Let's Find The Cure

[birdesh]

Some regulation systems are put forwards here. The body has to be taken care of and the mind has to be kept on the right track.

Now what about the primal wound, the large gap which makes everything derails (as far as I'm concerned). Can that be defeated by day to day effort only or is there something particular to be done ?

Sleeping one's life away is neither a coping mechanism nor a solution. That's death before time.

Of course there's no cure. That's why we need to find one.

A CURE, not only coping tricks, which aren't very efficient anyway.

[birdesh]

Let's seriously look for a cure.

[Minx]

Sorry sweetie,

If there was a cure we wouldn't need this site. Some coping techniques DO help, Yes they are hard work but so is living with this condition.

I Really think you are using all or nothing thinking(A Cure or an illness.)

People on this site try very hard to help each other and it does help ok it doesn't cure But I left my magic wand in my other handbag.

Don't dismiss EVERYTHING just because some of it hasn't helped you.

All I can say is people here are trying to help and that's something that's not always easy to find.

There ARE helpful suggestions in this thread and even if you don't want to try them I hope that others with a more open mind will.

HUGS for you because you need them,

Try to think about what I've said.

Minx

[pip]

Minx,

I think you are right.

Even though we share the same label, we are in different places and with different people and different pasts.

I don't think the one thing will cure us all.

We are all different.

Sleeping to cope isn't living - I know that, but it gives me strength to sometimes go out and function.

This site might not be a cure, but it sure helps me cope.

Coping is the first step

Pip

x

[Minx]

Thanks Pip,

I was starting to feel a little bit annoyed;

I know it's probably my bpd reactions but having some one telling us to 'get working'and 'don't be lazy' when I'm constantly working on being positive and controlled and cbt stuff and getting thru the day is hard work enough....

Then I type a reply in( and i'm only a 2 finger typer) something that I say HAS helped me and MAY help others and it just gets dismissed.

Thank you Pip for making me feel validated.

(((((pip)))))

And HUGS for all that need them(even if I'm in a bad mood I'll still try to send Hugs.)

Minx

[pip]

(((Minx)))

It is hard when people tell us it comes from within and you have to help yourself,etc.

I usually just want to swear at them.

I do try, but it is hard, or we wouldn't be here.

Don't worry

Pip

x

[Minx]

Thanks Pip,

I didn't mean that we didn't have to work at it, believe me I know that we do,In fact that's what I was trying to explain to birdesh in post #28 after he had ignored my advise in post #25

Saying that"coping tricks that aren't very efficient anyway"

Coping 'tricks' are what I rely on and I felt he was being dismissive; after all he said he wanted our opinions.

I don't know maybe it's just me?????

Sorry

((((Pip)))) (((everyone)))

M

[pip]

Minx,

It isn't just you - it is all of us.

We are all trying at our own level.

I think birdesh just wants to move the pass abit quicker.

I make plans on all the positive stuff I will do,

then if something tiny happens - I say sod it and go to bed!

My main coping trick is bed and meds.

I know that isn't the best - but it works and I like it.

Don't worry.

We will all gat somewhere in the end!

Pip

x

[wednesday]

(((((((Pip))))))

Lets try and find some friendship- fancy joining a Salsa class?? or......

don't know --any ideas?

[pip]

I used to go to Belly Dancing and Tap!

Now I can hardly leave the house.

When Pilgrim comes I will be going to puppy class.

Its a start........

Pip

x

[Eva*]

Minx, I like your advice about putting a friends name into things you think of yourself to test their objectivity. I think I've done that in the past on a semi-conscious level.

It is just all about coping I think and if we're lucky we'll just cope really well for a really long time. Not being like people who have never been through something like our experiences.

I don't think I could ever trust in people when the earliest experiences I have are that I can't trust them to stay with me and to care for me. But I can learn to give them the benefit of a doubt and let them get close as long as they stay and hope it will be long. Stuff like that.

I was quite okay for a while in my life. I just felt positive when I woke up. I was active. Good to myself.

These days it's very different but I want to get back to that. I still had my problems but I had a life as well. That's all I want. I don't need to be perfect.

Someone on a helpline gave me advice to go to a place with different classes and groups not to be alone so much. Maybe I should have mentioned my social anxiety? I actually thought it a great idea until I looked up the programme and realised that it would mean meeting complete strangers and having to be in a room with them for two hours every week no matter how I feel. Just not going to happen for me right now. I'm glad when I don't call my mum to do the shopping for me.

Sometimes there's no choice. We just have to do anything that helps to cope because otherwise we wouldn't have the time to get better. That's my point of view.

Hugs to you all and good luck with everything you do to get better

Eva

[pip]

Eva,

I think you are right sometimes we do have to do whatever will get us through the day.

Today has been good for me. I have played in the garden and sunbathed.

I feel ok.

Is that coping or living or what?

I dont care, I feel fine.

Love Happy Pip

x

[wednesday]

Thats living!!!

Its for you to decide what's living Pip. For me- I need people. We all enjoy different things. I feel I get more tired than most people and do spend more time in bed. Thats just how it is. Ill people need more rest.

[only the lonely]

Hello everybody,

I think my own determination to get over bpd is obviously what is helping me get to my goal of being in control of it. And this is because of the help of my therapist working with him, building a good relationship. THis seems to have a domino effect as my other relationships have improved. Also having a lovely boyfriend and a couple of good friends and an ok family. My interest in art distracts me from crap thoughts, being grateful, believing there is a God. And small things like appreciating flowers and meditating on sounds of birds.

only xx

[flora]

I think there IS a cure. A cure for our unhappiness, that is - doesn;t mean we have to change ourselves. here's what helps me - doesn;t mean i get it right all the time lol!

- Getting my strength from myself. Knowing I will survive, that nobody is going to rescue me, and I have what I need to live a happy life within myself.

- Trying not to be too fussed what other people think. Not the same as not caring about people. Knowing that if I do my best, I can;t reproach myself. Nobody can do better than their best.

- Knowing that if things go wrong, doesn;t mean I messed up (necessarily). Sometimes things just don;t go according to plan.

- Moving on when I've messed up, leaving it in the past.

- Doing small things to make myself a bit happier.

- I don't know how to have balanced relationships yet but I'd like to learn!

- Talking things thru here or with my therapist.

- Taking my meds religiously.

- DBT, for me, rocks! It's the only therapy that's helped me.

It would be great if I could do these things all the time, but guess then I'd be perfect and not human!!!

[pip]

Art and craft things distract me too.

I have made wonderful things while being demented!

I think that is living a bit.

OK my social life doesn't exist and my family hate me, but I am getting there.

I am trying to get better, i think my life is changing slowly.

I'm not in therapy just now - I'm having a break from it!

There is so much more in my past to be dealt with, but I can only cope with a bit at a time.

I think we will all get there.

Pip

x

[Minx]

(Sorry again about my blip, I know I was being over sensitive, thanks for being supportive.)

Thanks Flora I try to do some of those things too, and will look into the others.

Only the lonely I think you are right so many people don't appreciate the little things(and for some reason it seems us folks with bpd can tune in to them and enjoy them.Yay)

Eva I agree with you sometimes getting through the day IS enough. And on better days focusing on the good and trying to move forward is the thing to do.

Wednesday It's true we do need our rest and we shouldn't feel guilty about it.

Lastly Pip,Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being honest and not pandering to my oversensitivity it's often when these things are pointed out that I can reassess and stop dwelling on them and increasing them in my head. You are very good at posting sense on here and helping all of us even when you are not feeling so well.I think you are a little star.(((((Hugs))))

(((((HUGE HUGS TO US ALL ))))) lets keep up the good work of sharing and supporting each other.

Minx

[birdesh]

Ok, coping is very nice but I don't give a damn : coping is interesting only if it's part of a system designed to recover and actually leading to recovery.

Perhaps I'm wrong but here what I understand when I hear : "coping" : living even though living a miserable life. My life is fucking miserable and I don't want to carry on that way.

I want to recover rather than coping, I want to live rather than dragging my feet dribbling miserably.

I want to find a cure and to stop feeling sorry for myself.

[lostsoul]

i wanted to say that the piece of advice that minx gave was probably the most invaluable piece of advice i've read about how to deal with the black and white cognitions typical of bpd

it is simple, easy and quick, and always comes out right!

i have used it a little bit i'm sure, in the past, but will consciously be using it a lot more now

so thank you minx ; )

as to what birdesh said one post before mine... what minx suggested is not a coping strategy at all... i really think that once in the habit of thinking like that, some of the black and white cognitions would have to dissipate - the more you practice, the more you habitually offer yourself more logical, rational alternatives to extreme thinking... it helps to show you the shades of grey and a better way of perceiving events that would otherwise result in crisis type acts

i think that is a cure in my book. in that case, you are not having to cope, because you never even get to the stage where you are feeling like poo from thinking all screwy

i think in many people's books, 'cure' is associated with an easy, fix all, one-step to success kind of methodology. the truth is that with something as complex and mulit-levelled as the borderline personality, with all its askewed insecurities, anxieties, behaviours and cognitions, you are going to have to take a different approach for all those aspects of it, not just one. this will take time - nto just to find the right approach, but to apply it successfully. look at dbt - that's three years commitment for most who undertake it.

i think also that it's not all about cure. it's about working towards something that gives you hope. hope can cure a lot in itself...

love can cure even more

i will think more about anything that i have tried and that has worked. this seems an important thread, and i am sure that as such, it deserves all our attention

xx losty xx

[pip]

I think that familial support is also important.

I know alot of us dont have it,

So we need to stick together.

Knowing that someone loves you gives you the greatest feeling of security in the world.

Alot of us are alone.

Its so hard.

Even knowing that someone is thinking of you helps.

Sorry, am going down depressive road..............

Pip

x

PS - It makes me feel better to know you guys are out there

[birdesh]

There are two parameters which are far too often overlooked although they can swiftly and dramatically improve a depressive state, a blurred mind, physical exhaustion.

Nutrition and supplementation.

Eating well will make most painful emotional state better - or said otherwise : eating bad will make most painful emotional state worse.

Likewise strenuous physical exercise (not to the point of exhaustion of course) will definitively improve physical and emotional state in many cases.

Nutrition :

First and foremost : eating ENOUGH high quality proteins

Second : drinking enough water (1,5 l a day -more when it's hot or when doing sport)

Third : eating veggies

Fourth : cutting on carbs if you take too much of it

Supplementation

Good multivitamins

Magnesium

Additional vitamin C (at least 2000mg a day) and vitamin E

Omega 3 (and especially epa) rich fish oil

[pip]

I am taking Magnesium, Chromium and multi-vits.

My dogs are on the fish oil!!

I am also making a conscious effort to eat weetabix.

I'll cure me yet!

Pip

x

[Eva*]

I started taking omega 3 supplements a few days ago, will keep you posted if it helps. They only tested it on borderline personalities who weren't in acute depression and weren't taking any other medication though. I thought it's worth a shot.

[pip]

My dogs are doing well on it.

They seem happy and have lovely coats!

Go for it!

[Minx]

LOL Pip,

Eva you will have to let us know if you get a glossy coat!!!!