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  4. Bubbles..

    Where is everyone?

    I know that I am guilty of not logging in here but this forum used to be so busy. Would be good to get it busy again. I think it has gone dead since Josh updated the forum, I would put it back to where it was and have all posts private. I do think it might just work.
  5. BonnieJo88

    Hi!

    My name’s Bonnie. I’ll be 31 in January. I’ve been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder since about 18. Now, however, my new therapist says that more importantly I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I’ve never joined a support group before. This past year I’ve been in the hospital 4 times and been to a couple IOP programs. Nothing made any difference. I’ve been feeling the worst I’ve ever felt. I just don’t see anything getting any better. I guess what I’m hoping to find is someone who has felt as low as I do but was able to get stronger and actually wants to put in the work to fight to live.
  6. BonnieJo88

    Hi, Everyone! Nice to Meet You!

    My name’s Bonnie. I’ll be 31 in January. I’ve been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder since about 18. Now, however, my new therapist says that more importantly I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I’ve never joined a support group before. This past year I’ve been in the hospital 4 times and been to a couple IOP programs. Nothing made any difference. I’ve been feeling the worst I’ve ever felt. I just don’t see anything getting any better. I guess what I’m hoping to find is someone who has felt as low as I do but was able to get stronger and actually wants to put in the work to fight to live.
  7. Hi everyone I'm new to the website so I'm sorry if I'm posting in the wrong section or making mistakes. So I'm 39 and female. I was diagnosed with BPD 3 years ago. I'm at breaking point cos no matter how hard I try I just get so angry and verbally lash out on my partner. I feel like I'm seriously losing it and worried about self harm thoughts. Please tell how you manage cos I just can't no matter how hard I try.
  8. Emma1981

    Is a good relationship even possible with BPD?

    I don't have many friends. I am the most loyal person I know, but most of my friends just come and go. They never stay in my life for long. Don't think its necessarily BPD related, well I don't think so. I think its just the way people are nowadays with busy lives etc...although I make so much time for people myself. Now I have almost accepted that people will never love or care as much as me. So that's back to the BPD again then lol
  9. Emma1981

    Advice needed in my relationship (BPD)

    Hi, I am married, been with the same guy for 19 years. My counsellor has mentioned I may have BPD, although I am still without an 'official' diagnosis. My marriage is in difficulty due to me craving the need to be 'in love' right now. We even 'opened' up our marriage to try and accommodate this, but it has caused a lot of stress for 'us' , although 'I' do like the excitement and attention that I get, as I find it eases my emptiness and makes me 'feel'....Its very confusing though as I always want to be with the other guy, even though he's not a great person and my husband I just feel nothing for even though he is kind and supportive. Makes me feel like a REALLY bad person as what's 'right' feels 'wrong' and what's 'wrong' feels 'right' if that makes sense. But then I feel maybe its not BPD and I've just outgrown the relationship after 19 years and need to move on.... very confusing.....But yes, the newness of a relationship is intense and magical, so I understand that....although I guess after 19 years I know long term relationships do work, but I guess it depends on how easily you can deal with the reality of it. Relationships are always hard-BPD or not. Although I do know where you are coming from. xxx
  10. Hi, To cut a long story short, I have been going through a really bad time over the last 18 months. Suffering from narcissistic abuse from my mother, having to cut ties with her and my whole family, and my marriage almost breaking down. This chaotic period has caused me to have symptoms such as sexual acting out, depression and dissociation. Been seeing a counsellor for about 8 months, who started off as a marriage counsellor, but has been counselling me individually for a while. She thinks I may have BPD and has mentioned this lots of times, although she isn't qualified to diagnose. Don't want an 'official' diagnosis as I am a parent and I am worried my kids will be taken away from me or my family life will be scrutinised over my actions. Called the Mind charity and they recommended getting a qualified opinion from a BPD Specialist on the BPD World. Org website. This doesn't go on my 'records' but they are qualified enough to be able to give me their direct opinion. I cannot seem to access this on the website though??? It says to pay £35, but no link to 'buy' or pay the fee???? Has anyone done this on this site? How can I request this??? Or can anyone recommend a company/ process to give me a qualified but unofficial diagnosis??? Thanks.x
  11. Saharah Blue

    Suggestion Box

    I think you would want to message Josh about that one, I am not sure if he added anything like that as he has been upgrading the software, It is a really good idea, I think it would help people feel more connected to the site.
  12. verbena

    Suggestion Box

    Does this organization have an app for my phone?
  13. Eagleheart

    BPD trouble

    Feeling suicidal. Really triggered atm. I'm so tired of pretending that I'm coping. Sorry.
  14. Eagleheart

    Advice needed in my relationship (BPD)

    I was exactly like you in previous relationships, going from adoring them to hating the sight of them and dumping them after about 6 months. UNTIL I met my husband. Don't get me wrong, I still have times when I can't bear the sight of him. But I accept that it's not him. It's me. My BPD playing up. And I just ride out the feelings and they do pass. He is the love of my life and I worship him . He is a lovely man who is so understanding of my issues. And for that reason, we work really well together. But you must come to a place of acceptance and honesty about your BPD. If you can do that, you CAN have long term relationships. I've been with my husband for 26 years now.
  15. Hello everyone, I need some advice on how to deal with relationships. I personally fall in love quick and hard! I go from idolising someone and obsessing and doing anything I can so they wont leave. The problem is after 6 months I start to slowly despise them. This has happened in every relationship I have had. I have currently been with my boyfriend for 7 months and I am starting to dislike him and he has done nothing wrong at all and is actually amazing and understanding with me. I feel like I should stick this relationship out because I know its just my BPD going through the motions but I don't know If I will feel any different in the future? Any advise would be welcome
  16. Eagleheart

    BPD trouble

    Thank you so much for your reply. I didn't think anyone would bother answering. My cat was called Timmy. He was my very own angel. He saved my life one time. Literally. I feel so lost without him. I've had cats all my life but never before had the bond I had with Timmy. I have decided to take on an older cat that no-one wants. He will be coming to live with us this week. I don't think there will be a special bond with him but I wanted to do a nice thing, in memory of Timmy. I suppose I could phone the MH team but they are so busy they don't have anyone you can see straight away. It's a ridiculous situation.
  17. bibiddi

    BPD trouble

    Hi Eagleheart - I haven't been here in a while, but I read your post. I think when there is lots of shitty feelings flying around, they need to go somewhere. At the moment the shit is being aimed back at you. And that doesn't feel fair. I really am so sorry about your cat, what was his name? I think cats are choosy, so it must have felt wonderful to be loved by him, and have him by your side. My mental health team used to constantly be dropping or changing, exactly what we really don't need. I hope that it gets sorted soon, can you contact them to remind them you need a case worker.
  18. Disreputable

    Can someone help me...please

    Thanks...I’ve just been told that meds aren’t what is right for me. I’m not saying anything bad at all about people that do take meds, I realise they’re important to a lot of people, but my parents and I believe I need to cope differently than medications. That’s why I came onto this site; to try something new and to get help. My friends agree with me that I could actually get worse with the addition of antidepressants or stuff like that. I’m sorry I can be stubborn and it’s a big reason of why people really despise me...I’m still looking for a way to get help and I’m all honesty, I don’t believe this is working either. I’m just a special case I guess...I know I am narrow minded to my options and I guess I just know what’s good for me, right?...I want a way to vent and feel fine and I guess this was a way for me to get some stuff off of my chest for like an hour or two so thank you.
  19. Dani

    Do you..?

    Do you think of me attall? Do you wonder what might have been... Do u remember how we talked for hours...do you think if our eyes had only seen.. The beauty in a raindrop..the truth in all the lies.. Now that we are older.. could we not knit up those ties? Beauty in a photo.. money or what could be.. Things that may seem perfect ..meant nothing to you and me. So can you not forgive a girl so young many years ago.. Id just wish youd let me know..
  20. Dani

    Hug Bank

    Big hug right here.. colds are shit x
  21. Dani

    Enabling messages...

    I cant seem to enable my messages? Cannot recieve or send..
  22. Eagleheart

    BPD trouble

    Back in July, my fur baby died. He had been my best little buddy and my constant companion. Everywhere I went, there he went too. His death has literally destroyed me. Because I couldn't handle the depth of my grief, I self harmed by carving the four letter C word into my arm. Then came the guilt and shame and I felt even worse. I'm stuck in a cycle of self destruct. All I want to do is end it all but I made a promise not to. So I'm stuck with a gutful of shitty feelings that I can't handle and just wanting to SH all the time. To make matters worse, my case worker is on long term sick leave and I've been dumped by my psychiatrist. Basically, I'm really struggling here. Not at all sure how much longer I can stay strong.
  23. Eagleheart

    Can someone help me...please

    I'm glad you got some sleep. It's a very important part of staying well. It's a shame that you're so dismissive of meds. I know from my own complex experience that I would not have made it this far without them. Taking medication is not a sign of weakness at all. In fact, it takes great courage to admit that you need help. I've been on psychiatric meds for several decades and they have been a lifeline for me. Anyway, you seem to be quite self assured and your mind has strong views so I hope you can begin to improve and find the kind of help you need. I wish you all the best.
  24. Disreputable

    Can someone help me...please

    Thanks for talking and I’m also sorry. I was sleeping and it felt good to sleep well for a bit for the first time in weeks. No, I do not take any medications like that. The thought of taking those scare my parents and I. I’m not really on here to be convinced to take them so...sorry. Anyway I do talk to a therapist although I only talk to them about twice a year. Since I’m a type one diabetic, my mom believes I need to talk to a special therapist that also is diabetic. It sounds good in theory...they understand the things I go through and others don’t. But unfortunately this person needs to be booked out four months in advance. Heh...like I’ll know when my episodes hit four months in advance. Other than that I occasionally talk to the people at my school. And they’re nice but I hate missing class since my parents are strict on my grades. That and the people that I’m allowed to talk to at the school are never there and are the opposite gender than I. That may sound dumb but it’s easier to talk to women. I’m very mature for my age and I connect better with adults. Thanks again for willing to talk to me. It felt good waking up and seeing that someone cared
  25. Eagleheart

    Can someone help me...please

    I've only just seen your post so I'm sorry it wasn't sooner. Do you receive any mh help? Are you on any meds? It sounds like you are trying to cope all on your own and that is almost impossible when you're in a depressive episode. The thing is, you WILL be okay. It's a matter of taking each day one step at a time. One breath at a time. That is how I make it through each dark day. Please keep going and if you aren't getting medical help, then seek it out.
  26. Disreputable

    Can someone help me...please

    Hi so I finally came to this site out of desperation... I need so much help... My friend won’t listen to me anymore and yells at me when I just need someone to listen. I don’t need a response just..appreciation...Anyway I’m clinically depressed and I’m definitely at a low right now. Why is everyone leaving me...why do I hurt them this way...why am I so stupid...everything is falling apart and I have put it upon myself to make sure I don’t eat as punishment.I have like a pack of peanuts at the beginning of the day and almost nothing else...it’s been a month since I’ve had three meals. But of course I’m a stupid weak piece of nothing and so I graze on everything so I wouldn’t say I’m starving myself... I just want to know I’ll be okay...I just want to vanish and I don’t even care if people miss me anymore. I just don’t want to hurt them...It’s so bad these last two years...I don’t know how to healthily keep going...can someone please talk to me...anybody? I can’t handle the empty sickness in my chest anymore... sorry for your time edit: typing it out made me feel a bit better...like it gives me hope that maybe someone will care
  27. Kinsey

    Hello

    I have just got a diagnosis of BPD after suffering for many years with addiction and eating disorders, suicide attempts and depression. Can someone please say Hi and point me in the right direction of some good articles or help. Many Thanks Kinsey
  28. Saharah Blue

    Hug Bank

    needing a hug today.
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