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You Know When Your Bpd When...


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Can relate to a lot of these. Its unsettled me a lot tonight. Feeling like your body is the only thing functioning and you dont even know how, having conversations with people yet there is another conversation going on in your mind, waking up feeling like you have a hangover even though you havent had a drink, trying to work out everyones ulterior motive, hating every bit of what looks back at you in the mirror, one minute being calm and the next completely losing it (i think driving is the worst, horrendous road rage!), so many thoughts going around in your head at one time that it makes your head feel like its being crushed in a clamp, god i could go on and on (and i dont even know if i definitely have bpd!)

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When something that wouldnt have bothered you 2 weeks ago, now wont stop plaguing your mind and effecting your mood. When you change your mind and opinion on things at the drop of a hat. When you forget what you were about to type 3 damn seconds ago.

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When you are low you can't remember ever being happy and when happy you think you have made up the BPD stuff and should stop making a fuss.

Actually happy is too strong change to OK, whoops there I go changing my mind again . lol

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When one day, you think "I'm the type of person who really loves cheese" and the next day you think "I'm the type of person who can't stand cheese."

You can replace cheese with anything, and you can replace the verbs with anything. Because you have no idea who you are or what you like.

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When you have a temper tantrum but really all you want is for the person to hold you and never let you go. And you literally mean NEVER.

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When you drop something or spill a drink (something so minimal to most) but you fly into a 10 minute rage and will feel better for it until the guilt sets in.

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When the things you did to hurt yourself isnt enough anymore and you start you increase your self harm and even though you know you will end up going down the road of seriouisly hurting yourself, you dont care and carry on anyway.

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Not knowing who you are, a blankness of character. Oh yeah and the rage thing - that's a biggie! An inability to judge if your emotional reactions to a situation are appropriate.

(Although I have been diagnosed for over 5 years this is my first visit here, prompted by a sudden return of symptoms after a few good years, I read these comments and both laughed aloud and cried in stunned recognition, Why I thought I was alone in this I'm not sure - but I'm so glad I got had the courage to sign up today)

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when you feel you're living between two things but you don't know what the hell they are.

when you are white with the touch of one's lips and you are black when one says "I've to go".

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When people talk about you as if they know you, and talk about how you are and things you do- and you know that they're wrong because they don't see all of you and if they did they wouldn't think about you in the same way they do now.

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OK something more positive, when despite all the crap you deal with daily, you have the strength to carry on and are determined to recover, even if this waivers sometimes xxxxx

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Christine, that's very true.

Some more positives:

...when you are really perceptive to other people's moods/personalities.

...when you spend so much of your life embroiled in the dramas in your head that the big dramas in real life are no big deal and you deal with them with ease.

...when you have some pretty funny stories about all the stupid fucked-up shit you've done.

...when you would never judge someone without knowing the facts, because you know that people have hard lives and that you don't know the half of it.

...when you're in the right mood, you're the funniest, cleverest fucker in the room and everyone is drawn to you.

...when you can pull pretty much anyone because of your intensity and hero-worship of anyone you find attractive. Sure, they dump you when they find out you're crazy, but the first step is never a big problem.

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