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[Joshua]

Isnt it fully how people jump on me each time i post. I wonder if anyone gives thought to that?

Stupid - Your fully informed of us not deleting accounts etc when you joined. The terms of use clearly state this, but you still joined and gave your consent by doing so.

[Roses]

*pounces on Joshua* ^_^

[stupid1]

no one is jumping on you josh, i only replied to your post because you mentioned me thats all.

ok i give up

me asking you to delete posts wasnt about rules and regulations i... like lola, was in a sate of panic and terror that is why i approached someone in authority and also posted on the forum almost pleading and was still refused.

we just obviously have to watch what we say on here no second chances no reprieves.

[em]

it was me that mentioned people asking for their accounts to be deleted and still posting, not Joshua :)

[Joshua]

Thanks for clarifying that em.

Stupid - We do what we can but there is certainly something to be said for being accountable yourself with regards to what you post etc when knowing that we dont delete accounts.

[Sammy]

This forum/charity is also here to help people to recover from mental health problems, part of recovery is learning how to become responsible for ourselves, including what we say and do. Rather than fight others and blame them for our mistakes (although I don't necessarily think any post someone makes is a mistake at all), it is better to take responsibility and learn acceptance for our own mistakes.

I have made posts I regret, whether because I feel I shared too much and don't want people knowing those things, or whether because I didn't get the responses I would have liked, but at the end of the day I made my choice and so have to live with the consequences of that.

I know this sounds harsh, but seriously once you arrive at that point where you can accept and live with the consequences it makes a great difference to your life, in a positive way.

[stupid1]

em

thank you for pointing that out.

i am sorry i said it was josh, i apologise josh

but

lol i hold myself accountable for everything, and no i did not know at the start that this site does not delete accounts, yes i should have read everything properly but hey i didnt so shoot me.

not posting about this again, we could go back and forth for ever and i will do that if thats what you want but let me know before hand ok?

[roxyandboys]

Thanks for clarifying that em.

Stupid - We do what we can but there is certainly something to be said for being accountable yourself with regards to what you post etc when knowing that we dont delete accounts.

Ok, i am only new here but for god sake, isn't the entire point that sometimes people with issues struggle to be accountable for their actions? and a previous comment you made about we should be "mindfull" of what we post or not post it (or words to that affect) if you take that attitude some people would end up not posting anything out of fear.

Surely the sensible thing would be to attempt to understand why this person felt so threatend by their posts and try to help them through that rather than throw rules and regulations at them. I also think using the word stupid in your posts comes accross as if you are calling other people stupid, although i might be wrong here

Yes, you're a charity, a charity which is there to support people when they are sometimes at their lowest and most vulnerable points, you are a representative of that charity, a position which carries responsibiities to be mindful of where someone elses head is at. (am i right in thinking your on the admin team here?)

said my bit, will sulk off to be supportive to people where i can now.

[Data]

I also think using the word stupid in your posts comes accross as if you are calling other people stupid, although i might be wrong here

Yep you are wrong, Josh was not calling people stupid, he was only quoting a member's name (stupid1).

[roxyandboys]

Ahhh, ok - makes sense now, i did think it a little odd to call people stupid!

Thanks for putting me right and apologies on that point Josh

[lola1515]

isn't it funny how the only time you get a response from "those in charge" is when you become annoying and persistent and/or rude in what you want?

isn't it funny how this site is "trying to help" those who have mental disorders, but they can't delete the things you want deleted? (when that in fact would be helping someone)..

isn't it funny how everything can get interepreted in so many ways?

isn't it funny how this site feels like a damn prison at times?

AND NO, I DIDN'T READ WHERE IT SAID I CAN'T DELETE MY STUFF...OR ELSE I WOULDN'T HAVE JOINED THIS SITE!!! you're ridiculous.

I have never heard in all my life of a site where you can't delete things. Maybe I haven't been on many sites then.

Whatever, you're the boss, it's your site!

Of course it has positive aspects to it.

But ultimately, detrimental ones as I hate any of my stuff to be permantently recorded.

And I don't have to take responsibilty for what I say, ever...doctor's (or should i say butchers) should take the responsibility of the person's words for the mind altering drugs they prescribe.

Hey, I don't care if your views are different on this, and I truly don't care what any person who "runs" this site has to say, because it's all a bunch of authoritarian bollocks anyway and no one will ever tell me how to think.

So, I will just suck it up and have to keep my writings, ! ! !

byeeeee.

[Joshua]

Isnt it funny how you knew all this and still joined the site?

Isnt it funny you agreed to the terms of use upon signing up to the site which is your agreement to these terms.

Isnt it also funny that so many assumtions are made which dont seem to be so helpful?

[Data]

I am a little embarrased about some of the more honest stuff I have written here but as Sammy says I have to take responsibility for my actions.

I have never heard of a site where people can go back and delete things. I would like to support what Josh is saying. If I write a reply to someone, I don't want the original post to be deleted because then my reply could be misinterpreted. If the whole thread is deleted then my posts go with it which is unfair.

[Joshua]

Its not only that but what a person decides often changes due to impuse decisions etc and then we are asked to bring things back which isnt possible.

[Sammy]

Exactly meme, some of us have made a lot of effort into replying, sometimes finding it hard, but wanting to help, and sharing our own experiences, to just have them deleted? Also when a thread is started, others in similar situations read the responses and get help from that too, once a thread is started it is not only the original poster who is helped, but also others on the forum who suffer similar things. If we started deleting all the threads that someone started, people would be put off replying to people in case it just gets deleted after they put their heart and soul into it.

And no matter what mind altering drugs you are on you still have responsibility for yourself, or are you saying it would be your doctors fault if you went round killing people or commiting acts of crime? We all stand accountable for our own lives, words and actions no matter what.

Or are you saying you didn't really mean any of the things you ever said? It was all lies? You didn't really go through those things or feel that way? You didn't really post because you needed support at the time? None of it was real? It was just the mind altering drugs making you lie?

How can anyone deny responsibility for themselves? What you think you have a god given entitlement to do and say as you please without any responsibility for yourself? And then WE are the ones that should take responsibility for you? Because we volunteer our time to a charity to offer support? We are not here to be figures of authority over everyone, to take responsibility for all your lives...we are simply people that have our own lives, our own issues and problems, that want to give a little something of ourselves to help others...and for that you want to punish us?

[Sammy]

Not to mention if your medication really is making you say things you don't mean, act in a way you don't like, think a way that's not right, you have a responsibility to discuss that with your doctor and find a better alternative...but of course you were perfect and took full responsibility of your actions, thoughts and words before you were on medication right?

[Sammy]

And another great point someone made to me yesterday is that this site is meant to be helpful to people, and that doesn't always mean running to their beckon call or saying what they want to hear, sometimes love is tough and at the time can sound nasty or rude, but in fact in retrospect you may find looking back that it actually was right and in some way has stuck in your mind and helped. The point that was made to me was how we may regret all the bad stuff we posted but as the days and weeks move on and we start to improve, get better, make progress it can actually be useful to look back at those posts and remind ourselves how far we have come since then.

[jades]

this is just my opinion which isnt worth much i know but there are valid points from both sites but the way things are being said back and forth are well lets just say in my opinion bordering on being either childish or a pissing match and i know this will stir up alot of trouble but i think we could all have more decorum about this hope that doesnt piss anyone off its not ment to i was just hoping we could have this dicussion without escallating things hugs to everyone :)

[Sammy]

So yes, we don't refuse to delete your posts to upset you and wind you up, there are multiple reasons why it would be wrong and unfair to all those on this forum if we were to delete all your posts, not to mention how detrimental it would be to the continuation of the forum and the members being able to recieve the continued support of each other in the future.

I guess it goes to show that you are more important than you think.

[Sammy]

Thankyou for your point jades, I'd like to clarify I feel no ill wishes to anyone on this site, my points are just to get the point across just how important each member and their posts are, not to attack anyone and I apologise if it comes across any other way, all I can do is point out I too am only human and try to get it across in the best way I can, but I can't always be perfect and say it right.

[Sammy]

Bare in mind too that offering the service of an online forum does not actually mean we are responsible to do anything within the forum itself other than perhaps technical support to keep it running normally.

I have been to plenty of forums that are actually unmoderated, and trolled frequently with no repurcussions.

The fact that we have moderators to protect you from those kinds of things is simply a bonus, not a responsibility.

[hummm_mabbe]

I understand it must be frustrating for you sometimes with the requests you get, but I gotta say Josh, I did think you were taking the pee a bit - as bumble said, mimicking the flow of the post seemed a little bit unpleasant. It certainly isnt going to help the OP feel comfortable with her posts. I would not lose any respect for you if you admitted you may have been acting out of frustration or anger - we all get that way sometimes and its a sign of strength to be able to say sorry even if we didnt feel we meant anything by it.

[Wobbles]

Bare in mind too that offering the service of an online forum does not actually mean we are responsible to do anything within the forum itself other than perhaps technical support to keep it running normally.

I have been to plenty of forums that are actually unmoderated, and trolled frequently with no repurcussions.

The fact that we have moderators to protect you from those kinds of things is simply a bonus, not a responsibility.

I have to say, with all due respect, that i disagree with this. When someone either chooses to become a moderator/administrator of a supportive forum, or is chosen and accepts that invitation, they are in fact, accepting the responsibilities that go with that title. And if someone is not up to that challenge, then possibly being a moderator/administrator isn't for them.

It is your responsibility to protect the members of this forum, to use diplomacy, consideration, and support, all the things the forum is supposed to be for, in protecting and helping it's members. Otherwise, what's the point of having moderators and admin staff?

I personally believe it is inappropriate for moderation and admin staff to blatently take the piss out of members, abuse them, attack them or engage in the type of behaviour that members are chastised for. Yes you're all people with your own lives, just like the rest of us, but the rest of us haven't asked for or been given the privelages, burdens, responsibilities etc that come with such titles. That title automatically implies authority and that authority should be used responsibly, which at times, i personally believe, it is not.

All that had to be said to Lola, was 'I'm really sorry but we can't delete your posts because of this reason and that reason'. There was no need for sarcasm, and certainly no need for it to b escalated to all of this, which i personally believe was down to Joshua and his response to Lola. I think it fair to say that we all expect Joshua to keep a certain level of professionalism and diplomacy, yes he is human and has failings, but certainly isn't open to criticism and has shown no desire to make ammends for his failings, or apologise for them. Which the rest of us are expected to do.

I personally believe it seems to be one rule for the admin/mods, and another for the rest of us plebs, that anything short coming is put down to being mentally ill, and that in times of distress regarding other members or altercations, our feelings are once again invalidated and we at times are treated undignifying manner. I believe that if members are expected to follows rules and policies, and also adhere to ethical guidelines, so should mods and admin staff.

When a ticket is submitted, it would be nice if someone could get in touch to let us know, us being the person who submitted the ticket in the first place, to be informed of what's being done about the problem. Rather than being left in the dark about it, assuming nothing is being done about the problem. I feel it only the considerate thing to do to respond to the author of the ticket/report rather than leaving them to fee ignored.

And Joshua, i don't believe you get jumped on everytime you post. That was a rather large exaggeration, i just don't think you like receiving criticism and you feel you're above having to receive them, or having to apologise for the things you do that are offensive and inapropriate.

That doesn't mean i don't appreciate the things you DO do here.

[Joshua]

Sammy - Some good points there. Thanks for taking the time.

I wish sometimes i has more time to respond to people's posts but commitments i have rarely allow. I think the point is we all do what we can when we can and ask for very little in response.

Expecations seem to be coming our here about responsabilities of mods/admin staff. Its interesting to see what you expect and i wonder why just because these may have been provided on other sites its fair to assume the same thing should happen here.

This forum is provided by me, paid for by me, as an individual who has empathy for the situations and affects of an illness thats under recognised there is a serious lack of resources provided to help those affected. As far as responsabilities i could choose as its been suggested to leave this forum here and have people use it without ever looking back again, i could also choose to not have it here at all. What i have chose to do instead is set up a forum and do my best to ensure people are provided with a forum of safety where moderators are availible to answer questions and deal with problem posters. The point im making here are these are all choices and in no way things that i am obligated to do.

I personally believe it is inappropriate for moderation and admin staff to blatently take the piss out of members, abuse them, attack them

How you feel this comment is justified would certainly interest me. I have certainly not seen any evidence to support this.

I understand it must be frustrating for you sometimes with the requests you get, but I gotta say Josh, I did think you were taking the pee a bit - as bumble said, mimicking the flow of the post seemed a little bit unpleasant. It certainly isnt going to help the OP feel comfortable with her posts. I would not lose any respect for you if you admitted you may have been acting out of frustration or anger - we all get that way sometimes and its a sign of strength to be able to say sorry even if we didnt feel we meant anything by it.

I responded to the poster in the way in which they posted. I did this with no intent to make fun of them. I believe I have previously stated this. I have no issue in offering an apology and i do apologise if lola took offence at the way i wrote something.

[Sammy]

The orignal poster does not talk like that normally though, and to be honest my personal impression was that she was being rude or patronising, which has been overlooked here. Joshua may not have been making fun of her but actually pointing out that it's not nice to be spoken to that way.