Roses Posted January 8, 2009 Report Share Posted January 8, 2009 I'm on all this fucking medication and I feel just as bad as I bloody well did when I was on fucking psyche ward. What's the bloody point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisy duck Posted January 8, 2009 Report Share Posted January 8, 2009 im sorry you feel like this today roses....i wish i could give you a big hugxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2009 I want to cut all my arms up and run away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ann51 Posted January 8, 2009 Report Share Posted January 8, 2009 I'sorry if I'm out of the loop here, but have you been on the medications long enough for them to begin to work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisy duck Posted January 8, 2009 Report Share Posted January 8, 2009 i know you are feeling really low right now..think of what you have...a husband and 2 gorgeous kids.is your husband there?talk to him about how you are feeling.Youve been through so much roses...your strong and a good mum who oviously loves her kids so much. :bigarmhug[1]: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2009 lithium, lofepramine, propanolol, zolpidem for over a year. Tryptofen a week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ann51 Posted January 8, 2009 Report Share Posted January 8, 2009 :bigarmhug[1]: :bigarmhug[1]: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2009 I know all the answers but they don't seem right. I feel agitated and like pacing and shaky and sick and have big knot in tum. Don't know what to do, or how I'm gonna get through the night. Hubbie here. He is too good for me and I don't deserve him. He is putting kids to bed cos I'm too crap to do it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2009 It's all mixed up in my head and I think perhaps if I type it here I might feel better.Mum - controlling and had terrible hormonal problems resulting in her hitting us with a cane. My older brother got it worse, me a bit and little bro just the ruler, but she used her hand too and many a time I would be off to school with a red handprint on my body somewhere. Her rages were terrifying and she changed her mind a lot which is confusing when u are allowed to do something one day and the next you are hit for it. Saying all this she only ever wanted the best for us which is where the guilt comes in.Older brother - used to hit me a lot and when I was 7 this turned to sexual abuse. He never had intercourse with me but did enough to fuck me up and used to have his friend watch which is creepy. He was bullied at school and by our Mum and has tourettes/OCD.I have been raped twice. Once by boyfriend who tried to strange me then when we got home had me up against the wall with hand round my throat and then tried to make it up to me by having sex with me even though I didn't want to. Other time I think I was slipped a pill.Both of my beautiful children sparked off postnatal depression in me and after 2nd was particularly bad.Hubbie used to have compulsive gambling problem and admitted to mentally abusing me on purpose cos of his gambling for over 2 years. He is now OK and we are OK but I had major headfuck for a long time and it still hurts even though I know gamblking is a mental illness. I'm sorry but I've been thinking fo posting this for a while now. I hope I not being silly and I'm not making excuses, just wanted to get it out there. Anyway, this is me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted January 8, 2009 Report Share Posted January 8, 2009 not excuses my lovebut true, valid, painful reason why you sufferit is very brave to write them outI hope it has helped a littleit wont always be like thisxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisy duck Posted January 8, 2009 Report Share Posted January 8, 2009 you are so brave tove wrote that roses...you have been through so much.I just think you are a lovely,kind person who has helped me a lot.Your children have a mum who loves them and thats all they will ever needxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted January 8, 2009 Report Share Posted January 8, 2009 Bravo Roses. I agree with Daisy Duck, you were being very brave. I hope it made you feel better! I think you should be proud of yourself that you have suffered so much and yet are still a wonderful person who is kind and has a beautiful family.xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2009 I feel the same but haven't got any worse so guess that is good? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rael Posted January 9, 2009 Report Share Posted January 9, 2009 hey hun i think you are really brave for posting all that. as walker said they are not excuses they are valid reasons. i wouldnt say that feeling the same was good as it means you are still feeling bad but it is better than feeling worse (make sense?). you have anyone you can call, can you tell hubbie how you are feeling? can you talk about these things with him?ill be on quite a while yet pm me to talk about anythingtake carexxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2009 thank u all of u. took my meds and must've passed out with exhaustion cos slept til 3am. Had bad dream but managed to get back to sleep. Feel pretty much the same but am gonna just keep going. Something has got to happen to change this. Rael, hubbie was wonderful as usual. He is too good to me and I just hope one day I can repay him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Broken doll Posted January 9, 2009 Report Share Posted January 9, 2009 Hi Roses,You're definately not being silly! that's what we're here for, to help you. You are very brave to wrtie that, I don't think I could do it, perhaps just yet anyway.When I feel like you do I lock myself in my room and put a do not disturb sign up and put my headphones on and listen to music to distract me, or go for a walk, which you can't do when it's dark, obviously. but at first light try going for a walk to release some of those endorphans into your system, might help you feel better.I'm here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 9, 2009 Report Share Posted January 9, 2009 oh roses i had no idea you have been thru so much i just wanna snatch u up and give u a propper squeeze yoour an amazing person and id do any thing for ya maybe i should start swimming to get there to hold your hand i know thats what i need when i feel like that you can count on me if you need anything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boy_Blue Posted January 9, 2009 Report Share Posted January 9, 2009 Roses,Hope you are feeling a bit better today. You have been through a lot and you are very strong to be able to write down like that. Well done.Its very frustrating when you already know how you should and would like to be feeling and you just cant. All I can say is that I am there for you if you need me for anything and I value your support and friendship.Look after yourself,B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2009 Broken Doll and Jades - thank u so much for your support and ideas. It means a lot to me xxxxxxxxxxxBlue - I'm glad u r there, it makes me feel safer. Hope you are feeling a bit better today. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 9, 2009 Report Share Posted January 9, 2009 roses im concerned how r u feeling now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2009 Sorry Jades been at friends (to keep me safe), then here alone with son whilst waited for hubbie. Daughter stayed at friends. He is home now and I am in room alone on here. Feeling awful but trying to distract. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mummyismad Posted January 9, 2009 Report Share Posted January 9, 2009 Hi roses, I wasn't around yesterday but just read your post and wanted to see how you are feeling. You're a good strong person and have come thru so much, you are very brave and a good mum to your kids and wife to your hubbie. You are much loved. Hope you feel better hun xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2009 thank u. I'm thinking it's got to lift eventually. Just hope I can hold on long enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mummyismad Posted January 9, 2009 Report Share Posted January 9, 2009 I really hope it does roses, you are oso brave and very strong to have come thru all this and there are many people that love and care about you keep posting xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2009 :bigarmhug[1]: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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