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  3. Saharah Blue

    This is harder than it needs to be

    This of it as a rented room we can choose to pitch up at, really peer support is what we make of it. Personally I seem to like the reassurance that it is here and where I keep my blog, when I feel like writing in it.
  4. Saharah Blue

    New to the forum.

    All good in relationships start with compassion and a genuine sense of care for the other. People say it is not possible to truly give love without loving yourself first. I can see the logic in this theory, because otherwise is a always a fast circle back to self, self, self.... Learning to take responsibility is usually at the heart of it. I am sure there are ways that you need nurturing and healing before you will see the change you want to see in yourself. I do know from experience the more I let love in my heart the more love I have to give in turn. I also have found that when I make choices based on the person I want to be, I just feel better in a deeper and lasting way.
  5. Saharah Blue

    Hold your nerve

    It is really unnerving in a day today way, just the always on your guard feeling, not know what the next day will be like.
  6. Earlier
  7. I’m new here in the sense that I haven’t been here for over a decade. What I see here, now, is pretty depressing. It’s become so difficult to even respond to anybody. I’ve roamed through unanswered post after unanswered post and it’s pretty awful that people are coming here for help and they’re not getting any. Either shut this thing down completely or bloody well make sure that nobody goes unheard.
  8. Fool 72

    New member

    Ah, the reject pile! As Saharah says, it really is quiet here these days, but do you want to talk a bit more about what this means to you?xx
  9. Fool 72

    New to the forum.

    I’m not sure I have any wisdom for you, right now. I need a bit of time to mull over what you have said. I just want you to know that I have heard you. I’ll come back to this once I’ve done some digesting, but for the time being I truly hope that this moment finds you okay xx
  10. Fool 72

    Hold your nerve

    I guess that nobody wants to speak of the ‘devil’ right now, but I would imagine Coronavirus is in all of our thoughts. Does anybody want to talk it out. I’m new to this, by the way, but I’m an old hat at bpd
  11. N.Lewis79

    New to the forum.

    Hi there. My apologies if this is not the right place to post, but here goes: I don’t even know where to start. I have problems, and I don’t know if there is a label for them, or the things that I do. I’ll try and outline some of them, in the hope that there is someone out there who can point me in the right direction. If that is professional help, or just some insight from someone who has been in a similar downward spiral, all will be appreciated. I’ll start with where I am currently. I am a 41-year-old man, married to by best friend with four beautiful daughters. At this moment, I am at the lowest point in my life, which is all self-inflicted against my better judgement. My wife has confronted me on a number of stupid decisions that I have made, both financially and personally. I have run up debt over the last year (during our wedding and in to buying a house together) without her knowledge. I started vaping on and off after quitting for years, I have lied about loans and bonuses from work. I’ve looked at inappropriate on the internet despite denying it, which leads my wife to think I would have no qualms about cheating on her. That is the furthest thing from the truth, but I totally understand why she feels the way she does. All of this has been done on the backdrop of my wife bailing me out financially a couple of years ago. I carried over debt from my previous marriage, where I just didn’t care about the relationship. I was in trouble, and my wife managed to consolidate my debts, budget my salary with hers and get me on the right path. But all I have done is throw that back in her face by continuing past behaviour. She no longer trusts me with anything, does not believe anything I say to her, won’t let me touch her……I’ve done so much damage to our relationship that it now no longer exists. I can’t say anything to her to help claw back any respect that she may have had for me, I just don’t know how to fix myself so I can be who I should be to her. I should be her support, God knows she needs it, but I’ve simply made myself yet another burden on her life. Going back further, I have always let people down regarding money. I would get into debt with store cards etc, ignore demands and spiral into debt, thinking that there would be a magical fix for the problem. I’ve been this way since I was a teenager, and I’m still doing it. I really want this to change and stop so I can be the man I should be, not another child to be looked after. I have always had an underlying need to self-harm when things are going wrong. My teens were a blur of cuts with a knife, and burns from lighters/hot metal. I was basically branding myself. That urge continues every day, especially when I am stressed about how my financial situation is spiralling again. I have so many thoughts of causing myself serious harm, I can’t begin to tell you. Most of the time, I can abstain but on occasion I will burn myself for a momentary release – then blaming it on a work related accident that wasn’t intentional. I drive to work on the motorway, wondering if anyone would miss me if I crashed my car. Those thoughts are few and far between, but scare the hell out of me when I have them. Them fact that they are there scares me more. Drinking has always been another release, dulling any inner turmoil that may be going on over the terrible decisions I have made. I also show signs of nervous twitches and ticks, such as blowing on my hands/wrists, rolling my eyes and some odd facial movements. All of these stem from the stress that I put myself under by getting into these situations through lying to my nearest and dearest. I need help, I can’t do this on my own, and my wife certainly does not need to be lumbered with my ways any longer. She needs a break from being married to an idiot – she had the same problems in her previous marriage with lies and cheating – so I need to change things now. Any help or advice you can give will be gratefully received and noted. I thank you in advance. From the bottom of my pit.
  12. jimindigo

    Stigma

    How bloody stupid that remark bout' not looking like',puts me in mind of quote:"Never confuse education with intelligence". You should have asked: "Oh,exactly how should I look?" Could you not go private?
  13. Saharah Blue

    New member

    Hello tiggerwillow, Welcome to the site , I am sorry you are feeling low. Its a quiet site these days but, members that post are really kind and sincere. Sah
  14. Dice

    New to the forum

    Welcome ScotsLady, As you may of already guessed this site is very quiet these days, So if you do post it may take a while for someone to get back to you, So do not feel too dishearten by that, I for one do not come on a lot these days but I try and pop on as often as I remember too...
  15. ScotsLady

    New to the forum

    Thank you, Tiggerwillow for the lovely welcome. This looks like a really good site and forum. :-)
  16. tiggerwillow

    New to the forum

    Welcome, Scotslady
  17. tiggerwillow

    My battle with BPD

    I'm so sorry to read about your brother
  18. tiggerwillow

    New member

    new to the forum, been thrown in the reject pile once too often.
  19. ScotsLady

    New to the forum

    Hi Everyone, I came across this website and forum by chance and thought I would join as in another couple of forums already and I guess it doesn't do any harm to join another one. I care for my husband who has Mixed Personality Disorder, is emotionally unstable and has OCD. He was diagnosed about a year and a half ago, but doesn't want any support from CMHT. I have my own health issues as I have Spina Bifida so in turn, my husband cares for me also. My husband struggles a lot with controlling his emotions and rage and has lots of social phobias also which means he doesn't leave the house. He is very lonely too as his relatives don't bother with him and he doesn't have any friends. So has just got me and our cat for company. Life can be quite rocky at times as he battles with his emotions, but I try to support my husband as best I can. Just looking to speak to other carers of loved ones with mental health issues, especially ones with Personality Disorders, for support/advice/general chat. Thanks for letting me join and for reading.
  20. Angelfire7779

    My battle with BPD

    Hi, I am 49 years old and just started DBT therapy a month ago. I'm glad that I found this forum because I need support in between my therapy, which is once a week. Sometimes, I think my self destructive behavior isn't going to change. My brother, he was my best friend took his own life on November 7th, 2018. At times I feel hopeless and don't know how I am going to live the rest of my life without him.
  21. Saharah Blue

    Low self-esteem due to bad treatment

    I think it is quite normal to feel terrible after a connection like that. Of course it is your experience of what took place, but even so it is bound to leave anyone doubting. How are you doing with it all now?
  22. I dated a guy who made out we were really serious, then all of a sudden he changed and made out it was just casual sex. I was really upset by this as I thought we were close and he was genuine. I havent really dated since then as its ruined my confidence a bit. He said quite a few horrible things to me as well, I should have stuck up for myself but where I was in the situation and really liked him I just too the bad treatment. We have mutual friends so I still hear about him and hes with a new girl, I dont now how he treats her but I feel very low about myself now. Any advice?
  23. My girlfriend suffers with Bi-polar disorder and a few weeks ago broke up with me. the short backstory is that a whiles ago I took her on holiday, while there she started getting anxious and panicky (turns out she hadn't been taking her medication for a while) so we spent the last couple of days indoors. Since returning she has gotten more and more depressed and anxious, during the 1st week we saw each other a couple of times, she was anxious and teary but things between us were still good, we were texting to say we missed each other etc but that gradually stopped and the texts became more distant. She admitted she was pushing me away because she felt I deserved better, that I was too good for her, and she couldn't understand why I wanted to be with her. These are things she has said during our whole relationship so a lot of texts etc have been to try and show her this isn't the case, that I am the lucky one etc but maybe I overdid it in an effort to show her I wouldn't walk away like others have and that I am with her because I want to be. anyway she decided to end things citing various reasons about not being deserving, needing space etc. For a while after I barely heard a thing but if I text she replies and more recently she has been texting and been more talkative. She even opened up a little to say she is feeling the lowest she has ever felt which is new as she hasn't really been talking about it. she has also text a couple of times to say she was thinking of me. For a long while she would completely switch off if I mentioned meeting up but last weekend out of the blue she agreed to meet for a drink. We sat and chatted for hours but kept it light and had a lovely time, we had a cuddle and little kiss afterwards which seems a big step. Her texts since seem lighter and she has been opening up more so I asked if she would like to meet up again, however she now isn't sure and has backed off a little. She has had GP visits and is on medication, her dosage of anti depressants have just been increased. If I am honest I just feel a little lost and confused. How do I help? Do I keep texting? do I leave her to text? I have read so many similar reports and it seems in a lot of cases things work out and people get back together. I have no intention of walking away, it isn't even an option for me, even knowing I will possibly come out of this badly. I know this has probably been discussed countless times, I guess i just needed to get it out. Thankyou so much for any replies, I really do appreciate it
  24. Lesley dye

    App on Google play

    Please to all you suffers out there don't look at borderline personality disorder app by creative Live apps it's dreadful it paints suffers as being a big problem to everyone it just further stigmitises the condition to people who don't understand I have contacted the cco of Google to try to get it removed I'd hate it to cause serious harm if you read it from a concerned sufferer
  25. Saharah Blue

    I'm addy2 anyone remember me

    Hi Addy, I remember you I am glad to hear your are able to move away from from your ex. I hope your able to keep putting one foot in front of another in regards to your healing.
  26. Hi all, I'm an old member here but had to set up a new account I couldn't remember my password. This place was such a great support to me and the people were amazing, I just thought I would come back and see if it was still here. Life has been tough, my ex and I have been apart 2 years, he was made leave by social services in the end. I was reading old posts I made on here and they are all about him and how abusive he was. Life has been tough my mh has suffered alot and I have literally isolated myself from everyone. I still miss my ex and blocked him totally a month ago as he would keep contacting me even though he's with someone else. He's still messing with my head from a distance. I hope some of u remember me xxx
  27. JoshCo99

    Newbie Here

    Hey guys! I guess I'm here mostly because I'm scared. I was misdiagnosed for 7 years, but now they're considering me for BPD, and it just feels... Right. The symptoms line up pretty perfectly with how I feel a lot of the time. Right now, I feel lost and scared of both possibilities: The idea that I do have BPD, and the idea I don't. I've not quite thought about how I'm gonna deal with either of those scenarios. I've been really scared recently about my identity and how I just don't feel like a human being, or that I belong in my own body. I look at my hand, and it just doesn't feel like it belongs to me. I'll feel empty and not even realise until I try and form a coherent thought, and it won't appear. I'm really struggling with all of this, and I guess I just wanna be told that it's all gonna be okay. Anyway, a bit more about me as a person. I'm 19 years old, I'm also a musician (guitar and vocals) who plays folk. I'm a multidiscipline writer and I adore the creative arts. I'm a freelance artist by trade, and that's what I want to keep doing as I get older. I'm a university student at the moment, studying English Literature and Creative Writing, and I currently also work in catering to support my studies. I don't play sports, I do play video games and I'm quite gay, which is the best way of putting that. I have a very loving boyfriend, who has put up with me for almost 8 months, and I love him so dearly. I can't really think of anything else to say, so I'll leave it there! Peace out and don't be strangers! Much love to everybody!!! :D
  28. Emily Walker

    9 Long Years of Misdiagnosis

    Hi, So I am new here. By way of introduction I guess I will discuss myself in the hope that someone understands where I am coming from. I was always an anxious child. But when I got to the age of 18 my mental health seemed to de-stabilize due to the fact that I was leaving my whole life behind to start a new venture - university. I remember feeling really intense emotions - not just anxiety but anger, irritation, low mood, hyperactivity etc.! With the help of a mental health advisor, I managed to get through university on a fairly stable level. Then, due to various events happening in my personal life, I had my first proper breakdown. I ended up in a psychiatric facility where the psychiatrist (like so many before her) diagnosed me with anxiety. She assured me that it must be the anxiety I'm feeling - yet I knew it wasn't. I tried to explain it to her but, to be frank, she was one of those posh, private psychiatrists who just assumed she was right. Then came years where I guess I was a guinea pig for many who came across me! At one stage I was on enough medication for someone with bipolar and at another they were treating me for depression! The breakthrough came recently when I came to a day unit and spoke to people there. They seemed to listen to me and really understand me! They got me to read a booklet about BPD and asked me various questions and everything just seemed to go into place. I've spent the last 9 years believing I was even crazier than I thought! I thought that I had anxiety but that I was different to other anxiety sufferers....turns out that, yes, an aspect of my mental health problem was anxiety but that it wasn't the overarching issue. I have no idea WHY I came to suffer with BPD but I'm keen for treatment to be focused on the future and how I can manage and recover from it. Not on the past. I have a good prognosis and there is a statistic (taken from Mind) that 85% of sufferers tend to think they have made a full recovery after 10 years. I'm just thrilled that I finally understand why I feel this way. So hi to everyone! Hope to be speaking to many of you soon! Emily x
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