jam-parker Posted February 2, 2011 Report Share Posted February 2, 2011 Hello This is an open Invitation to all. I offer support to those addicted to Alcohol and other things like drugs I have addictive tendencies and I was a Big drinker until the 31st August 2010. I am making an offer of support to those who find they have similar addictions or tendencies. I am able to advise and reflect through my own experiences. I understand fully the loss of conrtol and the feelings of hopelessness. I have experienced the knock on effect to friends and family caused by these feelings. I have other conditions (please read my content). If you feel I can help you then please feel free to post here and I will get back to you. If you think I am ignoring your reply please comment me to draw my attention to your plight. Thank you for reading, I hope you will choose to reply. Jamie xxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starryeyesee Posted February 2, 2011 Report Share Posted February 2, 2011 Hi Moondragon This is really kind of you I stopped drinking 13 days ago and it has been very hard emotionally so well done you. I definitly feel better physically though. starry xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 2, 2011 Report Share Posted February 2, 2011 hi thanks for this post i think it come just a the right time for me. i saw my alcohol worker yesterday and have asked to go back on antabuse as thats the one thing that has kept me sober for any length of time and i am now at a point in my life where i keep hitting the rock bottoms but each time they just get bigger and deeper. anyway they have told me i need to reduce down to drinking nothing over next 4 weeks, at present i am drinking 10 cans a lager a day, so that for me is going to be a massive challenge cos once i start drinking i cant stop till its all gone and even then when i only buy say 4-6 cans i go out and buy more to get me to the point of where i need to be. up till x mas i was drinking nearly a litre of vodka a day and so have stopped that now so it can be done i think just bloody hard work. they have also told me i need to go into the local psych hospital for a detox which will be the fourth detox third in hospital which i am not happy bout cos i hate that place with a passion. i dont understand why a detox needs to take place in a psych unit. anyway thanks again for the post and i am sure i will be posting again soon especially as i try and reduce by next wed i have to be down to 8 cans a day so here goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2011 Hi Moondragon This is really kind of you I stopped drinking 13 days ago and it has been very hard emotionally so well done you. I definitly feel better physically though. starry xxx Starry1 Thank you. Well done, 13 days doesn't sound unlucky at all to me. Im glad you are getting over the worst of the physical symptoms. How are you feeling today? You sound as bright as your forum name. Jamie xx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2011 hi thanks for this post i think it come just a the right time for me. i saw my alcohol worker yesterday and have asked to go back on antabuse as thats the one thing that has kept me sober for any length of time and i am now at a point in my life where i keep hitting the rock bottoms but each time they just get bigger and deeper. anyway they have told me i need to reduce down to drinking nothing over next 4 weeks, at present i am drinking 10 cans a lager a day, so that for me is going to be a massive challenge cos once i start drinking i cant stop till its all gone and even then when i only buy say 4-6 cans i go out and buy more to get me to the point of where i need to be. up till x mas i was drinking nearly a litre of vodka a day and so have stopped that now so it can be done i think just bloody hard work. they have also told me i need to go into the local psych hospital for a detox which will be the fourth detox third in hospital which i am not happy bout cos i hate that place with a passion. i dont understand why a detox needs to take place in a psych unit. anyway thanks again for the post and i am sure i will be posting again soon especially as i try and reduce by next wed i have to be down to 8 cans a day so here goes. spudnbeans ( good name ) Fistly good luck on reaching your goal. I understand the downward spiral I and hope you dont ever hit the bottom too hard. I would think that alcohol addiction is also psychological and that is why they offer you the additional support. Often there is something under the surface that simply taking away your drink wouldn't ease. Drinking is an addiction and alongside the emotional support, I am glad you are beginning to recognise that you have patterns to your behaviour. If you have been able to change from drinking vodka, have you considered cutting down in other ways, for example buying less intoxicating lagers? Also I can see you recognise the cost involved. I found that presonally the money I spent encouraged feelings of guilt that would allow me to further sink into a drunken stupor as a safe and blank space to hide. One of the things that helped me was I kept a diary of my spending for 2 months and that helped me to see patterns and also to think on good days about how I could have spent the money. I used to get to the 2-3rd drink, and go fuck it I just don't care anymore if this is similar to you, are there other things affecting and possibly justifying your drinking? It is possibly something to consider or look at. Be Brave and continue tackling this head on. You can do this. I alays say take anything I say with lashings of salt, and If i have put one word that matters, then it is time well spent. Please let me know here, how you are getting on. Take care of yourself, spudnbeans (such a good name. ) Jamie xx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 2, 2011 Report Share Posted February 2, 2011 hi well a total failure tonight i dont normally drink when my kids are with me which is 3 days a week but as the weeks go by i am finding it more and more impossible not to drink. yesterday i only had 4 cans of lager which was ok but tonight i hit the vodka again as the kids must not see me drink if i have lager they will know if i hit the vodka they dont cos its only a coke can they see i am trying so hard to cut down but when i drink lager they can see i need them not to see so tonight i have done half litre of vodka which makes me cross cos i not done that since before xmas i am stuck so badly cos i need to drink and cant drink lager when they round so i need to drink vodka which makes me take few steps back i hate this life so badly i cant admit to anyone other than social worker and psych i am strugling my ex will see it as failure so will my mum they will use it against me to get control of kids and i dont want that but i cant live without alcohol i cant do more than few hours sober each day what the hell am i doing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2011 hi well a total failure tonight i dont normally drink when my kids are with me which is 3 days a week but as the weeks go by i am finding it more and more impossible not to drink. yesterday i only had 4 cans of lager which was ok but tonight i hit the vodka again as the kids must not see me drink if i have lager they will know if i hit the vodka they dont cos its only a coke can they see i am trying so hard to cut down but when i drink lager they can see i need them not to see so tonight i have done half litre of vodka which makes me cross cos i not done that since before xmas i am stuck so badly cos i need to drink and cant drink lager when they round so i need to drink vodka which makes me take few steps back i hate this life so badly i cant admit to anyone other than social worker and psych i am strugling my ex will see it as failure so will my mum they will use it against me to get control of kids and i dont want that but i cant live without alcohol i cant do more than few hours sober each day what the hell am i doing Spudnbeans I know you are feeling low right now. It used to be a fear of mine that if everything came out that I would lose more by being honest. Looking back I wish that those who were closest to me would have intervened, also that I had done something about it sooner. I would say your biggest duty tonight would be to making sure you and your children are as safe as you can. For tonight don't live without I just suggest that you try to mix some soft drinks with your vodka and coke, maybe alternate coke or water, just try to moderate your alcohol intake. As for your situation I am free to talk more about it but I know that once haze comes down everything becomes so much more difficult. To give an example you could relate to yourself I have spent a long time building up a support network of people I can trust and it is not always easy to ask for help. for me these are people outside of my current situation and I find as long as I am honest and earnest . These are proffesionals who are trained to help us. As for failing you are trying to stop and that in itself is something to take heart from. If you cannot tell your closest friends and family out of fear then fall back to those who are able to be impartial. I am going to have to take my medication but i'll stay on as long as I can, just don't think you have been abandoned if I drift off. Remember I said at the start comment me if you need me to pay attention to a reply here. and these are opinions, it is you that has the power at the end of the day spudnbeans. Also I ask you to read my replies in the cold light of day (sober). Jamie Edit-spelling mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 2, 2011 Report Share Posted February 2, 2011 really struggling tonight but i have to go nowas i need to settle my son so he goes to sleep not looking forward to that cos i got to dig deep and look sober so will take tabs abd go to bed hopefully you are round tomorro thing with having threads like this is people hang onto them and it not possible for you to be there all the time i know that so i post as if you are there and will pick it up when you are i dont expect you to be threre 24 so dont worry on that one i just struggle cos as soonas i know someone is there who relates then i am there too cos it dont happen very often/ cheers for the thread anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 2, 2011 Report Share Posted February 2, 2011 moondragon i so srtruggling tonight and could really do with some support but you not around so i will do something positive and take myself off to bed lets hope you are around in the morning i am not expecting you 24/7 i am just struggling and needed a friend thats all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2011 really struggling tonight but i have to go nowas i need to settle my son so he goes to sleep not looking forward to that cos i got to dig deep and look sober so will take tabs abd go to bed hopefully you are round tomorro thing with having threads like this is people hang onto them and it not possible for you to be there all the time i know that so i post as if you are there and will pick it up when you are i dont expect you to be threre 24 so dont worry on that one i just struggle cos as soonas i know someone is there who relates then i am there too cos it dont happen very often/ cheers for the thread anyway Spudnbeans I can see you care deeply for your children, that is a good sign and If it werent for my four children, I wouldn't have made it. I hope you all rest well tonight. You are right I can offer support and advice as long as I am available to do so. Thank you for your understanding. I say again, if you read back over my replies I am hopeful that there are things you can relate to in your own circumstances. You can then use them to gain the strength and courage to beat your addiction. I can only show you the door it is you who must walk through it (The Matrix, I know.) Good luck and stay safe. Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 hi i struggling again tonight 8 cans down and i am alone as usual feelings of being alone are massive kids have gone and not back till mon night so alone and struggling till then is anyone around Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 hi i struggling again tonight 8 cans down and i am alone as usual feelings of being alone are massive kids have gone and not back till mon night so alone and struggling till then is anyone around Spudnbeans Firstly I am sorry that I wasn't available when you needed me, I have started on anti-depressants and my sleep patterns are all over the place. I am afraid I cannot stop taking them as they are part of a greater plan to sort out my mental health. Can you contact me more directly via PM so we can discuss how I could help you to help yourself. Unfortunately I cannot take the cans from your hands. I am also on msn most of the time unless I am away from ym computer so there are more direct options available. Again I am sorry I feel like I am letting you down and that I cannot allow. Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 hi dont be soft you are not letting me down at all i just really appreciate the support you have offered please never feel like you let me down at all. i know no one can take the cans from my hands at all thats something i need to do for myself. i have cut down already this week we agreed i would cut down by one can a weel over the next month or so but i decided on two this week so thats positive. i am in such a different place when i am sober like last night as soon as i drink my mood dips beyond belief and i reach out which makes me angry cos i dont do that at all when i am sober. i said to you in previous post its just nice to have a thread where i can vent or say what i like and just cos i write it i dont expect you to respond immedialtey you have a life and your own struggles so please dont take it personally i dont want to put that kind of responsibility on your shoulders at all i am an adult and i take responsibility for my actions and also the consequences that go with that. so again please dont ever feel guilty or that you let me down it means a lot to just have the space to express whats going on. hope you settle on your meds soon and that they start to work for you you seem to have a very caring and supportive nature to people on this site and its lovely to see thanks again take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 hi I know no one can take the cans from my hands at all thats something i need to do for myself. i have cut down already this week we agreed i would cut down by one can a week over the next month or so but i decided on two this week so thats positive. I am in such a different place when i am sober like last night as soon as i drink my mood dips beyond belief and i reach out which makes me angry cos i dont do that at all when i am sober. i said to you in previous post its just nice to have a thread where i can vent or say what i like I am an adult and i take responsibility for my actions and also the consequences that go with that. It means a lot to just have the space to express whats going on. hope you settle on your meds soon and that they start to work for you you seem to have a very caring and supportive nature to people on this site and its lovely to see thanks again take care Spudnbeans Thank you I am by nature and behaviour this way. I can't change so I guess I am trying to use my traits positively, and it is good for me to be appreciated. I have done something a little different, I have removed the bits about me. And in your own words you can see, just how positive and forward thinking you can be. I have only shown you that you can choose to change. I left the last complimenary part about me in, to remind you just how caring you are too. If you show this much love and care towards your children then once you have beaten this, you will have a great furture ahead watching your children grow up. All the words above are from you. You can beat this. Jamie xxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 hi thanks again trying very hard to stick to 8 cans tonight and already had 7 so fingers crossed as soon as the last one is gone that will be enough; i had a support group this pm and ended walking out for a while cos one girl in there kept on bout drug addicts and alcoholics draining the nhs and how they choose to be ill where as cancer patients dont. i had to walk or i would have said something or punched her there is no way i would choose to feel the way i am or be the way i am the sweats the shakes when i dont drink are so so bad at the moment this morning i didntm get up till 9 but i could have sunk a drink easily i was sweating beyond belief and in the group this pm was like having a shower i was soaking its so horrid how would anyone ever choose to be like this. i know i never would. hope you are ok take care and speak soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 hi i just tried pm ing you but looks like you are full cos it would not send Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 hi i just tried pm ing you but looks like you are full cos it would not send Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starryeyesee Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 HI spudnbeans Well done for cutting down. I was drinking a litre of wine after a few beers every night for a long time. On jan 3rd I went cold turkey and couldn't sleep had severe night sweats and tremors all the next day. I told my pdoc who prescibed me tranqs and sleepers to get through the worst. I managed to cut down to one glass a night in two weeks then stopped. I haven't had a drink for two weeks now and am feeling much more calm and stable. It can be done and you can do it. Maybe talk to your gp and pdoc and see if they can give you any meds to help. you obviously love your kids very much and this could be a major motivation for stopping drinking. I got to the point my whole life was dictated by when i could have a drink. now i am free from that and its great to have that feeling. Hang in there and keep posting. My link p.s i also joined an alcholic forum which has been helping me loads starry x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 4, 2011 Report Share Posted February 4, 2011 hi thanks for that i am trying so hard to cut down and i will stop i need to stop i am so tired of having my life dictated by alcohol i wake up and am prob sober for two hours before i start again and if i dont the sweats and shakes are horrid that is no way to live my kids deserve so much more i actually took my daughter swimming after school on weds and it killed me totally cos i could not have a drink till 7 as i was driving and i was sweating shaking and feeling so horrid but she had a brilliant time so the struggle was worth it i just so wish i could do this without the struggle. i want the best for my kids and i do not ever want them to see the strugglei go through just to do the most basic of things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2011 hi thanks again trying very hard to stick to 8 cans tonight and already had 7 so fingers crossed as soon as the last one is gone that will be enough; i had a support group this pm and ended walking out for a while cos one girl in there kept on bout drug addicts and alcoholics draining the nhs and how they choose to be ill where as cancer patients dont. i had to walk or i would have said something or punched her there is no way i would choose to feel the way i am or be the way i am the sweats the shakes when i dont drink are so so bad at the moment this morning i didntm get up till 9 but i could have sunk a drink easily i was sweating beyond belief and in the group this pm was like having a shower i was soaking its so horrid how would anyone ever choose to be like this. i know i never would. hope you are ok take care and speak soon Spudnbeans I hope you have managed to stick to your plan. I don't understand why this girl was allowed to be a part of the support group, but I guess it is all about inclusion and point fo view. Well done for not letting it boil over into anger. That shows self-control, that is something you can channel into tecovery from Alcohol. The shakes and the sweating I lound were always the most uncomfortable symptoms. Just remember that there are other ways to calm down nerves. I used to find a high strength multivitamin like berocca used to help me and showers if you are going out or baths if you aren't. With alcohol addiction there are more factors at work than a choice as it is habit forming and addictive. If you start to plan to use you time m in other ways you will fee better now and more prepared then. Pay attention to Starry1 as she is coming through the other side and has broken the habit now. Her methods are different to your but her fight is the same. Please keep telling me how this is going for you and as a record it is useful as you can go back and read it as many times as you may need. I have faith in you Jamie xx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2011 hi thanks for that i am trying so hard to cut down and i will stop i need to stop i am so tired of having my life dictated by alcohol i wake up and am prob sober for two hours before i start again and if i dont the sweats and shakes are horrid that is no way to live my kids deserve so much more i actually took my daughter swimming after school on weds and it killed me totally cos i could not have a drink till 7 as i was driving and i was sweating shaking and feeling so horrid but she had a brilliant time so the struggle was worth it i just so wish i could do this without the struggle. i want the best for my kids and i do not ever want them to see the strugglei go through just to do the most basic of things Spudnbeans Good morning to you. I hope you have slept well. It is not easy to change such a powerful addiction, when it has its grip, almost to the exclusion of the good things in your life. Well done for taking your daughter swimming on wednesday, you never know once you have beaten the alcohol you may swim with her. It is always good when something is achieved for your children. and I hope it makes you all the more determined to be ready for when you stop. I see how much you care for your children, I am sure that as your support comes into the situation it will take away some of the struggles. I would say that now is the time to start preparing for when you go in, to ensure that you mindset and conscious desire to quit are reinforced by knowledge and forethought giving you as much control as you can have. Maybe a journal could help you? You are welcome as always Jamie xx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 5, 2011 Report Share Posted February 5, 2011 hi not doing so well today at all been drinking since half eleven and due to go to my mums by half five i have had as much as i am allowed in a day 8 cans so need to be strong and not buy any on the way to hers ans need to sober up pretty quick not good place no kids which is good but need to dig deep and sober up pretty quick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2011 hi not doing so well today at all been drinking since half eleven and due to go to my mums by half five i have had as much as i am allowed in a day 8 cans so need to be strong and not buy any on the way to hers ans need to sober up pretty quick not good place no kids which is good but need to dig deep and sober up pretty quick Spudnbeans I'm sorry to hear that it isn't going well today, Is this related to it being a Saturday? Have you got a Plan and additional support in place for difficult days? I ask to understand so I may be as helpful as possible, and these are things to possilby consider for yourself. Unfortunately sobering up quickly is something that doesnt ring true as units of alcohol take a specified length of time to be processed by the body. Usually the simplest measure is 1 unit = 1hr. A lot is down to body size, metabolism possibly even genetic factors. How do you try to sober up? I again say add salt to taste with what I say and also that I ask you to stay as safe as possible spudnbeans. Are you reading back through the posts we are both making? I hope so and that they are helping you to gain more knowledge to help you take control again. Take care of yourself Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 6, 2011 Report Share Posted February 6, 2011 hi so not doing very well at all tonight the sweats this morning were a killer i was as wet going into the bath as i was when i came out its really gettine me down. j held off drinking till 12 buts thats all i could do finding tonight very hard as i have had my daily amount and want more but will not give into it i will fight it so having coke zero and coffee from here on in. i dont think i can do this is really dont cos i cant handle myself when i am sober i can do myself when i am pissed but being sober and being me is totally different and i dont like it. i hate myself with such a passion and when i am pissed i can sort of handle being me but i cant handle myself at all when i am sober i hate it with such a passion where can i go from here i do not know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2011 hi so not doing very well at all tonight the sweats this morning were a killer i was as wet going into the bath as i was when i came out its really gettine me down. j held off drinking till 12 buts thats all i could do finding tonight very hard as i have had my daily amount and want more but will not give into it i will fight it so having coke zero and coffee from here on in. i dont think i can do this is really dont cos i cant handle myself when i am sober i can do myself when i am pissed but being sober and being me is totally different and i dont like it. i hate myself with such a passion and when i am pissed i can sort of handle being me but i cant handle myself at all when i am sober i hate it with such a passion where can i go from here i do not know spudnbens I am sorry to hear that you are having a real difficult time, and I apologise for not being around or as with it as I would normally try to be. I ask again do you find weekends more difficult? I am asking you questions and I am not receiving answers from you. At the start when you replied to my post you put this hi thanks for this post i think it come just a the right time for me. i saw my alcohol worker yesterday and have asked to go back on antabuse as thats the one thing that has kept me sober for any length of time and i am now at a point in my life where i keep hitting the rock bottoms but each time they just get bigger and deeper. anyway they have told me i need to reduce down to drinking nothing over next 4 weeks, at present i am drinking 10 cans a lager a day, so that for me is going to be a massive challenge cos once i start drinking i cant stop till its all gone and even then when i only buy say 4-6 cans i go out and buy more to get me to the point of where i need to be. up till x mas i was drinking nearly a litre of vodka a day and so have stopped that now so it can be done i think just bloody hard work. they have also told me i need to go into the local psych hospital for a detox which will be the fourth detox third in hospital which i am not happy bout cos i hate that place with a passion. i dont understand why a detox needs to take place in a psych unit. anyway thanks again for the post and i am sure i will be posting again soon especially as i try and reduce by next wed i have to be down to 8 cans a day so here goes. I refer back to the things you have said when you first started posting to me. Have uou spoken to your acohol worker about the anitabuse? How are you getting on with your plan? Are you reading back the things I put? Apologies if I ask more questions than answers, I ask to help me understand. As I learn and gain knowledge it allows me to further help and support you. Please take time to read over my past responses. I think for you to understand you may need to learn more. I give you prmeission to take my responses and note them down on your PC (Word, Notepad). Spudnbeans there is hope, I have seen how much you want to change and how much love you have for your children. I hope you are able to understand fully the help I can give. This is a seperate thread about alcuhol and privides more points of view that may help you further. Please let me know how you are getting on, and you CAN comment my profile to attract my attention. hugs Jamie xxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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