jam-parker Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 retracted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 Retracted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted March 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 Jamie Your tone is not appretiated regardless of the reason. A user manual will be considered for the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jam-parker Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 Retracted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evade Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 The shout box has gone walkies for me as well. It was fine until I navigated to the contacts page but when I hit back it was missing. Logging in and out did not work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 missin4me too.tho im sure its being sorted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted March 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 on it now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted March 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 fixed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aurorablues Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 Fixed :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evade Posted March 19, 2011 Report Share Posted March 19, 2011 Fixed for me to. Ta. Looks good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 Christine - I struggle with change too - I think I'm having a bit of a wobble over it meself... but I think it's good on the whole. I'm trying to look at it like this - am able to still post here and get support if i need to - it's just exposing myself to change, and the emotions that come with that change, and giving me a chance to study them and work through them, while still being able to recieve support within a safe environment. xxx That is exactly the only way to go and the way I'm also trying to cope with it. It's a bloody good job I am not also sitting here going through radically accepting other changes in my REAL life over these few days otherwise I think I would have kicked off here rather badly. It's such an important lesson about coping with change (we can all learn from) that maybe Josh understands only too well...... he has probably had enough of trying to 'cope' with change himself, especially having been through BPD (it's never clear whether he is 'recovered' or not, but let's suggest he no longer suffers the same torturous level of torment from extreme attachment (desperate frantic attachment) to 'stable' structures we desperately try to build and incorporate into our BPD lives...... maybe, just maybe, there is a very good reason why he cannot inform us of changes before they happen........ perhaps because he simply feels like he is in control when in reality, this site is probably about as stable as his mood intends it. Don't wanna scare anyone but if Josh Cole decides to shut this down, he can. And then what would we all do eh? let's keep on his good side and not bring out the bad..... unfortunately, like a normal human, josh does not take well to critisism (even when it is as constructive as it's going to get on a place like this) and combined with my bad BPD attitude (yes it hasn't gone yet unfortunately) I have often thought it is more a reflection of me, that I fear these apolocalyptic happenings, and for now, that is the way it is. I still have much to learn and for that reason Josh gets my money, hard cash to help him hoping he will realise that that is enough proof that I hold nothing against him personally for the way in which he manages the continuation of this forum. xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted March 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 This post is incredibly insulting, even so there are some specific points i wish to address. (it's never clear whether he is 'recovered' or not, but let's suggest he no longer suffers the same torturous level of torment from extreme attachment (desperate frantic attachment) to 'stable' structures we desperately try to build and incorporate into our BPD lives This sentance is astonishing really... Recovered or not? what puts you in a position to judge? how could you possibly know? your experience of me of me is limited to a few posts of an internet website.. maybe, just maybe, there is a very good reason why he cannot inform us of changes before they happen........ perhaps because he simply feels like he is in control when in reality, this site is probably about as stable as his mood intends it. or maybe, just maybe josh is working 2 full time jobs and is a single father to two chidren and doesent have the time to post about every change i consider making. Plus with everything I have on there is a big chance that i can start something, get bogged down and it not be complete within the time scales i set so could cause people to be let down. Don't wanna scare anyone but if Josh Cole decides to shut this down, he can. And then what would we all do eh? I have considered this time and time again. Sometimes there isnt a day that goes by when I dont feel like this but feelings are just that and doesent mean me or anyone else has to act on them. I still have much to learn and for that reason Josh gets my money, hard cash to help him hoping he will realise that that is enough proof that I hold nothing against him personally for the way in which he manages the continuation of this forum. Josh gets my money? really? seriously? (Got that from a film recently) Josh doesent get your money. Every penny given goes to a registered charity that helps to keep this place going. I say helps because there isnt enough of it most of the time and then josh puts his own money in. Suppose it would be more correct to say that josh is giving his money to Sanctuary. I could have chosen to let people know in one way or another, but i didnt. I would be lieing if i said i would in future. What I will tell you and everyone else, this place will continue to change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoew Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 scared now, dont like all the back biting and arguements. havent been here since xmas cos my life has been in too bad a place to communicate or to listen to any one else, and it is quite a shock to come back and find lots of change and arguments. Im not very good at IT and its taken me the best part of half an hour to give up on transferig my crisis plan and just type it back in! but at the end of the day this site is somewhere i CHOOSE to come to for support and to feel less alone, it is not a "right" and i feel lucky that it exists for me and that i have access. so thanks Josh, I am hating the changes, but thats just because i would have hated any changes!!! give it a few weeks and it will be "normal" and i will love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fedup! Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 Consultation with members (especially paying members - I'm not one any more) regarding a change to the forum would have been a positive thing to do here. If the majority wanted a change then let's go for it. If the majority didn't want to change, we should have stayed the same. Josh states on page 1 of this thread "I think after 600,000 posts over several years I might have some small clue about what people might consider as helpful". I believe a supportive discussion over the changes to the forum would have been preferable to the nasty posts that were going on here last night. *fedup! jumps over soapbox and gets on with Sunday* xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 Hrmmm..... I think you needed to hear it josh. Sorry. But the constant risk of you shutting this place down is not the kind of environment I can cope with and it shows you have some serious problems if you can't find someone to trust to take it on when your gone or in your absence. This is more about you and your inability to relinquish control. There are many intelligent and capable people out there who would be willing to help you with this site but you have to be able to delegate and trust. I really feel your BPD is far too untalked about here. You come in with the odd comment here and there but you don't ever let us know how it is affecting you today. Not fair is it. Anyway, if you have the capacity to shut it down because YOU can't cope, it leaves ALL of us here vulnerable. Not just you mate because clearly you feel vulnerable. Or is it invulnerable?. I am far more angry with you than you are with me. And it is your reluctance to change that bothers me. Despite all my insults, there is often a grain of truth in it. Until my interpersonal skills have imprive take it or leave it. I am far too observant to let this one go Josh. You need to let go and be more open how BPD still affects you (or not). Or not. I've gone past caring tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted March 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 Lol it's amusing really. " I think you needed to hear it ". This place has been around for many many moons and will be for many more. The point I was making was about having feelings of pressing the button but actually being able to manage these feelings and reflect. My life/feelings etc are for me to choose to share or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 The fact that you find this amusing suggests to me my deepest (somewhat wish it wasn't so deep) that you couldn't possibly have the empathy associated with people with BPD. Who are you really. No one really knows. You sicken me with your reductionism to laughing about it. I pity you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 just my humble opinion but i think from a professional point of view i dont think it would be grate to see the admin bearing his soul on here, i think he needs to appear solid, as he is the foundations of this place.....and not that he would close this place i think people should remember he does not have to keep it going, he chooses to despite gettin hassle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted March 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 Oh yes I could give you the response your looking for but choose not to. And I have the control over my thought and emotions to do that. Your extremely insulting and the way I deal with this is to give it the credit I believe it deserves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 The only response I am looking for is that small little word.... sorry. But you are not sorry. Not even in a diplomatic way. You storm ahead regardless. Well, that is your choice. You are controller of your domain. And with your name plastered all over the place, it's pretty clear who's in the position of power here. YOU. Well done Josh. You are exceptionally powerful. So stop abusing it. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 just my humble opinion but i think from a professional point of view i dont think it would be grate to see the admin bearing his soul on here, i think he needs to appear solid, as he is the foundations of this place.....and not that he would close this place i think people should remember he does not have to keep it going, he chooses to despite gettin hassle I think your being unfair.... pouring his soul out was not what I said. You have taken what I said to the extreme. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bundy117 Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 People with depression i would say are defensive by nature, i am for sure. We do not like change. Especially sudden change. I dont know why the status updates have been removed, thou as my mind never stops i can take a guess. But if they were being miss used then maybe those members should have had there ablity to put status updates removed and not have that inflicted up on. They were a great way to look out for friends on this site. To gauge how they were and look to message if you felt they needed support. Or even just to send a hug, to show you cared and you saw they were having a hard time. I imagine even that was a comfort to many. To see the site without them feels like someone came in during the night and stole everything and left a empty room. I dont like it, thou i apologise if i havent seen the given reason. I may not use the site to its full potential. But im sure we all use it in our own way as we are all individuals of course. Is a very great shame to feel that so many use this site and have got so much out of it, got to talk to so many lovely people. Well that so many are now upset. A wrong decision in my view. In a MIND group they always said the group belongs to the members not the conductor and the conductor must always listen to the members. As i cant put it anywhere else now. " HUGS to all that need them" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted March 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 Sanctuary - this is one thing I can see where your coming from. Power, yes I am in a position of power here as I have buttons that limit people etc plus I am the ultimate enforcer of the rules. This being said I believe that power is relative and power in this scenario must be given. You make a choise to be here and a choose therefore to accept me as the person in power and the rules that come with it. You always seem to be wanting an apology from me, if you look back through your posts you will see this.I don't believe it necessary to apologise for something I have explained. Plus an apology is also a symbol of regret, I don't regret what I have done with the best intentions an neither will this experience change my actions in the future. Therefore an apology would be meaningless. What I am sorry about is that my actions have had something to do with the reaction your having. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctuary Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 The apology is not just for me. It is a correction to a mistake that was made in not letting people know that the status system was going. And that changes were afoot. DBT teaches us to make corrections to things when hindsight is used. Apologies are meaningless too sometimes yes. And I guess you are staying true to yourself by not apologising because in effect you don;t mean it. However, life teaches us that saying sorry, though you may not feel it, goes a long way to building bridges and mending fences. You fear that is makes you look weak is an exagerration. It would make you stronger. But hey ho. At least you are happy with yourself and that's the main thing. My knowing will take me far and I know it. Just trying to get you to see what you can;t see on your own. I tried and that is all anyone ever asks of anyone else. Good day to you. And indeed Wade, you are right. I still need validation more than your average jo but I am working on it all the time. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toocrazy Posted March 20, 2011 Report Share Posted March 20, 2011 ... There aren't very many MH forums that have as much active content. No one would take on this task that didn't have a genuine desire to help people. Josh is the constant. Josh is the one who stays, keeps it open, and is thinking about ways to make it less openly disruptive. As much as I hate change and miss the updates it is also a breeding ground for leaving updates of ...I'm giving up now....and then locking it. It has been misused, not by everyone but still lopsided...and repeatedly used for the wrong reason. It has the potential of increasing the 'possibility' of conflict...being hurt or ignored or punished. People come and go. One day they are here and filled with all kinds of love and then gone..so many gone forever. Josh remains and this site is (technically) remarkably clean, efficient and rarely down. It is also free or for a tiny monthly fee awesome features are added. I don't know what is the argument. There is no reason to ask around because in the end most people will go and Josh will still be here. Whatever he wants to do is his to do. :bigeyed: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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