Bpd

[BexyRose]

Yep .... 9

xx

[EndlessRaiN]

I got 9...>_<

[Truelove89]

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5]Yes. i hated being on my own. it scares me and gives me panic attacks, anger attacks and disturing thoughts.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. so much unfaithfulness, so much confusion. wanted to marry every single one of them. tried to kill one of them.

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

I have no idea who i am half the time.

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). [Again, not including suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5] Binge eating, past promiscuity (now my partner monitors me very closely)

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.

i threaten it a lot, ive tried it 4 times.

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days). [

when i get angry i get very very angry and rage and violence. when im sad im inconsolable. only need the tiniest things to trigger these off.

Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.

definitely empty. what is it im supposed to be looking for to feel full?

Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

this is really bad for me. im quite violent when i get angry. have been known to smash glasses on my partner or attempt serious harm. thankfully my partner is very strong and can restrain me.

[AndyL]

If you have less than four or five symptoms, you don't have BPD, as (loosely, since I'm too lazy to look it up again) described by the DSM IV.

Of course self-diagnoses like these are probably inaccurate--you really need a trained psychiatrist to make a professional determination--but I'm sure they provide some measure of knowledge about one's behaviors.

I had zero, even though I was forced by the software to vote for one. Maybe it's the meds. In any case, glad to be in recovery, although I'm still achingly sad for the loss of being able to live with my kids. Not clinical depression, I guess, but still unbelievably painful.

[roxy222]

well i dont have bpd dx, and in hindsight i have had all 9 for atleast all of my teenage years, acvtually no for all of childhood

now well

1, yes obviously id do anything to not be really abandoned by those i love, if this is in reference to just being on your own then no, but yes if over night.

my fuctioning can become impossible due to mood going all over the place (but this could be related to my attention span also)

i do have periods of feeling empty and worthless, but these are no longer chronic

i do still dissociate, but i dont loose time, or experience derealisation and depersonalisation like i used to.

i do find these symptoms quite vague though, not sure if thats just me, but well considering the world we live some of them make perfect sence

[Sammy]

Just out of curiosity wouldn't a 'normal' person who loves or is in love fear being abandoned or losing that person? I don't really have a fear of being on my own as I spent most of my life by myself. I was lonely for years but then I started to accept my position and feel more comfortable being by myself, in fact it was very hard when I first got in to my current relationship because I had to learn to be with someone. There are still parts of being in a relationship and living with someone else that I find tremendously difficult. However it isn't fear of being alone that gets to me, but my partner is much older than me and so I worry that I will lose him one day and wonder how I could cope without him, he is my life, love and laughter. Noone has ever been as attentive, compassionate, understanding and supportive of me as he has before. On the other hand I worry because of my own physical illnesses what will happen if I die first and how he will cope.

I'm not quite sure what led my pscychiatrist to diagnose me with bpd. I think perhaps the questionaire's answers are misleading. I can't recal the questions but to me if a question says do you fear abandonment? I would think that for most people the answer would be yes, noone wants to be abandoned do they? However I think the question was actually more along the lines of do you feel everyone in your life that you love leaves you? Of course my answer was yes! Everyone in my life that I had ever loved HAD left me! So of course then pdoc sits there and says oh she has a fear of abandonment that's one criteria down another 4 to go!

Anyway that's just my take on it, and why I believe often people may get misdiagnosed. Perhaps instead of a questionaire that doesn't really delve into things properly but is quite broad, the pdoc should actually sit down with the patient and talk to them about things???? JMHO, I've never had a pdoc appt that lasted more than ten minutes except for when I was being assessed for being sectioned at which point I lied through my teeth to avoid being committed.

[canadian mike]

• Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

Yup, so I've been told.

• A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

Yes.

• Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

Yes... who am I?

• Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving).

Ahh, my favourite indication, some very sexy choices. Been there, done that! Yes, everything, many times over many years.

• Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.

So they say.

• Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

Are you trying to piss me off here ? (wait a minute...) o.k., ready to move on, now!

• Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.

How about helplessness, hopelessness & doomed to failure.

• Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

If everyone in the world would live their lives according to my requirements, I'd be a lot less pissed off! But, everyone just keeps doing their own thing, just to bug me!

• Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms.

Yeah, but I'm sure the marijuana doesn't help. Neither do the shrooms. Nor does the acid... and those politicians, my god, those politicians! Sorry, where was I?

O.K., meme, 9 for 9, now, what do I get? I understand. Joshua won't give up his seat, even for someone who scored 9/9. A diploma, maybe? Perhaps, a knighthood or some kind of title... "Sir Michael, Protector of the BPD". THAT'S IT! Then, if anyone runs out of BPD, they can come to me to get some more!

[Silla]

I've been basically diagnosed (no one ever said "You have BPD". My old psychiatrist told me I had tendencies and my last psychiatrist told me I "might" and put me in a DBT group. Of the 9, I have:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5]

Moreso when I was younger. Yeah and I guess so now.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

I put people on pedestals but instead of alternating between them being good and them being bad I alternate between them being good and then if something happens it's not their fault, I'm the bad one.

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

The best example is when I was watching a show with my sister I compared myself to the singer and said "Hey I could do that" And my sister says "Yeah, today." What/Who I am, what I can do, what I like, changes way too often and I'm having a hard time figuring out what's the real me. In some ways I know myself really well, though.

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). [Again, not including suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5]

Eating disorders. Substance abuse.

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.

I cut a lot a few years ago. Haven't cut for about a year now. I cross the line into suicidality a lot, though I don't make gestures or threats, I just quietly take myself to the emergency department before I do anything and ask for help. Unfortunately lately this has been seen as manipulating the system. In reality, I really needed help.

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

Well I have bipolar disorder so my mood instability follows that. Sometimes short like that but usually long bipolar episodes.

Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.

Yup. No matter how many self esteem exercises I try, they never last.

Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

This one I don't fit. I rarely get angry and then it's anger at myself.

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms

I have delusions but they're part of my bipolar and only really happen when I'm manic or depressed. Occasionally they'll happen when I'm not either, so this explains a lot.

I'm hoping DBT will help me with a lot of this.

[Moonshine]

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-injuring behavior covered in Criterion 5]

I definitely have this one, but I have many subtle ways of protecting myself. I seem very friendly and open, but in fact i am extremely guarded about getting close or attached to any person or thing. So I have a kind of reception area inside myself where I hold people and assail them with kindnesses to avoid any probing into my life. I keep it all about them. I am very keen on small slights towards me. I notice tiny shifts in word choice or body language, and if it's remotely negative towards me, the forcefield cuts that person off. But they will never know it. There are like a dozen people running around out there calling me their best friend, but I am safe from them because they've done something that triggered me, and I've got them walled off in reception area. When my hubby and I have fought and the word "leaving" got bandied around, I went into a pseudo-seizure or pound on my head, tear into my arms with my nails, etc. I used to stalk boyfriends and crushes before i was married. Still feel obsessed with my ex bf sometimes....when I split about my hubby, I start thinking about getting in touch with my ex bf.

That is exactly what i do! Funny though because 'Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment' is probably the one criteria of bpd that i didn't think related to me! I'm not a very needy or clingy person, i'd much rather act first if i felt someone didn't really value me as much in their life as they did before. So i never frantically try and hold onto anyone, i just walk away. Your description was very interesting catspiracy, like you, i appear very open and friendly but it is a semi-ploy because i find you can really get to the crux of a person if they think you are being just as open with them as they are with you, when in actual fact i'm ensuring the conversation always steers back to them leaving them vulnerable not me. People are generally self-absorbed and don't notice this as much as you think they might! Anyway, if anything changes like they do something that i don't quite like then my forcefield cuts off that person just like you described catspiracy and no, they don't know it do they?! Unfortunately then i'm left with people who think they're my good friends when in actual fact i'm emotionally shut down towards them. I always felt this was more idealization and devaluation criteria than abandonedment criteria....except the only thing being there is never any idealization. Whether i act like this out of fear of being vulnerable and then abandoned is anyones guess. It could be the case but i still doubt i'd fit the first criteria, i'm too heartless to get involved in frantically doing anything involving emotions.

[thatguybayne]

• Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

There have been times in the past when I've alienated friends with my inappropriate behaviour when I've felt slighted or rejected. I also let friends, family and partners walk all over me because I'm afraid of the consquences if I stand up for myself.

• A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

I love my fiancee but there are some days where it's pure adulation towards her and other where I'll get really annoyed if she so much as even talks to me and I will quite literally ignore her the entire day. My fiancee is an emotionally cut off person and that works because I think if she was loving and attentive I wouldn't be able to handle it. I gravitate towards those kind of people because if someone is really nice to me I start to feel weird and want to run away and hide.

• Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

I don't look in the mirror very much. Recently when posting pictures of myself on my Facebook I kind of freaked out when I saw myself. I don't usually associate myself with that face. I use video games to help me to forget that I am me. I get incredibly immersed in them and have played a single game for almost the entire time I'm awake during the course of a day. Yesterday I was a pirate. Today I was a master thief. I also surf the net a lot because it's alos a good place to go to forget yourself.

• Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving).

I used to have a bit of a drinking problem in which I'd polish off a bottle of bourbon every day and was a pack a day smoker. Now that I've given up smoking (due to three people I knew dying from cancer within a year and a half) I've gained 20 kilos due to replacing smoking with food. I suppose it's not so bad seeing as I've gone from dangerously thin to healthy. I barely drink these days because I've become scare of losing self control. Recently I've also been in the habit of trying to buy happiness. We're on a fixed budget (and I don't handle the money) but there have been times where I've made sneaky impulse buys.

• Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self-injuring behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars (excoriation) or picking at oneself.

My fiancee is a one of those girls who's a hitter when she's offended, annoyed or whatever. I use that to my advantage as I often goad her into hitting me. I'm also guilty of being a picking scabs and reopening sores and wounds. Sometimes when that's not enough I start to scratch at my left arm until it gets bloody. I think a lot about cutting but my fiancee has begged me not to and I'm trying really hard to keep that promise but often times it's the only time I feel anything. I also have suicidal thoughts a lot.

• Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

Absolutely. There are days where I am anxious and on edge for no reason what so ever. I feel like I've had a couple of dozen cups of coffee and am all jittery. This often leads to me having angery outbursts as you sometimes do when you feel anxious and on edge.

• Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.

Yes. I think I'm a decent looking person who almost always means well and is pretty smart but in the 9 years since I've left highschool I have not had one steady job and have a lot of trouble making (and keeping) friends. I can't help but wonder why I'm just so useless.

• Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

Yes and I'm very much ashamed of them. I have bursts of anger and which I try to keep inside but it often comes out, usually at my fiancee. Yesterday I was sitting playing a game of Farkle on Facebook, something that is usually very relaxing for me and suddenly I felt this rush of anger to the point I was breathing heavy and I just wanted to scream and hit something. I'm just glad that the only person I've hurt physically is myself.

• Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms.

After some bad experiences experimenting with drugs I have become very paranoid. For some reason I thought my food was being drugged and was so scared of losing control again. This has since improved but I have little to no trust in people. Only really my fiancee and she had to really earn it. I always think people are talking about me and laughing at me when I'm down town and do not like to be touched and tend to think everyone is a bad, horrible person. I don't really like attention or being in public and tend to stay at home unless I absolutely have to go out.

[vicky1300]

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!!!!! Had enough of this god forsaken so called illness today......

[purplechick]

yep a massive tick in all 9 boxes!

i was diagnosed 2 years ago but still coming to terms with it. refused to believe it at first, but reading that i know they are right!

[wordsmithy]

i've met at least 6 of the bpd criteria for at least 3 years but i honestly dont think i have bpd. or never have.

what does that mean? lol

[emz80]

lol i got 10... i must be a real freak

[laws1980]

i got 7 or 8 out of 9 - to be officially diagnosed with bpd the nice guidlines say you must meet at least 5 of these criteria xx

[chloeJ1980]

yeah i got 9 out of 9...but some are fluctuating, i dont always feel all 9 at a time...

[Livvie]

Hi I'm livvie and new to this forum, I am still waiting for my full diganise but it heading in this direction and got 8/9 I am bit scared right now of all this

[les66]

Hi Livvie

You have come to right place for help/support/understanding. We will all help you best way we can.

[Data]

Welcome Livvie.

Sometimes good treatment matters more than a diagnosis.

I hope you find the forum useful.

Don't be scared to ask questions, newbies are very welcome here!

[Livvie]

Hi Livvie

You have come to right place for help/support/understanding. We will all help you best way we can.

[Livvie]

Thanks for the replys, Its nice not to feel alone

[les66]

Anything you need or want to talk about then please never be afraid to say, you will NEVER be judged as we are all very understanding. You will NEVER be alone now you found this place x

[karen a]

Well I got 9/9 too. Never been diagnosed as bpd but have only ever seen the gp with severe depression just about to change meds as he reckons I have reistant depression as on top dose of mirtazapine and still a totally miserable bastard. Have only just mentioned to him that I have extreme highs, have never seen that as a negative (in spite of the spending...)and I miss them. My sister (nurse) suggested bpd a couple of years ago.

Do I mention it to my GP next time I see him? I know the docs must get fed up with self diagnosis on the internet but what are we supposed to do when they only see us for ten minutes???

When I am on the new meds I will start to see someone to talk to, perhaps that will be the best time to mention my suspicions. How has anyone else broached the subject with their doctor?

Thanks

Karen

[les66]

The road I went down was being totally honest with my GP and ASKED for a referral to see a psychiatrist and explained why. I find them far more informative and know more in depth about mental health than any GP ever will.

I was treated for depression for years before was diagnosed with BPD. I never suggested BPD to her because I had never heard of it. All I said was 'I feel I am suffering from more than depression'. She then asked me lots questions looked at my notes and diagnosed me, but this was done over time. I had been saying this to my previous psychiatrist but he continued treating me for depression, think he was from the OLD school LOL.

Anyway Karen, worse thing you can do is go into GP/psychiatrist and self diagnose as they do not like it. Ask for a referral to psychiatrist and discuss your problems/symptoms with them.

Wish you very best of luck

Leslie x

[Livvie]

Welcome Livvie.

Sometimes good treatment matters more than a diagnosis.

I hope you find the forum useful.

Don't be scared to ask questions, newbies are very welcome here!

Hi got back from the therapit and have been diagnosed with BPD, asked about DBT and was told it ws to expensive for my NHS area, so am now loooking at 12 month wait for theraputic community. To be honest couldn't ahve cared what lable was given to me just after nine years and nearly losing my daughter I just wanted the right help