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  3. Saharah Blue

    Today I Am Liking....

    Today I am liking: A clean living room A clearer mind A sense of acomplisment A ray of hope
  4. Saharah Blue

    Hug Bank

    Giving some (((hugs))) and taking one for me too.
  5. Joshua

    Hey, new here!

    Hi Cap, Firstly, Welcome! We can all be 'assholes', but what’s important is you are able to recognise times when this occurs and in doing so can communicate what’s going on to your partner. You certainly have a lot going on, it may be worth taking a step back and devising a plan to enable you to manage everything. Ensuring, that in doing so you build in supports (where available) and implement your tried and tested coping mechanisms developed over the years. Best Wishes
  6. tiggers

    I'm worried I have BPD

    will do
  7. Saharah Blue

    I'm worried I have BPD

    hugs, I am familiar with those feelings very well. best of luck with the doc. let us know how it goes.
  8. tiggers

    I'm worried I have BPD

    I've dealt with depression for several years and suffer from various other issues long story short a lot of these seem to fall into the categorize Of BPD. If it does turn out that this is BPD I'm scared where this leaves me am I destined to forever be this ball of untamed rage that could explode at any point is it possible for me to ever really trust anyone or am I forever going to be paranoid that they are out to attack me in one way or another will I always see any form of slight as an outright attack that requires me to respond in kind will I always be looking out for the trick in someone's smile or offer of friendship. I push people away and I isolate my self away . from the world. hoping that if I do this that no one will have the opportunity to leave which I don't want I want . to be loved I want to have the capacity to love someone and not shut myself away from them and. not to be second-guessing everything that is happening. so on Wednesday, I'm off to see my dr . to ask for help because the way things are now is not manageable if feel completely out of control and for a long my mental health has not left me in a good place so fingers. crossed that one way or another I can come up witha solution
  9. captainfalling

    Hey, new here!

    Hey folks! I am new here, and to any sort of forum since about 2006! I was diagnosed with BPD and a few other mental health conditions (ASD, depression, Bi-polar) as well as diabetes and serious nerve damage. This has all been over a period of about 7 years and I have had no support from mental health services or anything. The weekend just gone was a huge wake up call for me, I had spent the month beforehand completely off of my medication because I neglected myself to try and care for my partner and our daughter which ended up working out worse overall. Me and my partner almost broke up this weekend because I was a pretty major asshole due to my symptoms and not managing them. I am attempting to regain control and have restarted my meds and contacted a mental health service for support as well as joining here to be involved with others and hopefully learn from being part of a community. I am looking forward to getting to know people here and growing through sharing!
  10. fabbychic

    BPD & EUPD

    I guess I'm lucky, not for me.. I have more awareness and understanding of the illness than most doctors. They don't know why we are addicts and spend all our money. I do.. By having these traits we are always in need, so we will always be looking for help.. Our illness feeds on need, everything we do is about asking for help, doing stuff to see if people care. Our lives are led by what our head tells us about a life event, in fact that will only be based on what feeds the need. We never can see both sides, for and against.. We only get what in most cases is bullshit.. The very part of us that gives us the ability to love ourselves is missing. My head told me that i could never do anything because who cared anyway, who is there to say well done. Like achieving stuff in education making myself better. My head said i couldn't do it. Its bollocks Our brains are wired to do anything that it can to look for someone to care, it has a need, whilst we are looking testing, splitting its feeding. Its not so much black and white, and all about if they cared blah blah. We not realise we are abusive, and manipulative. My head made up some real bad shit that has caused me to be suspended from work..Because my boss didn't reply to my emails and messages. Its never been this bad. i know what it is.. I have never ever not had the bollocks to beat something.. This is killing me.. Doctors and no one helps cos I'm too stable for them i work two jobs. I know how bpd works, what drives, it what causes, it i do stuff bpd and two days later I'm so ashamed it was all lies in my head Bpd is stand alone,, if you get something else its because of your life. You all talk to parents and family that treat you like shit.. you associate with friends who take the piss, you do jobs that you don't like.. your killing yourselves. BPD is all i have..seeing stuff, nope not bpd.. bpd is only triggered by stuff happening in your life, bipolar just does shit.. im sick of people asking do you hear things.. fuck sake,, educate yourselves. i demanded by boyfriend did this he didn't reply i told him i needed him, fuck sake,, manipulative and abusive. The only way to live is to not have people in your life.. the only people you will be normal around are those who are friends who grow with you, Self harm is because your hurting so much.. I've never seen anyone. BPD can cause other stuff because of your life.. We can stop stuff when we see it. but we cannot control what we see or we see it.. i have boundaries now.. but I'm sick so bad the coke is there because I've not got any capacity to fight it so i take coke to get the need make me feel I'm doing something, so off it i live like a dead person.. Its the same for us all, if we all lived the same we would be identical.. i get called names for saying stuff, that bpd does not do this or that.. voices.. fuck sake.. noises.. seeing things.. its not the brain and its workings, its the personality it reacts to life events.. I ve been trashed because bpd makes people think they are better than others and judges, we think we are awesome, we talk shit and slag people yet forget we done worse.. we wake up at night thinking how bad they are.. we tell ourselves its love bullshit.. its need..we don't love..we need,,love doesn't live through what we are..we take shit to save people, why do you see shrinks.. unless you get like me your fuked..i see it its so bad how our head lies and sees stuff thats so not true, how we hurt people and think weight when its all shit in our heads, we say stuff its not even real..we live in a world where we beg for help, to see if they care then hate them when they don't kiss our arse. no one deserves shit or that.. the spending and addiction we can't control.. its there so we get ourselves in shit to be saved. we can live stable with a friendship. we can never be sure what we see is true.. Those low functioning.. because they are lower intelligence so they cannot process stuff like others.. you all are hurting, but you don't ever realise people make you ill.. i won't let this kill me it is at moment... i want a life.. i need to work.. i want to educate people even doctors.. who don't know why we have addictions and spend.. they know what we do, they don't fully understand why.. there is only one cause.. and at one age. You can't be born with it.. you can't fucking get it cos your mum did. Its a personality disorder.. it grows from birth I am sick of people being just retards Depression. is caused by life events you aren't happy, something in your life makes you sad, but you still live it.. or you keep thinking of the past what if. if i had done this.. i just took six years of torture like prison it would have destroyed normal person i didn't get depressed, why? it won't change, its happened. life is the future.. depression don't last forever, its people trying to get others to carry them or fix them.. its the easiest to fix and you never get again. anxiety, i sat in a house for two y ears recluse, i beat it.. i had a breakdown.. i beat it.. myself alone.. no doctors..took six months.. i now have bpd which is destroying my life because i am weak. I will live on the streets to sort it.. i will sell my car and be on the dole to beat it.. bpd is a cancer its driven by need to make you not able to be strong enough to be happy y ourself its a lie.. you can fight it but you need to have a life that is stable and happy. you can't fight shit with no reason i don't want to die I'm not su^cidal but i would rather die than let this destroy me and let my kids see it. my life was bpd, this is after. i didn't do dbt i doubt anyone would ever see it like me i want to be somebody and i will
  11. Rarraz

    Stigma

    I've been newly diagnosed with BPD. Before I had a diagnosis, the stigma from doctors and professionals was regarding general mental illness and how I don't look like someone who is mentally ill (how can you even tell anyway?). But now it seems to have taken new heights with doctors asking me "why do you think you have bpd?" and I have been called poisonous my GP and I have been generally feeling like the people who are supposed to be helping me - especially in crisis - just give me some sort of vague response like "I'm sorry that happened to you" or sending me off with leaflets about what BPD is. I've discovered that this is actually a massive trigger for me and I have lost faith in the professionals who are meant to be helping me. Has anyone else experienced this type of thing? is there any particular way that you deal with it? Even beyond that, it would actually be so nice to hear from people who have been there and understand how crap it is!
  12. Jay97

    BPD

    Sitting here day on day, While my mind wastes away, Never knowing where to go, While my mood is very low. Staying put afraid to move, I know I've got a point to prove, To show others who I am, I know I've got to give a damn. To lift my mood and give a smile, Even though its been a while, Meeting others and having fun, Even though the day is nearly done. My mood is lifting and this is me, Trying to cope with my BPD, Although the lows will return, Trying to cope, understand and learn, I am getting there slow and steady, When the time comes I'll be ready, For my coping strategies to be in place, When the time comes life will be ace.
  13. Jay97

    Hi

    So I best introduce myself, my name is Jay. I am 22 years old, and I have BPD, and c-PTSD, as well as anxiety and hallucinations and bulemic tendencies. I dont know what else to add.
  14. Hi mate, have you had the appointment yet? I am in the UK too and wondered how it is diagnosed by a GP/NHS.
  15. RUVoyageur

    Do I have BPD?

    Hi, I'm a 34 yo old male in the UK. I was diagnosed with depression and OCD years ago, and I think I may have traits of Aspergers (not diagnosed). I wondered if I have BPD as some of my recent experiences seem to match with it. I notice most BPD videos and info are related to women. Due to my shy personality I have always found making new friends difficult. When I make new friends I think I'm a very clingy person and I feel this drives them away whilst making me more depressed. Recently a new guy started at work and I helped train him. We get on really well and have a good laugh. However, I then started obsessing about yesterday when he worked at a different place from where he usually works near me, and was next to some other people. I start ruminating on his body language, conversations etc and feel anger, rejection and depression. Was he being distant, cold etc I realise this is irrational yet it makes me really depressed and scared of work as I wonder what will happen the next day, to the point of it taking up all my mind. As I have OCD I have an obsessive nature anyway, but I wondered if this sounds like BPD to anyone? Have they had similar experiences? Thanks for your help.
  16. Smillsoid

    Smillsoid!

    Hi guys! I'm Smillsoid, a married guy with severe OCD, Clinical Depression, General Anxiety Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm a multi-instrumentalist composer, with my own home recording studio. Looking forward to chatting with everyone here!
  17. gingernut

    How

    I want to talk to someone. Who is about?
  18. HollowBubble

    Hello

    I fell awful posting this because I've never spoken to a doctor and been diagnosed with anything.... I'm a 17 y/o girl. I've had a job, my family loves me, and I've had friends who I really care about that really care about me. I came out as bisexual and everyone I knew accepted me, even my grandmother who used to talk about how being gay was a sin(she actually became a supporter because of this). Seems like a happy teenager right? Yet I constantly feel alone. I feel like I'm trapped in myself. All my days bleed into one another and sometimes I can't take it. I used to be really bad about self harm. Once my mom and my stepfather found out. They were really supportive at first. I trusted my stepdad the most, as he knows about this sort of thing. He used to self harm before him and my mother married which is why I trusted him. I had even stopped self harming. I know he would still talk about it to this day but.... My mom stopped trying to help. If I have a day where I can't stop crying she just yells at me, screaming how she walks on eggshells around me, and how I use how I feel as a crutch in life. I feel like.... Like she doesn't care about me anymore. I felt more alone than ever... And now their all gone. They went on vacation and left me all alone in my home for four days, and all I can think about is how suffocating the silence is. How alone I am. I can't talk about how I fell with my family anymore, and the only friend I had spoken to about this is clinically depressed, and the last time I spoke to her about this she tried to kill herself... Said I had brought her down too much... I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't speak to my mother or my best friend. I don't have a doctor or anyone to speak to because we can't afford it and my moms not 100% sure I'm not faking this whole thing. I'm lost.... And I need help. I know that. But I just don't know where to get help from
  19. Hi, I am a male in my mid 20's and have suspected for the last year that I have BPD. I've been having a rough time since breaking up with my ex last year and moving away from her a few months ago. I've finally decided that enough is enough and I need answers. I'd asked for a diagnosis before but was told it might not be in my best interests. Now I have an appointment booked for next month. Question one: I was wondering what the process is and what they will ask? Is it a case of answering yes or no to whether you have specific symptoms? Or is it more in depth, perhaps done over mutliple sessions? Also, my potential BPD has always affected me but it became particularly intense in my relationship because of the dreaded fear of abandonment. It was my first serious relationship and I behaved in ways I never thought I would. In front of strangers though I am very passive, polite - albeit sometimes very awkward depending who it is. I believe they might have a hard time believing me because I wil be calm and well mannered. If only they could see the mess I become when my adrenaline is rushing and my emotions are running high! Question two: Does anyone know from their experience if this will be a problem? Thanks in advance!
  20. We are struggling to access the right support for my adult daughter . My daughter was managing life with BPD until she met her partner. Growing up, The Drs warned us that she may struggle with relationships because of intense fear of abandonment . This led to paranoia, possessiveness, over controlling , and repeated episodes of DV {Her attacking her partner{. She is now pregnant , living with BPD and pregnancy hormones , her symptoms have escalated. She has been arrested for the first time, she has become extremely violent and now social services are involved. She was managing before the relationship, so I know this is not her, its her illness. Non-mental health Professionals lack understanding or compassion, especially police. More awareness is needed.
  21. I recognise a lot of what you describe in my daughter who has BPD. Its good that you are looking at yourself, trying to make sense of whats going on for you. Also scary I guess. Getting a diagnosis helped my daughter in that she now had "something to explain her behaviour". However, we still struggle with accessing support . In our experience BPD seems to be a bit of a "taboo subject" and seems less recognised, unlike Bipolar or Anxiety and Depression. I wish you luck, get as much help as possible, don't battle with this alone.
  22. CharcoalKiss

    Returning to old

    Not great recently, but doing ok. I know what you mean about the comfort of old. That's why I came back here. I needed something I knew. i'm really glad you're doing better than you have. Always striving for the up!
  23. Hi everyone, I'm new, and i've struggled my whole life with undiagnosed mental health issues. I've found it difficult to engage with services over the years (GP, counselling, CBT) with varying degrees of success, and I've been prescribed 20mg citalopram for suspected depression and anxiety for the last 7 years. In that time i've managed to fall through the cracks, so I just order my repeat prescription online and attend a 5 minute medicine review once a year. I struggle daily just to get by, but I'm just about functional enough to hold down a job, and i've worked hard over the years to conceal my problems through a mixture of healthy (self care) and unhealthy (cannabis, isolation) coping mechanisms. I've always been labelled as odd, overly emotional, and dramatic, and been confused about why I struggle in the ways I do. I recently read an article about BPD, and it all just seemed to click. I have no emotional skin. I feel everything so much more deeply than other people, and can have an out of proportion reaction to even the smallest of things. I struggle with any situation where I am not in control and have rapid and debilitating mood swings, from depression and hopelessness to rage and anger. I'd never before characterised my relationships as unstable, or thought I had any fear of abandonment (I pride myself on being very independent), but once I really thought about it the evidence said otherwise. I have absolutely no idea who I am or what I like, and I just tumble from obsession to obsession constantly in both my career path and hobbies. I have curbed most of my self destructive and impulsive behaviour as i've got older (i'm now in my early 30s) but my past is riddled with bad decisions and behaviours i'm ashamed of, including self harm. I can 'go off' people periodically, or start to question their motives and integrity. I experience extreme paranoia, including thinking that other people (even strangers) are watching and judging me. Recently, as i've been trying to notice my thoughts and behaviours, i've wondered if what i've always thought of as 'spacing out' is actually dissociation. I can find myself staring into nothing and thinking nothing for extended periods of time, multiple times a day. My eyes will completely unfocus (which I thought was a sight issue as I wear glasses) and I find myself simply stuck, or having to physically shake myself out of it if it happens around other people. It can also happen when i'm very upset, like i've experienced so much emotion my mind and body just shut down, unable to cope any longer, and I go completely numb. I've been reading everything I can get my hands on about BPD, and the more I read the more it seems to fit. I understand the issues with self diagnosis, but i'm also aware of how difficult it can be to get even the most basic mental health support. I have a plan to reengage with my GP to explore my options, but I have no expectations about what they can do for me. I'm also looking into private services, although the costs would be difficult to cover. Does anyone identify with my experience, or have any advice? I'm hesitant to jump to conclusions, but in all my life nothing has ever come as close to explaining my struggles as BPD. At the very least it's encouraged me to make my mental health a priority, and that can't be a bad thing. Thank you for taking the time to read this
  24. BerlinImissyou

    guess i shoud do this since i never do

    A pet moth! ❤
  25. Saharah Blue

    Nightmare inside me own mind yell

    Many of understand the complexities of multi DX's around here. You are bound to rub elbows with all sorts. Welcome to the site.
  26. Saharah Blue

    Hello

    Welcome to the site, make yourself comfortable, great name btw.
  27. Saharah Blue

    Returning to old

    ups and downs but doing better than I have in ages. I still have the odd blip and I still find the site a comfort, even if it is one of old. Always search for a peace within. I am always happy to see an old face/name on list. Good on you for posting. How have you been?
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