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  3. I know of it and have read about it but it is not largely available I do know that someone who used to be a regular on here underwent several years of schema and it really helped him sorry I cannot be of more help
  4. Anyone have any experience of Schema Therapy, how was it did it help etc?
  5. Hi Ashlynn! Expressing yourself on a forum is nothing to be ashamed of! As long as you're expressing your emotions in some format, it will be helpful for you as an outlet What you appear to be doing is hiding from the problem. By eating your emotions away, and escaping to TV or sleep, you avoid confronting the very emotions that are causing this conundrum. Suicide is not the answer. Like everything in life, short term fixes do not work, but long-term solutions are always better. Suicide just puts all the pain and sadness onto friends and family, which definitely will put a burden on them. You need to realise that you are the only one that can change your future. Yes, professional help like counselling will help the process, but if you don't work at it, then it'll get you nowhere. You need to engage with the counselling - try asking your counsellor for help in making a strategy to fight through this? Like everything in life, you need to put in hard work and effort to get what you want, and this is no different. Put all your effort into consciously changing your life so that you can get on the road to recovery. On the topic of recovery, don't stop your medication at all. This will only make things worse, since you will have an imbalance in brain chemicals, which will make your perception and thinking very erratic. The medication is a long-term solution to chemical imbalances in the brain, so stick to it for long-term benefit! You've been very brave in sharing your experience here, so well done! Now, take the initiative and change your life for good - the power is in your hands! Much love <3
  6. so... i'm not really sure how to start this and I feel like an idiot who can only let their feelings out on a mental health forum but... i'm lost. so very lost. its hard to get out of bed in the morning, its hard to go to school, its hard to go home and sleep. everything I do is a vicious cycle that never seems to end. I've considered ending my life but I know I would never be strong enough to go through with it. my dad was the one who started taking me to counseling, he was very worried about me and my declining self. right away, my counselor told me how hopeless and self-destroying of a person I was. i'm taking an antidepressant (sort of, some days I forget or skip it because I feel like such an idiot taking it), and its been about a few months, but I feel worse than before. when I was a kid I went to counseling for my anxiety, now I'm going for both depression and anxiety. I hate counseling but its the only time I feel real, like i'm not acting like I usually do at school. I feel like a loser. I mean, I have friends, but at the same time, i'm feel so alone. every time I screw up or say something stupid I burst into fits of laughter because of how terrified or angry I was that I would be so idiotic. I spend so much time watching tv or sleeping so I don't have to focus on how sad and lonely I am. I eat so much, but food tastes bad and their flavors are so bland and mix together. its hard to breathe sometimes. my head always seems to hurt. i'm partially dehydrated all the time. I don't know what to do. I can't tell my parents or friends, because I know my problems will just be a burden onto them like it is on me. its like, I don't want to live, but i'm afraid to die. I just want to be happy. or someone else. I don't really know
  7. Hi all I'm Neil aged 38 I have depression anxiety and bpd and bipolar traits had a difficult upbringing and lost my bad 5 yrs ago and struggled a lot self harm and suicidal thoughts
  8. No worries - I hope you recover soon <3
  9. I suppose anxiety is a possible explanation. I've been told before by professionals that anxiety (I mean the emotion, not the disorder) is a problem for me. Most of the time I don't feel anxious at all on a conscious level, but I'm on the autistic spectrum so I have trouble identifying my emotions. For example, recently I've had trouble with a nervous tic that is presumably due to anxiety, yet I've mostly felt calm on the surface as far as I can tell. Thanks for responding.
  10. Hi VeryManyHorses, It appears as if you are analysing every emotion you have, as if it doesn't belong. This is common for people suffering from symptoms of anxiety. Your mind is essentially trying to assess each feeling as if it shouldn't happen. I'd ask yourself what is so threatening or worrying about these feelings - what harm comes from simply feeling? Overanalysis is common for anxiety sufferers, and I find that meditation and mindfulness are extremely effective in mitigating this symptom. I'd suggest having a go and seeing if it helps Much love <3
  11. I have this problem where I'm too conscious of my feelings, and where they come from. I had what might have been mild depression one or two years ago, and it largely feels like it has passed, but this particular problem still exists and might be related. Whenever I'm feeling a particular kind of positive emotion, if I notice it happening it goes away. For example, I might absent-mindedly look at a pleasant view and enjoy doing so. When I notice what I'm doing, and focus my attention more fully on what I'm looking at, the feeling disappears. It's similar when I have some kind of revelation that brings on an emotion - when I think, 'oh, I'm getting a feeling from this', it's like I'm suddenly focusing on that fact instead, making the original feeling go away. I also go weirdly focused on the precise details of where an emotion or pleasure comes from. Going back to the example of looking at a view, I think about whether the feeling is only there if I focus on a particular part of the view, or from a particular angle. It's incredibly frustrating and makes me feel like I'm going insane, as if I'm irrevocably divorced from reality in some way. It's like I can't actually have experiences in a normal way anymore. I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced anything like this, and whether there's some kind of label that can be put on it. Looking online I've been unable to find almost any other cases like this, and its kind of terrifying feeling like I'm the only one in the world this is happening to.
  12. Hi Asad, It appears as if the bullying incident caused emotions that you felt during your father's abuse to resurface. The reason you may have been angry at your dad is because the anger of being abused by your father was directed at him, so when they resurfaced, that's why they were directed at him straight away. The childhood abuse you suffered is something to look into. Every time you were abused as a child, your dopamine may have risen to be alert to assault. As a result, your brain became conditioned to have abnormally high dopamine in order to constantly be alert for any assault, even if there was no threat present. This is a common symptom of the development of schizophrenia. This would also explain the voices - auditory hallucinations are a symptom of overactive dopamine, since we are constantly expecting a threat that doesn't exist. This would explain why you heard voices. Also, I'd note the fact that you feel that you are communicating with God as a chosen one. This is known as a delusion of grandeur, since you have an inflated opinion of yourself. The reality is that you are not a chosen one, because God cannot speak, and neither has he chosen you as 'the one'. TL;DR - You appear to show symptoms of schizophrenia that stem from childhood abuse. I'd recommend seeing a GP, therapist or psychiatrist for further help - do not worry, for all is not lost! Much love <3 RSxo
  13. Back In 2002 I was an university going student and 22 years old guy. One day I was ragged/bullied by a group of senior students. After that all of a sudden I started feeling heaviness on my soul and in my bones all my surroundings seemed plain and bland. I started cutting off classes and I was no longer the same guy. I was very angry and full of rage. I started swearing at my dad out of nowhere I wanted to share my problems with him but he was very aloof kind of guy he was never there for me. I was beaten and abused by him when I was a kid. I used to cry for no reason when I was 10 years old even I am now 35 years old I can easily cry for no reason. One day in 2010 my dad told me to make a cup of tea and he was taking a nap on the couch. I heard a whisper in my ears out of nowhere -kill this guy. I shouted so loud that my dad had woken up from his sleep and he was kind of scared and scolded at me for almost killing him. He got shocked. I shouted loudly just to divert the whisper. My dad asked me what happened to me I did not tell him I heard some kind of whisper in my ears and simply left the room. I no longer hear whisper or anything and I also keep myself busy with reading books and watching movies and all of that. However, these days my mind is bringing back all depressing thoughts again and they are mostly related with my dad like how much emotional pain he caused on my soul while I was growing up. My exams are 2 weeks away and my mind is drifting away with all of these pain memories. I am having a hard time concentrating on my studies. Because of having these awful memories from past I am having headaches around my temple area because of this I am having a hard time recalling information from my studies/textbooks. My brain is also feeling a strong urge listening to sad/sufi music these days and it is increasing these bad memories from my childhood.. I am also feeling like I am communicating with God and he is punishing me for some unforgettable sins. I am kind of God chosen and I am very kind of superior guy because I was chosen by God. And he has special blessings on me. That sort of feeling. Now tell me what could be the underlying reason for all of this mental suffering? I do not take meds. But my life has been living hell since 2002 and it is like a roller coaster. Some days are really bad and some days are okay and I am stuck with the same routine. Reading books, watching movies on netflix and now these days I am trying to muster up enough energy to sit down and open my textbooks for my Masters in Economics. I am simply unable to focus on my studies and going back to listening sad/soulful/sufi music. Just share some thoughts or a word of encouragement. Thanks Asad
  14. It's okay Dice, Ive largely covered the costs of this place since I started it in 2003/4. I have found some software that will integrate so will be installing it asap.
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  16. Well that's shitty they have done that, I bet if they is alternative it's gonna cost, Which isn't the best thing as its handle used these days plus I'm guessing the site does not get the donation it used to get to help run the site... So it would be like flushing money down the drain...
  17. I am liking the Eurovision Song Contest
  18. this morning I am liking have had a very good night sleep.
  19. Trying to find an alternative.
  20. Sounds like a good idea, cofi94! Unfortunately, I'll have to decline, but I hope you find someone that you can work with to collectively overcome depression! Much love <3
  21. I need a friend to share the pain with and to try fixing our depressions together...I've been depressed for 5 months now, I was very suicidal and therefore hospitalized in February for 6 weeks, which improved my condition a bit, but after that there hasn't been any improvement, but instead I usually feel worse again (especially my stomach problems), even though I have a psychiatrist who gives me medicine, and psychotherapist which I talk to once a week, and love and support from my family and friends (although few of them understand what I'm really going through)...I started feeling hopeless and suicidal again but then I found this[EPUB] for which it is said to have helped people even in the most extreme depressions, so I started reading it and will try the exercises from if anyone else has the similar situation, and would like to simultaneously try these exercises, text me, I'd really appreciate work together, text daily and give support to each other because I think it would be much more effective that way.
  22. Umm strange, il look into that this weekend and get it sorted. Thanks for letting me know. Hope all is well?
  23. As one cannot reply to your post about it Josh, I am making this post... Where has chat gone??? Yes it may not be being used right now but you never know it might be needed o.O...
  24. Hi kbird, Eagleheart makes some sound points - I have also found mindfulness very useful amongst myself and friends. Acceptance is also an important part of coping with anxiety - you will need to adapt in some way to accommodate for the fact that anxiety is an issue that you will deal with. Much love <3
  25. I get exactly the same way, with racing mind and full on anxiety. It's really bad atm actually. I practice mindfulness as a way of calming myself. I also concentrate on grounding myself. I really focus on the feeling of my feet against the floor. Feel the muscles working. Feel how warm or cold my feet feel, sense the sole of my foot against the floor. I do this for as long as I can. At first, it only lasted a minute or so. You need to work at it. You need to accept that you will feel anxious most of the time. You can achieve small breaks, where you get space to catch your breath and relax momentarily. That's how I manage to cope. And I really enjoy my little moments of quiet. They get me through the rest of the day. I do hope you can find a way of coping. Sorry if this has been unhelpful. It's just how I manage my racing mind and anxiety.
  26. Hi Folks, It would be really grateful if someone can shed light on what I am going through. have constant race of thoughts even during sleep, my mind is constantly ruminating over events or things or thoughts not not necessarily connected. I can feel that mind is active, when i wake up i can still feel am waking up with mind running.This has been there for a long time and I am used to. I also experience anxiety heavily and it disrupts my life to certain extent, which I trying hard to cope with. Due to this anxious and racing mind i have problem of concentration and my memory is very much impaired as well. I am on my thirties, but i really feel i my thoughts and emotions are not that matured enough, wondering if this someone with anxiety feels the same? Can really slow this over active mind, are there any good coping techniques? I am currently on Setraline and Cloimipramine after depression episode. Medication helped me to some good extent. But I am really worried about my underlying disorder. Any thoughts and suggestion would be highly appreciable.
  27. I think it's not as active as it used to be. I was hoping for the same thing Hopefully the forum gets repopulated again
  28. It looks like the software works great now. I've made a personal commitment to come on in the mornings (Eastern U.S.) to see what's going on, so I'll be around. If enough of us do that you never know—things could pick up.
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