Mayday Mayday!

[Jinxsta]

Sorry mummyismad, only just saw ur post.......answer well still the same crisis gonna phone me at 9am to see if i need assessing........oh god.

XxX

[Rael]

oh for crying out loud!!! seriously what do they expect us to do????? winds me up so much they say call this do that but when it comes dont to it it dont mean shit. fuck's sake. makes me so angry. did they say what they would do/say when they rang back? are they gonna send someone to you or what?

can you go to a&e if you need to? dont let them win hun, if nothing else fight and make them do something to earn their fuckin' wages. sounds cynical i know but has actually got me through before, carrying on just to make them work.

xxx

[Jinxsta]

oh for crying out loud!!! seriously what do they expect us to do????? winds me up so much they say call this do that but when it comes dont to it it dont mean shit. fuck's sake. makes me so angry. did they say what they would do/say when they rang back? are they gonna send someone to you or what?

can you go to a&e if you need to? dont let them win hun, if nothing else fight and make them do something to earn their fuckin' wages. sounds cynical i know but has actually got me through before, carrying on just to make them work.

xxx

,

Wel this is it Rael, if i cut up or od or sumfin get sent to AandE, see the MH team and i'll get asked "why didnt you ask 4help?" well here i am! but in there eyes if i call them, i aint gonna do anything coz im ready to ask 4help.....to me im forseeing how i am gonna be. I told the guy i only call if im desperate and he said yeah i can see by ur records that ur not a regular caller......hmmmm urmmm alarm bells anyone, prob is without blowing my own trumpet im not thick.......so yeah i can hold a conversation when ill, i can say how im feeling......that doesnt make it any less real, to me it makes it worse, coz im "clever" enough to know exactly where my radial artery runs..........to them if u can talk ur sane simple as.

They do make me wanna do it more to prove my point.... thats wot i mean when i say "crisis team make me worse". Would love to prove them wrong... but i wouldnt stop at a warning it would be the whole hog right now.

XxX

[Rael]

DONT DO ANYTHING and most definitely not to prove a point. i understand how frustrating it is because i have the problem of looking and sounding ok, well duh ive had years of practicing with my parents. and yeah i got a brain, why is it if you are bright then they think there must be nothing wrong, as if all mentally ill people are fucking stupid.

catch .22, been there myself, if you can ask for help you ok and if you dont they say why didnt you ask for help. garg if i wasnt already insane they would drive me it. honestly though hun they not worth 'proving' anything to. treat them like you would any idiot, speak slowly and carefully repeating important points if necessary. i really hope they do get their act together hun its not fair you suffer for their incompetence.

xxx

[AveMaria]

How are you doing? I just got back online and saw that you weren't doing well. I am sooo angry at the stupid people that should have helped you. Rael summed it up perfectly with "treat them like you would any idiot, speak slowly and carefully repeating important points if necessary. i really hope they do get their act together hun its not fair you suffer for their incompetence." That is so stupid that they can't even do their job yet act like you are the one who is stupid. If you were stupid you wouldn't be calling for help when you needed it. Post if it would help, I will be on for a little longer, otherwise I will check tomorrow!

xxx

[jades]

hey jinxsta i hope youre ok u still up?

[Jinxsta]

They were supposed 2fone me at 9am, I was gonna go down to the tree outside office, tie a rope round it and round me and then ask them if they will call me/see me........... then they rang at 9:35am, I reiterated my feelings and thoughts, she suggested all the usual distraction, said ive tried and she said bout friends and family, said i dont wanna see any1 gonna wait for the nurse in charge to get back and phone me 10:35, to decide what there gonna do...........they just called they sending people out.

x

[Miko]

You are hung over, seek help drying out and seek help with your mental health in parallel with that.

A hangover is enough to send anybody bananas before they have got a conventional mental health trouble.

I don't have experience of drying out clinics I admit. But many people I know have spoken very well of them. I hope they will take some of the strain of coordinating the mental health care off your hands.

You have enough to cope with in your conditions without worrying about the organisational issues on top.

Hoping you have got somewhere calm but distracting to wait ...

[jades]

hopw yourk thinking ofu xxxxx

[Jinxsta]

Im not hungover, drugs and booze aren't really an issue atm.... although that could change at any moment, thought of getting some E's yesterday to make me feel happy 4abit, but tbh i dont wanna be happy, coz it aint real and its only temporary, i should be feeling this pain not masking it with narcotics.

Crisis team came out with the new CC, they've put me on hometreatment, will visit every morning at 11 and i can call them if i need them sooner, don't think it will help but im willing to give it a shot, and they're gettin me some meds.......just wish they could put me in a coma and then wake me up when everythings sorted so then i could just concentrate on my head probs, but that aint gonna happen.........so....dunno...whatever.

XxX

[Miko]

Glad they came & hoping they will get the right meds for you

[jades]

hang in there jinxsta i hope they help take care xxxxx

[Jinxsta]

Just thought i would share this, dont know why.... just came up with the idea of doing it, not sure what exactly i'm going to do with it.

Whats Pissing me off?

In no particular order;

1. Loss of P, having no-one to talk to who knows me well and my MH probs well.
2. Moving process, packing, transportation, unpacking.
3. Panic of change of environment, rules, germs, sharing K&B
4. Being apart from Bean, will she hate me, will something happen?
5. Terrorists, planes, buses, public places.
6. Intrusive thoughts.
7. Acting on urges.
8. Kidney pain unresolved.
9. Being psychic, causing bad things.
10. Not having a phone.
11. Lumps on head.
12. Not being taken serious by those who don't know me well.
13. Being weak.
14. Not knowing significance of signs.
15. Lollys affair, the after-effects, people being sad.
16. Quitting college.
17. Losing control.
18. Doing too many narcotics.
19. Lack of dough.
20. Feeling dirty.
21. Not being able to prevent things happening to people.
22. Not being able to be there for people.
23. Everyone arguing and fighting.
24. Not being able to snap out of bad alters.
25. My own risky behaviour.
26. Being "off the rails".
27. C being nasty, me not sticking up for myself.
28. Not wanting to be alone and not wanting to be around people.
29. Feeling compassion towards objects.
30. Noise in general and unknown sounds; bangs etc.
31. Feeling like im being watched.
32. People thinking they have one up on me.
33. Sensing someone is going to shoot me.
34. Going to prison.
35. Being alive and not wanting to live.
36. Uncontrollable impulsivity.
37. Worry of future rages, will I accidently kill someone?
38. Eating.
39. Not having transport.
40. Being selfish.
41. Not seeing bro and sis.
42. Being a failiure.
43. Panic attacks.
44. Haullucinations, visual and auditory, whats actually happening?
45. Not being able to smoke pot.
46. Lack of consistancy in attitude towards MH services and medication.
47. Not being able to controll my emotions.
48. Not remembering what has been a dream and whats real.
49. Not being loved.
50. Ruminating over losses
51. Nan and grandad.
52. Not being able to get drunk.
53. Dad.
54. Checking and counting.
55. Strange smells.
56. Not being honest about my feelings.
57. Rubbish.
58. Fake people.
59. Most odd numbers.
60. Being beyond help.
61. Lack of fight.
62. People giving me unhelpful advice through lack of understanding; such as; "snap out of it", "you're just bored"
63. Ever mounting dirty washing.
64. Talking to myself/the lodgers and objects in public.
65. Being or saying something inapproprite, without realising it.
66. Hair getting long.
67. Being looked down on.
68. Sleepwalking
69. Am I what my mind tells me?
70. Are unknown forces creating my thoughts?
71. Aliens.
72. Not completing suicide, ie; not dying, being left paralysed.
73. Bad memory.
74. Losing things and spending alot of time looking for things.
75. Lack of sleep.
76. Having to seek help.
77. Lack time perception.
78. Being dependent on services.
79. Having to be an adult.
80. Having no ID.
81. Not liking the number of the year we are in or the age i will be next.
82. Sorry have to end on an even number.

Thanks Miko and Jades.

XxXxXx

[Rael]

with a lot of those things there are practical things you can do about them, may not make them better instantly but may help if you can see something being done about them. and some such as the moving process are being done and will be sorted soon. not saying its as easy as being practical for all of them but maybe look through and see which ones you can. often it helps me just to think 'i am doing something about ......'

am glad they sent someone round and even if you dont feel it will be much help i am pleased you are giving it a go and i do hope the meds help you. keep posting here, we may not be able to take it away but sometimes it really is good just to get things out.

xxx

[Jinxsta]

Thanks Rael UR a Star*.....im gonna mark each thing on my list with Not changable, maybe changeable and changeable and see wot i can do with that...might make it worse....well can't really get worse so may aswell try.

XxXx

[Miko]

Keep it simple - some of the ones on the list came round more than once - that makes less already ...

[jades]

just wanted to say morning and im here 4 u hugs xxxx

[Roses]

Maybe you could put list in order of priority of things you can change and start with top 2 or 3. xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Jinxsta]

Thanks Miko, Jades and Roses,

What ones come round more than once, takes someone else to notice sometimes. I've done what I said I would and put the way I can change them, but on most the way to change them aren't good options either..........I'll show u what i mean (boring I kno);

NC=Not changable MC=Maybe changable C= Changable and DK= Don't know.

Whats Pissing me off?

In no particular order;

Loss of P, having no-one to talk to who knows me well and my MH probs well. NC

Moving process, packing, transportation, unpacking. C; Dont move.

Panic of change of environment, rules, germs, sharing K&B C Dont move.

Being apart from Bean, will she hate me, will something happen? NC Dont move.

Terrorists, planes, buses, public places. MC Be hypnotised

Intrusive thoughts. NC

Acting on urges. MC If DBT works

Kidney pain unresolved. C Go to the appointment!

Being psychic, causing bad things. DK

Not having a phone. MC Get contract.

Lumps on head. MC Go to the docs.

Not being taken serious by those who don't know me well. NC

Being weak. C Get stronger, don't back down.

Not knowing significance of signs. DK

Lollys affair, the after-effects, people being sad. NC

Quitting college. NC

Losing control. NC

Doing too many narcotics. C Cut-back.

Lack of dough. C Possible, but illegal.

Feeling dirty. MC Temporary relief from bleach bathing.

Not being able to prevent things happening to people. NC

Not being able to be there for people. C Be there.

Everyone arguing and fighting. NC

Not being able to snap out of bad alters.NC

My own risky behaviour. C If DBT works.

Being "off the rails". DK alraedy off.

C being nasty, me not sticking up for myself. C Go stick up 4 ya'self.

Not wanting to be alone and not wanting to be around people. NC

Feeling compassion towards objects. NC

Noise in general and unknown sounds; bangs etc.NC

Feeling like im being watched. NC

People thinking they have one up on me.C Show them they don't.

Sensing someone is going to shoot me. C Won't sense it when I am shot.

Going to prison. C conform.

Being alive and not wanting to live. NC

Uncontrollable impulsivity.NC

Worry of future rages, will I accidently kill someone? C Learn not to care about it.

Eating. C Protein shakes.

Not having transport.C Get some.

Being selfish.C Think of others first

Not seeing bro and sis.C go see them

Being a failiure.NC Having failed I am a failiure

Panic attacks. MC With drugs?

Haullucinations, visual and auditory, whats actually happening?MC With drugs?

Not being able to smoke pot.C Just smoke it.

Lack of consistancy in attitude towards MH services and medication. C Pick 1 or the other and stick by it.

Not being able to controll my emotions.MC If DBT works

Not remembering what has been a dream and whats real. NC

Not being loved. NC

Ruminating over losses C Deal with them , get over them.

Nan and grandad. NC

Not being able to get drunk.C Stop doing pills or drink more.

Dad. NC

Checking and counting.MC Could not do it but would be wracked with anxiety.

Strange smells.NC

Not being honest about my feelings.C If DBT works

Rubbish.NC

Fake people.NC

Most odd numbers.NC

Being beyond help.DK

Lack of fight. DK

People giving me unhelpful advice through lack of understanding; such as; "snap out of it", "you're just bored" C Dont talk to those who probably wont get it.

Ever mounting dirty washing.C Do washing more regular.

Talking to myself/the lodgers and objects in public. NC

Being or saying something inapproprite, without realising it. NC

Hair getting long.C Cut it.

Being looked down on. NC

Sleepwalking NC

Am I what my mind tells me? NC

Are unknown forces creating my thoughts? NC

Aliens. NC

Not completing suicide, ie; not dying, being left paralysed.DK

Bad memory. NC

Losing things and spending alot of time looking for things.NC

Lack of sleep.C Drugs, uppercut to the jaw.

Having to seek help.C Don't seek it.

Lack time perception. DK

Being dependent on services.C Drop out.

Having to be an adult.C Be the real life peter-pan.

Having no ID.C Get driving liscense.

Not liking the number of the year we are in or the age i will be next. NC

82

I can't seem to prioritize them it's like they all seem as important as each other but in different ways, I thought maybe putting them as High priority, Medium and Low but i don't even think i can do that.

XxXxXx

[jades]

i seem to think some of these not changeables with the right medication and dbt can be changed and i do belive that i have had alot of these and it took years to find the right combinations and i just tartd counciling and relaerning dbt but i think it can be done i mean i get bad days still but for one i dont think u r a failure and two eventually u can have ur alter integrated i havent yet obviously but i know it can be done hugs great job xxxxxx

[Jinxsta]

This would be so mucch easier if i had a gun

[walker]

no darling

no

xxxx

[Jinxsta]

..........I just got these lyrics in my head....."20 something years old he should be ashamed if i was him, i would slit my veins at the mains, run a luke-warm bath sit in it till my arterys drain, do it right this time so i aint gotta do it again coz theres nothing more pathetic than a cry for help, either you do or you don't wanna kill ya'self, everybody knows you've got a problem so it don't matter if you admit it, wot u gotta do is be a man and fucking deal with it"

XxX

[Jinxsta]

Are BPD or OCD considered incurable?

[jades]

no there are theropies for them and they can be managed and bd in some cases can be grown out of i heard i used to have ocd but dont now and hvent since iwas 24 now 31 used to have to was hands aot