Obsessions With People

[gingerwoman]

Thanks for getting up the nerve to reply sex!

Wow I wonder how many other people there might be reading this thread who have the same problem and are too shy to reply! Look how many of us there are and before I started this thread I didn't know what to think about this problem of mine since I couldn't find it described in all the psych books I have read.

Obviously crazy stalkers have the same problem as us but are the people who seriously act on it.

I have stalked people but not in a serious malicious way and being a woman the objects of my stalking weren't upset the way a woman would be about a man stalking her.

(I guess)

I hate the fact that I could be seen as "cheating" on my husband to.

My obsession with the message board person is sexual. :blush:

[aerofan245]

Oh hell yeah..........

With me its never a love or sexual thing - cos thats a whole other can of worms I've never even opened! - but I get fixated on people, usually other women, my teachers, my tutors, people I've worked with, people who've generally been nice to me - and the obessionj is worst when they've actually understood me. I get totally obsessed, but at the same time feel incredibly unconfortable around them cos it's like they can see right through me. Sometimes, its just like I want to BE them, cos they are everything I want to be, but usually have some things incommon with me already - like there's hope for my yet, if I could just be more like them. Then it can take off a whole fantasy life of its own....imaginary conversations, situations etc etc

It is totally crazy - and not something I've ever been able to tell my psychs about, not even the ones I really trusted.

Weird, huh?

Dory

me 2, i'd never admit it because i'm too scared that people would run away screaming. I hate it, it makes everything so painful. I could never understand why my phone calls were never immediately returned. I always told myself it was because the person just didnt care enough about me. then we just go back and forth like that until eventually the other person is just too drained. I hate it I just want to have a normal friendship where you are really close to someone but they aren't your whole world. I think its because its so rare that I find anyone i can trust, when i do its like i freak out because they are too close. Imaginary conversations and situations....i was always afraid i'd be locked up for admitting that one...thanks for getting this started

[klb3016]

The good news? Yes, we all have this problem. The further good news, we seem to get over it, almost. Hang in there.

Does anyone else here get insanely fixated on people to the point where the object of your fixation dominantes you ever waking moment?

I have had this problem since I was a little girl. I would fixate on another girl in my class. It's more than a sexual or in love thing.

Absolute fixation.

Of course there were lots of lovers that I would fixate on. Usually I would fixate on one person for a number of years before the object of my fixation changed to someone else.

Now I am happily married (have been with hubby for 10 years) married for 12 and yet I am fixated with some guy on a message board and he is kind of a jerk and yet I am totally and utterly besotted with him and my emotions go up and down like a rollercoaster and if I think he is mad at me or he isn't sending me enough private messages I feel horrible ache.

I AM WELL AWARE that it is COMPLETELY insane and stupid but it won't go away.

Anyone else have anything like this kind of weirdness?

I'm talking 24/7 obsession.

[Kelliemanic]

Oh dear god...

I'm not alone then?

I have had obsessions with all sorts of people, they only last a few weeks or rarely months. But they become all consuming.

Every waking moment is spent thinking about that person over and over again.

Sometimes when I go to bed I keep myself awake, just to think about them for longer.

When I was a bit younger I'd get over my obsessions, by just going after that person at any cost.

When I got what I wanted I'd usually get bored and become fixated with someone else.

Worse still is celebrity fixation. And not even celebrities that you'd think "oh yes...he/she is well fit"

Completely random people.

But, remember... obsessions don't come any worse than simon cowell (omg what was I thinking)

and my current obsession...David wells from most haunted.

I can't imagine what i'd do if I ever actually met him.

"David...no...don't run...I just want to talk to you...what restraining order??"

What's really horrible is that after I've finished being obsessed with that person, I cant stand to be around them anymore...I almost hate them.

I'm such a f*ck up.

:angry:

[Kelliemanic]

I suppose it depends on what you consider cheating.

Like the idiot I am, I have acted on impulse to a few of my obsessions, while I was with J.

We never really recovered.

I ended up getting (really) hurt by one of them, sexually assaulted, he got away with it, because I couldn't phone the police and tell them what had happened and admit that it was my fault for being obsessed with this person.

I couldn't bear to look at my friends and family, and tell them that I'd got myself in that position.

Please be careful, you said that he was a jerk, a few posts back. I have learnt the hard way that people often take advantage of our obsessions and fixations. whether they know we're mentally ill or not.

If you need to chat about it...with someone who has been through exactly the same several times..just PM me.

TC

kells

xxx

[gingerwoman]

Oh dear god...

I'm not alone then?

I have had obsessions with all sorts of people, they only last a few weeks or rarely months. But they become all consuming.

Every waking moment is spent thinking about that person over and over again.

Sometimes when I go to bed I keep myself awake, just to think about them for longer.

I'm jealous of you because mine are the same but can go on for years.

I feel like I am getting over him. He's started to ignore me. We used to pm each other all day every day now he only returns maybe 1 in 10 pms. At first I was devasted but now I feel like I am really getting over this and more appreciative of my loving husband than ever.

The scary thing is whether I am really over it because sometimes I will be so sure I am through with an obsession on a person and then it comes back.

He hasn't been affectionate towards me for some time and has been dissing me and so my affection is finally starting to die.

As long as he doesn't say anything affectionate to me in the near future I think I may be over him.

Anyone seen the movie Running with Scissors?

Today he posted right on OUR message board that Annette Benning's character "SO reminded him" of me.

That was really mean when I am so kind and dote over him so much although recently I blew up at him and told him I wouldn't take his crap so that is no doubt why.

Anyway I said that HE reminded me of Dr Finch( in the movie) with his mastabatorium.

:)

[SKyler1311]

My obsessions have ranged from an ex boss, school teachers and TV characters, they can last anything from months to years, it is a totally consuming feeling that leads me to the verge of suicidal thoughts and self harm at the prospect of not seeing that person again, I have been going through this for years since back to my school days, but have only recently admitted it to anyone, it's really good to know I'm not alone with these feelings.

Sarah

[xavier_r]

I am obssessed with one girl i've not seen for the past 2 yrs...

But still everyday from the time i wake up to the time i sleep thoughts about her come to my mind...

its been happening for about 4yrs now...

and i dont even know who she is...

[xavier_r]

...they can last anything from months to years, it is a totally consuming feeling that leads me to the verge of suicidal thoughts and self harm at the prospect of not seeing that person again...

Same for me...

[Jadey]

LOL, OMG!!! I'm having the same reaction as most of you guys. I do this!!! I get so obsessed with people, and have done for years now. Since I was about 6, I think. It's so weird. I also do the imagenary conversations, even now sometimes! I thought I was insannnne. I'm very obsessed with my current boyfriend. that and being chronicaly jealous takes up pretty much all my day and night. If something doesn't involve my boyfriend, I'm unlikely to be able to do it. It's really not healthy, I know. I love him to bits, but that is beyond loving somebody . I need to try and be able to do other things, that don't involve him. We both need to be able to breathe, but it's sooo hard for me not to talk to him, etc. constantly . We're currently fallen out, he's told me he refuses to talk to me until I get my jealousy under control. So I feel so lost without him. I'm like a little kid or something. I can't help looking on the message board we both post on to see if he is on. He's not even speaking to me! I wish I could just relax enough to be able to watch a film, or SOMETHING. This is just a little part of it. For the majority of my life I've been obsessed with certain people. So glad to see I', not the only one!

[divinegrl]

Ya I was fixated on a guy in school for 7 years but never had the nerve to talk to him. Luckily, I didn't because he is a crack head now.

[squirreal]

i thought i saw the guy i have an obsession with the other day, driving past in a car, that looked similar to his. i tried to speed up my pace to catch a better glimpse and lo and behold twas not him

i also thought i saw him working in asda down the cheese aisle as i was on a quest for a block of chesire... he had a scar on his head in exactly the same place, and a shaved head like he had, same eyes, mouth everything. i squealed a bit too loud and ran off, later peeking back to realise yet again twas not him and also there's a slim probabilty he would be working in asda.

it's really hard cos i now live in the same area as his mum does. so if he is back from uni there is a chance he may be there...

how much longer can this possibly go on for???

i think if it carries on a few years longer, i may actually get sick of this and just approach him.

[charly24]

allauah!!!!!!! so am not the only one that has obsessions with people i also have an obsession of textin mindless shit to anyone surprised i have friends really lol at the mo cant stop talkin to my boss bout all my problems am sure she will tell me to fuckoff at some point!!!!!

[hybrid]

I can be obssessive as well but in a harmless way as most of it is played in my mind... perhaps except this episode when I was much younger and had an obsession with a guy when I was still with a bf. Eventually I broke off with my bf to be with him and he turned out to be a player.... it triggered me to call him like over 60 times within a span of 6 house overnight when he was hanging out at a bar dead drunk. With my husband away in another country, I tend to obsess about him usually at night before I go to sleep (could be a good thing tho as it makes me remember him as I read that most ppl with BPD cannopt remember these feelings of love when their loved ones is gone )

Now that I'm older I've learnt to moderate my obsessions with people... my therapist told me that I have slight obsessive compulsive behaviour as I'm bulimic and also I can't regulate my drinking and I seem to have this comfort zone where I'll eat the same food for a year, sleep and wake up at the same time. same routine day in day out. Sorry if this is a little out of point, but they are part of my obsessions as well, especially the part about staying thin.

[Elke.]

Has anyone ever seen the movie "The Vanishing"? Now, that is all about obsession!

[slim]

Good Afternoon Gingerwoman, hope you are well.

I have been following this Topic, thank you for

starting it. I suffer with this Fixation so badly, i

thought id be the only one...

A while ago when things were really bad, i left

my job to make a break from someone. I was at

my wits end, it wasnt sexual, couldnt breath without

this lady, it was just insane. Dont worry, i wont

go into all the details, but it has happened since...

Anyway when i mentioned this originally to my

counsellor, she thought it was to do with the

"Drama triangle" of victim, persecutor and rescuer.

Some of the things in your posts Gingerwoman are

very very similar to how i have behaved.

So glad you started this topic.

Dont feel confident writing about this, so may come

back later.

[gingerwoman]

Good Afternoon Gingerwoman, hope you are well.

I have been following this Topic, thank you for

starting it. I suffer with this Fixation so badly, i

thought id be the only one...

A while ago when things were really bad, i left

my job to make a break from someone. I was at

my wits end, it wasnt sexual, couldnt breath without

this lady, it was just insane. Dont worry, i wont

go into all the details, but it has happened since...

Anyway when i mentioned this originally to my

counsellor, she thought it was to do with the

"Drama triangle" of victim, persecutor and rescuer.

Some of the things in your posts Gingerwoman are

very very similar to how i have behaved.

So glad you started this topic.

Dont feel confident writing about this, so may come

back later.

I'd really be interested in what that meant about the Drama triangle. The only therapy I've had has always been the stupid Rogerian Person Centred stuff where they just let you talk and then repeat back everything you say. So stupid.

I would also like to know what things in my post were similar to yours. I always helps to know other people have the same problems.

You avatar is funny.

[bjw]

Reading through this thread almost brought tears to my eyes because I saw a lot of myself in some of the posts. I had one obsessive relationship in college that actually prompted me to leave the school and I recently lost my job for a similar situation, although I did put much of the blame on my boss. It seems I just push people away somehow and always say the wrong things. Its hell being obsessed with one person constantly to the point that you can't sleep nights thinking about them, and then you push them away by "smothering them" with help and kindness. In the last case I was helping one of my co-workers with her schoolwork and eventually it became this type of relationship and I just pushed her away. I have a terrible problem of feeling inadequate and have a poor self-image and when one person is kind to me it seems like this happens, which is why I've had a hard time in relationships. It's really hard to get over this because you can't get the person off your mind day and night. I'm still dreaming about her even and I hate it. Also, I've found myself doing the imaginary conversation thing before too, I didn't know anyone else had that problem until I just joined the forum, to me it helps cope with the loneliness but I don't know what the doctors say about it. Anyway, I'm just glad to see I'm not alone in these feelings.

[Ocean Mist Aura]

Wow this is scary! I am exactly the same way. And I consider it one of my biggest life problems. One obsessions leads to the next if I don't get what I need from the current. If a guy breaks up with me I instantly go searching for a new one... but I still want the one that left me. So I get tied up in this horrible web where I'm not sure who I have feelings for and who I'm just obsessed with. I always just thought I rebounded badly... but that was until I found out I was borderline. My current "obsession" I hate calling it that.. I met him almost a month ago... he pushed me to get the help I need. As far as getting me hospitalized and helping me every step of the way and being so good to me. Our relationship has been made up of friendship... and sex. We stay at each others houses like all of the time and we see each other pretty much every day. Except for the past few. Which I've been freaking out and becoming excessively clingy and paranoid. I don't want him to leave me. And tonight we had a chat... he said that he thinks I'm falling in love with him. And he's warned me not to do that because he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. He's Bi polar and he wants to keep things out of his life that might compromise his current state of helping himself get better. But he's been helping me too. And I just got out of a relationship a month and a half ago that consumed me for about 5 months. And it still does. I just found out that guy has a new girl... and thats killing me. Its to the point that I dream about both of these guys at night. I can't escape the consumption of thoughts. I never wanted to injure myself (besides scratching thats been happening since I was a child) until a few months ago when my ex was breaking up with me. I wanted to hurt myself to feel pain and it's happened every time since then. And I've been thinking about it more and more lately. I actually have bruises on my leg right now... I kept hitting myself with a metal clothes hanger last night really hard til it left red marks. I would cut but... our knives are dull and I can't seem to put the right amount of pressure. I've also tried burning. This comes out the most whenever I'm upset that I can't get a hold of this guy or that I can't see him. I know I'm sick.... I tried to explain to him that I'm sorry I'm over the top sometimes but he says that I'm using the BPD to describe and make excuse for my actions now. And that I should try to control myself more. I am trying!! He says I need to try harder. Trust me! If I wasn't so dependent on someone to help me and make me happy I wouldn't be so damn into him! But he makes me happy... happier then anyone has in a long time. Is it so bad to want to be loved? :unsure:

[gingerwoman]

(((((((((Ocean Mist Aura))))))))))))) I know this is what I always feel "Is it so bad to want to be loved"

But of course to "normal" people it apparently is.

Our way of loving is weird to some people.

I have to accept the Message Board guy I am obsessed with has mostly lost interest in me.

He is really only interested in me if I can make him laugh and be witty and I've always done that by analysing him intensely and knowing EXACTLY what he loves and finds funny ( which is stuff that is offensive to me on one level!)

But now I really have run out of stuff and he's found some other friends that make him laugh more.

Uggg.

He used to send me sex stories he wrote for me that drove me absolutely wild with lust but I doubt he ever will again.

I have a fabulous husband am 12 years older than him and live on the other side of the world it is just beyond bizarre but I think about him all day every day.

I'm sorry you self harm. That has never been one of my "things" I'm not actually full blown BPD just realise I have a lot of elements of it without actually being disagnosable.

But my thing with all my other obsessions which was kind of what I did instead of cutting myself I would ring up and hang up on them dozens of times of day and night to relieve my anxiety.

I couldn't do that in this day and age with all the new techology that would track me but I could back then.

I was sending this guy dozesn of pms cause we used to pm back and forth all day but then he stopped answering most of them and made me so angry at him,

I have been good and restraining myself to one or two pms a day or even one now which is progress.

Sometimes he answers and sometimes he doesn't/

A lot of times I have an urge to send him pms saying "I love you" or something. So stupid. I don't. But I did say him one saying

"We never chat anymore come to chat and he ignore that pm. He used to meet in a chat room a lot back a few months ago.

:(

[Ocean Mist Aura]

Oh I do that imaginary conversations and scenarios too. I imagine what it will be like when I see that person again. And what they will say and what I will say. And it's this whole fantasy thing. It never plays out the same. It kind of did once.. with this guy that I knew from the net. But the relationship didn't turn out for sure! If I'm not obsessing over a person I obsess over my car, my dog, my finances. It's never ending. I cling to my friends as much as I can when I don't have a guy to cling too. And I also want to be alone but I get so sick of it that I will call up a bunch of friends... although I wanted to be alone... but at the same time I want company.. then when I'm around people it makes me sick and I want to be alone. It's kinda the same thing with my obsessions at times. Except for this current. I adore being around him. He allows me to be my goofy self. And he knows my darkest secrets. And he made a mistake by letting me have so much attention.. Do any of you have a problem with listening to music... usually the kind that reminds you of that person and so your always singing along thinking about them? I do that. I can't listen to music that I can't relate too!

[Ocean Mist Aura]

(((((((((Ocean Mist Aura))))))))))))) I know this is what I always feel "Is it so bad to want to be loved"

But of course to "normal" people it apparently is.

Our way of loving is weird to some people.

I have to accept the Message Board guy I am obsessed with has mostly lost interest in me.

He is really only interested in me if I can make him laugh and be witty and I've always done that by analysing him intensely and knowing EXACTLY what he loves and finds funny ( which is stuff that is offensive to me on one level!)

But now I really have run out of stuff and he's found some other friends that make him laugh more.

Uggg.

He used to send me sex stories he wrote for me that drove me absolutely wild with lust but I doubt he ever will again.

I have a fabulous husband am 12 years older than him and live on the other side of the world it is just beyond bizarre but I think about him all day every day.

I'm sorry you self harm. That has never been one of my "things" I'm not actually full blown BPD just realise I have a lot of elements of it without actually being disagnosable.

But my thing with all my other obsessions which was kind of what I did instead of cutting myself I would ring up and hang up on them dozens of times of day and night to relieve my anxiety.

I couldn't do that in this day and age with all the new techology that would track me but I could back then.

I was sending this guy dozesn of pms cause we used to pm back and forth all day but then he stopped answering most of them and made me so angry at him,

I have been good and restraining myself to one or two pms a day or even one now which is progress.

Sometimes he answers and sometimes he doesn't/

A lot of times I have an urge to send him pms saying "I love you" or something. So stupid. I don't. But I did say him one saying

"We never chat anymore come to chat and he ignore that pm. He used to meet in a chat room a lot back a few months ago.

The guy I like said that I called him 5 times last night.... and 3 times tonight... I actually called him 5 times today he answered 2 of those times. When he doesn't answer I expect that he will call me back within 5 minutes.... when it doesn't come after 20 minutes or so I call again and it goes on until I get an answer or like last night I give up and I try to take meds to I can sleep so I don't have to think about it anymore. I'm about to take my anxiety meds... that don't do a lot for me But at least the will knock me out and I won't have to think about this anymore for tonight.

[bjw]

(((((((((Ocean Mist Aura))))))))))))) I know this is what I always feel "Is it so bad to want to be loved"

But of course to "normal" people it apparently is.

Our way of loving is weird to some people.

I have to accept the Message Board guy I am obsessed with has mostly lost interest in me.

He is really only interested in me if I can make him laugh and be witty and I've always done that by analysing him intensely and knowing EXACTLY what he loves and finds funny ( which is stuff that is offensive to me on one level!)

But now I really have run out of stuff and he's found some other friends that make him laugh more.

Uggg.

He used to send me sex stories he wrote for me that drove me absolutely wild with lust but I doubt he ever will again.

I have a fabulous husband am 12 years older than him and live on the other side of the world it is just beyond bizarre but I think about him all day every day.

I'm sorry you self harm. That has never been one of my "things" I'm not actually full blown BPD just realise I have a lot of elements of it without actually being disagnosable.

But my thing with all my other obsessions which was kind of what I did instead of cutting myself I would ring up and hang up on them dozens of times of day and night to relieve my anxiety.

I couldn't do that in this day and age with all the new techology that would track me but I could back then.

I was sending this guy dozesn of pms cause we used to pm back and forth all day but then he stopped answering most of them and made me so angry at him,

I have been good and restraining myself to one or two pms a day or even one now which is progress.

Sometimes he answers and sometimes he doesn't/

A lot of times I have an urge to send him pms saying "I love you" or something. So stupid. I don't. But I did say him one saying

"We never chat anymore come to chat and he ignore that pm. He used to meet in a chat room a lot back a few months ago.

The guy I like said that I called him 5 times last night.... and 3 times tonight... I actually called him 5 times today he answered 2 of those times. When he doesn't answer I expect that he will call me back within 5 minutes.... when it doesn't come after 20 minutes or so I call again and it goes on until I get an answer or like last night I give up and I try to take meds to I can sleep so I don't have to think about it anymore. I'm about to take my anxiety meds... that don't do a lot for me But at least the will knock me out and I won't have to think about this anymore for tonight.

For me it was the internet chats late at night in my last obsession. However, looking back I have a feeling that the girl began to know that I was getting obsessed and started enjoying the attention, not realizing what she was doing to me. It seems like she would be very talkative and then go to saying "lol" and "ya" or "no" for the next hour or two, and even when I would offer to let her off she would want to keep going. I started noticing she would enjoy setting me up just to let me down. While I don't think people understand our illness fully, I think once someone gets the idea something is wrong they should back off and not toy around with us, just my two cents. What really got me screwed up with this last one was just this, I almost felt like she got some sick twisted pleasure out of leading me on then hurting me. However, with this illness, its like I don't know what's real anymore or who's right. That's what's bad about BPD, the constant shift back and forth between love and hate.

[slim]

Good Afternoon Gingerwoman, All.

There are a lot of sites about the Drama Triangle.

Search on Google turns up many.

This would certainly be of interest to Bjw, your

last post has victim rescuer persecutor traits

with the chat room girl for sure.

I will try and relay my experiences with this, later.

This site has an explanation:

The Drama Triangle.

[bjw]

Good Afternoon Gingerwoman, All.

There are a lot of sites about the Drama Triangle.

Search on Google turns up many.

This would certainly be of interest to Bjw, your

last post has victim rescuer persecutor traits

with the chat room girl for sure.

I will try and relay my experiences with this, later.

This site has an explanation:

The Drama Triangle.

This article is excellent. I highly recommend everyone bookmark it. I think it describes the extreme love/hate cycle that occurs in this illness. In reading it through I definitely see a lot of myself in it. Also, when you consider how fast it is possible to move around the triangle, it really puts it in perspective.