O Have To Get Out Of My Head ! I Need A Break...

[Elke.]

I am ruminating TOO much. I need so badly to get out of this damned house and just go somewhere, drive somewhere - but with a goal in mind. This is the only way I have ever been able to stop this and get away from the thoughts.

Only thing is that I have no (single) friends who share the same interest. People I know on sparadic basis (and here we go with BPD and instable relationships) just like to come around and talk. And most of them like to talk about their own problems, which just reinforces the "problem-ruminating-circle".

I live in a roof apartment, and when I look out the window all I see are grey skys. So depressing. So I am beginning to stand more at the window to see there is more than just that.

Thats it. There is MORE to life than just THIS. Yet for days I just sit home and my mind races, ruminating, working itself to death..........

I am .... I am looking for ---- no scratch that I am not actively looking .... but I need that ONE person that has the same interests. Doing something with a plan, someone who has suggestions of where we could go for a day, what we could do.

I am going nuts "in here"! This mind of mine.

Sorry for the rant and please but in other forum if this is wrong one. Should be in venting?

"Ah ..... memories, memories. Where is that brain damage they promised us?"

- Hunter Thompson -

[Faerielight]

sounds like you've got cabin fever for beeing in too much.. what about taking yourself off the the cinema and watch a good movie? thats what i do sometimes when i cant think of anywhere to go or dont have anyone to hang out with. hugs faereie x

[Elke.]

Thx Fairielight... but thats not what I need, I need to get away from this town...! Bad associations, been living here for 30 yrs. I would be satisfied to just leave for a day or two..... But my anxiety has become so strong, I need someone along I feel safe with.

I just seem to be able to think clearly doing this. I see things in their right perspektive, see what is harming me, who is not doing me any good. Alone and ruminating I cant see the forest for all the trees.

Cabin fever?

[Elke.]

"Cabin fever": Boredom, restlessness, or irritability that results from a lack of environmental stimulation, as from a prolonged stay in a remote, sparsely populated region or a confined indoor area.

[Lily-Bee]

Can imagine this is driving you crazy!! Sounds very annoying this feeling!!

I have a question for you though,do you really think getting away will help, only you know the answer to that its just that sometimes people think getting away will solve their problems but they still take themselves with them and you cannot get away from that no matter what you do, so then its better to think of other solutions.

You say you need someone to come with you, have you thought about trying to make online friends in your area, get to know some people and then maybe you'll end up comfertable enough with someone to ask them to make a trip with you...........There are lots of email friends websites and such where you can look for people. You could also join a club, something that is of interest to you so you can meet likeminded people. Making friends takes time though so this is not a quick fix.

Lilly

[Elke.]

I did not mention something very important. I do not want to go anywhere alone.

Now it is not a matter of not wanting, now it is a matter of I CANT. I am scared.

The problem today is I have no food in the house and no money so I cant even order a pizza. Cant go to the bank for money either. So what now.

Starve....

[rain]

I hear you about the starving! Been getting every last bit of Nutella out of the jar like a madwoman. Eating those bouillon cubes and everything. It's no fun, I know. Be a survivor, or try to get out to the bank anyway? Unless of course it'll make you panic, then I guess you can't unless you ask someone else to help you - one of those one-way friendship buddies. Their time to be good to you!