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You Know When Your Bpd When...


Fanta

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You find yourself thinking of bad things in people you like to stop you idolising them. And then you end up hating them.

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When someone tells you that they have never thought about killing themselves, you honestly cannot believe it, because you've thought about it most days since you were a child.

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When an unanswered text or phone call signifies not that someone is busy for the moment but that they have abandoned you completely and forever.

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When someone tells you that they have never thought about killing themselves, you honestly cannot believe it, because you've thought about it most days since you were a child.

Not realized that but is it true people haven't thought of it

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When you can't even begin to unravel this question because it seems such a big one to answer.... You just know that what is normal for you isn't the same as 'normal' people?

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huuh, yeah, had this conversation with my best friend. She was shocked that I had EVER thought about it, let alone thought about it every day, and I was shocked that she had NEVER thought of it, not even once.

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It's sad in some ways, but I'm glad my friend has never gone through it. I'm glad that a lot of people don't.

And to be honest, now that I am on the way to being better (if you can get better from this) I am glad that I have been ill. I mean, yes, I would rather not have been, but I was, so I am trying to look at the positives. I have a much deeper understanding of myself and of life than I would have had. I am more perceptive than other people. I don't worry about little things that aren't so important. I know that my emotions run really deeply. I don't think I'm as scared of taking risks as I would have been, because, shit, I've tried to kill myself twice and I've run away to foreign countries with £20 in my back pocket. How scary can anything else be?

Also, I did a lot of stupid things when I was ill, and even though sometimes I felt like shit during those times, some of the stupid things I did make me laugh and to be honest make quite good stories.

Anyway, off topic.

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When an unanswered text or phone call signifies not that someone is busy for the moment but that they have abandoned you completely and forever.

Exactly!

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When every part of you wants to be loved so you try to put on a brave face to stay happy. Then they leave and you tell yourself you deserve it, your meant to be alone and that's how you'll always be.

Yet inside you just want them to love you again.

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when for the past hour you have been drafting seriously cutting and critical emails to stuff at work, but are fortunate enough to have enough awareness to press the delete button each time. agghhhhh.

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When you have no concept of another person.... because when they're out of sight, they're really out of mind. And even when they're with you, you have so many walls it's as if they're just a visitor and not really real.

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You have just had a rant to your children about their bedrooms and they just turn back to the TV , as they are used to your outbursts.

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