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tattoogirl

Punishing Myself With Food

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tattoogirl

Ill try and cut a long story short. Basically Ive had depression for over ten years, for the last 5 years my weight has went up and down drastically and im at the point now that if im feeling down i eat or i just keep eating as if its punishment to myself. Its like im self destructing in a way. I dont have an eating disorder but ive got eating problems that only I can fix, just wish I had the will to do it, im sick of this and im sick of turning to food when ive got issues. fed up!

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Ollieclews

Hiyer tattoogirl, I dont think we've spoken before so nice to meet you!

I can really relate to what you're saying and I know how hard it is :(

I too eat to comfort myself when Im not feeling good and afterwards I always kick myself about it. I've had an unhealthy relationship with food for many years now.

Its important to try and not give yourself such a hard time about it. Whilst it isnt necessarily a healthy coping mechanism it is certainly healthier than some things.

Do you have any counselling or therapy etc or are you on any medication. I think if you can improve how your feeling with your depression (Easier said than done I know!) then you will feel more able to fix your eating habbits and any problems that have come from that.

I hope this helps! I'm a little rusty lol Please keep on talking though :)

xx

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tattoogirl

Thank you for your reply. Your right about that theres worse things to worry about and you're totally right! Just doesnt stop the self destruction sometimes. Im on meds and ive had therapy etc before, just not for my eating as its a small problem. Spoke to my husband there and he said hes going to help me with eating and that i can talk to him when i feel like eating rubbish etc. I guess I need another form of expression if thats the right word! Thank You Claire

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Ollieclews

Hi Claire, You're right it doesnt stop the self destruction. Its really good though that your husband is really supportive and that he is going to try and help you with it. Thats really positive!

Its trial and error really what other positive or non self destructive things could you do that comfort you?

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johnbooth1963

I sympathise Claire , I too comfort eat, and it's always the wrong thing, mostly carbs. Putting loads of weight on and feeling really tired with it. The thing is, I lost two and a half stone, felt a lot better, then sabotaged it, and put it all back on. I have to leave the carbs alone!! But I love cake and chips soo much.

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walker

understand

but question the label

as it is only occasionally for comfort

most of it is self hatred - punishment ....

people (in rl) are always saying 'oh I comfort eat too'

its NOT the same as hating yourself so much you need to ram food in your face because of such a passionate self loathing and need to hurt and self destruct

we have massive issues with food

we hear you and understand

xxxx

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getmeoutahere

Im the opposite

when I feel like shit I dont eat at all but even when I feel a little better I still spite myself from so many forms of food like im punishing myself because I dont deserve nice treats.

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lalissa

sad for you and the struggles tattoogirl,

i too either starve or stuff..

not good,

but i think ollie was right there are worse things... not much comfort but...

thinking of you and caring is what i really wanted to say..

xx lali xx

((((hugs too))))

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pennx

Hiya, I too eat as a method of self-destruction, so i'm going to give you my most honest advice on what worked for me - but, as we all know, it's different for everyone. One of the main things I do when i'm on a low is keep a diary. I don't write pages and pages of poetic gorgeousness... I scribble with pencils in all different colours, I write out trigger words, and then once it's there on the page, my brain somehow lets it go. Now, it doesn't always work that easily, so there are other things too... I make sure there is plenty of healthy but tasty food in the house, I am an absolute sucker for stodgy carbs so things like potatoes mashed with avocado are my kinda heaven... and as long as I know exactly what food it is that I want to eat, it makes it easier to not spiral out of control - and I eat it until I am so full it almost starts to hurt. I've reduced binges from daily to once a week by doing this, which after 13 years is revolutionary! As soon as I start to feel hungry, I agree in my head something that will satisfy my cravings and stick with it. My boyfriend lives off junk food and in spite of this i've not found this difficult... in fact, it's nice to be able to obsess over something that isn't going to destroy me :)

finally - treating myself! :)

I can spend anything up to £70 a day on "comfort food" (i appreciate you may not binge in the same way I do but it's just for examples sake!), so instead, I take that £70 on a day that i'm feeling like leaving the house, and I go buy things that make me feel pretty. makeup, clothes, cute underwear, bath bombs or delicious soaps and I feel so much better that i'm like... you know what, I don't want to ruin my body with food when I feel so much better being able to have all this other stuff and feel comfy and calm :) and I think it's important to take care of yourself... when i'm on a low I can go months without even brushing my hair so I know it's, as ever, easier said than done, but i've learnt that ONE small step in something positive will encourage me to make more and more :)

Don't try and rush yourself to "sort it out" all at once, because when you're ready, you'll know, and it's all about baby steps adding up to make those leaps and bounds :) xxx

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lalissa

some good tips there pennx, thanks!

how are you tattogirl?

i don't think ive got an eating disorder yet but i sure as hell can comfort eat, esp in the evenings.. boredom, loneliness, etc bring it on plus me meds make my hungry which is v annoying. i do hate it but i try not to beat myself up. i like the idea of keeping lots of heatlhy things in the fridge, but feel like they'll just go off while i run out for a pizza, i think its easier in the summer too.. winter is made for comfort eating...!

xx lali xx

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tattoogirl

thanks for the replys. I'm still struggling, went a full week without binging but back to the start again, its forever a bad cycle. Thinking about coming off my meds, but just got to see what the doctors say

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Threemoons

Yes, see what the doctor will say. Ultimately you know you have this place here to talk and vent anytime you need it. Take care dear, you well-being is precious to me.

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tattoogirl

Back to square one, and feeling so bad about it. I had been doing well for about 6 weeks and I lost a stone and now I have just gone into the bad binge cycle again and i feel like im being self destructive. I keep getting thoughts of self harm especially after eating and im just finding it so difficult. My head is being consumed by this and I just hope I can get back on track again.

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angel tears

Hey there hun, so sorry that you are feeling so bad, big hugs xxx

I have just lot some weight and now I am constantly worried that I will gain it all back again. The carbs have been really bothering me and I have struggled to stop for 3 days now. It is really worrying me too. I feel like I am eating too much but I want to stop, I want to try and be healthy again!!!, it does my head in.

Have you got any support for your ed?. I am going to try and get back on track again tomorrow. You can do this hun xxx

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tattoogirl

thanks angeltears.  Its so hard struggling with different things, and as you said the worrying of putting weight back on.  I just contacted a charity regarding my eating problems and they helped talk through abit with me but no proper help.  Because i dont purge or use laxatives they wont take me.  I guess its just the different priorities.

 

Hope you feel better soon,  we can do this!  

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