Does Anyone Find Having A Set Routine Crucial To Their Recovery?

[emsie101]

My bpd is slowly (very slowly!) getting better and I am not sure if it is due to getting older or the fact that I am understanding the disorder and why I act certain ways. For example before if something went wrong that would mean the end of the world to me, I wanted to die, I would stay in bed crying wishing for the courage to take my life. But now I understand why I feel that etc and find other ways to help. Either way it is improving and I am very thankful for that. My main problem now is that I am stuck in a rut. I have been off work for three years and my sleep habits depend on my mood, if really happy then up all night or low in bed or day. Its the little habits that are bringing me down, like not having a good eating routine so I will binge on junk food making mood worse. So I thought about writing a routine to stick too which will be hard to start with but I am not sure if this is helpful or bad in my recovery. One it will be good to get into a routine so I can look into working again but then if I fail at the routine it will get me into depressive mood as I am a perfectionist and that is a big problem for me.

My Mental Health Nurse were discussing therapeutic communities a few years ago when I was at my worse and I know that has a daily routine you must follow which is part of recovery so that is why I wondered if it would help me. I am terrified of getting really bad again. I can't go back to that state of mind.

[Tan19]

I'm glad your feeling better, I am hoping to make some changes myself.

I think the routine is a very good idea, I've often felt like my brain gets so full of thoughts and intentions etc that it becomes overwhelming and I end up not wanting to anything.

I've been thinking of what I could do to help myself and I was thinking about going down the routine route too. My idea was to get a whiteboard and write everything down, like a massive to do list that I can look at daily to keep me focused and on track. I guess writing my plans down like that will help to clear my mind a bit.

But back to you, your routine idea seems like a good one. It's always nice to have structure in your life and even better if you can implement that yourself. I understand your worries about messing up one day and then feeling bad about yourself but we are only human, even the most perfect of humans make mistakes. It's a built in part of us, we can't get everything right all of the time.

Try not to be so hard on yourself, you have done so well to get to this stage and to get so serious about your recovery, it takes a lot of bravery to admit the bpd is a problem let alone tackle it. I'd go ahead with the routine and see how it goes. Maybe you could also write a list of positive affirmations that you could look at if you do mess up on the routine one day. A letter to yourself to remind you that you can keep going and not to beat yourself up about it.

I can relate to everything you've said about sleeping based on your mood, and how low you used to feel. I feel the same at the moment and I am really trying to help myself. Starting with taking my meds again which is hard for me as I've stopped for the last few months. I think it is possible to learn to cope with bpd, your progress so far is proof of that. It can seem hard at times as personally it feels like there isn't much help out there for us, the nhs doesn't seem to understand, however you have us here and you have yourself. Noone knows you better than you and I think that if you have some more faith in your abilities and continue as you have been you will see even more improvements.

Be proud of your progress, and I wish you well x

[Data]

Having a routine is good but that routine needs to be flexible enough. Also you need to develop your coping mechanisms and skills so that you can manage when your routine goes wrong.

[Deepa]

I think having a routine is important but not crucial. To me, what's crucial is being committed to one's recovery, which means, to me, pushing oneself to accomplish more or better things and pulling oneself back when a "thing" is clearly overwhelming. I agree with Data, that flexibility is important in a routine.

[ArtMatters]

I agree with what these guys said.. a flexible routine could help but it could end up being one more thing to worry about if you put too much pressure on it so try to just be mindful of that

[Kev_G]

I resisted getting 'a routine' for such a long time! I never thought I'd manage it and I can relate to the thoughts mentioned in this thread along the lines of "Will I be putting too much pressure on myself", "what if I fail and get really down about it" etc etc.

I can also relate to the idea of trying to write a big list of everything and turn it into some sort of routine.

But, in reality, how it's panned out for me has been as a series of, what I call, 'mini sub-routines'. To me they *are* crucial. They end up serving quite a few purposes:-

a ) They help me recover when in a crisis - serving as a beacon for something to head back to when I'm far out to sea and drowning in thoughts and emotions.

b ) They stop me getting into crisis so often - by keeping to them as much as I can (not rigidly, it is possible to be flexible with 'routines')

c ) The allow me to keep tabs on how well (or not) I am doing - if I am completing my routines I'm doing fine. If I'm struggling with them I may be getting unwell. If I've completely forgotten my routines then I'm already ill! Sometimes it's hard to be aware of when you are 'ill'.

Like mentioned in this thread medication is a good one to start with. I got myself one of those boxes with compartments and days of the week on. Taking a few different meds and/or food supplements can be a lot easier doing it this way. If, like me, you lose track of time when you are unwell then it's also a good way of keeping track of time/day of the week.

Food is just as important as meds - if not more so. So I make sure I have at least three meals and roughly about the same time of day. I have kept a track of them on a sheet when I've been in crisis or for getting back on track when recovering. But I've made my meals routine for quite a while and if I'm well then it's easy to know wether or not I have eaten.

Starting routines sound like a load of work but another name for them is 'habits'!! Just get into the habit and, to start of with or when in recovery, make a note of where you are at - you may not always need to keep a note (e.g. a food log).

Another benefit of keeping these sort of routines is that you can feel the benefits of them - it's not just a theory that someone is telling you to do - you get to know that they work and make you feel better after doing them for a while. When in crisis you may start to notice and feel that you haven't done them and you'll also get to know how you *should* be feeling and know what state you are aiming to get back to.

I also have other mini sub-routines for things like reading/replying to post - which never used to get done when I was in crisis - at the very least I know when I haven't done them now and know the sense in getting back to do them and what the routine should be.

Having a bath, doing the washing, cleaning the house &etc etc they can all be thought of as sort of mini sub-routines.

I call these set of routines my 'recovery model' - stuff that, if I'm doing them then I know I'm practicing good 'mental hygiene' and if I'm in crisis a set of things to aim to be getting back to doing.

Also mentioned in this thread were Therapeutic Communities - if you get into one of those and make it work for you then you'll certainly find a lot of it is routine and you'll be encouraged to have and maintain your own routines.

I'd advise not thinking of it all as one big routine (black and white thinking?) but a series of stuff you can do to help yourself daily and help recovery when needed.

They don't have to be boring either! I incorporate things like having the radio on whilst doing them - whatever you like - maybe have a favourite thing of yours when you've completed them.

Once you've been using them for a while you could find, like I have, that they are absolutely critical!

[Saharah Blue]

As long as the routine has an adequate amount of downtime built into it. For instance I am working 3 days a week, having those 3 days fall at the same time each week helps me feel like I can plan my self care, therapy, goals, rest, or anything else around that. I feel comfortable knowing I don't have to ask for time off work, or juggle my schedule. As a result I tend to feel calmer, knowing there are 4 allocated days for me.