything people say very personally, when she feels she is being blamed for something it triggers a downward spiral that the whole family has to endure. she is extremely insecure about her parenting in the past when we were younger, she feels like she neglected us as she was completely dedicated to her work for our entire childhood. because our interactions were so based on me talking her through her own insecurities and issues, i became the therapist at a very young age. i think because of this i have never felt comfortable sharing my own issues/emotions, especially with my mum as i am the glue that holds her together and keeps her stable. now because of the virus, i am back at home living with her and my brothers. i am constantly triggered and having to hide my emotions more than usual, as when i do show them i'm seen as rude or too sensitive. i know things might be easier or they would be more understanding if i told them about my bpd but i do not know how i can tell my mum. i know the first thing shell do is research it and see that a common cause is being neglected as a child and she will instantly blame herself for this and it will confirm all her worst fears about being a 'bad' parent. i'm worried she will resent me for this, and that she wont know how to interact with me and will get too caught up in researching and it will become all she thinks of me as, her parenting failure. please if anyone has any advice, or experience with telling a parent about their bpd i would love another opinion because i really do not know what to do.
  15. Sa1

    New to the forum

    Hi I replied but may not have submitted correctly! I’d love to chat/share/ catch up as my husband also struggles with his emotions daily. Hi, Im new and seeking similar people with partners with diagnosed/suspected BPD. My husband suffered trauma from very early age but has learnt quite impressively to control his own anger on a day to day basis. Our relationship runs along the lines of a rollercoaster with regular crises which I have learnt to recognise and I try to deal with as best I can with boundaries and active listening to the fullest of my ability. We are in lockdown and the crises are more frequent with shorter breaks in between...it’s pretty much every 2 weeks or so rather than the usual 3 months. This is unsurprising without the distractions of work and everyday routines. i just wonder if anyone else would like to share everyday thoughts and frustrations in the absence of our usual friendship networks as I don’t like to share my side of feelings with him around on the phone to my friends as that’s my time and opportunity to distress/ unwind. hopeful, Sa1
  16. I like others are sort of left out of the loop ( hung out to dry) when it comes to explaining just what in the world causes our strange synonyms of hearing voices, thought broadcast, having the feeling that we are marked out of the normal run of things as we attract a lot of unwanted attention via public swarming, rude or unhelpful people, staring at us in a vindictive way, this years later after I was repeatedly told I was delusional is actual in reality called Zersetzung, a type of clandestine white-glove treatment aimed at exclusion,gaslighting and stalking a loser nobody like me for the best part of a decade, seems totally unreal, you even realise this as it’s really happening to you, in real-time, you could film the flash mobbing at its height it’s like ( Reggie Yate’s goes to Russia, ) very overt and with participants expressing pride and malice clandestinely toward you. So would Zersetzung be a mental illness. I know! But believe me, it does happen, that's why I am ill with a condition that the Doctor says is Schizophrenia although this best explains my experience of being unwell, I a few years ago attended a meeting for TI's in London ( the first one ever to be organised, I even had a part to play in helping it go-ahead being Tesh the guy I was assisting could not find a venue in central London, we had real TI who were unaware that the other one existed) Zersetzung is the actual term for whats battered around the internet as Gangstalking! Again it's like being subject to Snap-chat though on the pavement via rough shadowing and floating box. Think Instagram but in front of you!.
  17. fabbychic

    Bpd descriptor

    There is one spending and addictions. Doctors don’t know why they say brain thing. That’s not true if you know why we do this exactly then that’s two of us and I need some one to help me change a few things that’s perceived about bpd and stuff that’s not known and also the cause which isn’t trauma. If your like me get it please help
  18. Saharah Blue

    This is harder than it needs to be

    This of it as a rented room we can choose to pitch up at, really peer support is what we make of it. Personally I seem to like the reassurance that it is here and where I keep my blog, when I feel like writing in it.
  19. Saharah Blue

    New to the forum.

    All good in relationships start with compassion and a genuine sense of care for the other. People say it is not possible to truly give love without loving yourself first. I can see the logic in this theory, because otherwise is a always a fast circle back to self, self, self.... Learning to take responsibility is usually at the heart of it. I am sure there are ways that you need nurturing and healing before you will see the change you want to see in yourself. I do know from experience the more I let love in my heart the more love I have to give in turn. I also have found that when I make choices based on the person I want to be, I just feel better in a deeper and lasting way.
  20. Saharah Blue

    Hold your nerve

    It is really unnerving in a day today way, just the always on your guard feeling, not know what the next day will be like.
  21. I’m new here in the sense that I haven’t been here for over a decade. What I see here, now, is pretty depressing. It’s become so difficult to even respond to anybody. I’ve roamed through unanswered post after unanswered post and it’s pretty awful that people are coming here for help and they’re not getting any. Either shut this thing down completely or bloody well make sure that nobody goes unheard.
  22. Fool 72

    New member

    Ah, the reject pile! As Saharah says, it really is quiet here these days, but do you want to talk a bit more about what this means to you?xx
  23. Fool 72

    New to the forum.

    I’m not sure I have any wisdom for you, right now. I need a bit of time to mull over what you have said. I just want you to know that I have heard you. I’ll come back to this once I’ve done some digesting, but for the time being I truly hope that this moment finds you okay xx
  24. Fool 72

    Hold your nerve

    I guess that nobody wants to speak of the ‘devil’ right now, but I would imagine Coronavirus is in all of our thoughts. Does anybody want to talk it out. I’m new to this, by the way, but I’m an old hat at bpd
  25. N.Lewis79

    New to the forum.

    Hi there. My apologies if this is not the right place to post, but here goes: I don’t even know where to start. I have problems, and I don’t know if there is a label for them, or the things that I do. I’ll try and outline some of them, in the hope that there is someone out there who can point me in the right direction. If that is professional help, or just some insight from someone who has been in a similar downward spiral, all will be appreciated. I’ll start with where I am currently. I am a 41-year-old man, married to by best friend with four beautiful daughters. At this moment, I am at the lowest point in my life, which is all self-inflicted against my better judgement. My wife has confronted me on a number of stupid decisions that I have made, both financially and personally. I have run up debt over the last year (during our wedding and in to buying a house together) without her knowledge. I started vaping on and off after quitting for years, I have lied about loans and bonuses from work. I’ve looked at inappropriate on the internet despite denying it, which leads my wife to think I would have no qualms about cheating on her. That is the furthest thing from the truth, but I totally understand why she feels the way she does. All of this has been done on the backdrop of my wife bailing me out financially a couple of years ago. I carried over debt from my previous marriage, where I just didn’t care about the relationship. I was in trouble, and my wife managed to consolidate my debts, budget my salary with hers and get me on the right path. But all I have done is throw that back in her face by continuing past behaviour. She no longer trusts me with anything, does not believe anything I say to her, won’t let me touch her……I’ve done so much damage to our relationship that it now no longer exists. I can’t say anything to her to help claw back any respect that she may have had for me, I just don’t know how to fix myself so I can be who I should be to her. I should be her support, God knows she needs it, but I’ve simply made myself yet another burden on her life. Going back further, I have always let people down regarding money. I would get into debt with store cards etc, ignore demands and spiral into debt, thinking that there would be a magical fix for the problem. I’ve been this way since I was a teenager, and I’m still doing it. I really want this to change and stop so I can be the man I should be, not another child to be looked after. I have always had an underlying need to self-harm when things are going wrong. My teens were a blur of cuts with a knife, and burns from lighters/hot metal. I was basically branding myself. That urge continues every day, especially when I am stressed about how my financial situation is spiralling again. I have so many thoughts of causing myself serious harm, I can’t begin to tell you. Most of the time, I can abstain but on occasion I will burn myself for a momentary release – then blaming it on a work related accident that wasn’t intentional. I drive to work on the motorway, wondering if anyone would miss me if I crashed my car. Those thoughts are few and far between, but scare the hell out of me when I have them. Them fact that they are there scares me more. Drinking has always been another release, dulling any inner turmoil that may be going on over the terrible decisions I have made. I also show signs of nervous twitches and ticks, such as blowing on my hands/wrists, rolling my eyes and some odd facial movements. All of these stem from the stress that I put myself under by getting into these situations through lying to my nearest and dearest. I need help, I can’t do this on my own, and my wife certainly does not need to be lumbered with my ways any longer. She needs a break from being married to an idiot – she had the same problems in her previous marriage with lies and cheating – so I need to change things now. Any help or advice you can give will be gratefully received and noted. I thank you in advance. From the bottom of my pit.
  26. jimindigo

    Stigma

    How bloody stupid that remark bout' not looking like',puts me in mind of quote:"Never confuse education with intelligence". You should have asked: "Oh,exactly how should I look?" Could you not go private?
  27. Saharah Blue

    New member

    Hello tiggerwillow, Welcome to the site , I am sorry you are feeling low. Its a quiet site these days but, members that post are really kind and sincere. Sah
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