Dbt !

[Roses]

Finally have started some sessions one-2-one with psychiatrist. Pre-treatment treatment. The terminology is confusing but I'm so glad I finally got to the top of the list. Have second session on Monday. First one went well but I am no feeling like I don't actually need it anymore. I don't hardly get intrusive thoughts, have no problems getting around places outside and fine on buses and interacting. Hardly ever lose my temper - have only shouted once in last 6 months that I can remember!!! Am doing lots of stuff outside mental health support so no day centre (apart from catching up now and then), no CPN or support workers either. Life is really being lived and I am amazed constantly at how my new found spiritual belief has allowed me not only to be set free from painful memories past and present, but also allowed me to do that one thing I never thought I would - forgive. I remember posting avidly on here that forgiveness is not the way but it really is the way!!! But not a quick "I forgive", a deep and sincere understanding of what led those people to do those things to me and forgive and let go of all of that lifetime of pain. I can now pray for those people which is another liberation. I am eating dinner with the family at night most nights now and eating well. I have put on half a stone but still got 12 pound between me and lowest OK weight for me so that is good. I am now nearly completely off meds. This has been going on since beginning of this year and predict that I can be off everything by Jan/Feb next year. It's been really hard. Coming off mood stabilisers was a nightmare with strong DT's for months on and off. Took about 4 months to get off depakote. The 100mg morning dose of quetiapine wasn't too bad and was over in a month, but the sleeping tablet temazepam was hard and took another 3 months again. They only do it in a 10mg tablet so cutting it in half was OK but quarters was so hard and with that I had to take it so slow. One dose reduction had me unable to sleep for nights at one point and I was really ill but I have done it now. I can really understand why "pam" tablets are so addictive and people get hooked for life - but you can do it with strength and perseverence. Now I am chipping down the 300mg of quetiapine at night which is going a bit quicker and some days I am feeling really sick but I'm on alternate days of 150 then 200 so hoping to go down to 150 permanently next weds. I am also not taking painkillers hardly ever and I have grown back the height I lost after the op. Well, I'll go now as this post is getting quite long. But life is good and life is fun, be inspired!!! xx

[AmyP]

amazing hun, and it all happened so quickly! was it an epiphany? so so glad your living life now hun, just shows is NEVER too late to get better xx

[Roses]

A total epiphany!!!! If you want to talk about it PM me as I am being very careful not to break rules talking about my wonderful revolution. It makes an amazing testimony and I'm praying it will help people. How are you doing Pandorica???

[Maddison]

Great job!

Being able to hand your problems over to a higher power is liberating.

[Barebones]

Good to hear hun xx Could i say though, u sound alittle bit hyper, but then i could be wrong and u are doing so well. Dont want to put any dampner on u as i know how well u are doing. sry for responding like a shit. Mean the best though. Keep up the great work and ur doing wonders when ur getting out and about now xxxx xx miss seeing u around

[Roses]

Thanks Maddison, I'm glad you understand what I am saying - it is totally liberating, hope you feel that way too xxx

Bones, it's OK, you are not a shit. I'm not hyper just living life and having fun. What we type is only how we are feeling at the time and I have lots going on during the build up to Xmas so just fitting it all in really. Before these dark 6 years or so I was always the bubbly, chatty and fun one so I've just returned to type really. I was always very active playing sports many nights a week, a bit hyper at times I guess, a lot of fun and always thinking of others and how to lift them and build them up inside themselves so they can be everything they want to be. I guess that is why I am typing on here as I truly believe if you surround yourself with good news, positivity, nice words and peace it really rubs off on you. I don't watch all those depressing soaps any more. I've got rid of most art and books that linked me to my old life or reminded me of how low I used to get and I now have very little to do with mental health services choosing instead to surround myself with family, good friends and church fellowship. I still have all my friends and some are lower than others but now I have my spiritual beliefs to lean on they do not drag me down at all and I can see it all subjectively. I guess the child that I was has just grown up and sunk her teeth into living instead of dying. Life and death really is on the tongue and I am careful what I say and how I say it to people now. I wish you all the best all the time and you can say whatever you like to me with no fear of reproach or a negative reaction. xxx

[Roses]

Sorry, I must explain that when I said some friends are lower. I meant lower in mood. All my friends are lovely gems who add such wonder and balance to my life xxx