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jaynpoppy

Before Ocd

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jaynpoppy

I was just thinking that before I had ocd I used to think what I wanted and felt "normal" as such, I wasn't scared of my own thoughts and the fears that came with them, like being terrified that I`ll act on them an stuff so why am I so scared now? where has that security gone, that trust in myself, that I can think an feel what I want with out acting on it??

coz my ocd came on after I took some magic mushrooms when I was 16 years old, I was completely traumatised by the experience. ive just realised that when I get an obsession I feel out of control an don't trust myself coz the ocd reminds me of how much I felt out of control that night when I took the mushrooms, I guess for me its like some form of flashback a reminder of how out of control I felt (ptsd) and that really I need to get to grips with learning that im ok an that im just refeeling how I felt that night, but its not the same im not helpless, its just an unreal amount of anxiety.

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Flower1111

Ive been thinking about when i was younger before i had OCD and i was Happy and did not worry about what number i was treading on or how many times i turned a light on or off!!. Its quite sad,,its almost like with responsibility came trauma and not coping on my own in a way. BUT,,i do cope with certain things quite well on my own as im a fighter i know that!. I still dont even know what started it!!. My mum was severely Mentally ill and i saw a lot at a young age that a child should not see so im wondering if that was it!!. :(

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