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Mood Disorder ?


pepsimeg

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i think may have a mood disorder

maybe bipolar (mixed) i dont know

but lately it keeps happening

that my mind explodes with greatness

and i cant stop i feel super human

creative thoughts wizz thru my head amd dont stop

i cant slow them down. i try to sleep but all i cant cos the greatness feels great and it needs to cime.out.

when i get like this.

i have notuced a pattern before

that when my head gets like this

it wont last....it goes on for a few days

and then my mind crashes into a darkness

i wondered why recently i felt so depressed

im on antids so it suprised me that i went into

a darkness

but today im up with racing thoughts of creativity and greatness again

and yeah its great why wouldnt it be

except my body and mind just dont want to stop

and i cant slow it down.

i dont want to crash again

i like it.

i notuced this for yrs and i did keep a mood diary once and showed my dr

she said i cud have bipolar but wen i saw psych he said bpd

but ok hes right but that dont explain the highs and lows

and why the antids not working

i talk alot i go on and on with my greatness (haha)

my body wont stop but then it will and it will be the opposite again.

does anyone else here have bipolar

or can advise.me

thanks

emo xx

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sorry we dont have it and cant advise

but we DO experience very similar

when we were more 'well' like when we were teaching

we would get mega ideas and they would consume us and we would hardly have or need any sleep

and all we did was read and plan and it was like we could do anything

talk loads and very rapid millions of connections linking up in our head all making sense

then

it would vanish

and if we had already started that something - like a project with the school kids or something - we would have to try to carry it through

and it was INTENSELY difficult because our mind had closed down, all clarity gone, all passion gone, and just feeling useless

we still get it and we noticed it was about 4 or 5 times a year, although weirdly it is not so violent a change recently (could this be due to hormone changes?)

one of the times was when we spent the night in a cell after overdosing (last year)

we hadnt been high and creative

but we were VERY high as in our head was whirling like a tornado, and it was like our thoughts were raging but SO SO clear

and we were barely hungry

and we had about 7 hours sleep from tuesday to friday

it was like we could go on for ever like that - except once it stopped it was like we lost everything, all that wonderful clarity of thought, all that 'sense', all that energy and need and urgency and passion

it always feels like our head is almost on fire with activity and alertness - whether it is positive (creative, making, doing, tidying, ideas, schemes, anything possible) or negative (ideas, schemes, ways to end, reasons to end, clarity of what others are 'doing' to us or thinking about us)

sorry

have really gone on and on

but we have wondered sometimes

but when we were in hosp a lady came in on a 'high'

and OMG

she honestly didnt stop talking loud rambling going on on on on day and night to everyone and anyone

then

complete silence, didnt say a word,

who knows

it is a good idea to talk to dr about it

in the past they have wanted to but us on lithium, and/or other mood stabilisers

but then bpd is also a mood disorder of sorts

aaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh

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yeah thanks walker its like that wth me

4yrs ago i kept a 3mnth mood diary cos i noticed a pattern

showed my dr and she agreed but it took 9 mnths and it was a farce to get tovsee a psych ny the time i got to see him i had given up

threw my diary away and i hardly spoke to him and he came up with bpd

but what i have been reading theree are diff sorts of bipolar some like the woman u described whee they really are high then those who have more lows than highs etc. so who knows i dont i dont know whether to c a drbor not but my therapist at the moment woeks with ppl with bipolar shes not said it directly to me but has hinted a few things

i dont know. i think i will keep a dieary again and see

thanku for your reply walker xx

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