First Appointment ,appauled

[AppleCrumble]

Lovely pic... :-) Just wondering why you call yourself male, if you're male to female transgender? I'd have counted you as female....look fab though :-)

I've met a lovely transgender female to male person, who is sooo unbelievably fit incredible what they can do nowadays.

Sorry to hear about your troubles, it's horrible when you're devalued by the MH ppl. :-( It sounds like you have something more like schizoid or or schizotypal - which has features of hearing voices, but knowing they aren't real, and the not thinking much of socialising with others etc...

I'm schizotypal/borderline, but waiting for assessment and treatment... xxx

[sundries]

The psych could just be right even though I can imagine how hurtful his reaction may have seemed. If people go without sleep for 4 days they end up with full blown psychotic symptoms as a 'normal' reaction. People in isolation also start hearing voices quite often and that is quite normal. Maybe you could try emphasisng to your pdoc that you are actually in regular communication with your girlfriend so it is not like you are in soitary confinement and your brain is trying to stimulate you.

[Pst291]

Im not actualy in the transition phase just yet but im biologically male

Being honest ive never felt isolated ,i choose to live a life of very little social interaction ,, its what i enjoy its what im comfortable with ,I have my gf (getting married 10 11 12 ) so its not like i dont have company ,,and i get all the social company i need right here online ,,,im a member of many sites and i chat withh ppl constantly as if they wre in this room ,,whcih obv theyre not ,, but its a conversation nonetheless,isolation is defo not one of my issues

I was told to get out more and i personally feel thats the worst thing i can do

This problem has stemmed back from years ago ,, since i was ateenager ,,,i get very dark thoughts etc and i just decided to shift mysef away from ppl to prevent any further harm ,,,for me going out and interacting socially is dangerous.ppl say about the mentally ill theyre more likely to hurt themselves than you ,,,but in my case i think its the other way about ,,,,so i shut myself away and that solves any problem

but the psyches advice si to get out there ,,,in my opinion ,,, worst thing i can do ...maybe im just gonnna have to spell it out for him ,,,maybe hes just a bit dim and im giving him far too much credit

[Maddison]

Hunni I don't agree. Socializing is so much more than talking and whilst on line relationships and conversations can be important, I don't see them as a substitute but as an addition to a rounded healthy life.

We have a whole generation of young people with little or no social skills due to interacting mainly on line. Yes it is safer, if a conversation makes you uncomfortable you can go off line, but we need to learn the skills to cope if we don't like a conversations in person to person contact. We need to read body language, feel a hug, see a smile, hear a laugh.

The one thing I dislike about the internet is it allows people to live lives with out having to see other people. Yes you can get hurt but that is a part of life and a part of being human.

[Eagleheart]

I have been hearing voices most of my life.Most people assume i'm on about the mental "chatter" that almost everyone has.But NO. The voices i hear are so big that they sound like what i imagine God would sound like if he were to talk a commandment directly at me. It's not an internal mumbling.I cannot ignore them or drown them out with TV/radio/music. My voices,when they get severe,control me completely.I believe what they say 100%,because they seem to be voices with authority.Over the years,they have told me to kill someone,to self-harm repeatedly,one of them told me that my husband and his family were all working together to send me insane,so that i would kill myself.

A few months ago,i was inhabited by a voice who made me write a new kind of bible,where women were considered as less than slaves.I was ordered never to speak to my hubby unless he spoke first and i must NEVER refuse anything he asked.I could go on & on.

I was put back on Quetiapine (anti-psychotic) in June and the voices are far better.They never go away fully,but at least i do get a break from them.

I really hope that you can get help.Maybe brutal frankness about what the voices tell you to do/think will get your psych's attention.

[Barebones]

sry im not dismissing this post as i have read it and not really in a postion to reply.

Just so noone is confused lol im barebones and shadow girl has a more hairy dog than me lol

sry pst for interupting ur replies. I do hope that u do get properly recognised in what your troubled with, due to only voice in my head is my own and i could appreciate have others as my uncle is a paranoid schizophenic. xx welcome to the forum also xx

[Pst291]

Thanks Barebones ,, its been great to get some of this stuff out and everyone heres been brilliant ,, i didnt expect so may replies

I put up a simaler post on yahoo answers /flame central but largly simaler responce if only 5 comments (one guy thot i was faking for benifits or drugs ,,,,dunno what benifits he could be on about ,,,,,who on earth would make such an accusation )

Ive just spent the last 3 or maybe 4 hours tryin to write out my thoughts on the whole thing and what i thought of the interveiw experince as a whole .didnt know i had so much of a book in me lol .was interesting tho

can post it up if anyone requests,,, its a long read tho ,, you have been warned xx

[maddy harper]

it took me over 6 years to het a diagnosis. i hear voices as well so your not alone there. i'm on medication to control my voices but sometimes when i'm stressed they get through and become really bad. i also have depression but that's a different storry i hope you manage to get some support soon cause it sounds like you need it really badly

[Maddison]

Would love to read hunni.

[Pst291]

MY THOUGHTS ON MY PSYCHE EVALUATION

After speaking to my gp i felt happy that the conversation was taken so seriously and that the conversation

between himand i just seemed so ordinary ,,,we couldve been talking about anything ,weather sports etc

It felt so comfortable even tho i was discussing things that definatly made me feel uncomfortable i was made to feel relaxed

and encouraged not to be shy and that no matter what i said ,,, you cant shock a doc ...

I felt glad that i was going to see a professional and that i would get the help i needed with the problems that im am facing

at the moment and that have been ongoing for a long time

WHAT ARE MY PROBLEMS IN MY OPINION

Im now 30 soon to be 31 and looking back over my life i can see distinct shifts in my state of being ,behaviour and lifestyle

I was a happy child with a happy family ,mum dad ,,sister .all seemed pretty ordinary with the usual trials and tribulations

ups n downs ,lessons learned and normal struggles with school ,relationships ,friendships that everyone goes thru in there early years

Its at these times that we learn our most important socialising skills that were taught from our parents and from observing the

outside world ,watching how others interact ,perhaps copying what they do and generally making our own mistakes and learning from them

My early to middle teens were the same ,relationships and friendships become more complicated but we use our past experience

to guide us even tho we make a million more mistakes and yet again learn from them

Perhaps thats the whole point of our first 20 years ,,,in my opinion the ppl who are the biggest failures have made more mistakes

than anyone else ,,,but these ppl know what works and what doesnt.the more mistakes you make the more you learn

I can appreciate tho that we are all of different intelligence so some will learn more from mistakes than the other

Looking back i can start to see where things went a bit awry for me.I didnt understand it at the time as it was a very new

experience

I notice that from about 18 things that bothered other ppl or should i say affected other ppl didnt seem to have the same affect on myself

For the sake of example horror movies ,stories in the news they would be shocked and horrified at

Its only really looking back that i see that this dis affection got worse and worse for me as time went on

I had thoughts back then of trying to decide what kind of person i would be ,who i wanted to be and how perhaps i would influence

ppls lives

I knew i was a kind person,the be nice to everyone regardless of how they are towords me.

I have stuck with this approach .Ive been burned many a time with ppl taking advantage of my kind nature,but thats just

who they are and "what goes around comes around" i beleive.I never really feel much hatre to these ppl

Obviously i feel stupid and taken in at the time ,but something nasty will happen to them and when they ask themselves what did

i do to deserve this ,,,,theyll have there answer

so yes ,, i try to be akind social loving happy person ,which i was ,but i notice now that that slowly dissapeared

Between 18 to maybe 24 i notice now that i had many dark thoughts.this "cloud of thoughts" would descent at random

and my thought process towards ppl would turn very dark indeed .As in my experince i would always just run with my thoughts

because thats what i had always done this led certain ppl to notice a shift in my behaivior

My parents noticed this to a degree as did friends of mine at the time and it was pointed out to me that some of my "likes" were

a bit abnormal

I took a great interest from time to time in horror movies and serial killers ,,,now thats not to say i wanted to emulate

these experiences or these ppl

Some of the information was very interesting to me and i veiwed it just like a hobby or research shall we say

It seemed perfectly harmless to me ,yet others found it a liitle "off"

that phase came and went as they do but i find again looking back that my emotion side got less and less.I started to detest ppl

and all they stood for

I saw stupidity everywhere and had no time for it which largly meant i had no time for ppl as a whole.

It seemed to me as if whenever someone enters your life its only so long before they screw you out of soething or hurt you

mess you about ,etc etc etc

So i decided finally that i had no time for this and only a select number of individuals would grace my existance

Mainly Louisa (gf/wife to be) she had been the only consistent individual id really ever met (outside of family) so

i decided her and i would see out our relatonship and if that failed,,,i was done with ppl

ten years later she still hasnt failed me and we are both as satisfied with the relation ship as we wre when we met

so lets say im 24/25 ,i can distinctly remember my emotion state being very obvious to me that it was dissapearing

Thngs that hurts others and affected them on some kind of emotional level i was failing to understand.emotion for me had become

such a distant thing i couldnt even remember what being happy or sad or empathetic felt like

But i enjoyed this .i was never swayed by how someone felt towards me or about me or about others

I was always wary that even tho i knew my emotions were almost gone ,i shouldnt say things or do things that would

activly or encouragingly hurts others feelings ,,,i had to stick to what id set out all those years ago,,,,nice guy pleasant guy

doesnt mess ppl about or hurt them regardless of how i saw them

But the dark thoughst were always there ,they seemed to get stronger as time went on .i stick to my rules always even tho

some ppls stupidity sickens me ,or there emotional connection to someone clouds there judgement when the thing they obviously need to do

is the one thing they cant do because of stupid emotional connection ,,,,it riles me even writing this to think of the stupidity

i havewitnessed

For the sake of example .....girl,has a boyfriend,,,going out a year say ,,i find out he hits her on a regular basis

shes struggling with this ,,,but cant leave him because "he doesnt mean it " hes a nice guy underneath blah blah blah

simple to deal with ,,,expose him and leave him .tell ppl what he puts you thru and leave him

Its not difficult or complicated no kids to worry about ,the guy is abusive and doesnt deserve love

Thisis the kind of emotional connection that sickens me to the very core ,i see variations of this everywhere,ppl cant let go and

do the sensible thing

So that cements in my head that emotion is a bad thing to have and without it i can see a clear and simple solution to a

problem that shouldnt even exist in the first place

For clarity im not saying that im right and my way is the best and everyone should be like me ,but i do see certain advantages to clarity of thought

But what i also experince shows the disadvantage of this approach

So at this point im 25 maybe 26 and i move into my 1 bed flat .At first it was a novelty ,nice new place ,peace n quiet

a nice organised life .I did have a great deal of money back then ,but money and possesions dont do it for me .i hate money and all

it stands for ,the constant competition of who has the best this n that ,,its just pointless,

what you have you cant take with you and what you leave behind i feel is far more important

so at thispoint i have a huge amount of time to be alone with my thoughs ,not the best idea in hindsight

the depravity and the evil creeped in once more and bitter resentment and forms of hatered ensued

One day i was just in from colllege and sitting n the loo and the absolute silence made me think ,,,no i cant do this anymore

i cant take the silence ,,so not too long after that i asked louisa if shed moe in ,it wasnt a flash decision on my part

as i had to think ,, if i get someone in ,regardles of who it is ,the partnership has to work

it would be hurtfull of me to mess someone around over living arrangements which would in turn be very stressfull on them

and thats not a nice thing to do

the decision was made ,,lou moved in and finally things seemed to settle down

at this point i had my delivery job but aside from that i wanted no interaction from the outside world and once that finished

i barely leave the house now

I have always felt socially awkward but there are so many who are ,some ppl just excel in sociall situations ,some do not

during my time just before i shut the door on the world i began to have more and more hatred of ppl ,i began to fantasize about what

it would be like if i was just stricken of any responsibily and could just do as i liked

as i felt how some ppl acted towrds me

felt like some ppl could just say or do whatevr they wanted with no thought towards how it would affect me

I began to think well i dont "feel" anything ,,,so what if behaved that way,,id probly just kill them where they stand

Its not my fault ,, i was just acting in a simaler way to them with no regard to how my actions would affect anyone else

The nice guy was sadly being lost ,the regard for ppls emotional stae was being lost

Id love to say this saddened me .....but it didnt and of course i was incapable of sadness anyways so it didnt matter

I looked long and hard at this approach i had been taken with and i thought.THIS IS WRONG

This approach and this thought had to be dealt with

I couldve went and told someone how i was feeling ,proby my mum wouldve understood to a degree

Shes probly the only one i really trust in this world as from what ive seen shes probly the smartest person i know

Always knows what to do in any certain situation even if its not a feild she has any experience in ,usually she knows where

to go with a problem no matter how bizarre it may be (im not saying ive went to her with bizzare problems but i know

from past experience shes extremly logical) and maybe the only person in all my years that i never see stupidity in.Never

seen her make a wrong choice

But i chose not to share my problem .I knew from being outside ,watching ppl in my daily life how easy itwould be

just to hurt them ,the dark thoughts would come and go without warning and i found myslf fine one minute

next minute wanting to do unspeakable things to ppl i knew and some i didnt

My solution ,dont come out ,if i dont put myself in this situation ,,,so harm can come of it and it will pass

So thats what i did,It was my secret and only now is it coming out

I enjoy my social isolation tho ,, i dont look at it as isolation at all

I feel comfortable in my surroundings in my house .I have social interaction with louisa everyday and im online

a lot so i can chat with ppl i know (thru the computer) as if they were just on the other end of a fone

I never feel shut off ,alone ,constricted as i always have the option to go outside .I just choose not to

Now im not a complete hermit , i go to my parents and i go to the shop just next door an recently i take my sister ice skating

after so much time it has become hat even the thought of going of out fills me with dread ,knots in my stomach ,i feel sick

to the core

But i know that i have to do it occasionally .Basicly have to "grow a set " and do it ,, even if it terrifys me .

THE "NATALIE" BIT

I know i have to cover this topic as it does have some relevance but i really dont think too much should be read into this

When i was 26i started being a transvestite

it stared from seeing some documentry and i questioned myself ,,,why is that weird

i have a curious nature so i decided to experiment in secret late at night

It was quite a strange but somehow exhilariting experience

I enjoyed it and if im honest it did start with a somewhat sexual pretense

But that quickly disapeared and it became just something i did from time to time

There were bouts where i did it very often sometimes 5 times a week but its mellowed out to 2 or 3 of late on average sometimes

4 really depens how much time i have to myself as i try not to do it when louisas in

I do it this way as louisa is in love with Paul so basicly when Natalie comes out if louisa is in its like im taking

paul away from her in a sense

Its something ive stuck with but isnt part of the problem i feel as the only relevance Natalie has in all this is the fact

that the main i hear is (what i veiw as ) a representation of hers

She talks with the others but her voice is the one thats the most prevelant

THE PHYSCHE INTERVEIW

This will be an overveiw of what i thought of the interveiw experience as a whole

As teh interveiw loomed ever closer i was glad that it was coming and that finally i would get to speak to an expert

and finally get the help that i needed .

I arrived and sat in the waiting are nervous as hell ,sweating unnaturally (i say that as i dont usually sweat too much )

Voices going awry screaming at me that i shouldnt be there ,they wont beleive you ,im stupid if i think these ppl will help me

(shock horror when they were actually right .makes me wonder what else theyre right about .should i just kill myself and others

like they tell me to 50 odd times a day )

So i meet the doctor in the reception and introduced and told on the spot that a trainee is in .Ive been waiting for this appointment

for 3 weeks and its 4.30 now so under social pressure i agree as i dont want to turn it down and have to wait another 3 weeks

plus i wouldnt waantto rob a trainee of some real life experince so i agree and on wards we go

I get in sit down and we start to chat innocently enough altho i cant help feeling as if im being spoken down to

Still cant quite put my finger on what that is ,could just be that im misinterpreting the language and expressions used

but i immediaty felt uneasy

I persist in answering the questions as openly and honestly as i could knowing there was a strict timeframe but

wanted to get as much out in the time provided .This was why i arrived early in the hope of having as much time as

possible

I explained about the voices altho not to the full extent of there destructive manner

I stated that they could be sometimes funny in the observations they make and that sometimes they can be a bit nonsesicle

but i feel now i should have made it a bit clearer as to what they say on a regular basis and as to how horrid

degrading and downright disgusting the things they say truely are ,and of course the frequency

It tends to be all day and all night ,,ive gotten good at just having them as a noise at the back of my head

sounding them out in some form or another as some sort of coping mechanism

Its very difficult tho not to think about a subject Ie killing yourself and others ,destroying items possesions

when its being told to you all the live long day ,,,,talk about an item and that person physicly has to think about that

item for the converstaion to move forward or the "dont think of a blue penguin" idea

Of course once the day is done and i go to sleep im tormented by the utmost of horrific dreams

I have no trouble sleeping but it does occasionally put me off thinking what horrors am i gonna see tonight

also the voices love this at night before i go to sleep

Paaaaauuuullllll....weeeellll beeeee in yoooouuurrrr dreeeeeeeeeams.waiting for you .and we,ll slit your throat

cos you dont have the bollocks to do it to urself

etc etc etc

So in short night and day torment .I did state during the meeting that i know i have enuff self restraint not to partake

in engageing ...Just because they say it ,, doesnt mean it has to be done

I sometimes wonder ,if i had an emotional state ,id probly be depressed as hell listening to this barrage of abuse and torment

every day all day ,but as i dont really have that side it doesnt affect me as much as say ,someone else

But that doesnt mean its any more bearable

Its not right/normal that i have to listen to this abuse all the live long day

Its not right/normal that i have to dream of hospital like places where wmen and there newborn children are put into

cage like rooms with tigers while on the other side of the room ppl place bets on how long they will last or who will die

first......or watch as children are experimented on by peeling there face off while they are awake

The dreams are just a visual rpresentation of what the voices are doing during the day

So the end of the interveiw approaches and the doctor says

I have to accertain whether or not the person in front of me is mad.

I wasnt suprised he said im not mad ,,i dont think i am

he then went on to say that what i am a "victim of my own enviroment"

Victim of my own enviroment loosley translated .Its your own fault

This may be true to some degree as i did lock myself away from the world

But i locked myself away from the world to stop myself doing damage to others

I took the step to correct what i thought was wrong in my brain and maybe that wasnt the best approach

but how on earth was i to know i was going to be the victim of the voices and everything else that ensues

I wanted to kill and hurt ppl outside ,,,so i fixed the situation.......

Doctors advice .....Fresh air and social interaction.

what im experiencing is "completly normal"

Now i personally feel that was the worst advice possible

Basicly ive to put myself back into the one situation that i feel is the root of the problem and this will somehow

magicly cure me ?????

I am as the doctor put it "stir crazy" .Which id be tempted to beleive .The failing in the logic is that if that were

the case ,everyone in prison would suffer the same symtoms i have ,,,i know they go a bit mad if too long in solitery confinement

But im not locked in ,,i always have the option to leave if i want to

I have social interaction with my gf and my parents and her parents and anyone who comes to visit me ,,,so its not like im

shut off from the outside world

I choose to live alittle isolated sure,,i dont go out and chase social interaction .But the little i have is more than enuff for me

And im perfectly comfortable in my surroundings here and have everything i could ever want ,nice house nice stuff everything works

and im completly happy with that

i do of course know that there will be follow up appointments and loads more time to get into things

But personally i feel like it was a waste of time .I so looked forwardto the beginnings of the help i know i need

altho from the initial diagnosis that doesnt look as if its going to much

I feel like i wasnt beleived(just as the voices had stated) and i left that appointment questioning myself

to whether or not i had wasted everyones time.....

Im not saying im looking for anything in particular

Id prefer not to get shoved full of drugs and actually preferrably id like to stay medication free

As ive said before i dont think im mad ,,,but these voices are in the end going to drive me mad

I came for help off my own back (and i never ask anyone for anything )

But with this i cant cope

I really doubt that social interaction and some fresh air is going to be the miracle cure for whatever is going on in my head

and im sure youll forgive me after what ive written if i dont jump right into it

Like i say i feel like its been a waste of time .and maybe the 3 hours ive spent writing all this out has possibly

been a waste of time to as knowing my luck itl fall on deaf ears

Or perhaps this just the way these things work .Education doesnt dictate intelligence .Intelligence is measured the processes

behind action

Thanks for reading

Paul Stewart

[Barebones]

_{it hasnt fallen on deaf ears, why not email this to ur psyciatrist? you could find out from secetary the email for her or him.}

_xxx

[Pst291]

I will im gonna takein a print outmonday morning before i see him on tuesday afternoon

Just hope ive made myself clear enuff on why his diagnosis was a sham and why i need help

[natfredricks]

What would be the main points?

[Maddison]

I've read it all, I've re-read parts. I think you have a social phobia. I think the dislike you feel towards other peoples perceived stupidity is a fear. You can watch horror movies and look deeply in to the psyche of serial killers but you can't control what will happen if you try and be accepted in the world.

[Pst291]

Update >>>>

Ok so after my first fiasco i got reffered from my first psychologist to see a clinical psychiatrist ,,,im not really too clear on what the difference is and by what happened it seems ,,,,,well not much ,,,,possibly a bigger and more educated jack ass (maybe)

So i turn up for my appointment ......and he comes out shows me to a little room we sit and do the pleasantries ...and he asks me what do i think the problem is

I say ,, im hearing these voices ,, there getting worse ,, overtaking my life etc etc etc .....after 5 or 6 minutes he says to me ,,,,,"i notice your in your own head a lot "

I say well yeah ,,, thats how ive always been

now bear in mind only ten minutes have passed and wevev barely covered any ground .He starts writing out this circular chart

I hear voices .......i become hyper sensitive to the voices ,,,,,i worry due to the hypersensitivity .....hence i hear more voices

and this is displayed as the vicious cycle affair if u get what i mean

So......basicly he had his mind made up on what was wrong after give or take 5 or ten minutes without going into any detail whatsoever

i swear it was painfull to watch as we continued on for the next 40 minutes of him stumbling and stuttering over him making every tiny thing fit this 5 minute diagnosis

he ended by saying i need to get out of my own head more and should put a plan into place to do so and come back to see him in april ......appointment was dec 10th (april .....really?????? ive to put up with no action till april )

so to sum up ,,,,ive seen two idiots who have made there mind up about me and my issue collectivly in 20 mins overall....my voices and anxiety will go away with fresh air and excercise and ive been made to feel as if im wasting everyones time by bothering them with my problems......is it just me or is it gonna take a machine gun and a primary school to get someone to take this seriously (just a joke btw i would never do that but hopefully gets across my point of ppl arnt doing jack shit to help)

Thanks for reading ppl

[Maddison]

Hunni nice to see you back here.

Whilst I think you've been dismissed or left feeling that way I urge you to go out and socialize and see what changes for you.

[lonelyheartemma]

I haven't had much luck with the mental health people either. They kind of make up their minds and won't listen to anything I say. Its very frustrating and a horrible feeling and thats not what you want, you want to feel people are taking you seriously. My social worker kept trying to take me out to get some fresh air and that wasnt helpful because I wanted to tell her about how I felt and about the things that were happening to me and I wasn't comfortable discussing that in a public cafe. If there was time for both each week maybe I'd have humored her but there wasnt. I thought the only way of getting her to take my seriously was to try to kill myself but i didn't do that in the end.

My GP is giving me all my mh support now and tho she isn't qualified I do find her aproach a lot better. Maybe you could go back to your GP? I think a psychiatrist can do more than a GP in terms of prescribing medication for mh problems but your GP might be able to give you something that makes a difference.

But what I have found with my physical health problems as well as my mental health ones is that even qualified professionals can only do so much. Finding out what is wrong with me (an ongoing process) isn't so much about looking at the overall picture and deciding whats wrong, its about finding out what's not wrong by a process of elimination. So the specialist or my GP will form a theory and I have to test their theory and if its wrong they'll try something else.

Its slow and frustrating and often I feel like it's not going anywhere at all but I think thats the only way they can do it- they can't do certain tests until other things have been ruled out first. For example the gasteroenterologist is convinced my digestive problems are caused by a psychological trauma so he won't examine me or send me for tests until I've had therapy. But the cmht won't provide therapy because they don't believe I have a mental health problem, they seem to believe i have some sort of disability which they can't test for because they don't have anyone qualified for that.

So if I manage to find a way of getting tested for this disability I don't have and it comes back negative, maybe then the cmht will take me seriously and give me mh support and if my digestive problems are still there after therapy, then the gastroenterologist might look at my stomach. But how long is that going to take? It's really stupid and frustrating.

Maybe if you humour the psychiatrist and get some fresh air and tell them the voices haven't gone maybe then you'll actually get somewhere. But I don't blame you at all if you don't want to bother with that. As your GP seems to be easier to talk to I would maybe see what the GP can help with first.

[Maddison]

I think it is unwise to dismiss all professionals and the advise they give you. Might not be what you want to hear, that doesn't mean it is always untrue.

With all health the foundations need to be in place, good diet, exercise, relaxation, stimulation, socializing.

[SweetDeanie]

I hear voices, get hallucinations and suffer delusions, I also have alters but I'm not aware of them till my husband tells me about them. Anyway I want you to know you are not alone in either getting voices or getting dismissed. I've had full blown delusional paranoia with psychosis/hallucinations and voices and been left to deal with it by myself after calling out of hours gp, hospital and the crisis team. It was one of the scariest times of my life as I believed I was possessed and was seeing demons crawling across the floor. I know this doesn't help you but I would advise contacting PALS and seeing if they can help you. Three weeks wait is actually VERY fast for the NHS, it takes me approx 3 months to get a pdoc appointment and I'm under the mental health team and have a CPN! Try to keep fighting those voices and distracting as you are already doing, you already seem very insightful and know some good coping mechanisms. Some things that help for me are grounding techniques and white noise (like a fan whirring to block out the voices)

[Pst291]

Thanks guys ..i just think sometimes its been a waste of time going in the first place

I did have the strange notion they may be testing me by doing nothing to see how i react ,,,,the whole reverse psychology thing but on heinsight probly not

Just seesm such a stark contrast between how serious the gp took it then getting sent to the professionals thinking theyd be of the same opinion ,,,but alas it doesnt seem to pan out that way

Im so glad this place is here tho ,,,being able to converse with ppl who actually understand and experience the same varying degrees of knightmare that can be

I understand that itll be a long road and sometimes there the most fun x

[Pst291]

Oh one more quick note ,,,the new fool said i was to look into ,,,,,what was it now ,,,,,,mindfullness and accpetance therapy .....anyone know anything on this

acceptance therapy just sounds again like,,,,,,its there ,,,,man up n deal with it ,,,,but i could be wrong x

[bibiddi]

I know that hearing voices can feel frightening and like its a symptom of something serious. But it doesn't have to be.

Its not about dismissing you, or saying 'man up, and deal with it'.

It does feel like there is strength in your feelings in how serious your GP took it, and how 'everyday' the psychiatrist and psychologist took it.

I would recommend reading up on the therapies as he has suggested. They have helped many people.

I haven't done either, but I do know that they take a lot of hard work.

I hope you find them useful.