Barebones Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I was just wondering if people can own up to manipulating a situation for there own outcome? Just interested. I know i have, i have many accounts of doing it. All the best all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Everyone does it. Just people with personality disorders tend to do it more. I like to recognise when I have been manipulative (and should not have been) and learn from it, but this is a painful process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I have.....more so in the past but i'm sure i still do it even without realising at times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
les66 Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 My partner says I do it but I am blind to it LOL So probably I do without knowing what I am doing. I do not recall a time when I have done it intentionally Leslie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I try to manipulate, but my aim is to not feel the need to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 It is a fact that everyone does it as a natural part of being human but some do it more. I was brought up in an environment where everything you did was chopped up and looked at and twisted round so that I was accused of manipulating a great deal when I did not. My Mother is a control freak and my Father has a personality disorder I am sure, passed on to him from his Mother. I find the whole subject of manipulation very triggering but wanted to join this discussion as I need to get out of my comfort zone a bit. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drew Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 yeah i do this , sometimes it try not to but still end up doing it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I am blind to it Sometimes ignorance is bliss .. when you find things out about yourself they can be incredibly painful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Yes I do. People who say they dont have little insight into themselves as we all have done it at one time or another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted July 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Thanks to you lovely people in speaking up. Some have said that they have not been aware or intentualy do it or have been told they are doing it. That opens up a grey area, which if you can see or recognise that another manipulater is reversing it on to you, your right and will say, don't ever feel its your fault. you pretty much know if you are maniplulating to suit your own needs, regardless of factor. Roses you are right, every human does it regardless if mental health prob, its just knowing and understanding of it, are you doing it for the better or for the worse? People are very good in reversing things onto somone else, its the blame game. If you can control and step outside the reason for doing it, its a progress in right direction. I myself have manipulated a situation to suit myself in how i felt at the time, progression to me is owning up and not find it a total negative towards myself. luv to you all xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I do, but usually unlnowingly. Somebody has to point it out to me I like getting my own way-I'm very childish like that xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 sure i do, sometimes for my own gain (like getting the shofts i want at work) or sometimes for someone elses (like getting a friend to go to her gym class) everyone manipulates, its a human thing and rediculous that it carrys such negative conotations because its how we survive. whats important is to look at if its innapropraite to the situation (under or over reaction) and if so why, because its these manipulations that have people running a mile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aurorablues Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I do it, as i'm sure we all do. But i believe there are varying degrees of manipulation. Productive, destructive or down right evil. In a BPD sense, Manipuation tends to lean towards the more destructive end, i.e. 'I'll do this to myself if you do that.' Narcicisstic Control Freaks will tend to use the down right evil approach, i.e. 'You are nothing, because you're *insert nasty comment here*.' This will be used to break you into submission so they come out on top and can control you. Or there's the productive end, to quote Roxy sure i do, sometimes for my own gain (like getting the shifts i want at work) or sometimes for someone elses (like getting a friend to go to her gym class) It's a dog eat dog world out there and sometimes a bit of manipulation is necessary, depending on how you use it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vrma Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I manipulate a LOT. I think it is a power thing maybe? I need to have the last word, to feel like I exist, that I get heard. Or 'if he loves me, he will do what I want'. I do try not to as I feel I am downright childist sometimes :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helenahandbasket Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I do... I think I mostly do it to gain knowledge. I can't stand not knowing things... I don't know what it is... even basic things that I don't even care about. I hate not being in the know... and usually when I find out, I think why did I bother... but to me, it's one of those deals where I drive myself crazy with the unknown. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
profound1 Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Yes I am manipulative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rael Posted July 10, 2009 Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 i cant come up with specific events but i know full well that i have done it. i also know that someone pointing out to me that i am doing it doesnt work in the short term, i will get defensive. because it has such negative associations it feels like an attack on me if someone says i am doing it and although i think its through fear of what it means that i am doing it, i will then feel i need to strike back and it gets nasty. a common idea is that sh is manipulation, that is the only time i get (imo) justifiably annoyed as its one thing i know i never do it with as no one ever knows i have done it and i never threaten it. i have sought help for it before i have done it before though (as i was told to do) and then been accused of being manipulative. figured damned if i ask for help with it and damned if i just go ahead and tell no one. but yeah, other than that, i have and prob still do it. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catspiracy Posted July 10, 2009 Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 All living things respond to and impact the environment. Babies manipulate caregivers by crying in a particular sound range that causes stress. They also manipulate adults into caring for them by having facial features that cause the "Cute" reaction. They are also soaked in sebum pheromones that make us fall in love with them. When they breastfeed, they manipulate the breast into letting down milk, and also manipulate the release of oxytocin, the love hormone that makes the mother bond with them. I think that some parents are terrified at the surrender they must experience with their babies. There must be a total subjugation of the parental ego, which must exist as a window for the child to gaze into and see only him/herself. So they experience their babies as tyrants and start labeling their natural behaviors as "manipulative". Sensitive children are aware of this shit. We remind our parents of their shadow selves and they respond to us with self-loathing, which we internalize. Our parents gave us complicated obstacle courses and inconsistent readings on our progress because they were too triggered by us to be compassionate. So we never learned direct communication. We learned to run those mazes so well that we find it hard to stop. I don't know about the rest of you, but I never knew what kind of chaos my parents would dish out to me each day. You could never ask anyone how they felt and get a straight answer. You could never tell anyone how you felt and get a compassionate response. So when as an adult, suddenly I was supposed to "act natural" I couldn't because I had been trained not to. My fathers reactions to everything were just so fucking EXTREME that we learned to manipulate around him to get our needs met in spite of him. And those habits are hard to break. The four agreements help me a lot, as does that essay I keep posting about "Don't Defeat Yourself With Emotional Manipulation". I realize now that my extreme reactions to people giving me messages...is my trained response and an attempt to forestall impending catastrophe. I realize now that instead of forestalling catastrophe, my extreme reactions hasten or create it. I think there is a big difference between this kind of in a way, innocent manipulation vs. what I'll call sadistic manipulation. I never treated people like puppets on a string or toys in a toybox for me to play with, to enjoy their suffering. That kind of manipulation is what my paranoid father always accused me of, and that's why I get triggered, too, when people throw the word "manipulative" around. I just applied myself to my environment to try to get my basic needs met, and I had some faulty methods. Nobody complains that books like "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" or "The Secret" are manipulative. But I think they are. Manipulation is neutral. Intention is everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy Posted July 11, 2009 Report Share Posted July 11, 2009 I think it's wrong to say that everyone is manipulative. I don't feel there is a need in my life to be manipulative as the people in my life are supportive of me so therefore I can speak openly and honestly to them about my needs. I'm also able to compromise and even sacrifice when neccessary. Maybe I would be manipulative if the need arose, I don't know, but as it stands I don't need to be so I'm not. I think manipulation comes from a place where someone is uncomfortable being assertive in a positive manner and a lack of people around them who are supportive and accepting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonshine Posted July 11, 2009 Report Share Posted July 11, 2009 I can be manipulative. I didn't always know what i was doing was manipulation because it is a defense mechanism. If i feel people are getting too close i manipulate them away from me. So if someone asks how i am i'll quickly say 'i'm fine' and then work on manipulating the conversation back to them. I don't feel this is bad manipulation as it doesn't hurt anyone but it keeps me safe. My family who are more aware of it these days though so can find it irritating at times. Although it is hard to admit, i do manipulate negatively. It is, in a sense, due to feeling like a lesser person and not wanting to feel like that so i manipulate to gain power and control. I make people question their own feelings and behaviour, knowing i can change whole situations based on what i say can make me feel very powerful. My manipulation is incrediably subtle as it revolves around twisting words and emotions. Therefore a vast majority of the time other people are completely unaware that i am manipulating them. I feel great anger at those that cannot be manipulated, but also great relief. It is as though most people are like water, drop in a tiny pebble and the whole mass ripples, but some are more like stone so throwing a pebble makes no difference at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted July 11, 2009 Report Share Posted July 11, 2009 I think it's wrong to say that everyone is manipulative. I don't feel there is a need in my life to be manipulative as the people in my life are supportive of me so therefore I can speak openly and honestly to them about my needs. I'm also able to compromise and even sacrifice when neccessary. Maybe I would be manipulative if the need arose, I don't know, but as it stands I don't need to be so I'm not. I think manipulation comes from a place where someone is uncomfortable being assertive in a positive manner and a lack of people around them who are supportive and accepting. you probably are manipulative in aome way somewhere in your life, but maybe not in a bad way. like alot of negotiating can be manipulative, for example i offered to do a shift that needed covered cause i knew it meant theyd owe me a day off and the only spare day was one i wanted off already so it worked out in my favour, manipulative yes, but not a bad thing. i think manipulation is seen as a bad thing far too much, when we go to a job interview we are to some extent manipulative cause we present ourselves well and answer things we think they'll like, if we are hagglong for a price we are manipulative, theres tons of normal everyday interactions taht are a bit manipulative, its just human to manouver our circumsatnces to better fit our needs, just when people are capable of doing this without put others backs up it is not seen as manipulation, even though it involves that, where as when people do feel controled or put out by it there refer to it as manipulation and so it gets a bad name even though its a very human thing to do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy Posted July 11, 2009 Report Share Posted July 11, 2009 I guess it depends how you look at it, if we're out of food I manipulate the situation by going to buy more food for example, if you get down to it every single thing we do is a manipulation of the situation. However I don't think that this topic is talking about natural manipulation but rather about someone being underhanded in order to manipulate a situation or person, in which case I would have to stand by my previous stance, which is not to say I think I'm better than other people, just perhaps that I am in better circumstances that I don't feel the need to manipulate - as I said I would probably be manipulative if I didn't have the support and acceptance from people that I do because it might feel that it was the only way to make my life bearable. I'm sure I could think of lots of situations where I would be manipulative - I'm just lucky not to be in any of those situations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted July 11, 2009 Report Share Posted July 11, 2009 i dont think choosing to go out and getting food is manipulative cause thats your choice to make those actions, but say if someone 'persuaded' their partner to get food, that would techniqually be manipulations, but not a negative kind. i dont think i do much negative manipulation, but i agree with you thats cause i am in safe place at present. i think when people feel threatened manipulation is a natural survival reaction, and an important one. often people feel threatened, of highly stressed or at risk etc, in present time even when they are not (often misplaced feelings from past events unreasolved) and manipulate as a result of feeling this way, and this is often when others find manipulations negative due to controling or innaproiate etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toaster Posted July 13, 2009 Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 I was raised by a woman that lied and manipulated the foster care system for almost 30 yrs - i learnt from the best of the worst. my manipulation skills r honed to perfection. a doctor once told me i am the most manipulative person he had ever met and my foster sister was told the same thing by a different, unconnected doctor. it's something i hate about myself but am kinda proud of at the same time. i know i can get my own way when i want. i recognise manipulation easily in others. in not wanting to be like my foster mother i have become more so like her - manipulating ppl into believing i am not manipulative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tillie Posted July 13, 2009 Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 I don't trust for a second, that anyone responds to me out of their own willingness... all my interactions are and must be manipulations... It's a double edged sword... I sometimes manipulate to get attention, therefore, if you respond then I must have manipulated you... Crazy making, yes? Til Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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