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Bullies


Pixie Hollow

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This is a MH site and i have been reading threads and noticed bulying here,Slit made a post about spell checking which she later apologised for,I was disappointed when i read after she apologised that people were still having ago at her.

It is not just her but there are others too that are bullied here and i think it is awful,I will not post about mysel in fear of being judged too.The rep system is a sample i think,I have used it myself but don't you think it is a little pathetic having such a system like this on a mental health forum?

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I agree in one way, there does seem to be alot of bullies and cowards here. On the other hand there are some decent people here, some inspiring and loving people. The site is well run but it is constantly fighting some very ugly characters. I am left thinking what would I do if this were my site? Just keep on doing my best and that is what I think is being done by the managers. I think with personality disorder you are more likely to meet abrupt people that can be really nasty so maybe it is the nature of the beast?

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Hi everyone,

You can never choose what others post here but you can choose how to react to the posts. I think the best way is to never take anything personally. Thats the best and only advice I can give to people! I know easier said than done, but why make that persons opinion matter when he/she should mean nothing to you.

I know its hard to ignore hurtful comments and not defend when someone verbally attacks and critizises, but ignoring is the only way to not get dragged into bullying, finger pointing and arguements that become pointless and OTT when loadsa stubborn, possibly mentally ill people start fighting wanting to have the last word. If you think someone is a bully then report that person to the staff and they will sort it out.

So just leave it, if you dont respond to bullying, the bully will soon find another person to bully. Leaving the subject alone shows integrity and intelligence. Dont allow yourself to sink as low as the bully. Dont even bother answering the bullies comments because they were meant to provoke a reaction and the bully wins!! Just think you are better than that and definately smarter than that.

x

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I agree Dani but I do like the perfect example of bully/coward. They play it all out and in private also. Pixie it isn't worth it, report the PM's and ignore the rest these topics about bullying encourage a gang mentality. I have faith the managers deal with all this properly.

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SLIT

just to reply back to you from your other post in the now closed topic

as i was late getting her

data was not bullying you by neg your post

i neg it myself it was rude and horrible

and in case you didnt notice ALOT more peeps did

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I think it is important to realize that this is a mental health forum and some people will take things personally because of their illnesses. You have the people that are not feeling so good and are looking for support, the people that feel okay and are wanting to provide support and then the people in the middle that experience a bit of both. At any time, any of us really could slip into any of these categories.

The thing is to try and ignore it the best you can, and reporting it if you feel that is right.

Do take care

Emmie xxx

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Pixie I understand that some of what goes on can be upsetting,you can avoid those kinds of threads though. And focus on the positive ones,if all members did that the arguments wouldnt go on and on.

In that light I think starting this thread only adds fuel to the fire. If you have concerns you can always send in a report,a ticket or PM a staffmember.

Lilly

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i was attacked and bullied when i first joined here and reported it to staff. not sure what action was taken but they have left me alone now. so lilly is right. shame it exists in a place like this.

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When you are bullied online you have the advantage of choosing not to read, putting people on ignore, and avoiding their threads. With every situation that is difficult there is an opportunity to learn something. Face to face we don't have an ignore button. You can use these situations as golden opportunities to practice coping strategies that will be useful in the "Real world"

People often refer to a "Safe place" online. Some deem this to be a place where they are wrapped in plastic bubble wrap and protected from every snide remark. But what really is a safe place? Is there a safe place to make mistakes? Screw up? get it wrong? If you don't have those opportunities how can you learn to better yourself?

There will always be "Trolls" in this world and you can't change that. What you can change, is how you react (or choose not to react) to those people. The power and control is really in your hands.

WP

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When you are bullied online you have the advantage of choosing not to read, putting people on ignore, and avoiding their threads. With every situation that is difficult there is an opportunity to learn something. Face to face we don't have an ignore button. You can use these situations as golden opportunities to practice coping strategies that will be useful in the "Real world"

People often refer to a "Safe place" online. Some deem this to be a place where they are wrapped in plastic bubble wrap and protected from every snide remark. But what really is a safe place? Is there a safe place to make mistakes? Screw up? get it wrong? If you don't have those opportunities how can you learn to better yourself?

There will always be "Trolls" in this world and you can't change that. What you can change, is how you react (or choose not to react) to those people. The power and control is really in your hands.

WP

as you have just washed yours of all responsibility. not that you're a bully. as a mod though you are a safe-guarder. the police take on-line bullying very seriously. they dont tell you to just ignore it and it will go away.

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but staff dont do anything about bullying here, the offical line is allways to sort it out yourself or ignore the person, which sometimes is gd advice but sometimes not. everyone vulnerable here, but some are sometimes more so, and certain situations would benefit from staff offically doing something about the bullying, like if its many people ganging up on one, if its someone having a go ast someone in crisis, someone having a go at a v young member, people spreading lies or rumours,people v visabley using the rep system to get at certain people. staff do a really great job of intervening when someone breaks a rule (and really great job in other ways too), but there are plenty of ways of bullying people without breaking the rules and clearly that goes on here. and it doesnt just effect the person whose being bullied it effects the whole forum, how many people do not post for support for fear of being treated in the same way because they dont see staff stepping in.

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It is a lot more difficult than you might realise for the staff to prevent bullying. The situations are very rarely as simple as lots of people ganging up on one for no reason, for example. We do try very hard to protect the people here from bullies and trolls, but there are some situations in which people have personal disagreements which escalate, and we're not about to ban someone for having an opinion. For the other times, we're only human and while we do try as hard as we can to prevent the bullying and keep everyone happy, there will be times we make mistakes and people get upset, which is when what Warrior Princess said comes into play, we need to learn to protect ourselves for the times when someone isn't there to protect us.

We staff are like your sword when you're fighting the enemy, but sometimes you drop your sword or it gets too blunt, and that's when your suit of armour has to be put to the test. :)

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I've been here for quite a while and was a moderator at one point. It is very difficult for the staff. I've been on both sides. have been bullied a bit and as a staff member tried to stop or prevent bullying. Mental health is a very complex thing and emotions run high. People seem to think the staff do nothing but there is a lot going on behind the scenes. Bullying is part of everyday life. In the workplace, on the internet, family etc. I think its how we deal with it individually that counts. Bullies thrive on response. If you can hold your head up high and ignore it, you are the better person and they will get bored.

Thats the way i see it anyway

Ingrid

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It is a lot more difficult than you might realise for the staff to prevent bullying. The situations are very rarely as simple as lots of people ganging up on one for no reason, for example. We do try very hard to protect the people here from bullies and trolls, but there are some situations in which people have personal disagreements which escalate, and we're not about to ban someone for having an opinion. For the other times, we're only human and while we do try as hard as we can to prevent the bullying and keep everyone happy, there will be times we make mistakes and people get upset, which is when what Warrior Princess said comes into play, we need to learn to protect ourselves for the times when someone isn't there to protect us.

We staff are like your sword when you're fighting the enemy, but sometimes you drop your sword or it gets too blunt, and that's when your suit of armour has to be put to the test. :)

i know its not as simple as it sounds, but if i can post saying can people pls stop bullying and think about whether or not they are being supportive then im damn sure staff can, and itd have alot more pull coming from them, but rarely if ever do i see that

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This is because (as we have said a number of times before) we work on the basis that everyone here is adult and issues should be resolved, as much as possible, through member communication rather than staff intervention.

This isnt something thats likely to change. What I will say though is a lot of work gos on behind the scenes here so its best not to make assumptions.

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It is a lot more difficult than you might realise for the staff to prevent bullying. The situations are very rarely as simple as lots of people ganging up on one for no reason, for example. We do try very hard to protect the people here from bullies and trolls, but there are some situations in which people have personal disagreements which escalate, and we're not about to ban someone for having an opinion. For the other times, we're only human and while we do try as hard as we can to prevent the bullying and keep everyone happy, there will be times we make mistakes and people get upset, which is when what Warrior Princess said comes into play, we need to learn to protect ourselves for the times when someone isn't there to protect us.

We staff are like your sword when you're fighting the enemy, but sometimes you drop your sword or it gets too blunt, and that's when your suit of armour has to be put to the test. :)

i know its not as simple as it sounds, but if i can post saying can people pls stop bullying and think about whether or not they are being supportive then im damn sure staff can, and itd have alot more pull coming from them, but rarely if ever do i see that

Staff normally would keep that sort of thing to PM, so the person didn't feel like they were being publicly picked on or singled out. We'd send a PM explaining why we're PMing them and asking them to stop in the future, and if they don't we deal with it appropriately.

A lot of the bullying here does start behind the scenes, and if people don't tell us who is bullying them etc, there's nothing we can do because we don't know they're being bullied, so it's important people aren't afraid to come to us, and do come to us so we can help them. We don't want to butt in all the time and ruin peoples' fun so we need to be made aware of a problem in order to be able to take action, bullying is very hard to spot and friendly bantering is easy to mistake for it. If it all just kicks up suddenly on the board, we don't know who to blame, so it makes it hard for us to really deal with it. We do try to though, we don't always succeed but we really do try as hard as we can.

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I agree we are all adults and I have had some minor bullying here which I dealt with myself and some major bullying which the staff dealt with quickly and with kindness. I have also been called a bully a few times. I am still not sure these discussions help the problem as it gives it all fuel.

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but if it doesnt make any difference, and the same people are still attacking others time and time again for the fun of it then it obviously isnt working

from what iv seen there have been a number of people who are sometimes very supportive to others but who also turn round and attact people, bully them, etc and do so again and again and yet nothing ever seems to get done about that. just because people are sometimes lovely doesnt excuse bullying others, and if they are clearly not listening to staff pming them then something shd be said publicly so those on the recieving end dont feel trageted and let down, and to reassure those who see what a vicious atmosphere it sometimes is.

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I also believe this would bully and bullying is thrown around all to easily. The people who use this forum have the ability to block messages, posts, threads etc from people who they dont like/dont get on with. This being said i would find it difficult for someone to be bullied.

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It is a lot more difficult than you might realise for the staff to prevent bullying. The situations are very rarely as simple as lots of people ganging up on one for no reason, for example. We do try very hard to protect the people here from bullies and trolls, but there are some situations in which people have personal disagreements which escalate, and we're not about to ban someone for having an opinion. For the other times, we're only human and while we do try as hard as we can to prevent the bullying and keep everyone happy, there will be times we make mistakes and people get upset, which is when what Warrior Princess said comes into play, we need to learn to protect ourselves for the times when someone isn't there to protect us.

We staff are like your sword when you're fighting the enemy, but sometimes you drop your sword or it gets too blunt, and that's when your suit of armour has to be put to the test. :)

i know its not as simple as it sounds, but if i can post saying can people pls stop bullying and think about whether or not they are being supportive then im damn sure staff can, and itd have alot more pull coming from them, but rarely if ever do i see that

Staff normally would keep that sort of thing to PM, so the person didn't feel like they were being publicly picked on or singled out. We'd send a PM explaining why we're PMing them and asking them to stop in the future, and if they don't we deal with it appropriately.

A lot of the bullying here does start behind the scenes, and if people don't tell us who is bullying them etc, there's nothing we can do because we don't know they're being bullied, so it's important people aren't afraid to come to us, and do come to us so we can help them. We don't want to butt in all the time and ruin peoples' fun so we need to be made aware of a problem in order to be able to take action, bullying is very hard to spot and friendly bantering is easy to mistake for it. If it all just kicks up suddenly on the board, we don't know who to blame, so it makes it hard for us to really deal with it. We do try to though, we don't always succeed but we really do try as hard as we can.

indeed. what may offend one may not offend another

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