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  3. me201821

    narcisstic abuse

    ive suffered narcissistic abuse
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  5. Rob

    Daughter with BPD

    Sometimes you just need to say enough is enough and protect those closest from the caos..... But leave the door open a little bit as bpd does calm down with age(I hope).
  6. Rob

    What's next?

    Hi all I've just joined after years of reading the pages here. My question is... After 2years of schema work I've been told that it's time to end my weekly sessions and I'm left wondering what do I do now? My diagnosis is bpd. Depression, chronic anxiety, ptsd with complex trauma. And I take quatiapin 400mg flixotine 60mg pregabiln 600mg perday. I've always worked untill my last section but since then due to medication and my wife and cpn ,doctor, psychiatric psychologist all telling me I can not work anymore!!! That was two years ago and now I'm left wondering what's left for me? I'm 36 married with a young son but I'm alone all the time I've no freinds and pretty much house bound due to anxiety. Nothing has really changed accept I now have an understanding of why I'm the way I am but that doesn't help you Live with this shit. What else is there after the NHS has done all they can? Is it just medication and loneliness untill I've had enough again or is there more help out there?
  7. mangosquid83

    i need help, please!!!!

    Hi. The help isn't really for me. My friend recently messaged me (literally fifteen minutes ago) and asked if I'd care if he died tonight. . . I replied with this: "Things may seem bad now, but if you just keep pushing through, things will change for the better. Just because things are bad now doesn't mean they will be forever, and you have the power to change things, for the better or the worse. You have the power to separate yourself from the things in your life that are making you feel this way. I hope you know that no matter what, I'm always here, and no matter what happens, things will get better. Just know that you are in control of your life, and only you can change things for yourself. Don't let other people change how you feel or see yourself. Don't let other people put you down or make you feel like less than you are, because you are so much more than what they make you out to be. And yes, I would care very much if you died tonight." He hasn't replied yet. . . He hasn't even looked at it yet. . . I'm scared he's going to do something. I feel like its my fault, because he wasn't having these issues until he asked me out and I turned him down. . . Someone help, please? I don't know what to do. . . I'm seriously scared he's going to hurt himself, or worse.
  8. CharlyHouston

    Do I potentially have BPD?

    Hi everyone, I am new here. My name is Charly, I am a 24 year old woman from Scotland. Let me tell you about my situation... I spent 4 days in hospital recently due to attempted suicide and drug misuse. I had gone out for a couple of beers, gone home and broken up with my partner for no apparent reason before leaving the house again and taking cocaine and ecstasy with more alcohol. I wound up by the side of a river and even had my bank card stolen from right out of my pocket by a man who tried to get me to go home to his for a drink (at 7am). I have been provided with mitarzipine and recommended to go to drug and alcohol counselling. But ever since I was a late teenager I have had these same feelings of depression and an unbelievable temper. I find it so hard to control my emotions that it is like permanent PMS. I am unpredictable and impulsive, some days I am erratic but my mood changed fairly quickly. My relationship is something I could be 100 percent invested in one minute and then a total bitch another. I get so angry and upset that I hit myself and I cannot control it. I can break up with my partner and then one minute be grabbing on to her legs because I don't want it to be over. Now that I am out of the hospital, I feel like everything has just resumed back to normal. I am still fluctuating up and down in the exact same way. I also suffer with constant guilt over nothing, I have a dysmorpgic view of myself and cannot face the mirror and I have horrible intrusive thoughts that make me feel disgusted with myself. The hospital physciatrist said I have anxiety. But she spent all but 10 minutes assessing whether I was fit to leave. My partner has also just told me that they hate me as I screamed at them during an argument over a ski holiday. I am smart enough to know that this is something more than anxiety and I'm not sure if I can go on living like this without it being destructive. All I can think about doing is going for a drink, getting absolutely hammered and doing whatever the hell takes away this feeling. I know this is long but I would love to hear from some of you. My email is charlyhouston@icloud.com if anyone wants to get in touch there Thanks Charly
  9. Good morning everyone, I am creating this post because I am currently conducting a study as part of my psychology thesis which is about the use of new technologies for the prevention and care of anxiety and depression. The theoretical framework is the one from Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies (CBT). In collaboration with a company specialized in the use of new technologies for health prevention and a French university, we plan to create a digital tool for this purposes. In this perspective we are currently conducting a study to understand the needs and preferences of people regarding these approaches. I would have liked to know if it would be possible for you to complete this questionnaire and possibly share it, because your opinion is essential in order to create an effective and useful tool. The link to the questionnaire can be found below: https://goo.gl/forms/4Q8nlwbI2N3CDkGr2 We are also looking for people who may be interested in participating in user tests and effectiveness studies of the tool in the future. If you want to, you can contact me by private message or indicate it to me in the "comments" box of the questionnaire by leaving me your email address. I thank you in advance for your participation and am available to answer any questions you may have. Raphaël
  10. CloudyDay

    I can’t love anything

    Maybe you'll never see this, it's a month old and god knows if you even care anymore, but I've been there. Well, am there. depends on the day, or even the hour sometimes. The problem with it all is that the "just go with the flow" advice is the only thing that really, truly works. But unless you have enough spare brain cycles to actually push through it doesn't do any good. I often find myself so caught up in worrying about everything that I can't do what needs to be done to take care of myself. My advice is to go feel something. It doesn't matter what, whether it's happy, sad, angry, something in between or something entirely different. Just feel the emotions you've been suppressing every time you have one of these thoughts. Go somewhere private, your car if you have one, and feel loudly. Cry, hit something, scream in excitement. Never been able to pull off the last part, personally, but it's probably the most fun option if you can do it Don't just think about it, actually do it. Loudly. Let it consume your entire being, it's ok, you'll come back. You'll feel a thought in the back of your mind that you -shouldn't- be feeling anything. That you don't really have any reason to be sad/angry/happy at the current moment. It's hard to ignore, because it's technically true - but the real truth is that you don't need a "real" reason to feel anything. Emotions are great! Not having them (or, sometimes, not letting yourself have them) is why depression sucks so much. If you can't spontaneously feel something (It does take a bit of practice), you can get into an argument over something you care about. Have a fight with a friend. Go onto a forum and feed the trolls. Let yourself be passionate about something, even if it's just for a moment, even if it's stupid (protip: everything is stupid if you think about it long enough). Life's all about the feelings. Good ones, bad ones, everything in between.
  11. I didn't always hate myself. I was driven to it because of the things that have happened to me because of who I am. All the rejections be it either work or relationships. I came to understand that I am nobody and deserve what I get. I don't care about my virginity if I had someone that cared about me. I wanted to be with an asexual for a long time until she strung me along then told me she had a boyfriend. I don't believe in a soul or spirit. That is just what your brain does and when that dies so does the rest of you. No afterlife no reincarnation, just nothing. I wish I had died two years ago then I wouldn't have had to live these last couple of years. Things only get worse. They'll never get better because people will always see me as nothing. You can't say I've got so much to live for. You don't know me, how much of a nobody I am or what I look like. If I take my life. Nobody will care. Nobody will remember me. I think that may be for the best.
  12. If you havent slept in nearly a week, that is not helping your depression in any way, as lack of sleep can play havoc with the mind. Suicide is the worst thing you can do. You will just be left without a body. Drugs are very unwise and will lead to trouble. There is no reliable way to kill yourself and you will likely just badly disable and injure yourself leaving you in an even worse position. I know because i researched suicide methods. Please, please, while you are still young enough realise that losing your virginity is not important, there are plenty happy virgins older than you in thier 30s and 40's and beyond. I cannot emphasise enough, your self hatred shows up to other people which is why they keep rejecting you.
  13. I don't want to get into a belief debate. I couldn't buy a flat because I have no money and will never. My position is not the problem. I am the problem. I will not make it to my fifties. I already set a plan to kill myself at 30 but I just keep getting hit by more crap. I couldn't even get into drugs cos I have no idea how to get hold of them plus I couldn't afford them. I wish I could go to bed but I haven't slept in nearly a week.
  14. Whether or not you believe it it's true, it's been that way since time immemorial. Physical attractiveness is only skin deep. You are looking at life through black glasses and seeing everything as really negative at the moment. I have to go to bed now but have you tried the online asperger's groups. I'm undiagnosed aspergers and i know its much easier to communicate in writing than it is face to face. I would give anything to be in your postition. I'm ini my fifities and its through self hate that i got into drugs and messed up my life. I bought a flat to commit suicide in but its unsellable, I never did commit suicide. I daren't in case i reincarnate into a worse life. Have you read the book autobiography of a yogi? Something's taken away your self esteem, please appreciate the good things about yourself, everyone has them.
  15. I don't believe in all that stuff. If I kill myself there is no regret, just nothing. Weird I've had friends that hate themselves too. They've self harmed etc and they'll go to a bar and pick up a girl. You know why? Cos they are attractive, that is all that matters. I've tried groups but everyone I've met has aspergers worse than me and see things very differently. I don't have it in that way. Save it for someone special...I'd just die a virgin in my 80s, no thanks. I'd rather die now. I'm not looking for just sex. Or rather I wasn't. I was looking for love but I got used because I was nice too ego boost them until they found someone better then they ditched me. I don't really trust women anymore as all they've done is hurt me.
  16. Nooooooooooooo You don't have to be religious to be spiritual. Nature if life, life is spiritual. Aethists can be spiritual. Please don't top yourself. For most of the earth's aeons of existence, people have believed in reincarnation, the meaning of life is to spiritually evolve. Suicide is the worst thing you can do. You only kill your physical body, your conscious awareness stays, you could end up stuck, if you kill yourself you will regret it bitterly. I am not religious in the least. I felt suicidal and even planned it but am still here because I don't want to reincarnate into a worse life. Life is about lessons. Your lesson is to learn to love yourself. Make those things, do things you enjoy with people who enjoy the same things, no matter what they are. Sex alone is not love. Real sexuality is about love and should be reserved for someone who loves you. If you keep seeking sex you will constantly be dissappointed as people can sense you do not like yourself. Please look at the good things in your life no matter how small they may seem. When we hate ourselves, our vision is disorted and we cannot see what we have to offer the world. Save yourself for someone special. People reject you because you reject yourself. Please join with other aspies online, there are many people who are virgins or lost their virginity late. These online aspie friends can become your kindred spirits. I used to hate myself and never realised what i had to offer, but i have an artistic talent that i discovered really late in life. PLease please do not kill yourself, and please make the most of what you have to offer. You are in your twenties, dont leave it until you are in your fifties. Losing your virginity is not important as loving yourself and letting nature take its course, ie, attracting a mate by loving yourself first.
  17. Robin Grey

    How can I dissappear?

    I want to kill myself but I don't want anyone to find me. What would be a good way to make sure that I could never be found?
  18. I tried reading some stuff but I'm really not spiritual in the least. I got rejected again today and I'm in the process of looking up escorts so I can just lose my virginity then top myself. I have nothing to offer this world to I may as well give an escort 150 quid for 5 mins work and end it.
  19. AxlSlash

    Online support

    Hi, you are not alone, although bpd can feel like an extremely lonely illness, it is important to remember that others are going through similar circumstances. There is a great support network on here. And even if I have never met anyone else with bpd in my life it’s so reassuring to know that there are others. All I want to say is that there is a road to recovery from this. It may take a long time to “recondition” your mind, instincts, behaviour, thoughts, Etc but it can be done. I’ve been on that road for a year now. I’m doing ok (still stuff to work on) but I am a hell of a lot better than I used to be. I found it difficult at times but as time passes it does get easier. I found researching bpd very helpful, mindfulness and at the beginning just questioning my initial thoughts to things and taking the time to question whether that thought was me or bpd. The bpd survival handbook is a fantastic read. I say all this to you knowing that I am not a doctor and knowing that everyone with bpd are different and other things may work better for you. All I wanted was to show you it can be done. You are not alone. And I wish you all the best. We are strong Sarah
  20. Duncan -- C

    Free Help for Anyone

    Hi Everyone, Like many here.. I have my own story battling depression. From the brink of suicide to where i am now... loving my life. I decided that I don't want anyone to suffer the way I did without help to get out of it!! So I teamed up with a group of coaches and specialists and created a bot that provides people with an easy way to work on their mental health and grow their happiness and wellbeing. In total privacy. We are currently in a Beta testing phase, offering our services for free. Please private message me if you'd like to know more. D
  21. Matt_

    Fed up with my life

    There's different types from what I've heard, some types will make you be sort of bad with social skills and some will cause you to have really ecstatic behaviour. My type makes me think differently, for example everything I think looks good everyone else will think looks bad and vice versa. I'm good at identifying peoples emotions and their mental state or what they're acting like and overall I just see the world differently, which probably leads to some complications with my mum and I because she can't see the world how I see it and it's impossible to explain
  22. insomnia92

    Neglected by "friends"

    Hello Louie I think you are entitled to these feelings regardless of whether your age group is considered hormonal or not. They sound pretty horrible to be honest,I know it seems pretty crappy but I found that at that age the people you hang about with at school you won't necessarily have a whole lot in common with. You sort of make do with who's there and when you get older and start new hobbys etc you tend to meet people you feel more of a connection with Obviously it's possible they really aren't aware they're hurting your feelings so unless you ask them directly you won't know for sure, but I don't think your asking that much just for them to think about you when making plans. I hope things have improved since you posted Mandy
  23. insomnia92

    Things Change.

    Hello I can empathise with you spending 97% of your time in your bedroom. It can get on top of you so quickly, at first it's just comfort and it's safe and then eventually you just start avoiding everything and everyone.I live about a 5 minute walk away from some woodland, the perfect place to just sit and get fresh air and yet everyday for months i tell myself I'll go for a walk but I don't and I can't even explain why. I don't think your daughter would ever think of you as a failure, we can only do our best and she's still young at the moment, hopefully when she's a little older you can see her more and she'll see you as the caring person you are. You didn't wake up one day and make the decision to not enjoy life anymore, it's not your fault that you feel that way...it's just something that people go through but you need to think about the future and just consider for a second that at some point you will improve, you'll want to leave your room and you will enjoy the things you used too. That's what I'm holding onto I hope this message at least gives you the satisfaction in knowing that you aren't alone. Mandy x
  24. insomnia92

    Fed up with my life

    Hello Matt I know this may not be helpful but I really don't know what to suggest,I can't imagine how frustrated and how trapped you must feel. But I read through it and I really sympathise with your situation,your mum sounds like a very complicated individual. Also I don't really know much about Autism other than the general information I've been given...could you tell me more about how it affects you? I hope you feel better Mandy
  25. I'm 16, I've got autism and I see the world completely differently than everyone else. I live at home with my mum and my niece(who can't live with her mother, although she used to but her house caught fire). I'm from a middle-class family and live in Manchester. I argue constantly at home with my mum and my niece, and my niece is the cause of it. She winds me up all the time, and when I get wound up I either go and argue with my niece, or I do the sensible thing that I've been recommended to do and tell my mum, which is supposed to prevent arguments. All that does, however, is cause arguments as well. I've got no choice. I can't walk away, my niece will continue to annoy me from there, and because she's 10 and doesn't live with her mum, my mum treats her like a saint and she is allowed to do absolutely anything without punishment. All I have to do is say the slightest bad thing and my mum is throwing my posessions out of the window(most recently my laptop, today), she is emotionally abusing me to a point where I don't know what to do with my life, and my niece continues to - despite having caused everything - get away with it. Unfortunately, my mum still thinks that I'm totally fine mentally and that my niece is better off, and she says I'm a bully and disgusting for saying that my niece has ruined my life since she lived here - which, in all honesty, she has. I've tried explaining to my mum(albeit during a less-heated moment of an argument) that I'm at the point of jumping off a bridge, that she doesn't understand what she's doing to me mentally. She doesn't care, or believe me. Trouble is, she's a caring person really, and she definitely would care if I was to go out and injure myself. I can't get anything through to her, I've tried my absolute best and nothing works. She's threatened to go and drive into a brick wall herself, which upsets me quite a lot because she's my mum at the end of the day, it's upsetting. She just doesn't care about what I say, though, even when I mean it and I've told her I do. She hates me for who I am, she's said herself she hates my voice, and I can only guess that she hates me because I was born with autism - hencewhy she treats me differently(in a negative way) than to my other siblings, and my niece. I can't carry on living like this, I can't tell anyone what she's like otherwise she'll get in serious trouble, and I can't ring or talk to anyone because there's a) that much on my chest that I don't know where to start, and b) she will also get into a lot of trouble, again, and I don't want her to, despite how horrible of a mental state she's put me in. I can't go out anywhere for more than a day to get away from her, because she'll ring the police and lie to them(she lies to everyone and never lets me spea to people, because she knows that she's in the wrong. I can't speak to anyone local because she's already made me out to be a horrible person without me having the ability to defend myself). If she does ring the police when I try and get away, she'll lie to them and say I've either hit her or done something bad - and the only way for me to get across to the police that I haven't done that is to explain what's happened, and how I feel, and if I do that my mum will once again get into serious trouble or I'll probably get locked up for my own safety, because I'm at the point where I feel like jumping off a bridge. My mum has lied to the entire family about what I'm like, and has never said a word of what she is like to people. The entire family now hate me(apart from my dads side, my mum and dad live separately and my dads side of the family treat me the complete opposite of my mums side. My dad understands what she's like, and my grandma and granddad on that side are also really nice to me. When I see my dad I never get angry or wound up, which is because my mum and niece are the issue, but my mum tries convincing him that I'm 'two faced' and 'schizophrenic' because I can "put on an act", but she doesn't understand that the way I behave at my dads is how I am normally, she just drives me to my wits end. I don't want to live at my dads, however, because he has a different lifestyle which I don't really want to live in. He's not by any means an alcoholic or drug addict, he is very polite and all that sort of stuff, but I'm just not fond of his routine and everything, so living there is crossed off. I don't know what to do, my mum is upset herself(although not as much as me) and I don't like that, although she doesn't feel bad for me when I'm upset. I've no idea what to do anymore, I've tried everything to tell her how bad my mental state is but she's still completely determined I'm either lying, she doesn't care, or that my niece is 'worse off' even though she's absolutely fine(I know what some people might say, but I can tell peoples emotions very well and how they're feeling, and my niece has everything she could ever want, including in her social life), and that's really getting to me. I can't tell anyone of my problems because I don't want my mum to get into trouble. I feel like I'm getting major health problems from stress, I'm constantly getting chest pains and going light headed, as well as constant stomach pain all the time, but I don't want to go to the doctors because, to be completely honest, I don't care about my life anymore. I'm at my wits end, and as much as I'm tearing up writing this I don't know what else I can do at this stage :(
  26. It'll be worth it. You have a spiritual gift. I'm not religious by the way, this is ancient wisdom. Joseph campbell is a well known mythologist scholar, well he was hes dead now, and yogananda was an ascended master yogi. Joseph campbell has inspired many a person, he says you must find your bliss and follow it otherwise life will be dysfunction at best, diasaster at worst, even if you have to start those exams again, if that's your bliss follow it, if its not, find it and forget about women and sex, those things will come when the time is right. Joseph campbell even advises on finding a spouse but the important work starts with you first, you must find your own bliss, what YOU enjoy, and the rest will follow. I promise.
  27. I have a couple of authors to recommend to you. Joseph Campbell and Paramahansa Yogananda, they have books that i think you will get a lot out of. The earth has been in exiistence for aeons, 21st century is but a tiny speck, a blip, its not the way nature intended the world to be, including human nature. You're on the spectrum, no matter how mild, some on the far end of the autism spectrum cannot function at all. A lot of people with asperger's like cats, in fact there is even a book with a title like "all cats have asperger's" or something like that, if you have a google you will find it. Honestley there is a treasure chest inside of you waiting to be discovered but its wrappped up in a thick gooey layer of self hatred. I don't know who has put those negative thoughts in your head but you are special, and i am not just saying that as an internet random, I couldnt be bothered with saying false platitudes. I urge you to read or even buy the audiobooks by those two authors, they are full of ancient wisdom which i had wished I had read when i was much younger.
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