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  3. The Mind Map

    Mental Health First Aid

    Hello, we wish to train teachers in mental health first aid. Would you kindly support us? Please see our campaign here and get amazing rewards! https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/the-mind-map
  4. The Mind Map

    Mental Health First Aid

    Hello, we wish to train teachers in mental health first aid. Would you kindly support us? Please see our campaign here and get amazing rewards! https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/the-mind-map
  5. Hi everyone, before this starts I'd like to mention that I'm unsure where I should have posted this. I don't see myself as suffering from problems as serious as depression, however the matter is making me consider possible deeper feelings. Anyway, my name is Louie. I'm a 14 year old, coming on 15. I feel this is important as I would like to consider myself quite intelligent and as a result I am well aware of my possible pubescent feelings and overreactions. However I equally feel like I need to vent my frustration and, as you will soon find out, I don't really have someone physically to go to. My dilemma is this. I get along well with a small group of people during school, so much to the point where I would call them friends. This has been the case for about a year and a half. That being said, I don’t think they feel the same kind of friendship towards me as I do to them. It seems like they only interact with me when there’s no other option. I’ll give you an example of what I mean. The school week passes with conversation. The final day of the week comes and goes with no real plans being made. Keep in mind that I seldom have something to do on my weekends so I’m always free. (I’ve made this clear to them multiple times.) When to my dismay, I learn on the first day back that their weekend was comprised of fun with each other and going out etc. I often find out about this by either my parents seeing the group out without me and asking why I didn’t go (to which I reply that I wasn’t invited) or through the groups discussion of a particular funny moment or something similar. What’s more, they openly talk about these things in my presence, yet expect me to go unaffected. As you can hopefully tell by the nature of this post, I don’t. And despise my attempts to show I want to get involved, both subtle hints and literally asking to be involved, my weeks of not doing anything continue. If I’m lucky I’ll get invited to go somewhere, but only if there’s no other option. This pattern, this constant cycle. It hurts. I don’t know what my feelings are. Anger? Loneliness? Sadness? Jealousy? Perhaps a mixture of them all. One thing is certain though, I feel alone, abandoned, forgotten. Unwanted. I don’t get it, I really really don’t. They include me in school but not out? While everyone else is invited? What am I doing wrong that is inhibiting me from being invited? Am I just a distraction? A tag along that is unneeded in any outside activities? Are they trying to tell me they want rid of me but don’t want to say it like it is? I’m completely lost. Maybe I’m just overreacting. Hormonal. I’d love to hear all of your opinions, thoughts and perhaps advice on this dilemma of mine. Am I just an angsty teen? Or do I need to re-evaluate where I place my friendships? Also apologies if this all sounded very dramatic, I’m just speaking from my heart .
  6. There was a time when i felt sad, hopeless, frustrated, or worn out. I had negative feelings all the time. I did not eat for days and lost around 15kgs of weight in 50 days. Overcoming depression was really a very tough job for me. But my friends helped me a lot in this case and I started loving my life and gaining confidence day by day. I read many blogs on treatments and symptoms and within 4 months I was back to normal. There are more natural way to kill depression, 1. Exercise, train your brain and train your body. 2. Eat healthy and eat at proper time 3. Be scheduled 4. Get good hours of sleep 5. Take challenges 6. Take responsibilities 7. Talk to your friends and family 8. Take part in adventures and daily day work
  7. Hi everyone, I'm new here and I guess right now I'm looking to explain my position and hear some preliminary advice. Someone very close to me has BPD. Following a relationship with a narcissist, things have got bad for them. I've provided support nearly all my life to this person. But I feel like what they require now is beyond what I can provide. I find myself breaking down in tears every day trying to control events in their lives that are beyond my control. And I feel such an enormous sense of guilt when I can't be there for them. I too am very emotionally sensitive and sometimes I go into a state of ''hyper-empathy' and feel all the things that I think they're feeling. I find it difficult to return to my own head. Many tell me I need to protect myself, they can see I'm suffering but I cannot remove myself from this person's life. I couldn't live with myself if I did that. People say I need therapy but I don't think I need that kind of help. I know if my loved one was better, then I'd be better. I just need others to pick up the slack. And sometimes people do help, but it seems this help is provided only up to a limited time and their help is never effective enough. I still do all the work. I feel like if I let go and let someone else take the reigns, everything will (and does) get a lot worse. I feel like I'm doomed to be consumed by someone else's struggles, my relationships are suffering and I don't know what to do anymore. Advice on these specific points would be much appreciated: - They live in the same home where their struggles stemmed from and need to move out. The catch is that they need to move into a supportive environment with someone who is kind and empathetic and willing to sacrifice some personal space to accommodate for this person's BPD. They live in London and would be willing to offer reduced rent, but I have no idea how to find someone who we can trust. - They seem to have surrounded themselves with people who are not true friends. But would rather keep them around than be alone. I find myself having to chase after these people to be empathetic to their person's needs and struggles. Always feels like a losing battle. Where can I find the day-to-day positive reinforcement this person requires? They already have an excellent therapist. Thank you for reading, if you've gotten this far!
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  9. cmcgann1993

    Hi I'm new!

    Hi. I'm new to the site, well actually I'm new to forums too lol so bear with me if I'm not that great on how this works. I'd to share a little bit of my story. I'm 24 and since i was 15 I've had agoraphobia to the point of being housebound along with severe anxiety and also depression which has only been present for about 5/6 years. Despite not being able to go out my partner who I met at 15 has been with me this whole time and he's an absolute saint! Without him i would be helpless. At age 16 we found out I was pregnant so being very young and having all the problems I had on top of it was very hard to deal with but somehow I managed to pluck up the courage to go out to pick up some "baby things" and when our son arrived I found I was able to go out a little better but only to shops for short periods or the park and then home. Then i relapsed and went out once every couple of months. Three and a half years later our daughter was born and things seemed to get better again with regards to going out, The only problem was it wasn't very happy reasons to be getting out and about because the majority of places we were going were appointments to see specialists about getting an autism diagnosis for our son. As you could imagine finding out your child has a disorder you don't know anything about can take its toll on you, especially when you already have mental health issues. After a while we got a diagnosis and shed lots of tears we came to terms with it all and accepted it. Our son is an amazing clever 8 year old and can communicate quite well which I am thankful for even though it can be quite challenging at times. I think because I realised someone needed me was when I "manned up" and started taking responsibility. Then when our daughter was 2 she started showing traits of Autism and i completely shut off. I fell into a really bad state of depression which I assumed I already had but it was nothing compared to what I was experiencing this time. I became a paranoid wreck, I didn't speak to anyone, I had extreme anxiety to the point I left all duties to my partner and locked myself upstairs googling my symptoms.. I know this is something nobody should ever do lol but I couldn't help myself, I literally couldn't function. I thought I was crazy and was suicidal and i could never sympathise with anyone who was suicidal until it happened to me and now I fully understand why people would feel that way. Slowly but surely I found myself being able to watch tv and eat downstairs (that sounds so silly) but that's how horrible it was. My partner was literally my carer and we had no other functional relationship other than him looking after me and doing everything else on top of it, ie all the child care, shopping, housework etc. I remember the first day I smiled again and recall it feeling "weird" as if it wasn't meant to be happening but in time things got a little better. This was over two years ago now and it's been the longest I've been in the house except for going out in the garden. My daughter was also diagnosed with autism and it really got to me not being there when my partner got the word. I feel much better although the anxiety is still very much there so prevents me from venturing further. The reason I joined this site was because I feel I am in an ok frame of mind to maybe help others and by sharing my story I hope that people can see that things can get better in those "bad days" even if it's just a slight improvement it's better than none! I'm so sorry for the "essay" and a huge congrats to those who made it to the end lol.. Chelsea x
  10. Possum

    Unsure

    Hello! Has your partner already had anything like DBT therapy? Is he on medication. People can change, I have Bpd and I treated my partner appallingly over the years but I can honestly say I have changed a lot, I'm now open, I'm honest and I work hard to show him how much I love him. (sadly though he's pulling away from me and changing in a bad way. But that's irrelevant) If you love him, I'd suggest you tell him what changes need to happen for you to be able to continue having a relationship with him and tell him what things you will not tolerate. And give it a chance, if you want to? Bpd is hellish and it can make people say and do horrible things that they really don't mean, they're often just projecting their pain. At the end of the day, you have to decide what you want to do but talking openly and honestly with him about everything that's happening between you is the first step. I don't think making decisions when you are emotional is wise, let things settle, think about everything and talk to him. I hope this helps? Best of luck x
  11. Isis Lewis

    Unsure

    My BPD partner wants for us not to break up .. but wants to go to therapy . He says he can get better . I'm totally in bits as I was ready to leave. I do love him very much . I'm so terrible upset & unsure . I just don't want to waste another 3'years of my life if there's no real improvement. The last 3'years have been a nightmare at times . I'm so devastated . . Does anyone know what are the chances of him being better towards me .. please .
  12. Possum

    How to find calm in the evening

    Just wondering, have you done Acceptance and commitment therapy or do you know about it? It might not sound particularly useful but observing emotions without judgement or reaction can be helpful. If you don't know about it, I can tell you what I've learnt from therapy last week.
  13. Saharah Blue

    How to find calm in the evening

    I agree with possum, meditation takes so much self training to be able to draw on it at a moments notice. If your emotions are intense during the evening, frustration or disappointment then a activity that helps to take you out of yourself is helpful. Since you are in therapy already, the other option that comes to mind is to give yourself that moment to process what you are going through, even if it means coming home and have a good cry. Being gentle with yourself and practicing good self care during times of processing, leads to a whole lot of healing.
  14. Possum

    How to find calm in the evening

    What sort of emotions are you trying to escape in the evenings? Meditation can be great, however I find I have to already be in a fairly good place to be able to meditate.
  15. addy2

    Anyone remember me?

    Hi possum I remember you, it’s so good to see so many people on here I know x
  16. Saharah Blue

    Adoption & BPD

    I personally do not know of anyone that has been in this situation. I am not certain how difficult it would be to show the measure of recovery required, have you looked up anything on citizens advice or looked into the requirements for adoption?
  17. Saharah Blue

    How to find calm in the evening

    one of the things that helps me is giving myself permission to engage in activities I enjoy. It sounds overly simple, but I am surprised how often I get myself stuck by clinging to the notion that I should be doing xyz instead. Sometimes this permission can be as simple as doing nothing or more involved like being active to clear my head, a long hike or a swim.
  18. I'm sure there's probably several members on here who've seriously considered, planned or attempted it at some stage so I am hoping maybe someone will know what I am feeling? I don't want to trigger anyone or give anyone bad ideas so I won't say what I did. If anyone wants to talk privately about anything I say, please message. ~Please don't read this post if you are feeling very fragile and it might bring up stuff for you~ A bit of background info - (for older members I used to be Bigmouth Strikes Again) So last year ended with me getting engaged and I couldn't have been happier, it seemed like for the first time in my life I was a somebody and I had a future. But by February cracks were beginning to appear in the relationship again. I tried to explain the issues causing me to split on him, he said he understood and would avoid doing those things - however it continued. And after many nights throughout February and March panicking and crying myself to sleep because he was out all night, I finally said I can't carry on with the relationship. It was a couple of days before my birthday and we'd made plans to go away, so I said he's still my best friend and I still want to spend time together so we went away. He was sick and passed a chest infection to me on my birthday, I got pneumonia (and have been ill 11 weeks with non stop infections because my immune system was so badly battered). Things were difficult but we started to get back on track. By the start of May I got another serious chest infection and he left me completely alone battling it while he went away with mates drinking for several days, he didn't even contact me! This was the point I sunk into severe suicidal depression but to stop myself doing anything about it, I got two baby rats to distract me. We had a few okay days after he returned until he said he's going away for 6 days for a festival at which point I blew up! I'd been ditched and left home alone crying so many many nights while he was out having a laugh and I'd been so ill. There was no way on earth I was going to sit at home crying for 6 days while he was drunk and stoned and not talking to me. So I said it's me and our relationship or the festival and he said fine then. He was choosing the festival. He then admitted he'd been lying to me for months and my whole world collapsed. I'd suspected it but I just couldn't believe he'd willingly, knowingly lie to me over and over for months. So that was it, my future disappeared, the wedding, the new home together, the whole new life we were supposed to be working towards thrown away. I spent the rest of the week planning everything; rescues for rehousing my animals, funeral costs etc. At the start of the week I was highly emotional and heart broken, by Thursday a sense of calmness came over me and I was ready for it. I left home on Friday and went to a hotel, ready to end my life in the morning. My partner messaged pleading me to tell him where I was but I was paranoid about him calling the police so I told him if he went to the train station, I'd tell him which train to board but the last train Friday night was leaving soon so he had to leave but he wasted 15 minutes arguing with me and didn't even try to get to the train station - I gave him one last chance to act, to do anything to show that I mattered and he didn't bother. I'd never felt more alone or worthless. I got up at 4.30am and left to end my life. I wasn't able to due to a couple of things beyond my control. I sat for several hours crying, it was nearly 8am now and I knew I'd have to wait until sunset before I could try again. I eventually told my partner where I was and said I'm not going home, I booked hotel in another town and I spent the night sobbing uncontrollably telling him out much I regretted not doing it. The next day we returned home and he took me to a local mental health place where I was assessed by a nurse who referred me to a crisis team at the local mental hospital. I have been attending psychology group therapy daily for two weeks, I was seen by a psychiatrist who prescribed Risperidone (took it once and fainted 3 times so haven't taken it again). It's been two weeks today since I tried and I still wish I'd done it. Last night I was awake all night, lying in bed thinking about trying again. I've asked about being an inpatient but they are extremely reluctant to admit me. I've never felt this bad in my life. I'm still swinging between anger, irritability, rage, numbness and sadness daily but there's no joy, no hope. My relationship still feels like its crumbling and I cannot see any future for me at all. Despite seeing a nurse every 2 - 3 days and having group therapy Mon - Fri I don't feel like there's been any improvement. I know its early days but I am full of regret for not doing it and struggling every day. I'm actually so sad it physically hurts my chest and my head, I feel like there's a heavy weight on my chest and the pressure in my head builds and builds until I have such a headache. Anyone been through a similar experience? I'm being told constantly it gets better or I should feel this or be happy about that and it's so invalidating.
  19. Possum

    New...don’t know where to begin

    Hello! Is there anything in particular you'd like to talk about? Or advice you're looking? Was the BPD diagnosis a shock to you or did you suspect it?
  20. Possum

    Anyone remember me?

    Hi Addy, I was Bigmouth Strikes Again (took me a while to remember!) I hung around on here until somewhen around 2014 - maybe 2015 at the latest? I think I wrote a ton of whingey posts ha!
  21. Ballerinarmour

    New...don’t know where to begin

    recently diagnosed BPD
  22. I have had Schizophrenia for over 10 years, and I finally was able to write down what has been going on. I hallucinate aliens and military, angels etc. But it has been a very peculiar journey, and I have tried my best to explain it. In the book I also talk briefly about what I think Schizophrenia is and also a side-effect known as Akathisia. It is titled Shift: My Story and Schizophrenia and is available on Amazon as an ebook or paperback. https://www.amazon.com/Shift-Story-Schizophrenia-Shane-Unger-ebook/dp/B07DGFDHSQ/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1528408226&sr=8-1 I hope everyone is doing alright! Thank you for letting me share this.
  23. Squishy1

    Adoption & BPD

    Hi all, Please bear with me as i'm totally new at this.. i'm not even sure if this is where i'm supposed to post questions? Or if i'm supposed to post questions at all? Im just wondering if anyone on here can share if they have any experience adopting a child after being diagnosed with BPD? Im scared to death that the diagnosis will stop me from adopting a child and creating the family I've always dreamed of (separate issues mean it would be very unlikely I could conceive and carry naturally). Im currently living abroad (diagnosis has been made here) but will move back to the UK soon and will be looking to adopt over the next couple of years. Can I simply keep the diagnosis to myself and seek treatment without there being a record of it? Is it illegal to withhold this info when going though the adoption process? Im praying someone will respond saying they have BPD and have adopted successfully. Feeling very scared and anxious right now, I could really use a bit of good news... Thanks for taking the time to read this, I appreciate any advice/help anyone can offer x
  24. Saharah Blue

    recovery struggles

    I know from my experience with recovery, that I didn't start to feel different for about 3 years, but other people were noticing a change around two years. I was in therapy for about 4-1/2 years. When you want a better way to be in the world, it takes time but it is worth every ounce of effort.
  25. Ballerinarmour

    How to find calm in the evening

    I’ve recently been diagnosed and would appreciate some advice please. I’m struggling in the evening to find calm emotionally. I am likely to drink alcohol or smoke to get that calm but I know that these are both unhealthy. My therapist has recommended meditation but I know that’s not enough. Can anyone help please ...
  26. Dice

    Old friend

    Sorry things have been rough for you Dani, But glad your little fella is better now and I hope you feel better too...
  27. mindfulboo

    recovery struggles

    ive been in therapy for a year and a half now and ive worked really hard
  28. Saharah Blue

    BPD Long Distance

    Sounds like your separation anxiety is kick up, I have struggled with this one the most in my life. Some things I do to help, is do more self care, sleep more, immerse myself in my personal interests. In the past I have put a great deal of effort into trying to ensure that despite the distance, this person feels like there is something to return to. Either a healthy more balanced person, or a sexier version of me; usually it ends up being a bit of both.
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