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  2. Terra98


    I have exactly the same problem. I find it so hard to control my urges. I'm really struggling to tell the truth at the moment. When I am stressed or anxious I lie really easily and it ruins my friendships and puts a strain on my relationship. I cope with my anger by walking away if I feel that I am going to say something that I might regret. I then hold ice cubes or have a hot shower. Don't know why but overwhelming the senses seems to help. Then I go back once I am feeling more rational. Hope this helps!
  3. Earlier
  4. walker

    Setting boundaries

    tell the hospital they will only let people in if you want them there
  5. Antimony

    Setting boundaries

    Hello. I am new here. I need advice on how to set stronger boundaries with my mother in certain areas of my life. The boundary I need to set right now has to do with not wanting her at the hospital during the day of my surgery. It is not yet scheduled but, will take place within the next couple of months. It is a big surgery that I have had before. I need to remain stress free and keep my blood pressure low up until then and following the operation. I will be very out of it and tired and in pain and sick from the meds when I wake up. I only want my wife there the first 2 days and then others including my mother may visit. I have told my mother this but she has told me and left messages on my phone that she is my mother and will be there regardless of my wishes (or what's best for me apparently). I am 40 years old. This should be my decision and mine alone. What should I do? Thank you
  6. BenBen245

    Can someone help me...please

    Everyone is not abandoning you. You do not need to punish yourself and they are not punishing you. You are loved, sometimes people come and go in our lives but they are not trying to hurt you. I lost my love two days ago, borderline, to heroin, I beg of you to trust that your feelings are justified but they are not always rational. You are loved!!!!
  7. Hi everyone! I'm new on this forum, in the hope to get some help I'm French so my apologies if my English isn't completely correct, I'm currently living with my fiancé in Amsterdam (who is Dutch), we have a certain age difference and we've been together for 3 years now (I moved with him a year ago), He has been diagnosed with ADHD 5 years ago and probably has BPD as well, of course until the psychiatrist diagnosed it, it isn't 100% sure, but from what I've read so far on blogs & scientific articles, the symptoms feel very familiar (which also shows that I'm not alone being in such a situation). I deeply love him, and I know it would be easier for me to just break up and move on, but I do believe in him and in us, and he's been doing some great progress year after year and is willing to become better every day, I truly love living with him and sharing all kinds of moments together, he's honest, open-minded, respectful, very smart, (handsome of course ), generous, funny, and great support when it comes to helping me with my projects/ fears/ doubts/ life choices. And at the same time, our relationship is on a constant emotional roller coaster... Every 2 or 3 weeks an emotional crisis will happen based on various random aspects. I think I can divide these crises into 2 chronological parts: (1) when I would unconsciously trigger something in him, regarding different things that would make him feel that: I don't listen to him, I don't support him, I don't take into consideration his perspective on important relationships' matters, I play with his trust, I don't understand him, I think he's not good enough, I talk only about me and not about him, I force him to do something (should/ have to, which I never say), I don't hear what he's telling me etc... These crises usually start by me asking a random/ impulsive question regarding important projects/ feelings he has (until that specific moment I didn't know these topics were so important/sensitive to him). So he would start explaining himself (not necessarily through anger), he would force himself to take a deep breath in, and try to explain "why and how what I asked hurt him and therefore makes him angry", "to which personal and childhood memory this pain is linked to and why" and "how next time I could better approach him". Until that point, I'm okay with everything, and I actually find it really great that he can express himself that way. But, after this explanation time, his feelings are usually triggered, and he's already angry inside even if he doesn't really show it. (2) He would start getting agitated, try to re-re-re-re-explain for the 100th times why what I did hurt him because according to him I didn't understand him the 1st time, I didn't listen to him well enough and the more he re-explains the whole thing the more he gets angry and agitated and hurt and the crisis begins... Sometimes he would try to go for a run, sometimes he would go out and spend the afternoon outside, and sometimes he would go in the 2nd bedroom we have, close the door and shut down (because that his "protection mode, to protect himself from the rest, because if he doesn't do it no one will for him" (I partly understand that one) + he does it so "he doesn't affect his environment/ me, which of course doesn't really work..)... And sometimes he would just explode, and starts screaming and get angry, and blame me and everything/ everybody else, mix all his issues regarding work/ family/ personal projects into the actual discussion (or monologue) and the roller coaster would start. Of course, it's always a bit different for each crisis but the worse ones are when he either decides to stay in the room or when he explodes. I know that in these moments he's deeply suffering, and drowning but the contradictory point is that: he wants to feel supported by me to help him to stop drowning and he also comes to the conclusion that I cannot help him. When he decides to stay in his room, he tells me that in those moments I should just do my own thing, enjoy my day and take care of myself. I think he's right. But the question is: How on earth can I enjoy my day if I know that my partner is suffering? How can I just put this crisis on the side, give him enough time (can go from hours to days) to let him calm down so we can talk again? How can I protect myself from the heavy negative emotions that are in our apartment? He's very charismatic, so as soon as he gets angry it feels like the whole house carries this emotion. One possible solution I found is to get out of the house, for instance, I'm actually spending 4 days at a friends' place right now. But is it the best solution? What do you guys do to deal with these intensive emotions? And there is the other outcome: when he explodes (that can also happen after staying in the room for hours). It can last for hours and days. For instance, last Saturday I asked him a question about a project he put on the side for 2 months because he's dealing with some stuff at work and his family (after his dad passed away, his sister and step-dad (gay couple) got depressed). I was just curious about what were his plans and what he wanted to do etc. He got the feeling that I was forcing him to get into this project again (you should do it), that I wasn't trusting him ("I don't trust you and your projects") and that I gave him the feeling that who he was at that specific time wasn't enough for me, which of course is not true. I love him the way he is, I don't want more, I just accept him the way he is, even though - it's true - I'd like us to deal better with his emotions. Anyway, he got really mad (1st he tried to explain it as I said earlier, but noticing that apparently, I wasn't understanding him, he explained again and again). He went for a run, came back (still angry), went out the whole afternoon, came back (still angry), went to his room, spent his evening there. Sunday, we tried to talk about it, but he was still very angry. It basically ended up me listening to him for one hour at least, without saying ONE word, and he was screaming and crying and getting angry and because it was so intense I quietly cried as well. I couldn't move, couldn't speak because of the stress I had. I didn't know what to do, so I stayed on my chair and I just received all his emotions, again and again and again. I'm realising now that I probably let him abusing me both verbally and emotionally. How should I deal with these moments? What can I do to protect me and at the same time making sure that he gets the feeling that I understand and hear him? I think in the evening he felt a bit better, Monday was okay if I remember, not great but okay. Tuesday, it started again (from the same angriness than Saturday) he got up cranky and I don't think we talked that much, (we did eat together though) he mostly went to work and stayed in his room. And yesterday, the crisis reached its summit: the whole evening he kept coming back into the living room to try to talk. He would start talking, expressing himself, would get really angry and leave when I tried to talk. At some point I wasn't even reacting just nodding my head, looking through the window, I had no clue what to do or say. Once he was done he would ask me to say something, to say how I feel. So I would try to start a sentence to say how I feel, and after two words he would tell me that I only talk about myself, that I don't listen to him, that I don't understand him" and that he wanted me "to say how I feel but to not make it about me" (??). he also said that when I'm not doing well he brings me support by listening to me and by echoing my emotions (How do you echo someone's emotions??) So I would stop talking, and when I would stop he would tell me that I don't care and that I don't understand him... Get angrier, would go back in his room, come back, the same thing, go back etc... Until the moment he would come back and start telling me that I'm not bringing him the support he needs (while when he's doing well, I apparently give him all the support he needs), that we're not working, that we should break up (while when we're doing well, breaking up was a stupid idea) and we end up thinking that the relationship isn't the working and it's all drama... I think I should set up some clear boundaries for my own well-being but also to give him a chance to calm down. Usually the next days he feels better, and he apologies, he asks me what did he say that hurt me, he doesn't want to break up, he says that he's been way too emotional, that he doesn't know how to deal with that pain and anger. For 2 weeks it would be fine again, but of course, more and more I watch out every day how he's feeling and when it could explode again. He's not suicidal, he doesn't insult me, he doesn't hit me, and he doesn't break stuff, he doesn't use drugs and he's not alcoholic, and he's in the process of seeing a psychologist/ psychiatrist (as the process is long he might have the first meeting in July, he's very enthusiastic about seeing a psychologist, after the crises he makes notes to keep in mind what he would like to talk about with the shrunk). After each crisis, he is able to take a step back, look at what he said and notice what hurt him and why he felt that way. He doesn't want to be angry like this all the time - it makes him so tired -, he wants to find some emotional stability and peace he wants to get better, he meditates, write, read, exercise, talk as much as he can to become a better a person. I truly think he's on a positive path and he doesn't want to lose me because of this. I really mean a lot to him, and breaking up would probably be one of his biggest regrets. For the last 3 years I saw radical changes in his behaviour, he became more and more positive, ambitious, motivated, smiling etc on his good days. I really believe in him and I think there is some hope. Knowing that before it was way worse (10 years ago he would throw stuff away and break stuff) So I'd like to know what you think if some of you could answer the questions that are in the text, maybe if someone has BPD and could explain to me what my fiancé goes through, it hurts me so much to see him suffering like this. I know it's not my fault, I can't change it and I can't control it, but I believe that the more aware we'll be about it (it's actually him who told me that he might have BPD), the more chance we'll have to make it work. I'll take into consideration any good advice, and will try to stay as open-minded as I can. I'm also aware that it would be easier for me to just break up and leave him, but that would be a regret, and I don't want to because I deeply love him like no one else before him. Thank you for those who'll read that post, I know it's quite long but it's the 1st time I openly talk about it to people who might understand what he and I are going through.xx
  8. Badrslm

    Psychiatry Pro free app

    All in one app to diagnose inform and treat with psychotherapy CBT and DBT Have a look for yourself. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.Psychiatry.pro Let us break all barriers and reach out to shine a light in someone's dark cold night its the light that shines the path that matters just one flickering candle can bring forth daylight When you need a hand to hold and guide you a star to sail-by,or maybe just somebody to talk to a candle or a light-house,they both shall suffice as long as there is hope,we surely shall survive A message in a bottle by the sea I found "Help Us" it said ,"isn't there anybody?" that message though vague ended my quest of happiness I knew then,all of life's meaning & all its meant to be To help others is surely the greatest Joy & I do try my best each day,we all definitely try But its not enough,it never is,until we join together To combine our powers and our efforts & is why i speak to you To bring joy to places where they might be none to help dry the tears & share some love and care let us return those smiles to their rightful owners this box of lost & found,keeps getting bigger The drink or drugs or thoughts of harm are all the same and calls for help you see to endure an illness is hard enough but worse is the silence that perpetuates it the smothering silence won't let them tell us it is us,me and you,who will have to reach them and all that an ailing soul needs is solace a sense that there is someone to look after me With proper care & treatment all can be healed, so lets unite & act now to win this losing battle Together we can,we surely will,and make a happier world the time is now ,so lets get going
  9. Joshua


    Hi Nina Long time no see. Hope all is well?
  10. Joost


    It saw psychosis, schizo-affective, bipolair and schizophrenia appear on paper. It is favored, it understands the intention, but it is not true. It is well-intended, blessed but needlessly painful that this is made up for not yet feeling emotions, observing thoughts and opening the mind. These are ordinary experiences that are part of life and that have nothing to do with disease, except to make it disappear. Even though it did not know what it was meant for, it yielded against better judgment a lesson by having taken psychiatric drugs. This contributed to the level of suffering to make life collapse, which later turned out to be the intention to repay evil with good by asking: who? The idea that 'I' am suffering is exactly that, an idea. Not true. It found out that there was no 'I'. No 'I', so no suffering and therefore no problem. Although there is no 'I' who can complain about anything and the body can take a drug until death, it can try to let this instructive, blessed but useless 'medicine' be. As of today, it has started to gradually withdraw with 25 milligram less. The family, spiritual family and psychiatrist Bart Simons are supportive. Do you want to support this body, possibly mutually, to let go of Quetiapine?
  11. Dice


    * Waves * Hey, Nice to see your name on here again …
  12. Nina of the Light


    Hello. My name is Nina. I am a long time member, but have only visited a handful of times in the last ten years or so. A lot has changed. I want to re-introduce myself and get to know everyone. Hope everyone is having a great day. Love, Nina Lov
  13. fabbychic

    Bpd the discovery

    Bpd.... living with an illness that was caused by failed parenting, not only do you have your parents letting you down they cause you to have an illness that makes you different makes you make all the wrong choices. Makes you a manipulator, emotionally abusive. Gettingnto an age where you have insight and see that the person you are is making choices living a life that’s totally insane. No one will ever get that you don’t get for and against or good and bad you only get one side when you have a choice when you make a decision. Black and white sounds like you get two sides you don’t, it’s not an option. There is no cure you can do dbt which gives you the tools to think before you react, what it can’t do is change the way you think the fact you make choices born of a mind that needs feeding attention. I have just spent five years in the worst relationship of my life. I have flashbacks and ptsd. My head made me stay because one day it would change. Then one ifht I saw that what I believed wasn’t true he had never said he felt the same I’d wasted all that time and lost myself. I can’t ever be around people again for my head to do that, I don’t want to be controlled not have the facts it made me feel so bad I gave up living I just exist. My life will only ever be work and home alone. I’ve had people use me, abuse me when I’ve helped them been a friend. bpd is the only mental illness that only has external triggers that means an emotional event - people. You get the rest because it kills you emotionally makes you anxious depressed. If you remove people you stay stable. I’m gutted that I was a child my parents destroyed me I got this and I’ve done nothing wrong. I lived my life having opinions doing stuff that’s alone to normal people. After diagnosis I blamed my kids for stuff sent them shit for two years I never for one minute thought I was wrong. Some never see what they do is bad, that we are taking stuff normal people would walk away from, that we constantly test. I messaged my son for years asking if he would help if I was homeless. Bpd you never love love does when you get treated bad or aren’t happy. Need survives. at 17 I done things I didn’t want to do he wouldn’t leave me. I have never said no. I moved over 100 miles left my long term job moved my kids after I knew someone three months. I told everyone done it for them. Married a man didn’t like beat the crap out of me. Then talked to a man on phone for four years lied never questioned it. It cost me my eldesti had a breakdown then after five years thought I’d date man said I sleep with women first I didn’t say no. Then last person still about he made me realise I can’t yrisy my head that I can’t let my bpd accept abuse. I have never had anyone care. 54 got nothing my kids will see me in a bedsit. They judge me but won’t read up about it. the only way to be with someone is out of something that grows. I spent three years begging a friend for help he never said no I blanked him on good times he lent me money he is the only person I have known that has never wanted anything. I can stay here alone or move to his in a room hivingnip my life. Yet I just can’t be doing it out of need. I’m stronger I won’t take any thing anymore my friends who is killing me bought me stuff then calls me a leach I’m paying him off. I used to wear make up have hobbies this relationship has lost me I don’t cate anymote . I can either die or take a chance on someone who for five years has given never once taken he has been used but is still there. I have only ever done things for men changed lost weight. ky whole life ruined because my parents didn’t give me unconditional love that’s what causes bpd. That’s what we need. I’m way further on than most will ever get some will never see. bpd doesn’t cause voices or noises. I don’t see any mental health peeps. I take antidepressants. I’m stable but I take coke to think and I get bored because I pet someone abuse me for hours at a time whilst on drugs expect me to do stuff he won’t do. I’m sick of. Not being able to say no of being scared. I won’t ever be normal I hate that and my kids will always judge me. Mouth heads work totally different we are arseholes, abusive, manipulative. We blame everyone. A lot still take shit Fromm their parents they caused this we are victims. I hate spending can’t control. It. I say stuff then think shiy was that ok. We don’t think like normal people we can’t listen to someone’s vies. i am passive aggressive. I am terrible if I have been underpaid go mad I don’t wait and see. If I live with someone who does stuff without me moving I won’t be triggered I can learn to be normal. Ive never achieved. Stuff and I’m super clever. Don’t have anyone to say well done. im angry that my parents have had happy lives I’m angry that they donenahat they did and lost me my future. When I die my kids won’t say she was sick. I stayed with their dad ten years was a one night stand didn’t say no thanks. Abused me cheated never worked. Ten years. I’m 65 I’ve got no happy stuff. People think I’m strong. If I stay here I die because I’m not existing if I move I live in someone else’s place. Im scared because I can’t be in a place where I have to do stuff to be safe. I think I have to go with money and s iob. It’s 18 months away. I just existing. Because. I’m finally dying l I got into coke because he done it. Then when realised my head fuked me I couldn’t cope. I need to try to live. If I stay I be alone. I think the man has done enough but I worry. What’s my choice. I will go if I can’t do it I can die. i paidnin bef At thirteen cutting begging god to let me die. He didn’t I knew then there is no god. In the next room was my mum and young boyfriend having sex. My dad left me three. They done it all in front of me. My dad came back said all my fault. I was a child no one said sorry I tried for years to die. Then god gave me this sorry but that’s the devil. I’ve got nothing yet my parents had lives. Parents protect save. My dad left me. I’d watch tv and they would be snogging. How is it possible for a mum to do that. I see uernfornyeara out ofnsitu shenjever said sorry. I saitnin a chair cowering whilst my dad shouted it’s uout fault. I was in top classes bright. Had plans to be an accountant. I can’t change but I can not pet my head trick me. i take shit from my kids never say or defend myself. It’s fear of rejection. I had the man I moved here for contact me I told him no thanks I’ve never said no. ive never had sex out of love. I’ve done five years again. I lived alone five years before happy hobbies. I need someone to balance me to stop me. I want to write about bpd because it’s caused by one thing.. it doesn’t cause depression or other stuff. We aren’t nice people. Our minds all work the same as it’s mapped the way it is as we didn’t get emotional security. We never love . We always think we are right. We never ate in anything. I
  14. hey. im jay. call me jay. or tyn. im a transboy. so he/him please. im usually much happier than this. sorry i feel like i might make someone sad with how im typing this. sorry again. i like music and drawing. i also think about how people either dont care about me or hate my with a burning passion of 60 billion suns or both. i also have a pet moth. should mention: think i have depression, bpd, and gender dysphoria. thats me. call me. we can talk more about it.
  15. vle

    Advice please

    Dear all I hope that you can help. My 20 year old daughter has recently been diagnosed with BPD. Life has been a rollercoaster ever since. She has recently told me that she blames me for her condition, I'm a terrible mother and she wants nothing to do with me. I've always tried to be the best mum I can so I'm devastated. I know that I shouldn't take this personally but it's hard. Be good to chat to another parent who has been through something similar if possible? Thank you
  16. wilcombebolger

    What Forum Should I be Looking For?

    I Have what I was diagnosed as "Emotionally Unstable BPD", what forum covers this disorder? Best Regards Roger
  17. yoyogirl1986

    How to find calm in the evening

    How about some music or watch some relaxing videos on youtube, I love watching cat videos myself and I also love watching technology videos and what's in my bag videos, these help me relax or playing a game on ps4?
  18. Eagleheart

    BPD trouble

    Thanks for your suggestions yoyo girl. I am still waiting to see my case worker. It's been ages. I am managing to get by but have SH'd again, cutting the C word into my arm again. But I'm really trying not to do any more. I have started listening to music again after years of not being able to and you are right. It does help. Thanks again for replying to this thread. I really appreciate it.
  19. yoyogirl1986

    BPD trouble

    Is there someone you can to help you get through the next couple days? perhaps your Gp or go to a+e? Don't worry too much about the distractions stuff if you are not that place right now? I know the feeling well, if it helps to listen to some music or play a mindless game on your mobile, even its candy crush.
  20. yoyogirl1986


    So what can do help you to help you get through the next couple of days? is there a nice film you like to watch that isn't triggering you? I usually watch crime dramas or thrillers/action movie?
  21. maddy harper

    Can someone help me...please

    I’m sorry you’re feeling this way
  22. maddy harper

    Bpd traits

    I also struggle with weekends and being alone so you’re not on your own
  23. YorkshireDan

    Bpd traits

    Hello all, I was diagnosed with BPD traits about 18 months ago. For a long time I didn't want to accept it and was convinced it was aspergers but now I guess I've got to face reality. I'm a 37 year old guy and my mental health has never been great. I was diagnosed with depression at 21 and have been on and off medication since. I have had relationships but have been single now for two years. All my relatiobships wers with women who were psychologically or even physically abusive. I can't even get a date now. Last girl i dated said I'm too needy and clingy...I wanted to get married and have a family but I suppose I better give up on that. I attempted suicide about two years ago after my ex left me, but thankfully have not done so since, although the thoughts do come up from time to time. I have no friends and I live alone with no sense of hope or optimism for the future. I feel like an utter failure and that nobody could ever like me, never mind love me. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who I am. All I do is work (I have a good job but I live in constant fear I'll somehow lose my job, be sacked or made redundant) and I don't really have a social life or close friends. I don't want to live like this anymore. I especially struggle with weekends, the idea of spending 48 hours on a stretch alone is horrific to me. Even when I do interact with people I feel sad as inevitably they will get on with their lives without me.
  24. Saharah Blue

    BPD World Mental Health Assessment

    Emma, You can try messaging Josh the website owner, he may be able to answer your question. Have you been able to find an unofficial dx? Sah
  25. Bubbles..

    Where is everyone?

    I know that I am guilty of not logging in here but this forum used to be so busy. Would be good to get it busy again. I think it has gone dead since Josh updated the forum, I would put it back to where it was and have all posts private. I do think it might just work.
  26. BonnieJo88


    My name’s Bonnie. I’ll be 31 in January. I’ve been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder since about 18. Now, however, my new therapist says that more importantly I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I’ve never joined a support group before. This past year I’ve been in the hospital 4 times and been to a couple IOP programs. Nothing made any difference. I’ve been feeling the worst I’ve ever felt. I just don’t see anything getting any better. I guess what I’m hoping to find is someone who has felt as low as I do but was able to get stronger and actually wants to put in the work to fight to live.
  27. BonnieJo88

    Hi, Everyone! Nice to Meet You!

    My name’s Bonnie. I’ll be 31 in January. I’ve been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder since about 18. Now, however, my new therapist says that more importantly I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I’ve never joined a support group before. This past year I’ve been in the hospital 4 times and been to a couple IOP programs. Nothing made any difference. I’ve been feeling the worst I’ve ever felt. I just don’t see anything getting any better. I guess what I’m hoping to find is someone who has felt as low as I do but was able to get stronger and actually wants to put in the work to fight to live.
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