Ocd Driving Me Crazy!

[Pebble_4444]

Hey,

I have suffered with OCD on and off for as long as I can remember. I've been told that even as a toddler I was extremely tidy and organised and would screm and cry if someone messed up my toys. Also as a child growing up it took me hours to get into bed because i couldnt touch the covers with my hands or have any creases in the duvet even when I was lying in the bed asleep. My parents used to have to lay the duvet over me once i was lying down and then if i woke in the night and they werent still perfectly straight I would shout for mum or dad and they would have to wake up and cover me back up - this carried on from the age of 4 right through till I hit 12! I have always been plagued by extreme tidyness, which has had it advantages but more often than not is a pain!

Im now 19 and it still haunts me although in different ways now. My hands are red raw and bleeding from constant washing, they are so sore that I was crying last night when they brushed against something. I hate my life the way it is right now. I hate it so much! and the OCD just doesnt help at all. It makes me feel silly and childish. It makes me feel like im going mad because I know that my beliefs are irrational and 'made up' but I cant seem to stop my rituals. The most annoying and frustrating one is my evening routine...I have to wash my hands and dry them 4 times, then come up to my room and write out a phrase 400 times on a piece of paper! Then I have to go round my room touching the corners in a certain order 4 times each all the time counting up and down in my head and tapping my fingers on each other. It takes b****y ages and if I make a mistake I have to start again or I believe that my family or I will be harmed or killed and it will all be my fault and I will have failed as a human being.

Im sorry if this is just a random ream of words but im really feeling the pressure tonight. It took me 3 attempts to get into bed and now im in bed on my laptop I still cant relax because I know that my mum has friends round so the kitchen will be a mess of plates, snacks, wine bottles etc. It drives me mad! Why cant I be like most other teenagers and get moaned at for being messy or feel happy to leave stuff lying around??? WHY?!!! Life sucks!

Katie

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[Todash]

Hi Katie,

My Ex had OCD. It is definitely a debilitating illness. You didnt mention if you were on any medication or in therapy. I know there are some good meds out there for OCD now.

I hope you can find some relief.

Hugs

Kimberly

[Autumn]

Hiya

Not sure if this will help right now but I will try

I started with OCD symptoms at 12 ish an my worst years were 18-27 ,Ididnt know it was OCD until 27! figure that, my parents said it wasnt and really didnt know how to cope, so i battled through what I thought was just nuttiness for years.

Luckily I met my partner at 27 who was understanding and gave me the courage to seek help (even though he has his own issues) I have to say I didnt get alot of help from doctors but I did get a book called 'Brain lock' it was fantastic and reading it and sharing my experiences on OCD forums and forums such as this really helped, I also took St Johns wort which really has a calming effect on those thoughts, it makes it so you can walk away and it doesnt hurt as much, obviously you need to make sure it is suitable for yourself and ask the doctors, they normally say well it wont do any harm lol but i dont think you can take it with other medication.

I am 30 now and have had the best 3 years of my life, almost OCD free, I say almost as I dont think it will ever go away but Ive learnt to deal with it, find out as much as you can, talk to others and hopefully you wont have to wait till 27 to find a solution. I still have the anxiety as a problem but the OCD is where ti should be locked away and only let out when i accidentally leave the door open..

All the best

[Pebble_4444]

Hey guys, thanks for replying. I have a lot of other issues too such as depression and BPD so i am taking a real mix of about 4 medications. St. Johns wort was what i was thinking about too but i asked my doctor and he said i shouldnt take it with the tablets i am taking. im on trazodone, abilify, clonazepam and an anti-emetic. None of these meds seem to do much though except help me sleep a bit. the ocd gets worse when i am stressed and then can go away slightly for a few days...only to come back twice as fierce! its hell, but thanks for the advice, its always nice to know that other people care.

Aut, you said that 18-27 were your worst years, do you know why that was? I am now 19 and mine seems to be getting worse day by day.

Katie

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[Elke.]

Hi,

This has to do with a medication I received in inpatient hospitalization. I had OCD and I was going crazy. I also did the hand-washing, everytime I touched something in the apartment, cleaned something - straight to the bathroom and wash my hands X-times a day. Then I could not get a sentence out of my head, I just could not shake it off, something my ex-therapist said to me and this went on for 3 months until I could no longer hold myself up and begged to be hospitalized.

The Professor said "We´ll have that under control in a few days" and I didnt believe him. I was given a medication which here in Germany is called "Decentan". It was a miracle! Within 3 days it all disappeared. I took it for a few years and it has never returned. Maybe, since you are taking meds anyway you could try that out, but be warned.....you gain an enormous amount of wait because you cant stop eating! But it was the biggest relief to me to get rid of that.

Good luck, keep us posted,

Elke

[Autumn]

Sorry pebble for the late reply, I dont get on very much.

I have no idea why I was worse during that time, i think it was just a natural progression of OCD getting worse and having little or no treatment until 27. OCD is worse when im stressed too, i learnt soemthing interesting yesterday that adrenalin apparently stays in the body, and I can get so wound up if Ive not had exercise or going through a bad patch like its a vicious circle of panic and OCD. Do you notice you get really hot as well during an OCD attack? I found getting myself right away from where I was helped immensely. CBT is also a good way forward.

I remember being 15 and having real problems with washing etc, but it almost moved to more Pure O type problems at a later age. I started with straightening and hand washing until 18/19 then it moved to having to think certain things in doorways etc, then to evil pressence if I didnt do certain things like close curtains etc. and also the blinking thing.

I really cant imagine being as bad now, how many hours I wasted doing this stuff that had no effect, it makes me really sad that I lost those years to it.