mentary Posted February 16, 2011 Report Share Posted February 16, 2011 Wow. I didn't realize how common this is for everyone. I've managed to cut back myself, and the irresistible urges are more resistible now, but I asked my doctor to start me on Antabuse (disulphrim) a few days ago just to help seal the deal. I drink and I'm extremely ill and can't finish more than one, maybe two, drinks at a time. It just makes it not worth it. Has anybody had any success with the meds that are supposed to take away the desire in the first place, like Campral or Naltraxone? Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 hi its so nice to see and listen to other people in same situation and yes it was lovely of moondragon to start this thread its been very helpful. i am awaiting a detox so i can start antabuse which i have been on before and i did 14 months clean whilst on it so i know it works thats why i want to go back on it. thats the paper work they have lost or not done anything with so thats why i was so annoyed yesterday cos it just delays the process again. i know the effects of drinking whilst on it and i can honestly say you feel like you are going to die so for me its the deterent i need to stay off the booze. i use campral too when i am on antabuse and for me yes it does curb the cravings it doesnt get rid of them but it makes them more manageable. i would love to have chats with anyone else in the same boat take care and look forward to hearing more cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 17, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 hi its so nice to see and listen to other people in same situation and yes it was lovely of moondragon to start this thread its been very helpful. i am awaiting a detox so i can start antabuse which i have been on before and i did 14 months clean whilst on it so i know it works thats why i want to go back on it. thats the paper work they have lost or not done anything with so thats why i was so annoyed yesterday cos it just delays the process again. i know the effects of drinking whilst on it and i can honestly say you feel like you are going to die so for me its the deterent i need to stay off the booze. i use campral too when i am on antabuse and for me yes it does curb the cravings it doesnt get rid of them but it makes them more manageable. i would love to have chats with anyone else in the same boat take care and look forward to hearing more cheers Spudnbeans I am glad that the circle is getting bigger for you Its really good to hear you so full of hope again, Im sorry you had the set back, however you have managed this far on will alone so if you keep it up, once you have the antabuse and campral then you know it works for you, and it will help you to beat this. You deserve the credit for this thread. And I am so glad that you now you can ask for help, I find other perspectives and views only help to strengthen me. Im sure you feel the same way too. Have faith in yourself, I believe you can do this, And I have seen you believe it too. I hope that tonight you are well, and that the kids are happy and healthy too. Please keep in touch here too, I will be back in full in the coming week. Hugs Jamie xxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 HI struggling big time tonight my ex has been a real pain in backside over last few days and i have been drinking more and more he has finally agreed not to contact social services cos of drinking which is good but i am trying so hard to cut down but not working very well really. i bought a 70cl bottle of vodka today for 8 quid cos the 35cl bottle was nearly 6 quid so i am trying really really hard not to drink the whole lot tonight but my head is so mashed at the moment i am finding everything so hard i dont know where i am sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 HI struggling big time tonight my ex has been a real pain in backside over last few days and i have been drinking more and more he has finally agreed not to contact social services cos of drinking which is good but i am trying so hard to cut down but not working very well really. i bought a 70cl bottle of vodka today for 8 quid cos the 35cl bottle was nearly 6 quid so i am trying really really hard not to drink the whole lot tonight but my head is so mashed at the moment i am finding everything so hard i dont know where i am sorry Spudnbeans Ok, Im here to help and if you want to talk I'll listen. Im going throgh a bit of a manic phase so please be forgiving if I miss something or Im a little loose with my words. With your ex, do you feel he is driving you to drink because he needs you to? Its good news about the social, I would say that if it were me I would still make sure that everything is in the best possible order. WIth regards to the vodka is there any way you could remove it, maybe even pour a quantity away? I know it is really hard and I would ask you to think of the children. YOu have no need to apologise to me. If you sit here on the thread, I'll stay with you and you can talk about anything you want to to help distract you. How much is left? Im here and Im not going anywhere. Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 hi mate thanks so much mate it means the world i just tried logging into my msn account to see if it was easier for you to chat but i could not log in. there is bout a third left at moment i am taking it much more slowly than usual so am in an ok state i am not pissed just bit chilled which is where i need to be. the kids are upstairs nealry ready for bed and thats the scary part cos once they asleep i hit it for real. i cant possibly think of pouring any away thats far too hard at moment socil bit is good i am pleased with that. had very rough day today had my social worker this morning then my keyworker who pushed me this pm to talk bout stuff i was not quite ready to touch and i came out in not so good a place and needed the drink to help me disappear inside myself i worked out i can cope with life when i disappear inside myself and i do this most days i cant cope with myself when i am in touch with me its not good so i disappear when sober but far far easier when i am pissed i just go not sure where but i am not here and the kids dont like that i try to stay with it when they are here but as soon as they go upstairs i can disappear inside myself and for me thats mostly a safe place to be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 hi mate thanks so much mate it means the world i just tried logging into my msn account to see if it was easier for you to chat but i could not log in. there is bout a third left at moment i am taking it much more slowly than usual so am in an ok state i am not pissed just bit chilled which is where i need to be. the kids are upstairs nealry ready for bed and thats the scary part cos once they asleep i hit it for real. i cant possibly think of pouring any away thats far too hard at moment socil bit is good i am pleased with that. had very rough day today had my social worker this morning then my keyworker who pushed me this pm to talk bout stuff i was not quite ready to touch and i came out in not so good a place and needed the drink to help me disappear inside myself i worked out i can cope with life when i disappear inside myself and i do this most days i cant cope with myself when i am in touch with me its not good so i disappear when sober but far far easier when i am pissed i just go not sure where but i am not here and the kids dont like that i try to stay with it when they are here but as soon as they go upstairs i can disappear inside myself and for me thats mostly a safe place to be Spudnbeans Ok, slow down its 20.45pm and I have had rather a lot of coffee earlier, so I'll be good for a while yet. I know that you have had a hard day, and Im sorry that you have been pushed into this. Ok well if you can't pour any away, maybe try to have a soft drink inbetween. As you know units stack up so you may feel fine one minute and when you are drinking a soft drink your body is still absorbing the alcohol so you will cointine to get drunk. You mention alot about where you need to be and it is something that hasn't come up before is that something you wish to discuss or ask me something suggest a topic and I will talk about pretty much anything. Jamie xxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 bloody kids thats all i can say my son who is 12 has been playing on his playstation since 7 so i went in and asked him to finish the game and then come off i went in and settled my daughter put her music on and tucked her in as any parent would do then i went back into my son and asked him if he haf.d finsished he kept shouting at me bottom left corner well i didnt have a clue there was a timer there and so i got angry with him for not replying and turned his game and tv off. he flew at me and so i told him no tv or games just to go to sleep. now i have had the ex on the phone telling me what i should do with my son how i should deal with him and telling me i not doing it right just cos my son rang him and told him what happened. now i am the bad guy my son wants to go to his dad and i am left feeling like shite how do i win god knows Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 bloody kids thats all i can say my son who is 12 has been playing on his playstation since 7 so i went in and asked him to finish the game and then come off i went in and settled my daughter put her music on and tucked her in as any parent would do then i went back into my son and asked him if he haf.d finsished he kept shouting at me bottom left corner well i didnt have a clue there was a timer there and so i got angry with him for not replying and turned his game and tv off. he flew at me and so i told him no tv or games just to go to sleep. now i have had the ex on the phone telling me what i should do with my son how i should deal with him and telling me i not doing it right just cos my son rang him and told him what happened. now i am the bad guy my son wants to go to his dad and i am left feeling like shite how do i win god knows With your children you are doing everything you can at this time, and I know from past replies just how much they mean to you. With children they will often play one parent off with the other to get the additional attention, I get it alot with mine. Does your ex recognise this behaviour? It is natural for children to attention seek and as parents I would hope you can work together despite the relationship difficulties you have and maybe back each other up. As for your son If he were one of mine I would apologise and explain why I had acted in such a manner as children need to understand things too. As for winning that isn't what being a good parent is about, it is about showing your childen how much you love them no matter how you feel about everything happening in your life. I do talk to my Ex about the children and as parents we try to back each other to ensure that the children are treated as fairly and with as much respect as we would expect but I too find it hard sometimes and recently I have been the bad guy too, so I can emapthise with how you feel. I also talk to my children openly and honestly about the past although I know that I am ashamed of who I was, I will not lie to them. I do try to keep it as suited to their ages as I can. And in the future I actually look forward to explaining the truth fully. Jamie x. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 hi i have been up and explained why i acted as i did and all i got was more of his temper and another phone call from the ex i do try and be honest with my kids but as for talking bout feelings and showing them i love them i do struggle with that big time. i am so angry at my son for the way he has spoken to me i feel best way is just to leave him at moment cos otherwise i would do something i would regret. i have put the phone in the other room so he cant ring his dad but at the moment he is banging and bouncing on his bed so i will go up so at moment i am ignoring him. trouble is i let him stay with his dad for few extra days the week before last as he requested it his dad will play for hours with him on playstation so he likes that i will not so he prefers to be with his dad rather than me so now i am questioning where he is best placed i dont want him with me just cos he has to be to be fair i want him to be with me cos he wants to be but thats not the case at the moment and how shit a parent do i feel now big time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 hi i have been up and explained why i acted as i did and all i got was more of his temper and another phone call from the ex i do try and be honest with my kids but as for talking bout feelings and showing them i love them i do struggle with that big time. i am so angry at my son for the way he has spoken to me i feel best way is just to leave him at moment cos otherwise i would do something i would regret. i have put the phone in the other room so he cant ring his dad but at the moment he is banging and bouncing on his bed so i will go up so at moment i am ignoring him. trouble is i let him stay with his dad for few extra days the week before last as he requested it his dad will play for hours with him on playstation so he likes that i will not so he prefers to be with his dad rather than me so now i am questioning where he is best placed i dont want him with me just cos he has to be to be fair i want him to be with me cos he wants to be but thats not the case at the moment and how shit a parent do i feel now big time Ok, I didn't mean for you to go know, but if you chose to its not a problem. I think you are right for now let it lie. With getting your son to settle just try to be as calm as you can and make it to tomorrow with no more arguments. As for your ex I think considering him to become the main carer is a decision best left for a sober moment. And as for playstation being a parenting skill Im not too sure on that one. Another thing with children is instability in routine. I know it is really hard for you, maybe you could try to talk to your ex and see how you can again work together for the good of your children. You are not a bad parent for not playing playstation. As for everything else you have come so far. I don't want to see you slide back. To give you a comparison my ex is a pathological liar and recently I upset her because she lied and I called her on it. My children are siding with her because she is in their eyes the injured party. I feel terrible abbout it, but I feel no guilt as I am not wrong. I had over 10 years of guilt trips from her. Sometimes we have stand up for what is right. Jamie x. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 hi yes you are right and i have left him to it at moment i will speak to him in morning i am not pissed despite the amount i have consumed i am still acting and parenting in the way in which i would do if sober so nothing new to him there. my ex is hard work at the moment as he feels kids should be living with him until i am detoxed so fighting an uphill battle as it is and he is so good at manipulating the kids to do and think as he does so again thats another fight but i let him get on with it really i am open and as honest with my kids as i can be as so for me i am true thats all that matters to me and if not now one day they will see through his rubbish and see and treat me for who i am thats all i ask for but i do feel as though i am losing my son and thats so not good cos i am scared i will never get him back. my ex does not have many kind words to say bout me so i feel that if he spends any length of time with him i will lose him. well here goes nothing as i am trying my hardest to hold it all together my kids have never ever seen me drunk and i wish for that to continue but my ex has told them that drink makes me loopy and makes me do stupid things so dont stand much chance really Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 hi yes you are right and i have left him to it at moment i will speak to him in morning i am not pissed despite the amount i have consumed i am still acting and parenting in the way in which i would do if sober so nothing new to him there. my ex is hard work at the moment as he feels kids should be living with him until i am detoxed so fighting an uphill battle as it is and he is so good at manipulating the kids to do and think as he does so again thats another fight but i let him get on with it really i am open and as honest with my kids as i can be as so for me i am true thats all that matters to me and if not now one day they will see through his rubbish and see and treat me for who i am thats all i ask for but i do feel as though i am losing my son and thats so not good cos i am scared i will never get him back. my ex does not have many kind words to say bout me so i feel that if he spends any length of time with him i will lose him. well here goes nothing as i am trying my hardest to hold it all together my kids have never ever seen me drunk and i wish for that to continue but my ex has told them that drink makes me loopy and makes me do stupid things so dont stand much chance really Without knowing the actual words and tones, it is hard for me to say exactly the role your ex is playing in all of this. I prefer to look at things in a balanced way. Im sorry he is being hard on you and that he is turning the children against you. I only hope that, that would give you all the more reason to try harder and reach further to reach your goals. Unfortunately as I have said before your ex has the power to tell them things because of you drinking so I would maybe, starting tomorrow look back at where things have gone wrong and try to make new plans to get this addiction beaten, as it seems to me that the alcohol is making your relations harder not easier for you. As for your children, the truth is even if you were (and Im not saying you are) affecting your relations with them by drinking the thing about any relationship is that it can be rebuilt, you can mend and heal the rifts you see forming around you. The problem seems to be how you are going to get in a position where you can be the Mother you want to be. As always I am on your side here. And please apply salt as required. I would rather say alot and have one word count than say nothing at all. Your friend Jamie xxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 thanks mate i hear what you say i really do lots to think bout and sleep on i think i have stopped drinking now honestly i have so time for bed thanks so much for your support tonight as it really has slowed me down i only had two in the time we were chatting which is far less than normally would have had. the bed bouncing and the banging has stopped so fingers crossed he has now gone to sleep. i will sleep on what you have said tonight and i am still determined to stop im am still cutting down just another blip tonight take care and hope your kids have settled too take care sleep tight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 thanks mate i hear what you say i really do lots to think bout and sleep on i think i have stopped drinking now honestly i have so time for bed thanks so much for your support tonight as it really has slowed me down i only had two in the time we were chatting which is far less than normally would have had. the bed bouncing and the banging has stopped so fingers crossed he has now gone to sleep. i will sleep on what you have said tonight and i am still determined to stop im am still cutting down just another blip tonight take care and hope your kids have settled too take care sleep tight Spudnbeans Thank you, And Im glad I could help you. Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 you have big time and i mean that people who know me dont bother to support me so i dont talk to them i just cant get my head round someone i have never met actually taking the time to care and support me you are one totally special guy and your kids are very lucky trust me i mean that take care and sleep tight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 why am i so needy why do i yearn so much for someone to like me for who i am when i do not like myself how can that possibly work it cant but i wish it could there are so many people i have chatted to on here who have responded to my threads and its so hard not to take that personally there are a few threads on here now that i think i could really relate to but if they met me in the flesh they would run a mile so whats so wrong with wishing, i know whats wrong with it it hurts to badly either someone likes you or they dont just cos they reply to you does not mean they like you i need to get that one into my head cos in one breath i tell myself no one will ever love or like me again i am not worthy but then someone posts and i think they like me and it could go further how bloody confusing is all that god knows cos i am screwed myself so god knows how other people feel bout it. i would love to fall in love with someone again find my soul mate someone who really gets me faults and all but dont think that will ever happen can dream though i suppose so apologies to anyone who replies to my threads cos i may get the wrong idea sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted February 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 why am i so needy why do i yearn so much for someone to like me for who i am when i do not like myself how can that possibly work it cant but i wish it could there are so many people i have chatted to on here who have responded to my threads and its so hard not to take that personally there are a few threads on here now that i think i could really relate to but if they met me in the flesh they would run a mile so whats so wrong with wishing, i know whats wrong with it it hurts to badly either someone likes you or they dont just cos they reply to you does not mean they like you i need to get that one into my head cos in one breath i tell myself no one will ever love or like me again i am not worthy but then someone posts and i think they like me and it could go further how bloody confusing is all that god knows cos i am screwed myself so god knows how other people feel bout it. i would love to fall in love with someone again find my soul mate someone who really gets me faults and all but dont think that will ever happen can dream though i suppose so apologies to anyone who replies to my threads cos i may get the wrong idea sorry Spudnbeans I wouldn't help you if I didn't like you. And with MHF, I come here for my mental health. I'm sorry that you find it hard to understand what motivates me. I have found good friends here, and despite my poor MH, this place has been a sanctuary through the most difficult of times for me. As regards love, I myself still hurt from my last love. I don't know if I will be alone forever, wether I will find my true soulmate, so I too am like you, lost and alone. I'm sorry if through my helping you, you see other reasons or motives. I do care enough and I can't lie or pretend anything as it hurts me and it will invariably hurt another. I only know that although I may be alone for a long time, am I really alone looking at all the people passing by holding hands? No apologies are ever needed, Jamie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spudnbeans Posted February 28, 2011 Report Share Posted February 28, 2011 i hope i have not upset you i did not mean to i dont see any other motives in you helping at all i just struggle to see why someone would help me thats all when thye dont do it in real world why would they do it online thats all nothing into why you do it at all.you are an inspiration and a valued member of the forum and one i am pleased to say i relate to and value your opinions i so so so hope i have not upset you cos that was well far from my intentions thats all i just see so many people with their soul mates or such sound and solid relationships i am jealous i suppose and wisah for something i do not and doubt i will ever have thats all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted March 1, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2011 i hope i have not upset you i did not mean to i dont see any other motives in you helping at all i just struggle to see why someone would help me thats all when thye dont do it in real world why would they do it online thats all nothing into why you do it at all.you are an inspiration and a valued member of the forum and one i am pleased to say i relate to and value your opinions i so so so hope i have not upset you cos that was well far from my intentions thats all i just see so many people with their soul mates or such sound and solid relationships i am jealous i suppose and wisah for something i do not and doubt i will ever have thats all Im ok j Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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