Barebones Posted April 18, 2010 Report Share Posted April 18, 2010 data, u should get to bed, u are repeating uself. more sleep, would help, i can actually say that does help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted April 18, 2010 Report Share Posted April 18, 2010 Data, I'm just trying to view it from your wife's point of view. Yes she missed the lice. I just don't understand why you feel showing her that card will do any good. it would only upset her. And i don't understand how you can sit back and and let your mum have a go at your wife. you know she is going to call her tomorrow. You know your wife is fragile. I'm hoping you will think of an alternative approach. Talk to your wife and daughter together, come up with a hair care plan. Hair tied back at school etc. Using a nit comb, conditioner. Talk about the routine you will get your daughter into. I don't feel your wife deserves to be punished for this. Kids get lice. Ok she didn't check when your daughter said she was itchy. that was wrong. But that card is just pure emotional blackmail...Grandma is really really really etc angry with you. This is no longer about your daughter. its about the dynamics between you your wife and your mother. You complain your mother is controlling, but you are allowing her to be. You are enabling her. Can you not see this? how can you sit back and let your mother call your wife knowing she is just going to have a go at her and upset her? You are supposed to be partners. But right now, it looks like you and your mother against your wife. Thats what i don't understand. Your wife is yur partner, and although your mum did the head lice treatment, what right has she got to call up your wife and have a go at her? And you are allowing it? I just want you to take a step back and think about these two women in your life. You are taking no responsibility. you are like piggy in the middle. You should take control of the situation and take the control away from your mother. You may find it does you the world of good to take that control back from her. Thank her for doing the hair because you were busy composting, but say you will talk to your wife about it on your own. I'm not having a go at you data, i just want you to perhaps see there is another way, and it may bring you and your wife closer together if you miss out 'the mother in law' and approach it as a problem together, as a couple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Summer* Posted April 18, 2010 Report Share Posted April 18, 2010 I really don't understand you people. Maybe try and word it better?You have also been given some good advice here too Data. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guntarded Posted April 18, 2010 Report Share Posted April 18, 2010 Data, My only criticism of you from this point is when you did discover that there was lice in the hair. As you say it wasn't until today when you were covered in mud/compost. All I judged you on then was what you did about it once you knew about its existence. The thing I do not get is your claim of being so intelligent, so PhD and you didn't realise your daughter had lice still. Do you never go and hug your daughter...kiss her head...etc, then its noticed by actually seeing it... but the thing that really bugs me, is your intent of showing us all this poor 9 year old's heartfelt plea for help....you are the PhD adult...so smart and self aware, and yet she writes out this thing for someone to please help her and your first reaction is to scan it in and show it on here....yes by that you are neglectful...I don't care too much about the wife, or the mother...all are adults...but this child is the innocent and your too busy trying to win points and score victories over your wife...of who is the better person...when not one of you is adult enough to see your kid is in desperate need to get treated... selfish, irresponsible and not smart...especially for a PhD student, you really disgust me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skp67 Posted April 19, 2010 Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 Kids the world over get lice, some treated some arnt but hey your poor little one has them so they need to be treated. I can remember sitting combing my daughters hair for ages in the bath, then my husband would have a turn. I remember her seeing it eventually as a game to see how many would come out, bit sick really but at the end of it so long as she was happy thats all that mattered. The arguing over who treats them should stop, people are getting wound up by it all and thats not good either for anyone. So hey, comb, comb and comb on a nightly basis until you find no more of the buggers and you will soon have a happy child again. Scally x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted April 19, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 This is no longer about your daughter. its about the dynamics between you your wife and your mother. You complain your mother is controlling, but you are allowing her to be. You are enabling her. Can you not see this? how can you sit back and let your mother call your wife knowing she is just going to have a go at her and upset her? You are supposed to be partners. But right now, it looks like you and your mother against your wife. Thats what i don't understand. Your wife is yur partner, and although your mum did the head lice treatment, what right has she got to call up your wife and have a go at her? And you are allowing it? I just want you to take a step back and think about these two women in your life. You are taking no responsibility. you are like piggy in the middle. You should take control of the situation and take the control away from your mother. You may find it does you the world of good to take that control back from her. Thank her for doing the hair because you were busy composting, but say you will talk to your wife about it on your own. I'm not having a go at you data, i just want you to perhaps see there is another way, and it may bring you and your wife closer together if you miss out 'the mother in law' and approach it as a problem together, as a couple. I will have a think about this, and a discussion with my therapist. I will show him the card. Thanks for your input, Ingrid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted April 19, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 Data, My only criticism of you from this point is when you did discover that there was lice in the hair. As you say it wasn't until today when you were covered in mud/compost. All I judged you on then was what you did about it once you knew about its existence. The thing I do not get is your claim of being so intelligent, so PhD and you didn't realise your daughter had lice still. Do you never go and hug your daughter...kiss her head...etc, then its noticed by actually seeing it... but the thing that really bugs me, is your intent of showing us all this poor 9 year old's heartfelt plea for help....you are the PhD adult...so smart and self aware, and yet she writes out this thing for someone to please help her and your first reaction is to scan it in and show it on here....yes by that you are neglectful...I don't care too much about the wife, or the mother...all are adults...but this child is the innocent and your too busy trying to win points and score victories over your wife...of who is the better person...when not one of you is adult enough to see your kid is in desperate need to get treated... selfish, irresponsible and not smart...especially for a PhD student, you really disgust me I have to disagree, obviously. It looks like you are not a friend of mine, thats ok, I don't have to be friends with everyone. Incidentally it wasn't my first reaction. My first reaction was to discuss it calmly with my wife, my mother, my daughter. There were extensive discussions before this post was made. But you don't want to hear about that, because it interferes with your black-and-white thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted April 19, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 Kids the world over get lice, some treated some arnt but hey your poor little one has them so they need to be treated. I can remember sitting combing my daughters hair for ages in the bath, then my husband would have a turn. I remember her seeing it eventually as a game to see how many would come out, bit sick really but at the end of it so long as she was happy thats all that mattered. The arguing over who treats them should stop, people are getting wound up by it all and thats not good either for anyone. So hey, comb, comb and comb on a nightly basis until you find no more of the buggers and you will soon have a happy child again. Scally x My wife has bought another head lice medicine which the chemist says is better. Perhaps we will do the treatment thing together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted April 19, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 data maybe your mum could help out with this if you wont do it it takes patience - which i DONT have - and we often had tears - but you can sort it - without bloody chemicals we used to send kids home until they had been treated (combed ) - but then suddenly it breached their bloody human rights or something ffs I think that the advice I have been given here sounds sensible. My daughter needs to be combed regularly with a nit comb as well as using the chemicals according to the instructions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted April 19, 2010 Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 This is no longer about your daughter. its about the dynamics between you your wife and your mother. You complain your mother is controlling, but you are allowing her to be. You are enabling her. Can you not see this? how can you sit back and let your mother call your wife knowing she is just going to have a go at her and upset her? You are supposed to be partners. But right now, it looks like you and your mother against your wife. Thats what i don't understand. Your wife is yur partner, and although your mum did the head lice treatment, what right has she got to call up your wife and have a go at her? And you are allowing it? I just want you to take a step back and think about these two women in your life. You are taking no responsibility. you are like piggy in the middle. You should take control of the situation and take the control away from your mother. You may find it does you the world of good to take that control back from her. Thank her for doing the hair because you were busy composting, but say you will talk to your wife about it on your own. I'm not having a go at you data, i just want you to perhaps see there is another way, and it may bring you and your wife closer together if you miss out 'the mother in law' and approach it as a problem together, as a couple. I will have a think about this, and a discussion with my therapist. I will show him the card. Thanks for your input, Ingrid. Thanks Data. I'm glad you saw it as input and not a personal attack-It wasn't meant to be a personal attack Good luck with it all. i hope you get it resolved soon Ingrid x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted April 19, 2010 Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 Well I am a bitch then but it seemed to me that nit combing techniques and support had no place on a mental health support site. If this is how your family responds to the simplle little things in life it's no wonder you are so dysfunctional. If you had "extensive talks" about nit combing responsiblities I would hate to try and discuss money, sex or major issues with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted April 19, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 Thanks Data. I'm glad you saw it as input and not a personal attack-It wasn't meant to be a personal attack Good luck with it all. i hope you get it resolved soon Thanks. Because you said it in a supportive manner, without resorting to nastiness and judgement, I felt able to consider your reply carefully. It strikes me that you are motivated by a desire to help,. I can see that when the person speaking to me isn't jumping in and being hyper-critical. Maybe I am not seeing the big picture. My wife has made some mistakes, we all make mistakes,m we are all human. We have had some discussions today with my mum/wife/me and we have been able to chat without resuorting to disrespect or unnecessary criticism. That is good (and a bonus in our family). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted April 19, 2010 Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 Hey Data, Well done. Thats great news. I'm so glad you managed to sort it out and talk about it without argument. You should be proud of yourself x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted April 19, 2010 Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 I know i can come across as harsh sometimes...but i do mean well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted April 19, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 Well I am a bitch then but it seemed to me that nit combing techniques and support had no place on a mental health support site. If this is how your family responds to the simplle little things in life it's no wonder you are so dysfunctional. If you had "extensive talks" about nit combing responsiblities I would hate to try and discuss money, sex or major issues with you. I find this response unbelievable. I have BPD. I am emotionally volatile. Things which to most people are mundane cause me to have a crisis. Its the nature of BPD. Its also the nature of BPD that my family are dysfunctional. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted April 19, 2010 Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 your therapist wh oyou pay who has known you 5 minutes says you have BPD hun. I understand that things are volatile and emotions run high but we are talking bout nit combing here. Perspective is needed. It's not a highly emotionally charged topic. You buy some lotion, you apply it, end of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tink_85 Posted April 19, 2010 Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 OMG this shouldnt be in the creative corner, it should be wiv social services, ur child's mind is obviously messed up data, and u know what in 15 - 20 years time ur daughter will be the one using this site. im not criticizing this site because actually i love it here but u should want the best for ur children, and i dont find u posting it on here one little ounce amusing. :angry: :angry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Summer* Posted April 19, 2010 Report Share Posted April 19, 2010 OMG this shouldnt be in the creative corner, it should be wiv social services, ur child's mind is obviously messed up data, and u know what in 15 - 20 years time ur daughter will be the one using this site. im not criticizing this site because actually i love it here but u should want the best for ur children, and i dont find u posting it on here one little ounce amusing. :angry: I was thinking exactly the same,Why is this posted in creative corner?Also i don't know what BPD has do with your daughter having nits :wacko: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benway Posted May 1, 2010 Report Share Posted May 1, 2010 Data, I read somewhere on a topic of yours recently that your wife should maybe try coming here for some support. Yes, to whoever posted it, Its a great idea. We would certainly support her. I know how it feels to be overwhelmed by young kids, responsibilities, living up to the societal labels of 'Wife', Mother' , 'Worker' etc. But how could Sarah get the help she needs here after you blabbing your intimate delails, classics such as (My dear Wife)"thank you for the sanitary towel i found stuck to a bathroom towel this morning, what a lovely gift to leave me' spring to mind. You have totally bastardised Sarah on these forums, have admitted you push her out of the way for being 'slow', divulged the contents of her handbag, posted pictures of your house- your inner sanctum- and all the time playing the blame game. I could go on, but i'll leave it, as i feel so sorry for her. So if Sarah ever did join this forum, I think it would be extremely painful for her. Have you ever thought of that? And we are fucking nuts, yea. Thank you for removing yourself from my friends list, initially i felt rejected, but now i'm quite happy. It must be terrible suffering from Cold Bottle Syndrome - the one mummy gave you by accident in 1974. Oooh needs all the pwivate tweapy u can gets for dat. Yes data, you have all the nice private therapy, and leave Sarah to her NHS ph calls. If you love your wife, as you occasionally bleat, then get her some therapy, you make a bloody sacrifice for a change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted May 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted May 13, 2010 The judgemental, extreme and unsupportive responses I get here are in my experience, unfortunately, typical of this forum. I don't tend to get these responses in real life. I don't get these responses in the other forum that I go to either. I wonder why this is? The answer is, because this is primarily a site for people with personality disorders. The responses are negative projections, i.e. reflections of the poster's own internal anger and distress. The danger with this site is that a lot of members lack insight/self-awareness, and they are driven by their own (very powerful) emotions, which they don't always understand. People here are often quick to judge, and I have felt very misunderstood here. I think that is because a lot of the people posting here don't even understand themself, let alone other people. If other people suffer the same kind of treatment, they might want to bear this in mind. Its fortunate that I have some friends here also, who have been very supportive to me. Thats the flip-side; this place has lots of people who are going through similar issues to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted May 13, 2010 Report Share Posted May 13, 2010 The judgemental, extreme and unsupportive responses I get here are in my experience, unfortunately, typical of this forum. I don't tend to get these responses in real life. I don't get these responses in the other forum that I go to either. I wonder why this is? The answer is, because this is primarily a site for people with personality disorders. The responses are negative projections, i.e. reflections of the poster's own internal anger and distress. The danger with this site is that a lot of members lack insight/self-awareness, and they are driven by their own (very powerful) emotions, which they don't always understand. People here are often quick to judge, and I have felt very misunderstood here. I think that is because a lot of the people posting here don't even understand themself, let alone other people. If other people suffer the same kind of treatment, they might want to bear this in mind. Its fortunate that I have some friends here also, who have been very supportive to me. Thats the flip-side; this place has lots of people who are going through similar issues to me. An opposing opinion is not being judgemental or unsupportive. Not everybody is going to agree with you all the time-and it has nothing to do with my personality disorder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarabpd Posted May 13, 2010 Report Share Posted May 13, 2010 It has alot to do with Narcissistic tendencies. If he cannot control this then let him be and do not enter the thread. We all suffer here and whoever supports will not get through this layer of skin so don't beat yourselves up by his comments. Let him be and get the support you deserve and not clouded by others misfortunes. We all have traits of some form or another and we often do not see how we hurt people and that is the sad thing. Just leave him and let his 'friends' support him . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted May 13, 2010 Report Share Posted May 13, 2010 I agree with you both, Ingrid and Sassy. To not be able to accept alternative opinions is a reflection on his own character, not ours. Love and light to you all x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tray Posted May 13, 2010 Report Share Posted May 13, 2010 why is everyone pickin on data again. i was and fuk it stil am gona post a topic along these lines so why not have a go at me as well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted May 13, 2010 Report Share Posted May 13, 2010 Tray your thread is nothing along these lines. You have posted about some serious concerns for a child's welfare. What was happening here was totally different. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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