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Bizarre Ocd Obsessions Of A Sexual Nature?


obsessional

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getting back on topic ocd can be hard authough i dont have a full blown ocd i do have some traits accoicated some things are silly such as eating my dinner i always have to eat one type of food at a time carrots then potatoes etc etc. but a few years ago i was having a eally bad time had started a course at university (which was stupid was never going to be able to finish it) i had moved into a house with 3 other people two of them where gay. a few mounths into the course i was getting depressed. this triggered events that i cant really understand. while i am very straight i started to become obsesed with the notion that i may not be i would flirt with men and it even got to the point that i met somone and whent back to the house and slept together. shortly thereafter my obsessions stopped i felt discusted with myself not for sleeping with a man but i felt like ihad used him then thrown him away. i couldnt tell and still havent told any of my friends about this including my parents for fear of recriminations.

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im so annoyed with myself i wrote a reply then managed to loose it im having a hell of a day, well wk really fk!!

ok here goes again

trigger

complicated-

i have this thing going on i feel a man is being nice to me or i meet a man i like (as a person) i automaticly feel sexualy attracked to them, and v young and girlish, and i have impulses to 'give' myself to them to meet their needs by being some sort of play thing. i dont act of these feeling now cause in setteled relationship but used to when teenager and id allways feel disgusted and replused and ashamed and guilty and sick afterwards, and id the hate the men just as much. but it isnt my fault i react this way, this was how i was programmed cause the only time nayone was ever nice to me was when men came to abuse me so my feelings reacting this way is just replaying what was my normality. more i know this, and more i can stay with the feelings, less likely i am to act on them. its like i have an inner child who is screaming out to be allowed to fullfil her 'role' as thats all she thinks she is for, but if i dont hide from those feelings, i can hold her and make her believe she is worth more than that, that people can be nice without her 'buying' this safety

bout the child thing, i cant relate much but there is something that i discussed a while back on here with someone when they were talking about intrusive images. i was changing a fiends new born and got this horrid image in my head of an adult female touching a baby girl down there and felt realy freaked and sick and scared at first but tried not to run from the feelings cause i know i dont hurt kids (and im lucky to be sure of that) and then later that night i dreamt of the m touching me down there when i was a baby. i spoke to a friend who knew me then, he is four yrs older, and when i told him this dream he said he remembers her taking him into a room and having him watch while she changed me and he said he felt she allways touched me sexually when she did this. afetr this these images went away entirely. i also had other images of dropping babys and then got fbs of being dropped in a ritual before s/a.

do you have t? i think talking bout this stuff is important.

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  • 1 month later...

I've had this and get it on and off. I also have sudden thoughts of harming someone, say I'm talking to a person on the street and I look about - normal thing to do - but I might see a car coming, then out of nowhere have this through/compulsion to push them in front of it and see them harmed. I leart a long time ago, these are just thoughts and I can control the outcome. I can give into them or not. I don't feel shame not guilt about it anymore, because I'm not making the thoughts happen. I just let them go on by. I will keep the shame/guilt for things I actually do.

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  • 1 month later...

I've had this and get it on and off. I also have sudden thoughts of harming someone, say I'm talking to a person on the street and I look about - normal thing to do - but I might see a car coming, then out of nowhere have this through/compulsion to push them in front of it and see them harmed. I leart a long time ago, these are just thoughts and I can control the outcome. I can give into them or not. I don't feel shame not guilt about it anymore, because I'm not making the thoughts happen. I just let them go on by. I will keep the shame/guilt for things I actually do.

That's not of a sexual nature, I'm glad I never felt like this. Someone once tried to push me into a fountain in Chatham high street, college "friend".

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I have been diagnosed with severe OCD; the way i translate wot i have been told by therapists/physchs etc is that OCD makes you believe that i am the worst thing imaginable to me, for me that would be, to be a paedophile.... so my brain tells me I am... i can be on a bus and looking at a child because they are blowing raspberrys or doing that thing where they giggle uncontrollablly, and im staring usually with a grin in my face in my gead thinking " awwwww how cute" "ahhhhh bless" or "what a pretty litle girl/handsome little lad"....then my OCD will kick in and say "why u looking at that kid, eurghhhh ur a paedophile" so thenill feel real bad about myself......IT IS TYPICAL OCD. Don't know if u do ithis biut i do, checking the cooker is off up-teenth times, y does an ocd'er do it? because thats one of the worst things that could happen to there home. Another example I once was talking to my dad in the pub then suddenly realised i was looking at his groin area.... i felt disgusted with myself but in reality it just happened to ber the part my eyes had wondered to. Please be careful who u tell this type of stuff to, coz ive had negative reactions, which only feel like a confirmation, but there was someone in my life once, i considered a sister, she has a son who was 6months at the time, she was the one who spotte dmy ocd and got me to seek help...i later told her bout the paedo stuff, expecting her to never let me trust her with her son again, but couploe of days later she left me looking after him for the day and i said "but, even after wot ive told u?" and she said "Lou its ocd, if i thought 4 one min u were like thatr i wouldnt be in a mile of u" and i think she left me delib, so i would have to change his nappy etc and get over the fear. To me i think the very fact we know that thought is "wrong" is what separates us from paedophiles that and not actually doing anuthing, the only time a paedo knows its wrong is when there are faced with a jail term or have had therapy.

People who dont know what we feel dont understand they think "WTF u think u may be a paedo.....well u must be i never think like that"....i suspect the truth is we are less likely to be a paedo then them.

XxX

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Wow jinxta, I don't have OCD but i can totally relate to that, especially watching kids on busses. With me its mainly teenage girls. On the bus in their school uniforms and short skirts. I am usually apalled and think i would never let my daughter dress like that, but sometimes i can't help but stare, at their legs usually. I am neither a paedo nor a lesbian, but the more i tell myself not to stare, the more i do. If i am caught staring i just have to get off the bus. I smack my forehead and think to myself, 'why the hell was i staring at that teenage girl's legs?' I don't understand it myself, i can't seem to help it. i must look like a total perve. I'm sure if i was a bloke someone would have kicked up a fuss by now. I try to avoid busses around school times to stop myself doing this.

I don't get a kick out of it. i don't want to perve at a schoolgirls legs-but sometimes i convince myself that i am a parve and i enjoy looking. Its weird, i don't understand it and i certainly don't like it.

Am i a perve? I hope not. so why do i do it? hell i dunno. I am certainly not attracted to teenage girls! So why do i stare at their bodies? I've not told anybody this before. I thought nobody would understand, especially as i don't understand myself.

Anybody got any ideas why i do this?????

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I hate sex and feel v abnormal for that, but what worries me more is that if I have any kind of fantasies it involve violence towards myself which then makes me feel guilty and sick. dunno If that the same thing. My poor H gets so frustrated with my non sexual feelings and I feel like a freak. Bx

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  • 2 months later...

I have sexual, very inappropriate images/thoughts that distress me greatly, & compulsions associated with that. I feel like a very bad, disgusting, awful person. & I feel as though they are my thoughts/images. Which makes me even more distressed.

:unsure:

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  • 2 weeks later...

Whenever i was near anyone.. strangers/friends/family i'd see horrible sexual images of them in my head, i could almost physically feel it. I found it awfully distressing, the more i tried to block the thoughts the stronger they became. I never told anyone or seeked help because i was too ashamed/embarrassed.

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  • 1 month later...

it all started since feeling an attraction towards my psyhcologist it made me feel gay and i'm not yet i find it very distressing. then the screwed up part is i feel alot of affection towards my bird and i think she has a nice private part its very bizzare i was seeing my psychologist for GAD (anxiety)/ depression and now its turned into OCD. i always get distressed if i see an attractive girl and i have the thought that shes a babe and it makes me feel gay i find it hard to accept that its a normal thing. it makes me feel like i'm cheating on my partner. Then i worry that if i have these thoughts will i abuse my children in the future (daughters , if i have any) and i always wonder why did i have this or that thought its crazy. (hope this makes sense)

i worry about being gay all the time. im just obsessed with people thinking that i am. i get dressed n look in mirror and get all upset trying a million different outfits on because in my head i think the clothes i put on make me look like a lesbian.

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