Straw Poll - Brothers And Sisters

[Kojin]

I am the eldest of 5. My little sister is technically a 'half sister' but I never call her that. I'm also a big believer in characteristics of your birth order, particularly now that I am a Mother myself. For anyone that thinks middle-child syndrome is a crock of shit, I'll pay for your flight over here to see it up close and personal, day in and day out! ;)

[taizy8]

I am the 5th of 8 ....4 older brothers and my only sister arrived when I was 11. I was alone in this male world for so long and it has affected my whole life. Dolls hair was chopped, kittens tormented, war games in the garden and discussions on mechanics at the dinner table. I must look up about the middle child syndrome , though I had the added aspect of forming my female identity with little support from my mother....yes it was an authoritarian "father knows best" ..and catholic, later fundamentalist christian family. We are nearly all affected in adulthood.

[tissuesanissues]

I have a younger sister, 3 yr gap, and a younger brother, 6 year gap.....and a distant step sister. When my mum gave up childminding, coerced by my step dad to "use her brain", I became mum at about age 9.

[skp67]

I am the eldest by 4 yrs to a sister, i was the one who was always in trouble for trivial things, she got away with smoking, drinking and staying out longer than allowed.... Bitter, resentful YES you could say i am. And at 42 yrs old thats a bit sad don't you think.

Scally x

[hummm_mabbe]

I am the eldest by 4 yrs to a sister, i was the one who was always in trouble for trivial things, she got away with smoking, drinking and staying out longer than allowed.... Bitter, resentful YES you could say i am. And at 42 yrs old thats a bit sad don't you think.

Scally x

Not sad

Our lives and experience of the world are like building a mud hut. You slap down whatever mud is around at the time, and there it stays in the foundations until later when you go searching for that pound coin you dropped under the floorboards. Thats why you suddenly find yourself remembering an incident from years ago - some part of experience is triggering your 'pattern' for that kind of event. Things that are similar enough to the past that the mind thinks "oo this pattern will be useful here", whether its a shit one or not. A bit like someone pulling out a map of whatever was on milton keynes before milton keynes was built - now vastly outdated, and the present is prolly more dull than the past. (Sorry Milton Keynes ppl )

"Time is a great healer" is a load of beard when it comes to the mind - wounds stay fresh until they are healed properly and that map replaced. Just takes more than a sticky plaster and a lollipop, and some wounds are more important than others.

Ross

[Effervescence]

I'm an "only", and I hated it. The instant people heard that (before they even got to know me), they'd invariably say, "Oh, bet you're spoiled rotten!" And then laugh like they'd said something incredibly witty.

Yes, being an "only" means you get all the birthday gifts, all the Christmas presents, all the attention...but it also means if anything gets broken, your parents know who did it. If you parents want grandkids, it's up to you. If they want their child to be a doctor...well, you get my drift.

Also my parents waited a long time to become parents. They'd been married 8 or 9 years before I was born, so they already had the teamwork thing down pat by the time I arrived.

I know they loved me, but sometimes I felt a bit like a third wheel.... :huh:

[AccidentalBully]

only child.

stressy parents, i reckon they are alcoholic aswell.

stepdad from babyhood- major personality clash!

found i had a younger half sister and a younger half brother last year. don't really know them though.

heard there was another one of us in germany somewhere......

[Milky24]

youngest puppie

[adeleredfern]

I'm the oldest of 6 but my mom had a still born baby about a year before i was born so in a way i'm not too.

I wonder if that makes a difference + there is only 20 months between me and the next one.

[toaster]

i was borm 2 and a half yrs after my older brother...spent 18 months wif real mum before bein carted off into care, my brother and i were seperated...in foster home not only was i one of many foster kids but also foster parents first grandchild had just been born. stayed there til was 4 when went bk to real mum, who had had another baby, my younger sister. my older brother was doted on (he is now a narcissist) an my younfer sister was carried everywhere (i believe she is bpd but more histrionic)...i was the forgotten kid, locked in rooms an stuff, or hadda look after the others ... i alwats hadda look after meself. went bk an forth into respite care wif same foster family when me bro an sis stayed at home. when was 7 we all got took away for good, where me older an bro an younger sis went to one home together, the twins went to another (they were about 1yr old by this time) an later got adopted...an i was dumped in that hellhole. BPD _ Bad Parent Disorder

good thread rossy :)

[jewelsg8]

pretty positive my BPD stems back to my childhood, had a pretty bad case of middle child syndrome (I'm the middle of 3 girls)

[patchwork-me]

I'm youngest

[x_snm]

I'm the youngest and suffer from several forms of mental illness, but my brother also was diagnosed with clinical depression & social anxiety.. but i think that's more so from his childhood.

[treadgently]

I'm the youngest. I've got an older brother who is 8 years older than me and an older sister who is 16 years older than me. I may as well have been an only child by the time I was coming to the end of Primary school and big brother had left home. I'm the only one of the three of us who is a total failure in life and who has mental health problems. I wish my parents hadn't had the idea of wanting another baby again late on and so I wish I'd never been born.

[CommieGirl]

Only child. Bleh. <_<

[carascordellis]

I'm the eldest. It's very interested that almost 50% have said they are the youngest. What's also interesting is that it's oldest and youngest far more than the middle child.

[hummm_mabbe]

As this thread seems to be getting replies fairly regularly, I thought I would post this article I found about how siblings relationships can be just as influential in shaping character and MH problems as parents. Comes from reasonably recent research ongoing in the states and here in the UK. Ive edited some pointless journo fluff from it. The article is good because it draws attention to the almost total ignorance of sibling impacts that modern psychology and psychiatry is guilty of. Of course, you can argue that the parents shape the other sibling too, and so utlimately it trickles down, but I'm sure many of us can attribute specific issues to our sibling relationships. Here's the article:

Ah, siblings: both a blessing and a curse. Approximately 80 percent of Americans have at least one brother or sister; in fact, kids today are more likely to grow up with a sibling than a father, experts say. What's more, the sibling relationship is the longest relationship that most people will have in their lives. Yet brothers and sisters have gotten short shrift in the research about what affects who we are and how we behave, experts say. They've been "amazingly neglected," says Judith Dunn, a professor of developmental psychology at King's College London.

Not least among those now paying attention are psychoanalysts, whose principal preoccupation has traditionally—and with good reason—been the powerful influence of parents. Many psychoanalysts now concede that people can be shaped as much or more by their siblings, says Jonah Schein, an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the Weill Cornell Medical College who held a conference called "Missing: Siblings in Psychoanalysis" last fall.

"My brother certainly did have a big impact on my life," says Lew Bank, 61. Bank is a psychologist and a senior scientist at the Oregon Social Learning Center who studies siblings—an interest that was piqued in part by his strong relationship with his brother. Though the extent of the sibling influence varies greatly from family to family and person to person, "there's growing evidence to suggest that siblings shape each other in important ways," says Laurie Kramer, a professor of applied family studies at the University of Illinois at Urbana, Champaign. Here are a few:

They may buffer stress. Warm sibling relationships can be protective, says Dunn, and seem to buffer kids against stressful events, like parents' separation.

They provide good practice. Research has clocked the rate of sibling squabbles at anywhere between six to 10 disputes per hour for certain childhood age groups, says Kramer. While these conflicts can be a headache for parents, they can help kids make developmental strides in a "safe relationship" and provide good training for interacting with peers, says Kramer. "You know there's nothing really that you can do to make this [other] child terminate the relationship." No matter what, he'll be there tomorrow at the breakfast table. That safety enables siblings to practice behaving in ways they aren't able to with other people. Sibling spats help kids learn what they think is right; to negotiate and compromise; and to tolerate the negative emotions that crop up in life. "This is the bright side," Kramer says. "Obviously, there's an unpleasant side as well."

She adds, "Some evidence suggests that when kids have good relationships with siblings, they're more likely to develop good relationships with their peers." But we're still learning about that, she says.

They may help raise our vulnerability to mental-health issues. Sibling strife during mid-childhood is a predictor of increased anxiety, depression, and delinquent behavior in adolescence, the University of Denver's Clare Stocker has reported. What's more, a 2007 study in the American Journal of Psychiatry found that men who had poor relationships with even one sibling before age 20 were significantly more likely to become depressed by age 50 than men who got along with their siblings, independent of their relationship with their parents. This effect may not hold true for women, who weren't included in the study, notes Robert Waldinger, an associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and leader of the research.

They can grease a slide into bad behavior. Drinking. Smoking. Delinquency. Some research suggests that siblings' bad habits rub off. "If you have a sibling who is participating in those types of activities, then you're at higher risk for participating yourself," says Katherine Jewsbury Conger, an associate professor of human development and family studies at the University of California-Davis who has studied those effects. Patricia East, a research scientist at the University of California's San Diego School of Medicine, has found that girls were more than four times more likely to become pregnant as a teen if a sister had a baby as a teen, compared with girls whose sisters weren't teenage moms.

They may inspire us to be different from them. Accumulating evidence suggests that while some kids strive to be like their siblings, others do the opposite. She's the pretty one, I'll be the smart one. He's the jock, I'll be the scholar. Mark Feinberg, senior research associate at Penn State University's Prevention Research Center for the Promotion of Human Development, studies this "differentiation" process. He says it's how siblings try to carve out their own identity within a family so that each can be "special" in the eyes of parents. In one study, Feinberg found that siblings who were closer in age—say, a year apart—were more likely to differentiate than siblings separated by a bigger age gap, like four years. "Kids do this to minimize rivalry with one another," says Jeanine Vivona, a psychologist and an associate professor at the College of New Jersey. But there may be consequences: "You lose something, some potential you might have had," says Vivona, who has seen these feelings emerge in patients during therapy.

They may make us more jealous of romantic partners. Early sibling jealousy may be a precursor to later romantic jealousy, says Amy Rauer, an assistant professor at Auburn University. Young adults who felt their siblings were favored by parents as kids had lower self-esteem and were more likely to report romantic relationship distress than people who felt they'd had a fair deal, Rauer reported in 2007. The former were more likely to be jealous of partners, suspicious of their loyalty, and wary of them interacting with others, she says. "What seemed to predict really good functioning in your relationship was feeling that you had been treated equally to your sibling," says Rauer.

[hummm_mabbe]

I'm the eldest. It's very interested that almost 50% have said they are the youngest. What's also interesting is that it's oldest and youngest far more than the middle child.

Dont forget that statistics could affect that - more families tend to have only two children, rather than three or more, so our little poll might not be representative. The numbers of only children may be under represented too, really we need control groups and all that good sciencey stuff what we learned in biology

That information does make the difference between olders and youngests more interesting though.

Ross

[xkayleighx]

im eldest, i have two brothers and a sister. but for the first 8years i was treated as a only child due to exactly that, no brothers or sisters lol but now im eldest of 7 as my parents foster, luckily i am out of that situation. i had no common grounds with my siblings because of the age gap and it was always my fault because i was the eldest and should`ve known better. plus the eldest is the one you usually make the most mistakes on, eg i got "smacks" and yet my brother never... weird one, probably didnt help with the green eyed monster and invalidation... i got named after a song about heart break, and the next one got named ryan which means little king.... and my mum changed jobs when he was born so she had more time... yet she didnt do that when i was little... hardly saw parents for first 8years cos of their work, sunday if i was lucky but then it was F1 season most of the time ... oh the abandonment issues lol omg im going soo off topic lol sorry ross :lol:

[SkyeMaria]

I'm the oldest. :)

[msmaz]

I am a middle child ; older brother;5 year age gap and younger sister;2 year age gap.

[Crow]

They may make us more jealous of romantic partners. Early sibling jealousy may be a precursor to later romantic jealousy, says Amy Rauer, an assistant professor at Auburn University. Young adults who felt their siblings were favored by parents as kids had lower self-esteem and were more likely to report romantic relationship distress than people who felt they'd had a fair deal, Rauer reported in 2007. The former were more likely to be jealous of partners, suspicious of their loyalty, and wary of them interacting with others, she says. "What seemed to predict really good functioning in your relationship was feeling that you had been treated equally to your sibling," says Rauer.

Wow, that rings so true for me. I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused by my parents but my younger brother wasn't and I can get insanely jealous with my current partner even now.

[Bigmouth_strikes_again]

I'm the youngest... my two older brothers have always hung out with each other, and i've always been completely alone :(

[rmorgan_uk]

im the eldest my younger sister is two years younger than me happily married with two children. dont know what the hell happened to me.

[Bigmouth_strikes_again]

im the eldest my younger sister is two years younger than me happily married with two children. dont know what the hell happened to me.

My brother is 2 years older, has a full time job, a home, a fiancee and a baby on the way.. I'm stuck with my parents, no job, no nothing :blink: