Ocd Driving Me Crazy

[x.glitter_raindrops.x]

besides my insomnia,

ive been awake even more

if i cant sleep and decide to go for a cigarette

i come in and HAVE to count the cups, the bowls, the plates

if theyre un even i have a drink or put one in the dishwasher even though theyre clean

i'll see things around and they have to be grouped in category, even if a rooms a mess, it has to be a grouped mess

and when things are grouped in category, they still have to be grouped in even numbers

and i get woken up have to makesure the taps are tigtly turned off

and lock the doors and unlock them and lock them again

it turns over and over in my brain until i have to do ithese things before my heart explodes out of my chest

it normally doesnt affect as much

but recently its been even worse

especially at night

my boyfriend had to drag me out of the kitchen last night

i was nearly at the point of OCD blackout (if any of you understand what i mean. Its a weird one to describe)

and the random bizzare thoughts are freaking me now more then ever

like shopping the other day

i have enough trouble making sure i do my shopping in order(have been known to dissociate because of shopiing)

but i walked past the fresh fish counter

raw fish, that ha had nothing done to it makes me feel icky, makes me panic, and just ughhh lets not go there

but i had extreme urges to pick up one of the little shiny silver fish

and ram it down my throat then and there

eugh its disgusting

i had to practically run away

this is just one example

ive had thoughts of going up and grabbing some old ladys sagging boob

kissing some random person im not even attracted to

jumping in front of a car

climbing pylons

and i would never want to in my right mind do it

makes me feel sick

but sometimes have to drag myself away just to save myself

are there any tabs for this?

im on citalopram to stop me from crashing so low and beta blockers for panic and anxiety

also zopiclone as a sleeping aid

bet u all think im weird now

sharing my compulsions

[jades]

i know busbar is an anxiety drug that they sometimes use for ocd but there are definately drugs that relive ocd

[foshy]

I think you are so brave sharing your thoughts/behaviour with us. I am just starting to come to terms with my ocd (although i have sufferered for 25yrs). I am yet to let out my thoughts, I am so ashamed of them. Like you, i get urges to do sexual/violent things to complete strangers. My therapist says "its only a thought" . I know that, but i am so scared of admitting them to doc in case they put me in padded cell or take my kids away from me. I just changed from citalopram to Prozac and take anti anxiety drug queitapin. I am hoping that a mixture of medication and therapy will help me.

Take care

Amanda x

[charisma82]

besides my insomnia,

ive been awake even more

if i cant sleep and decide to go for a cigarette

i come in and HAVE to count the cups, the bowls, the plates

if theyre un even i have a drink or put one in the dishwasher even though theyre clean

i'll see things around and they have to be grouped in category, even if a rooms a mess, it has to be a grouped mess

and when things are grouped in category, they still have to be grouped in even numbers

and i get woken up have to makesure the taps are tigtly turned off

and lock the doors and unlock them and lock them again

it turns over and over in my brain until i have to do ithese things before my heart explodes out of my chest

it normally doesnt affect as much

but recently its been even worse

especially at night

my boyfriend had to drag me out of the kitchen last night

i was nearly at the point of OCD blackout (if any of you understand what i mean. Its a weird one to describe)

and the random bizzare thoughts are freaking me now more then ever

like shopping the other day

i have enough trouble making sure i do my shopping in order(have been known to dissociate because of shopiing)

but i walked past the fresh fish counter

raw fish, that ha had nothing done to it makes me feel icky, makes me panic, and just ughhh lets not go there

but i had extreme urges to pick up one of the little shiny silver fish

and ram it down my throat then and there

eugh its disgusting

i had to practically run away

this is just one example

ive had thoughts of going up and grabbing some old ladys sagging boob

kissing some random person im not even attracted to

jumping in front of a car

climbing pylons

and i would never want to in my right mind do it

makes me feel sick

but sometimes have to drag myself away just to save myself

are there any tabs for this?

im on citalopram to stop me from crashing so low and beta blockers for panic and anxiety

also zopiclone as a sleeping aid

bet u all think im weird now

sharing my compulsions

I know how ur feeling.

haven't slept for more that 3 hours on and off in almost a year.

The urge to check and re-check objects in my home or at my place of work is frigging driving me further insane and is annoying my mum. She doesn't understand. My thing is odd numbers. I have to have things aligned in odd numbers. And objects facing me.

The intrusive thoughts is what i find most difficult to deal with. I can be stood at a bus stop and the urge to push the person in front of me into oncoming traffic or running into oncoming traffic is overwhelming. The thought of snogging the face off some random person in the street or asking someone for sex. which i so would not do or have not done, is a regular occurance. The other thoughts that i have make me feel physically sick and upset, as i no i would never do any of the things that cross my mind everyday, but its still hard.

Ive been in the supermarket on many occasions and the thought to pick up a tin or box of food and threw it at someone, anyone or telling the cashier to "fuck off before i smack her" will be at the forefront of my mind. I usually end up coming out of the store without anything. Just need to get out.

Ok i'll shut up now. Ive vented and feel much better lol

Take care

[Jinxsta]

......I can relate to all of that, i've even got "just a thought" tattooed on my hand to remind me, doesn't work though .....Do you get scared going through alarm detectors in shops? I always worry that i've accidently nicked something, or nicked something and i dont remember...then the more i panic, the more suspicious I look, security start following me, anxiety rises higher until i have to do a bolt.

I've tried lots of meds for it, the only one that has been of any help is sertraline at 200mg a day, seems to calm most aspects of my OCD down (when im on it).

X

[x.glitter_raindrops.x]

i always get scared of that lol, walking past the security guards

even if the alarm goes off whilst im in there lol

im ok up my local, coz i know most of the security now, actually i feel safer. there have been times theyve actually helped me

also get really nervous when showing my ID, infact I normally say something bad about my photo before they have chance to

stupid really

I hate shopping in particular,

when things arent on the shelf right, i spend ages putting it all back lol or finding the place it came from originally

if i decide i dont want an item, i have to go all the way back to where i got it

get some strange looks sometimes lol

but then i get compulsions to scream at someone in my way because i get nervous of crowds

or ill decide i want to open something im buying before i pay for it

pain in the arse eh???

x

[ann51]

I take Paxil, 60 mg. daily. Sometimes I wonder if it's really helping, though. I've been on it for abput 10 years. I confess I miss doses at times.