Manic Thoughts

[sanctuary]

Ok, am going to let this all just blab out. I'm on a bit of a manic and feel like I have OCD right now (flat's a shithole but it's an organised mess, even the dirty dishes are stacked neatly for god knows when i decide to wash them lol)

Anyway, so I have been having these thoughts lately about how can I prepare myself for the coming long dark winter knowing that winter can exagerrate all the feelings of misery, pain, agony and depression?

Right, now I've painted a picture (coz it's there in my head as a reminder) and right now I am enjoying the rays of the sun, feeling euphoric and the complete opposite of that picture in my mind.

So, am I manic, and is this a gross exagerration of happiness, a sort of bipolar opposite of the depths of despair they call depression.

I want to bottle some of these feelings now, I want to remember the sun on my face, feel the warm breeze flow through my dress and lift me up til I feel like I'm flying.... blah blah blah you get the picture... over optimism YET.... in the winter, some of the most healing times I have is 'remembering' the good times. I feel like the more good times I have to remember in the winter from the summers is by far going to be my best chance of surviving this coming winter.

I am terrified to the point of obsessive compulsion that somehow the winter is actually going to be the death of me but I have time to make plans......i think i may have seasonal affective disorder caused by yet another of my crushing inability to adjust to change. British seasons are all emcompassing... why do we have to go through such extremes?? It's not fair. I need consistency. But I'd guess knowing the law of karma, I would get to a preferrably hot country and there would be a freak weather storm of ice cold rain. Trees look dead in winter, then in summer they are magnificently alive. I feel like that :(

[fedup!]

Hey Sanc xxxxxxx

How you feeling now, hun? I hear what you're saying. I think there should be a section on the forum for S.A.D. - for people who have been diagnosed with it and for others who definately have symptoms.

I know I sound like the worst girl guide (sorry!) but maybe if you start to plan how you will keep well over winter it may be a positive step for you. Find a good website, start a sub-section on the forum, find out how others get through it. Can you visit anywhere sunny?

Hate to think of you panicking during summer, hun. Have a safety net in place for when things go grey and feel how bright the world is at the momnet, with you in it xxxxxxxx