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  2. Saharah Blue

    Low self-esteem due to bad treatment

    I think it is quite normal to feel terrible after a connection like that. Of course it is your experience of what took place, but even so it is bound to leave anyone doubting. How are you doing with it all now?
  3. Earlier
  4. I dated a guy who made out we were really serious, then all of a sudden he changed and made out it was just casual sex. I was really upset by this as I thought we were close and he was genuine. I havent really dated since then as its ruined my confidence a bit. He said quite a few horrible things to me as well, I should have stuck up for myself but where I was in the situation and really liked him I just too the bad treatment. We have mutual friends so I still hear about him and hes with a new girl, I dont now how he treats her but I feel very low about myself now. Any advice?
  5. My girlfriend suffers with Bi-polar disorder and a few weeks ago broke up with me. the short backstory is that a whiles ago I took her on holiday, while there she started getting anxious and panicky (turns out she hadn't been taking her medication for a while) so we spent the last couple of days indoors. Since returning she has gotten more and more depressed and anxious, during the 1st week we saw each other a couple of times, she was anxious and teary but things between us were still good, we were texting to say we missed each other etc but that gradually stopped and the texts became more distant. She admitted she was pushing me away because she felt I deserved better, that I was too good for her, and she couldn't understand why I wanted to be with her. These are things she has said during our whole relationship so a lot of texts etc have been to try and show her this isn't the case, that I am the lucky one etc but maybe I overdid it in an effort to show her I wouldn't walk away like others have and that I am with her because I want to be. anyway she decided to end things citing various reasons about not being deserving, needing space etc. For a while after I barely heard a thing but if I text she replies and more recently she has been texting and been more talkative. She even opened up a little to say she is feeling the lowest she has ever felt which is new as she hasn't really been talking about it. she has also text a couple of times to say she was thinking of me. For a long while she would completely switch off if I mentioned meeting up but last weekend out of the blue she agreed to meet for a drink. We sat and chatted for hours but kept it light and had a lovely time, we had a cuddle and little kiss afterwards which seems a big step. Her texts since seem lighter and she has been opening up more so I asked if she would like to meet up again, however she now isn't sure and has backed off a little. She has had GP visits and is on medication, her dosage of anti depressants have just been increased. If I am honest I just feel a little lost and confused. How do I help? Do I keep texting? do I leave her to text? I have read so many similar reports and it seems in a lot of cases things work out and people get back together. I have no intention of walking away, it isn't even an option for me, even knowing I will possibly come out of this badly. I know this has probably been discussed countless times, I guess i just needed to get it out. Thankyou so much for any replies, I really do appreciate it
  6. Lesley dye

    App on Google play

    Please to all you suffers out there don't look at borderline personality disorder app by creative Live apps it's dreadful it paints suffers as being a big problem to everyone it just further stigmitises the condition to people who don't understand I have contacted the cco of Google to try to get it removed I'd hate it to cause serious harm if you read it from a concerned sufferer
  7. Saharah Blue

    I'm addy2 anyone remember me

    Hi Addy, I remember you I am glad to hear your are able to move away from from your ex. I hope your able to keep putting one foot in front of another in regards to your healing.
  8. Hi all, I'm an old member here but had to set up a new account I couldn't remember my password. This place was such a great support to me and the people were amazing, I just thought I would come back and see if it was still here. Life has been tough, my ex and I have been apart 2 years, he was made leave by social services in the end. I was reading old posts I made on here and they are all about him and how abusive he was. Life has been tough my mh has suffered alot and I have literally isolated myself from everyone. I still miss my ex and blocked him totally a month ago as he would keep contacting me even though he's with someone else. He's still messing with my head from a distance. I hope some of u remember me xxx
  9. JoshCo99

    Newbie Here

    Hey guys! I guess I'm here mostly because I'm scared. I was misdiagnosed for 7 years, but now they're considering me for BPD, and it just feels... Right. The symptoms line up pretty perfectly with how I feel a lot of the time. Right now, I feel lost and scared of both possibilities: The idea that I do have BPD, and the idea I don't. I've not quite thought about how I'm gonna deal with either of those scenarios. I've been really scared recently about my identity and how I just don't feel like a human being, or that I belong in my own body. I look at my hand, and it just doesn't feel like it belongs to me. I'll feel empty and not even realise until I try and form a coherent thought, and it won't appear. I'm really struggling with all of this, and I guess I just wanna be told that it's all gonna be okay. Anyway, a bit more about me as a person. I'm 19 years old, I'm also a musician (guitar and vocals) who plays folk. I'm a multidiscipline writer and I adore the creative arts. I'm a freelance artist by trade, and that's what I want to keep doing as I get older. I'm a university student at the moment, studying English Literature and Creative Writing, and I currently also work in catering to support my studies. I don't play sports, I do play video games and I'm quite gay, which is the best way of putting that. I have a very loving boyfriend, who has put up with me for almost 8 months, and I love him so dearly. I can't really think of anything else to say, so I'll leave it there! Peace out and don't be strangers! Much love to everybody!!! :D
  10. Emily Walker

    9 Long Years of Misdiagnosis

    Hi, So I am new here. By way of introduction I guess I will discuss myself in the hope that someone understands where I am coming from. I was always an anxious child. But when I got to the age of 18 my mental health seemed to de-stabilize due to the fact that I was leaving my whole life behind to start a new venture - university. I remember feeling really intense emotions - not just anxiety but anger, irritation, low mood, hyperactivity etc.! With the help of a mental health advisor, I managed to get through university on a fairly stable level. Then, due to various events happening in my personal life, I had my first proper breakdown. I ended up in a psychiatric facility where the psychiatrist (like so many before her) diagnosed me with anxiety. She assured me that it must be the anxiety I'm feeling - yet I knew it wasn't. I tried to explain it to her but, to be frank, she was one of those posh, private psychiatrists who just assumed she was right. Then came years where I guess I was a guinea pig for many who came across me! At one stage I was on enough medication for someone with bipolar and at another they were treating me for depression! The breakthrough came recently when I came to a day unit and spoke to people there. They seemed to listen to me and really understand me! They got me to read a booklet about BPD and asked me various questions and everything just seemed to go into place. I've spent the last 9 years believing I was even crazier than I thought! I thought that I had anxiety but that I was different to other anxiety sufferers....turns out that, yes, an aspect of my mental health problem was anxiety but that it wasn't the overarching issue. I have no idea WHY I came to suffer with BPD but I'm keen for treatment to be focused on the future and how I can manage and recover from it. Not on the past. I have a good prognosis and there is a statistic (taken from Mind) that 85% of sufferers tend to think they have made a full recovery after 10 years. I'm just thrilled that I finally understand why I feel this way. So hi to everyone! Hope to be speaking to many of you soon! Emily x
  11. Hello. I am looking for support & guidance with my son who I think has BPD. I tried professional help but he just wanted to give ME therapy and wouldnt help me confirm symptoms or offer strategy for support
  12. daizyBloom

    I think I have BPD

    Hi Jelly_Neko, I Too am ashamed and embarresed sometimes to say those words.. "I have Borderline Personality Disorder" Like 1st of all No one really even knows what that means. ORRRR They've heard HORROR stories from the past about it and think we are psychotic I was recently diagnosed with BPD, and once I realized it was true (because I didn't believe I was, lol after my therapist told me I was I went straight home and read what the symptoms or characteristics were .. and SWORE she was WRONG... But, then, I stared to do all kinds of reading and researched it like crazy and the more and more I read, and the deeper I got into my research.. the more I had to force myself to say the words outloud to my therapist the next time I saw her was humiliating and actually kinda comical. lol "YOU are RIGHT" This is Absolutely ME 100% ... It's like a freaking LIGHT flipped on inside my ENTIRE LIFE! So many things made so much more sense. and YES, I have Embraced the fact that this is who I am.. but, It doesnt't always make it any easier when things come up in your life, or your day to day interactions with people.. that you'll catch yourself doing something BPD'ish ... or one second you are as happy as a bluebird in a birdbath, and BAMM you SPLIT on someone. ugh.. That is 1 of my Top 3 Things I hate!! They say Borderlines have to have 5 out of the 9 catagories to be diagnosed with BPD. I HAVE ALL 9!! You'd think they'ed have a Special Name for us lol (They probably do, and just haven't told us yet haha) Society calls us Crazy or Over dramatic.. and I call myself Queen Split lol ... I've learned since being diagnosed that you just have to put a positive spin on the whole "LABLE" otherwise, you will spend a lifetime (or the rest of your lifetime) beating yourself up over it. And analyze every single crappy thing that went wrong in your life up until this point, and realizing how you SHOULD HAVE handled it differently. Thing is, That's the Past! PERIOD... Bottom Line. You can't EVER go back in time and change how things happened. But you can choose to put one foot in front of the other and move forward. ALWAYS FORWARD PROGRESS NEVER BACKWARDS. Something someone instilled in my over and over .. but never really SUNK IN until I lost him a year and a half ago to a tragic accident. Then I was forced to rely on ONLY MYSELF to get me through the worst pain imaginable from losing that ONE PERSON .. who actually NEVER GAVE UP ON YOU. Anyways, I didn't mean for this to get so long.. but, What I am trying to get at is this. I too have kids. 3 of them. I have even lost custody of one of them due to my mental illness and the choices I made that resulted in mistakes. But all you can do is try very hard to stay out of your own mind and not allow the negative self talk. That will only kill precious time. AND get you NO WHERE fast! Just take a moment and realize your surroundings.. and take a deep breath.. maybe even put on some HAPPY music that you love. the kind that makes you wanna sing and dance all around the livingroom type of happy song. and just focus on all the positives you got going on right now. Your kids for #1 .. right? They LOVE YOU and Yes, they might not act it or show it every minute.. but that's ok, they are kids. lol Depending on their age, sit down and color with them lol ... I can't tell you how many times I've done that. Infact that's how I discovered what true talents I had buried deep within me. I started with those adult coloring books (after I weened myself off the kids ones lol) and then it turned into painting Rocks, and then.. Robotz lol, and painting etc. I endulged myself in Art Therapy and the 2 hours a week was never enough for me, I had to take it home or find other things around the house to occupy my mind as I listened to my happy music. (cause dancing around eventually wears you out quickly lol) But I am a HUGE Advocate for anyone to find and search out what their true passions are in life. and once you discover what that outlet is for you.. you dive in and take advantage of EVERY opportunity you can to be apart of that. it's life changing I promise! ... and try not to stress on the fears we all have about not wanting to be like our parents. or the people that raised us. I don't know if you or others out there are anything like me... but, I was so fearful of that when my kids were little, I went to the extreme opposite direction as my parents, to avoid at all costs not to be anything like them. Well, that can backfire on you too!! I think if we try and quit stressing ourselves out so much about what we DON'T want to be like, that it only creates more pressure on us to screw up and then beat ourselves up again for how we went about that scanario .. or situation. it's a VICIOUS CYCLE that we need to break. Ok, I'm done talking now lol ... geeze I didn't mean to ramble on. I just felt sad that you had posted this and NO ONE had even commented ANYTHING at all I am new to this forum .. is it always like this ?? I really hope not because I came here trying to find resources to help my concerns about Mental Health in CALIFORNIA. I am recently back "home" after gone out of state for 15 years and appalled at the LACK OF RESOURCES they have available here. THERE AREN'T ANY. Anywhere!! I'm just blown away by this and it's actually making me miss OHIO.. which I never thought I'd say lol well, good luck please, and don't be so hard on yourself, and I mean it. find something that makes you smile.. and find a support group too maybe ?? My art therapy and my mental health facility changed my life in Ohio and I wish every single day, that I was back there, instead of here
  13. jelly_neko

    I think I have BPD

    I don't know how to even write this, I am very embarrassed. I was raised by a Narcissist (possibly a psychopath) It wasn't until this year that I finally cut ties with my mother and I am now able to focus on myself. What I am seeing really makes me sad. I have anger issues, constant anxiety and I rely on everyone for my image of myself. I am married and a mother of two boys and I can see that my behavior hurts them. I don't want to be anything like my mother, whose behavior caused me to create a protective self, I do not want to be like that. I need to find a therapist but I live in a tiny town with few options. I am hoping chatting will help me out a little. Thanks everyone!
  14. Saharah Blue

    Today I Am Liking....

    Today I am liking: A clean living room A clearer mind A sense of acomplisment A ray of hope
  15. Saharah Blue

    Hug Bank

    Giving some (((hugs))) and taking one for me too.
  16. Joshua

    Hey, new here!

    Hi Cap, Firstly, Welcome! We can all be 'assholes', but what’s important is you are able to recognise times when this occurs and in doing so can communicate what’s going on to your partner. You certainly have a lot going on, it may be worth taking a step back and devising a plan to enable you to manage everything. Ensuring, that in doing so you build in supports (where available) and implement your tried and tested coping mechanisms developed over the years. Best Wishes
  17. tiggers

    I'm worried I have BPD

    will do
  18. Saharah Blue

    I'm worried I have BPD

    hugs, I am familiar with those feelings very well. best of luck with the doc. let us know how it goes.
  19. tiggers

    I'm worried I have BPD

    I've dealt with depression for several years and suffer from various other issues long story short a lot of these seem to fall into the categorize Of BPD. If it does turn out that this is BPD I'm scared where this leaves me am I destined to forever be this ball of untamed rage that could explode at any point is it possible for me to ever really trust anyone or am I forever going to be paranoid that they are out to attack me in one way or another will I always see any form of slight as an outright attack that requires me to respond in kind will I always be looking out for the trick in someone's smile or offer of friendship. I push people away and I isolate my self away . from the world. hoping that if I do this that no one will have the opportunity to leave which I don't want I want . to be loved I want to have the capacity to love someone and not shut myself away from them and. not to be second-guessing everything that is happening. so on Wednesday, I'm off to see my dr . to ask for help because the way things are now is not manageable if feel completely out of control and for a long my mental health has not left me in a good place so fingers. crossed that one way or another I can come up witha solution
  20. captainfalling

    Hey, new here!

    Hey folks! I am new here, and to any sort of forum since about 2006! I was diagnosed with BPD and a few other mental health conditions (ASD, depression, Bi-polar) as well as diabetes and serious nerve damage. This has all been over a period of about 7 years and I have had no support from mental health services or anything. The weekend just gone was a huge wake up call for me, I had spent the month beforehand completely off of my medication because I neglected myself to try and care for my partner and our daughter which ended up working out worse overall. Me and my partner almost broke up this weekend because I was a pretty major asshole due to my symptoms and not managing them. I am attempting to regain control and have restarted my meds and contacted a mental health service for support as well as joining here to be involved with others and hopefully learn from being part of a community. I am looking forward to getting to know people here and growing through sharing!
  21. fabbychic

    BPD & EUPD

    I guess I'm lucky, not for me.. I have more awareness and understanding of the illness than most doctors. They don't know why we are addicts and spend all our money. I do.. By having these traits we are always in need, so we will always be looking for help.. Our illness feeds on need, everything we do is about asking for help, doing stuff to see if people care. Our lives are led by what our head tells us about a life event, in fact that will only be based on what feeds the need. We never can see both sides, for and against.. We only get what in most cases is bullshit.. The very part of us that gives us the ability to love ourselves is missing. My head told me that i could never do anything because who cared anyway, who is there to say well done. Like achieving stuff in education making myself better. My head said i couldn't do it. Its bollocks Our brains are wired to do anything that it can to look for someone to care, it has a need, whilst we are looking testing, splitting its feeding. Its not so much black and white, and all about if they cared blah blah. We not realise we are abusive, and manipulative. My head made up some real bad shit that has caused me to be suspended from work..Because my boss didn't reply to my emails and messages. Its never been this bad. i know what it is.. I have never ever not had the bollocks to beat something.. This is killing me.. Doctors and no one helps cos I'm too stable for them i work two jobs. I know how bpd works, what drives, it what causes, it i do stuff bpd and two days later I'm so ashamed it was all lies in my head Bpd is stand alone,, if you get something else its because of your life. You all talk to parents and family that treat you like shit.. you associate with friends who take the piss, you do jobs that you don't like.. your killing yourselves. BPD is all i have..seeing stuff, nope not bpd.. bpd is only triggered by stuff happening in your life, bipolar just does shit.. im sick of people asking do you hear things.. fuck sake,, educate yourselves. i demanded by boyfriend did this he didn't reply i told him i needed him, fuck sake,, manipulative and abusive. The only way to live is to not have people in your life.. the only people you will be normal around are those who are friends who grow with you, Self harm is because your hurting so much.. I've never seen anyone. BPD can cause other stuff because of your life.. We can stop stuff when we see it. but we cannot control what we see or we see it.. i have boundaries now.. but I'm sick so bad the coke is there because I've not got any capacity to fight it so i take coke to get the need make me feel I'm doing something, so off it i live like a dead person.. Its the same for us all, if we all lived the same we would be identical.. i get called names for saying stuff, that bpd does not do this or that.. voices.. fuck sake.. noises.. seeing things.. its not the brain and its workings, its the personality it reacts to life events.. I ve been trashed because bpd makes people think they are better than others and judges, we think we are awesome, we talk shit and slag people yet forget we done worse.. we wake up at night thinking how bad they are.. we tell ourselves its love bullshit.. its need..we don't love..we need,,love doesn't live through what we are..we take shit to save people, why do you see shrinks.. unless you get like me your fuked..i see it its so bad how our head lies and sees stuff thats so not true, how we hurt people and think weight when its all shit in our heads, we say stuff its not even real..we live in a world where we beg for help, to see if they care then hate them when they don't kiss our arse. no one deserves shit or that.. the spending and addiction we can't control.. its there so we get ourselves in shit to be saved. we can live stable with a friendship. we can never be sure what we see is true.. Those low functioning.. because they are lower intelligence so they cannot process stuff like others.. you all are hurting, but you don't ever realise people make you ill.. i won't let this kill me it is at moment... i want a life.. i need to work.. i want to educate people even doctors.. who don't know why we have addictions and spend.. they know what we do, they don't fully understand why.. there is only one cause.. and at one age. You can't be born with it.. you can't fucking get it cos your mum did. Its a personality disorder.. it grows from birth I am sick of people being just retards Depression. is caused by life events you aren't happy, something in your life makes you sad, but you still live it.. or you keep thinking of the past what if. if i had done this.. i just took six years of torture like prison it would have destroyed normal person i didn't get depressed, why? it won't change, its happened. life is the future.. depression don't last forever, its people trying to get others to carry them or fix them.. its the easiest to fix and you never get again. anxiety, i sat in a house for two y ears recluse, i beat it.. i had a breakdown.. i beat it.. myself alone.. no doctors..took six months.. i now have bpd which is destroying my life because i am weak. I will live on the streets to sort it.. i will sell my car and be on the dole to beat it.. bpd is a cancer its driven by need to make you not able to be strong enough to be happy y ourself its a lie.. you can fight it but you need to have a life that is stable and happy. you can't fight shit with no reason i don't want to die I'm not su^cidal but i would rather die than let this destroy me and let my kids see it. my life was bpd, this is after. i didn't do dbt i doubt anyone would ever see it like me i want to be somebody and i will
  22. Rarraz


    I've been newly diagnosed with BPD. Before I had a diagnosis, the stigma from doctors and professionals was regarding general mental illness and how I don't look like someone who is mentally ill (how can you even tell anyway?). But now it seems to have taken new heights with doctors asking me "why do you think you have bpd?" and I have been called poisonous my GP and I have been generally feeling like the people who are supposed to be helping me - especially in crisis - just give me some sort of vague response like "I'm sorry that happened to you" or sending me off with leaflets about what BPD is. I've discovered that this is actually a massive trigger for me and I have lost faith in the professionals who are meant to be helping me. Has anyone else experienced this type of thing? is there any particular way that you deal with it? Even beyond that, it would actually be so nice to hear from people who have been there and understand how crap it is!
  23. Jay97


    Sitting here day on day, While my mind wastes away, Never knowing where to go, While my mood is very low. Staying put afraid to move, I know I've got a point to prove, To show others who I am, I know I've got to give a damn. To lift my mood and give a smile, Even though its been a while, Meeting others and having fun, Even though the day is nearly done. My mood is lifting and this is me, Trying to cope with my BPD, Although the lows will return, Trying to cope, understand and learn, I am getting there slow and steady, When the time comes I'll be ready, For my coping strategies to be in place, When the time comes life will be ace.
  24. Jay97


    So I best introduce myself, my name is Jay. I am 22 years old, and I have BPD, and c-PTSD, as well as anxiety and hallucinations and bulemic tendencies. I dont know what else to add.
  25. Hi mate, have you had the appointment yet? I am in the UK too and wondered how it is diagnosed by a GP/NHS.
  26. RUVoyageur

    Do I have BPD?

    Hi, I'm a 34 yo old male in the UK. I was diagnosed with depression and OCD years ago, and I think I may have traits of Aspergers (not diagnosed). I wondered if I have BPD as some of my recent experiences seem to match with it. I notice most BPD videos and info are related to women. Due to my shy personality I have always found making new friends difficult. When I make new friends I think I'm a very clingy person and I feel this drives them away whilst making me more depressed. Recently a new guy started at work and I helped train him. We get on really well and have a good laugh. However, I then started obsessing about yesterday when he worked at a different place from where he usually works near me, and was next to some other people. I start ruminating on his body language, conversations etc and feel anger, rejection and depression. Was he being distant, cold etc I realise this is irrational yet it makes me really depressed and scared of work as I wonder what will happen the next day, to the point of it taking up all my mind. As I have OCD I have an obsessive nature anyway, but I wondered if this sounds like BPD to anyone? Have they had similar experiences? Thanks for your help.
  27. Smillsoid


    Hi guys! I'm Smillsoid, a married guy with severe OCD, Clinical Depression, General Anxiety Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm a multi-instrumentalist composer, with my own home recording studio. Looking forward to chatting with everyone here!
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