Obsessive Thoughts

[Swifty305]

I am in a really bad place at the minute. I have these awful thoughts that I will do something terrible such as kill a family member. I have been told they are obsessive thoughts however they feel so much like urges I don't know whats wrong with me!! I don't want to do it (obviously) but I cant help believing that I could do it any second causing me to fighting these things all day everyday, its torturing me!

I see a psychiatric nurse once every week or so and they insist it is only a thought and nothing I would act upon but I'm not convinced! Anyone have any similar problems?

[james25]

hi, i had the same thoughts and urges. your cpn is right, these are only obsessive thoughts and it is very common to feel urges but you need to remember that you will never act on them. hope you feel better soon.

[Swifty305]

Hey thanks james25 I really needed to hear that from someone who knows what I'm talking about. Its really great to meet somebody who is going through/been through the same things as me.

Thanks again.

[SKyler1311]

I have these kind of thoughts, but have never felt comfortable telling anyone, I get thoughts about things like, swallowing a razor blade, or driving with my eyes closed at high speed, and it really feels like I'm going to do it, I was too frightened to tell anyone, because I thought they'd section me. You're not alone mate, at least you've told someone, hope you feel better

[Lily-Bee]

That is so horrible to have to live with isnt it!!!!!

I have these thoughts too. Something that really helped me a lot was a book by Lee Baer called The imp of the mind.

it explains really well that nothing will happen and why and how you can learn to deal with these thoughts.

I hope you can order it or pick it up somewhere.

Lilly

[krazykaz]

Im so glad youve admitted this on here. I have regular horrible thoughts too but I really dont think I would actually act on them, just having the urges is bad enough! Ive never told anyone either in fear of being locked up & having my kids taken away from me. I have fought these thoughts for many years so try not to let them worry me as Im pretty damn sure I wont do them now & that probably everyone else has these thoughts but just wouldnt admit to it! Well thats what I believe...I have to believe....

[Susanc]

I know this is a bit of a belated reply but I had thoughts like these for a number of years and I never get them at all now.

They are irrational thoughts in an over tired sensitised mind. The only thing that keeps them going is your reaction to them which is usally one of fear - fear that you will act upon them plus a fear of the fact that 'there must be something wrong with me'!

I learned to reverse the fear process by giving them absolutely no importance when they came, in fact I used to smile at the bluff of them. Fear feeds them. They are strange and we dont welcome strangers that make us feel fearful but thats what the tired brain expects - you to fight them off because they frighten/bother you. This feeds them and they will come thick and fast. Do the opposite...welcome them with a smile. It sounds daft but it worked for me with constant practice.

Susanc

[char456]

I have these kind of thoughts, but have never felt comfortable telling anyone, I get thoughts about things like, swallowing a razor blade, or driving with my eyes closed at high speed, and it really feels like I'm going to do it, I was too frightened to tell anyone, because I thought they'd section me. You're not alone mate, at least you've told someone, hope you feel better

i actually said to my ex on the dartford bridge once that i wanted to close my eyes for just a few seconds and all the while i could imagine us veering into the barrier and flying into the water!

He looked at me like a crazy woman.

I still have them when i drive.

Its purely awful.

[Tray]

i get thought like that

like driving, i think about driving straight into the wall, or throwing myself off a bridge, or smacking my head off summat.

im scared one day i will do it and not really mean to

[yorkiegal73]

the main reason for my being awarded the mobility component of dla was my obsessive thoughts about walking in front of traffic or being convinced that cars were going to blow up.

[bumblepipi]

oh yes i was shit scared because I thought I was going to kill my childern and bludgeon my husb and to death. It was very scary ands they got socvial services involved. My thoughts didn't stay the same and of course I never harmed anyone but me. had to convince the social services though that I wasn't crazed axe woman.

[ramfan007]

I was sat on a train the other day, feeling particuarly shit about myself and all I could think about was I wonder what it would be like to blow the train and everyone in it up. It kept going round and round in my head. Of course there is no way in the world I would ever contemplate actually doing that (I was on the tube at the time of the London bombings and all I felt for the people killed or injured was a total sadness and shock along with intense anger and hatred toward the bombers), but I do get these types of thoughts from time to time when I feel really crap. On the other hand though when I feel good I get much nicer thoughts like how unique every person is on the train and how much pottential there is in everone for example. I get some very dark thoughts sometimes and they used to scare me, I used to wonder what kind of person I must be to be able to have thoughts like that, but thats all they are, thoughts and fantasy, I have never hurt anyone with malice, so what kind of person does that make me. Thay say actions speak louder than words, so what about actions speak louder about the type of person you are that thoughts, after all its how we treat people that counts, not how we think.

Its also interesting that the types of thoughts I have are very reflective of how I feel about myself, so understanding the concept of projection it is not surprising that I project the fact that I want to anhialate myself onto my environment.

I would say if you never intend to carry out any bad thought then dont worry about it, you dont need to feel bad about yourself just for having that thought. Its far better to refelct on what that thought is saying about how you feel.

Hugs

Ram

[rebeccaborderline]

A lot here rings true with me;

I often get persistent thoughts, wanting to shout and scream and lash out when I have been jostled too often on the high street; sometimes my head pushes stabbing motions from me towards other people when they have been scary or aggressive-I want to stab stab stab them away from me.

But its all really a reflection towards myself; Im old enough to know that I would literally sever my arm rather than stab someone else; as Ramfan said, its usually an expression of your own demons towards yourself. That said, sometimes I do get legitimately angry, being constantly sidelined, put down, ignored, by wankers! But I wont drop down to their level.

Someone else above also made a lot of sense; if you stop giving these thoughts legitimacy, they become less powerful. I have had day and nightmares for years, in clusters, and found them quite crippling, as they would affect my emotions for the rest of the day. I spoke to someone who has experienced the same, and he told me that in time you will adjust to them, they will lose their potency if you stop imbuing them with importance. I have found this to be true. They still piss me off, but they dont wreck my day anymore.

reb

[mark1970]

I to get these type of thoughts.

I just want to hit people,just random people,could be anyone but not very often my mum,could be someone i work with,random person in the street.

[lostinmyself]

I have always had these thoughts and some have been really scarey, i have thought about hurting or killing family members, my kids, people i know and strangers in the streets, i have never told a professional for fear of having my kids taken away from me, now i am 37 and i know i will never carry out any of these acts but they are still pretty scarey, i know how you feel and hope you feel better soon x x x

Angela x x x

[SKyler1311]

I was sat on a train the other day, feeling particuarly shit about myself and all I could think about was I wonder what it would be like to blow the train and everyone in it up. It kept going round and round in my head. Of course there is no way in the world I would ever contemplate actually doing that (I was on the tube at the time of the London bombings and all I felt for the people killed or injured was a total sadness and shock along with intense anger and hatred toward the bombers), but I do get these types of thoughts from time to time when I feel really crap. On the other hand though when I feel good I get much nicer thoughts like how unique every person is on the train and how much pottential there is in everone for example. I get some very dark thoughts sometimes and they used to scare me, I used to wonder what kind of person I must be to be able to have thoughts like that, but thats all they are, thoughts and fantasy, I have never hurt anyone with malice, so what kind of person does that make me. Thay say actions speak louder than words, so what about actions speak louder about the type of person you are that thoughts, after all its how we treat people that counts, not how we think.

Its also interesting that the types of thoughts I have are very reflective of how I feel about myself, so understanding the concept of projection it is not surprising that I project the fact that I want to anhialate myself onto my environment.

I would say if you never intend to carry out any bad thought then dont worry about it, you dont need to feel bad about yourself just for having that thought. Its far better to refelct on what that thought is saying about how you feel.

Hugs

Ram

I have thoughts like that, it's weird isn't it, if the queen is on the TV I think how easy it would be to shoot her, if I'm in church I think how easy it would be for a suicide bomber to just walk in and explode a bomb, like you I would never do these things, I love the queen, and my religion, but the thoughts just go round and round in my head, I think about what I'll wear to my parents funerals when they die, I think about sitting on top of a building with no intention of jumping, just tempting fate by sitting there.

[~LouLou~]

I thought I was completely alone in having these thoughts and compulsions. Not once have I ever mentioned them to anyone. Not my parents, my best friend, doctor or psychiatrist. I'm not sure if this is down to fear of been seen as completely and utterly crazy or down to the fear of having them seem more real to me.

I have had thoughts like imagining what it would be like to drink a bottle of bleach or swallow a razor blade. I know deep down that I would never actually go through with any of these thoughts, but it doesn't make them any less frightening.

Take care.

Loulou

x