Christine001 Posted November 30, 2012 Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 I know I am here so much, even I am fed up of my constant moaning. problem is that I am trying but I am so so tired. I am lying here, yet again instead of being at work, crying and feeling so tired. I have been to the GP and he wouldnt help. I am on anti depressants and mood stabalizers and have been on so many ( what do they call it treatment resistant). I am trying to stay connected with the therapy service, but its taking so long. I am trying, I am but its no better. I dont know what to do anymore. My children why should they have to live with someone who is not functioning, the house, their care, oh god Christmas. I dont know what to do but post here again and again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yvette Posted November 30, 2012 Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 Sounds like your meds need adjusted. I understand how you feel with the children it is heartbreaking. But you are their mum and they love you and you are poorly you can't control that. Listen to your body and rest x hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted November 30, 2012 Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 I know I am here so much, even I am fed up of my constant moaning. problem is that I am trying but I am so so tired. I am lying here, yet again instead of being at work, crying and feeling so tired. I have been to the GP and he wouldnt help. I am on anti depressants and mood stabalizers and have been on so many ( what do they call it treatment resistant). I am trying to stay connected with the therapy service, but its taking so long. I am trying, I am but its no better. I dont know what to do anymore. My children why should they have to live with someone who is not functioning, the house, their care, oh god Christmas. I dont know what to do but post here again and again. Don't worry about posting on here, that's what it is here for. People moan when they are not getting their needs met. Can you identify needs in yout that are not being met. I am saddend to hear you crying. Doctors are pretty much useless when it comes to mental health matters. Do you have some kind of care co-ordinator? I know therapy takes a long time, but I would keep it up, as therapy is not easy to get. Apparently in our area, a mind group leader told me that no talking therapy is available and tablets are just prescribed. you obviously care deeply about your children. Don't let Christmas stress you too much, it's one day of the year and too much fuss is made about it. Take it in bite sized chunks. Little kids can get as much joy out of a simple toy and it's parents love they want, not their money. Post here again and again if you need to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 oh dear never mind feeling low but it will pass Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted November 30, 2012 Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 I wish I had more to say.... sending a *hug* and some flowers. I hope you are able to get some respite and feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 truth- no respite for 30 years, too much for one person to deal with dont want to be here anymore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny1471 Posted November 30, 2012 Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 Christine.. it's FINE to write here as much as you need. Get it out. Write write write. You don't have to be alone and if writing, sharing and not being along even if it's only online helps, then do it as much or as little as you need. I'm not judging you or anything in fact I'm glad that you're writing. I'm SO sorry you're struggling so very much though and that the GP hasn't been supportive. Can you call someone? A friend or your therapist.. I know you're waiting for them to get in touch with you but it's not fair that you're left with no support while you're waiting. Maybe you could even look in to going to a respite place, like 'Maytree' in London (google it). It's great, supportive, relaxed and confidential. It might give you a little break from things.. I know you'd need to find somewhere for your children to go but I can assure you they'd rather be without their mummy for 4 days while you go on a respite as opposed to something happening to you and them be left without a mummy at all. Please, please reach out. I care about you and am thinking of you a lot xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 they have been in touch I have an appt in 10 days, but its all a load of bullshit, the more help you get the worse you feel. I am like this so much who would I reach out to, they have heard it all before, they aint around anyway its all bullshit all of this, if I drink I will sh and so far resisted but why bother resisting, feel sick from crying all day my eyes hurt. my kids are at their dads, went off singing and happy. its so tough i am just tired, maybe take a pill to sleep all weekend.I have been here before .will be agincoz I havent the guts to killmyselfanyway.shutup you oldhagstopgoiing onaboutnothing nothing really, nice house goodjob, nice kids good health what the f am i talking about stopmoaning and get the fuck on with it like veryone else does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny1471 Posted November 30, 2012 Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 I wonder who the critical voice inside your head is, telling you to 'get on with it' etc. You know, someone could have a million pounds, servants, live in a mansion.. but that doesn't mean they'll be happy. I know you know this but I do fear you're being so harsh on yourself that some of this is being forgotten. I'm sorry that you don't feel anything helps.. can you say more about that? I mean, do you have any idea why nothing helps? I have my own ideas (about me) which I thought of writing about on my own thread.. in a way I actually think therapy makes me worse as I get very attached and then it somewhat keeps me in crisis.. but that's me and we are all different. I just wondered what you meant by it. Sorry you've been crying so much. It's a horrible situation to be in and on top of that you're so very tired. I know you don't have compassion for yourself Christine, but please take just an ounce of compassion that I feel towards you. I hear you, I care and I'm wishing you to snuggle up under a lovely warm duvet.. on the sofa in front of some crap on tv. Take some deep breaths.. feel the warmth.. doze off and get some well needed and deserved sleep. It might help. Sure, it won't take the emotions or problems away, but sleep could help a tiny bit right now. I know it's hard to sleep so if needed do take ONE of these tablets you speak of. But above all, please keep yourself safe... and keep writing if it helps (I promise not to keep waffling on at you lol) xxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 I am under the duvet, have started rdrinking good, took some quetiapine and eated crap not compassionate about myself, dont get why I would be as I bring this on myself , cant do therapy coz they fool you they care and promise you hope when its really just a job to them and there is no hope. goodnight and thanks jenny you are kind and compassionate but lets be real hun I am one human being who cant be bothereeed to help herself, so best to use your compassion for someone who gives a shit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted November 30, 2012 Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 That sounds a really tough place to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 normal place for me so hard to tell how much worse it could be before my brain takes over and I take more pills, shit aint it probably when my desire to die is stonger that the pain my death would be to me kids. they dont derserve this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny1471 Posted November 30, 2012 Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 You are so very hard on yourself Christine.. I don't feel the same way about you as you do. Sure you could argue that I've never met you etc, but you have said that you are very different in 'real life' to how you present here.. Here you show more of the real you and what's going on for you. And guess what? I like and accept the real you. I genuinely do. I'm glad you're under the duvet, hopefully all nice and warm. Also hope you're taking care of yourself, or not drinking too much. I know how it is to not feel worthy of help..of not feeling things could ever improve..so why bother. When self esteem and hope are at all time lows, with no way out. You're not alone Christine. Sorry you feels professionals are just doing a job and don't really care. I guess I can't talk on behalf of professionals as I don't really know. Part of me likes to believe they do care as otherwise they wouldn't be in the profession.. Especially in the NHS given the pay and current climate! But actually i struggle with the same questions, so who am I to say. Really hope you are ok xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted November 30, 2012 Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 Christine none of us choose to feel like this, you are hard on your self hunni. I hope you feel better soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted December 1, 2012 Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 You are hurting so bad Christine and it must be awful for you. You are really strong though. I really hope you start feeling happier asap. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny1471 Posted December 1, 2012 Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 How are you today Christine? X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fedup! Posted December 1, 2012 Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 Thinking of you christine xxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 effects of quetiapine means things dont worrk right but they wikl wear off so seddated, headache, will jsut go back to sleeo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bena.baby Posted December 1, 2012 Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 (((christine))) Here for you and holding your hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted December 1, 2012 Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 Hope this day is not too tough for you. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 not tough just sleepy, this aint good is it? thinkmaybe I am a lillte ouutttt ofcontrol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted December 1, 2012 Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 Hope you are ok x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 people talk about crisis do you think this is one, i dont know. the out of control might be fixed by monday. i hvw said to myslef that i will clean thehouse tomporrow so it cant eb a crisis. just need to sleep it off. heart a bit odd, anti colinergic sideeffects if I remeber rightly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasmineRose Posted December 1, 2012 Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 Crisis isn't a set in stone concrete definition thing, it varies from person to person to time to time. Things do sound somewhat unstable, and if a decent, healthy night's sleep would help, then I wouldn't knock that. When do you have support next? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maddison Posted December 1, 2012 Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 I think you should call a doctor Christine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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