Bell87 Posted June 18, 2011 Report Share Posted June 18, 2011 I keep having really horrible intrusive thoughts for the past few months. When I am out shopping or anywhere I cant wait to get back home so I am go to my room and be away from people because the thoughts get worse and more intense when I am out. I am so tired of fighting with myself, I cant stop them not matter how much I try. I am scared that I am going to have this forever and I wont be able to have a husband or children because of the thoughts I have. Im so stressed out, I am so scared. I have no one to talk to about having intrusive thoughts (except here thank god) I am really struggling to cope with it. My dad isnt well and has just been admitted to hospital again so I cant stress my family out anymore then they already are. Does it go away or get better?? Bell xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jules7 Posted June 18, 2011 Report Share Posted June 18, 2011 I don't know if it will last forever, I really hope it doesn't, and sorry to hear about your dad, hope he gets better soon. I can totally relate, whenever I go out anywhere, I can't wait to get back home again. It's such a relief when I open my front door and get back in my house again. I posted this before, but I think it might really help you try and manage your intrusive thoughts. worth a try? Mood gym Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bell87 Posted June 18, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2011 I don't know if it will last forever, I really hope it doesn't, and sorry to hear about your dad, hope he gets better soon. I can totally relate, whenever I go out anywhere, I can't wait to get back home again. It's such a relief when I open my front door and get back in my house again. I posted this before, but I think it might really help you try and manage your intrusive thoughts. worth a try? Mood gym Thanks Jules, im just so low at the moment. Hope u are doing ok hun xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vampire Posted June 19, 2011 Report Share Posted June 19, 2011 It wont last forever it will ease of in time can take up to a year I have been suffering with HOCD intrusive thoughts and its taken a good 9 months to adjust still battling it whilst having relationships with girls and trying to work its fucking hard (ocd made me type this swear word) ocd is such a hard thing to have feel free to seek in me at any time remember battle OCD dont give in its what it wants id say go on a med called clomipramine it is for OCD and i took it for 4 months its side effects sucked but it put some seretotin back in my brain i completely lost the chemical that kept me sane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bell87 Posted June 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2011 It wont last forever it will ease of in time can take up to a year I have been suffering with HOCD intrusive thoughts and its taken a good 9 months to adjust still battling it whilst having relationships with girls and trying to work its fucking hard (ocd made me type this swear word) ocd is such a hard thing to have feel free to seek in me at any time remember battle OCD dont give in its what it wants id say go on a med called clomipramine it is for OCD and i took it for 4 months its side effects sucked but it put some seretotin back in my brain i completely lost the chemical that kept me sane Thanks Vampire I havent built up the courage to go the doctors yet but this forum is a great help. Bell xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted June 19, 2011 Report Share Posted June 19, 2011 Hi there I think I wrote this on another post, but OCD is a lot about fear of thoughts and feelings, and it becomes a problem because of a quirk of neurology. The more you try to not feel something, and the more you try to not think something, the more the mind will actually think it and feel it. When you push a thought away, it will come back more ferociously, like constantly trying to push a balloon underwater. The problem of course is how that thought makes you feel, and perhaps what you worry others would think if they 'knew'. That fear drives you to attempt the impossible, and get caught in that unwinnable fight with your neurology. As you say, you feel like you cant keep fighting, and that is actually the right direction to go in. Its possible to accept thoughts, and to realise that they mean nothing about you, will not lead to people finding you out, and that the physical discomfort they produce is tolerable. Turning towards and allowing the thoughts to be there actually paradoxically causes them to feel less frightening and to be less intrusive, but as long as you are trying to get rid of them (even if you are using 'acceptance' to get rid of them) they will be intrusive. Its about truly turning towards them, accepting them and seeing they are just thoughts, just feelings, just sensations. For me Ive been able to do this through a popular type of psychotherapeutic method called mindfulness, which is about non-judgemental awareness, curiosity and acceptance. It takes a while to learn, but literally teaches you the mechanics of accepting and turning towards feelings. For a long time I 'suffered' with intrusive sexual and aggressive thoughts, and panicked when they came up. I worried others might 'see' them on my face, or that I would act on them, or that it made me a terrible person or just broken in some dreadful way. Now they come up, and it doesnt bother me, because they are like noise in the background. I know they mean nothing, just some neurons firing off. You can watch it fizzle up, then disappear, and it no longer panics you. EDIT: Just had a peek online and there appears to be a fair bit of research emerging about using mindfulness for OCD, maybe have a little peek :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bell87 Posted June 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2011 Hi there I think I wrote this on another post, but OCD is a lot about fear of thoughts and feelings, and it becomes a problem because of a quirk of neurology. The more you try to not feel something, and the more you try to not think something, the more the mind will actually think it and feel it. When you push a thought away, it will come back more ferociously, like constantly trying to push a balloon underwater. The problem of course is how that thought makes you feel, and perhaps what you worry others would think if they 'knew'. That fear drives you to attempt the impossible, and get caught in that unwinnable fight with your neurology. As you say, you feel like you cant keep fighting, and that is actually the right direction to go in. Its possible to accept thoughts, and to realise that they mean nothing about you, will not lead to people finding you out, and that the physical discomfort they produce is tolerable. Turning towards and allowing the thoughts to be there actually paradoxically causes them to feel less frightening and to be less intrusive, but as long as you are trying to get rid of them (even if you are using 'acceptance' to get rid of them) they will be intrusive. Its about truly turning towards them, accepting them and seeing they are just thoughts, just feelings, just sensations. For me Ive been able to do this through a popular type of psychotherapeutic method called mindfulness, which is about non-judgemental awareness, curiosity and acceptance. It takes a while to learn, but literally teaches you the mechanics of accepting and turning towards feelings. For a long time I 'suffered' with intrusive sexual and aggressive thoughts, and panicked when they came up. I worried others might 'see' them on my face, or that I would act on them, or that it made me a terrible person or just broken in some dreadful way. Now they come up, and it doesnt bother me, because they are like noise in the background. I know they mean nothing, just some neurons firing off. You can watch it fizzle up, then disappear, and it no longer panics you. EDIT: Just had a peek online and there appears to be a fair bit of research emerging about using mindfulness for OCD, maybe have a little peek Thank you for replying, I am just so lost I wish I was at your understanding about it all instead of where I am because I cant see a way out at the moment. Im sick of begging pleading with myself god etc for it all to stop. I am just happy I came across this forum, and realise that I am not on my own. I will look up abut mindfulness, thanks again love Bell xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted June 19, 2011 Report Share Posted June 19, 2011 Hi there Am glad it seemed helpful. Do you think you would be willing to talk about what the thoughts are? Sometimes getting them out and seeing that people dont react how you think they will can help. If you arent comfy though thats cool One way of looking at it is that our brains are kind of a weird product of evolution. At the core we have a 'reptilian' bit, the brainstem. On top of that is the 'mammalian' bit, and then we have a recently evolved part that some apes and us have. Because of those sort of early things, there is always some part of us that thinks as those creatures do - so thoughts of killing or violence, sexual impulses (remember that a lot of animals dont necessarily pick and choose what they have sex with - ever seen a dog hump someone's leg or a female bunny mount a female bunny?), thoughts of death and so on and so forth. Those early parts of our brains have to do with basic functions, and "The Three F's" - Feeding, Fighting and ... erm, sex Our human brains give us a little more choice, and our sense of shame is also central in inhibiting certain impulses. But that doesnt mean they arent still there. We cant actually control the thoughts that emerge from there, but for some people the difference between thought and action feels blurred. if a feeling comes up, they feel the same as if they had acted on it. That mammalian brain flashes up some thought of having sex with someone wholly inappropriate, and the person feels like they have just gone and snogged them in the middle of the shopping centre. But they havent, it was just an impulse. We have millions of thoughts all the time, but the emotionally more neutral ones dont bother us. Its the ones that have a sense of shame or threat attached to them that grab us, and which pull us in in this way. Common instrusive thoughts include: - Incestuous feelings or worries - Images of comitting suicide, especially driving into oncoming traffic - Thoughts or images of violence - Lashing out at a boss or doing something inappropriate - fears of 'being a paedophile' - homosexual feelings or thoughts These are reported by "healthy" (for want of a better word) people, though the way they respond to them is that they are just passing, irrelevant thoughts. They might make them shudder and think "eugh, where did that come from", but apart from that they let them go. So I would say that step one on the road to feeling better is realising that trying to get rid of these thoughts, and the idea of eliminating them, is a part of the problem as opposed to the answer. It may sound a bit flippant, but maybe try thinking "Oh there goes my bunny brain again" when it comes up. The physical feelings are probably a major barrier too, though the mindfulness may help with those especially if you focus the mindfulness on your body sensations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vampire Posted June 19, 2011 Report Share Posted June 19, 2011 Hi there Am glad it seemed helpful. Do you think you would be willing to talk about what the thoughts are? Sometimes getting them out and seeing that people dont react how you think they will can help. If you arent comfy though thats cool One way of looking at it is that our brains are kind of a weird product of evolution. At the core we have a 'reptilian' bit, the brainstem. On top of that is the 'mammalian' bit, and then we have a recently evolved part that some apes and us have. Because of those sort of early things, there is always some part of us that thinks as those creatures do - so thoughts of killing or violence, sexual impulses (remember that a lot of animals dont necessarily pick and choose what they have sex with - ever seen a dog hump someone's leg or a female bunny mount a female bunny?), thoughts of death and so on and so forth. Those early parts of our brains have to do with basic functions, and "The Three F's" - Feeding, Fighting and ... erm, sex Our human brains give us a little more choice, and our sense of shame is also central in inhibiting certain impulses. But that doesnt mean they arent still there. We cant actually control the thoughts that emerge from there, but for some people the difference between thought and action feels blurred. if a feeling comes up, they feel the same as if they had acted on it. That mammalian brain flashes up some thought of having sex with someone wholly inappropriate, and the person feels like they have just gone and snogged them in the middle of the shopping centre. But they havent, it was just an impulse. We have millions of thoughts all the time, but the emotionally more neutral ones dont bother us. Its the ones that have a sense of shame or threat attached to them that grab us, and which pull us in in this way. Common instrusive thoughts include: - Incestuous feelings or worries - Images of comitting suicide, especially driving into oncoming traffic - Thoughts or images of violence - Lashing out at a boss or doing something inappropriate - fears of 'being a paedophile' - homosexual feelings or thoughts These are reported by "healthy" (for want of a better word) people, though the way they respond to them is that they are just passing, irrelevant thoughts. They might make them shudder and think "eugh, where did that come from", but apart from that they let them go. So I would say that step one on the road to feeling better is realising that trying to get rid of these thoughts, and the idea of eliminating them, is a part of the problem as opposed to the answer. It may sound a bit flippant, but maybe try thinking "Oh there goes my bunny brain again" when it comes up. The physical feelings are probably a major barrier too, though the mindfulness may help with those especially if you focus the mindfulness on your body sensations. I have highlighted the worse subject of OCD and I have experinced most of those intrusive thoughts above belle what I can say it when you actually tell people about your obsessions and intrusive thought and stuff you will feel so much better last december I had kept stuff to myself i decided to come clean and tell my gf and my family of course that dont understand but I felt so much better and I have also told doctors I am very open about myself and my HOCD maybe if you go doctors or tell us more about your intrusive thoughts it would help cause it helped me although im still suffering its got so much better also ask the doc for some clomipramine take it for at least 4 months and you will see a big chance much love xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bell87 Posted June 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2011 Thanks guys, but I cant talk about them. They are horrible I honest to god think I would be put in a mental home or somewhere if I told someone, maybe one day when I am in a better poistion with money etc I can go to the doctor and go and get therapy and stuff at the moment it just isnt an option. But I really do appriecate you guys replying to me. Love Bell xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Louladoll Posted July 21, 2011 Report Share Posted July 21, 2011 Thanks guys, but I cant talk about them. They are horrible I honest to god think I would be put in a mental home or somewhere if I told someone, maybe one day when I am in a better poistion with money etc I can go to the doctor and go and get therapy and stuff at the moment it just isnt an option. But I really do appriecate you guys replying to me. Love Bell xx Hey there I have felt exactly how you have felt, and frequently still do. I really wanted to open up some years ago, but I couldnt even tell people whom I trusted my life with about my nasty intrusive thoughts. I felt ashamed, disgusting and sick and I too believe if I told anyone they would be horrified and disgusted with me. Some time later I got an excellent working relationship with my CBT therapist. I was terrified of telling her but it got to a point where I just blurted it out. As soon as I said it I was just thinking 'oh my god what is she going to think of me, what is she going to say? In actual fact the reality of the situation is I was not alone with these thoughts and that sadly many many other people have these exact same thoughts (however bad you think they are) and struggle with them day by day. These thoughts you are having do not define who you are and they are no reflection on who you are. It is an illness, a nasty illness and it can and will get better with help. I see that you dont feel ready just yet to seek professional help, but until then may I suggest something very simple? I hope thats okay. The best advice I have ever had is to simply just IGNORE these thoughts. Let them be there and do not react to them. You could see it as 'a train passing through a station' I know it is easier than it sounds because our instinctive reaction is to fight these thoughts because it makes us feel like a bad person for even having them, but it really has been the best way (for me) to deal with them. I could spend hours weeks months fighting every repulsive thought that enters my head, questioning my actions thinking 'oh my god why would I think that? that means I must want to do that! I am a monster! - this only feeds your problem. Someone described the thoughts as a little monster living in your brain. It is screaming out these terrible thoughts against your will and everytime you fight the thoughts it feeds the monster, making it grow bigger and stronger thus meaning it will return more and more. It may sound silly but that made sense to me. You really arent alone with these thoughts, and it doesnt make you a bad person. I hope I have made sense! Really hope you are feeling better soon and find a way with dealing with this. Louladolll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loneoldsaddo Posted March 23, 2012 Report Share Posted March 23, 2012 bell- if its any help . years and years ago I went to hospital with 'athought of harming my kids- badly.' at the time and after NOBODY told me about ocd until Years later by which time Id struggled and struggled thinking I was everything from a serial killer to a pedo. (I still have it all- not so bad ) but now have other symptoms and problems which make it harder. I have no intention of acting on these thoughts, I may add- they now exist like a whisper whereas once it was a shout- knives too ... I couldnt look at knives for fear...I have been very let down by the nhs mh system - had i found a site like this then it wouldnt be a problem or have been. Im telling you becuse NOTHING you think is so bad that you cant say it. Im not asking you to tell us but the fear is the feeder- fear that you are bad- youre not ...fear and anxiety thats all it is in a horrible horrible guise. I sat on my hands thru fear, sat on my hands and wept thru fear that id hurt my kids that i loved. Psychotic depression- from that I had these thoughts every damn day for the last 25 years BUT I didnt get the right help or information- YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS XXXX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xashfordx Posted April 17, 2013 Report Share Posted April 17, 2013 OH MY GOD! this is so amazing to read!!! I have the same thing. It started in around 2010 and I was an alcoholic (recovering now) any way, one time i started sobering up, these horrible horrible thoughts started to show up in my head and it terrified me. It got to the point that one day me and my partner were sitting down stairs and I just burst into floods of tears and told him everything. I told him I was scared I was going to hurt people because of these thoughts and I believed I was going crazy. I never had heard it until my partner came to me one day and told me that he had been researching it and found out about it. I couldn't believe it. It was a relief because I finally knew what was going on and that I wasn't evil, but at the same time, it wasn't much comfort because I was still having the thoughts. It's been a hard journey but I am a lot better at handling them now (still have moments where I feel frightened of them) but things have improved around 70% in the last few years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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