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Council Flat


lonelyheartemma

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My mum wanted to speak to a council person about how long I was likely to be waiting for a council flat. She asked me how long and I didn't know and she decided she wanted to know the answer. She emailed them, they replied and now she says I'll probably be on the list forever.

So anyone who has their own council flat how long were you waiting?

And if you feel happy saying it how many points did you have?

Thank you xx

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Hey emma. They dont use points anymore you have to bid on propertys they have on offer. It took me around 2 years to get my place but i had to live in a hostal which made me a higher priority. You maybe able to tell them about your mental health and be high priority. If you have a psyc or therapist they maybe able to back you up and help you or maybe even a gp. Citizens advice would probably be the best people to get in touch with.

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I lived in supported housing for vulnerable adults in my own self contained bedsit for 3 years. It was temporary and when they were satisfied that i could live independantly i was put on a high band to bid for a council/housing association flat. Which took 3 months.

If you are on a low band you will be waiting forever i'm afraid.

I've always said that you should go down the supported housing route when you have brought this up. I think it would be ideal for you in my opinion.

Aurora :)

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Data my GP and someone who works at the council both told me I should get points on medical grounds. The GP and I made an application but the person who gives out the points said I wasn't entitled to any more.

Ruffryder they do use points for me, when I got first went on the list I was told I had 50 points the person who emailed my mum said I got 2 more points each year :/ I can't remember if I've been on the list 1 year or 2 years but when I first got on the list I was told 5-7 years. Citizens advice told me they couldn't help me. But I've been told I will get a cbt therapist soon so maybe they can help. When I had a social worker she wouldn't help as she thought there was nothing wrong with my mental health and laughed when I talked about suicide. But the people I've seen recently are very aware she was wrong about that so maybe they'll be more helpful.

I do bid on properties but my place in the queue depends on how many people with more points than me are also interested. I've only been below 100th place twice. I'm always 1st or 2nd in the queue when I first bid because I bid as soon as they become available but then more people bid :(

I know you have Aurora, I do feel bad making you say it again. But I think that is with the housing people as well.

I'm going to write to the CMHT soon so I'll mention it to them.

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Lonely i think its worth another try for medical points, also im sure u can appeal about the decision. More u fight or someone who is like a doctor or psyciatrist or specialist to write on your behalf and them explaining why they think u need housed quicker, you may just get it.

When i cam out of hospital in my 20s they put me in a shared flat with 2 other people, that didnt go well so my psyciatrist wrote a letter to the council and advised that i need somewhere else to go. I cant remeber how long i had to wait, but i got a bedsit. When i got married i was also given a flat as the bedsit i was told was to small for married couple so i got another flat, that time however being in there some yrs my mental health took a nose dive and i couldnt live in the area i was in, so my social worker and again psyciatirst got me medical points and with in 3 months i was given this flat i am in now in a diffrent area, ofcause by then my daughter was going to primary and we put her to this area, if u understand?

So more back up and fight you stand a chance of getting something xxx

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Hi Emma, Unfortunately its really hard :( I think a lot of councils are in the same position as they are here in Derby. There is a severe lack of social housing. I went on our list over two years ago only to be told it would take 12 months for them to process my application and to be put on the list! I had quite a few points but it wasnt anywhere near enough. At one point it was looking that I was going to be homeless..I went to the council and they said sorry we cant help you. They said when you become homeless I just need to go to my nearest hostel to see if there was a bed. Luckily it didnt come to that. But it just shows even if you are in desperate need for social housing there isnt any available :(

I was told my only hope would be private renting which is what ive been doing since. Have you looked at private renting?

Sorry I couldn't be of more use, I hate to be so negative but I dont want to lie to you.

I hope your well xxxx

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Thank you Barbones and Ollie.

I'll try what you suggested first Barbones. The doctor did say she would help me appeal but she thought it wouldn't be worth it. Then she left so I couldn't ask her again. My health has become worse since then anyway so I probably should update them. I definitely don't want to share with anyone, it seems like such a gamble because most people don't like me. I think I'd rather share with my parents than strangers because I know my parents and I know what annoys them.

If they can't help with that I'll ask them about private renting like you said Ollie. If it is the same where I live they'll probably know that so they should know a bit about how a vulnerable person should approach private renting.

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Is supported housing not something you can / would consider Emma? I don't want to go over old ground if you've already discussed it but that was the way I got my flat too. I was in supported accommodation for almost 2 years but when I left I went into a high band for bidding as they need to re-home supported clients asap because they always have a waiting list to fill their spaces too. If I'm honest I would never have considered myself the type of person who would live in a supported environment, ever, but it's worked out really well for me.

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No one seems to know anything about supported housing.

The occupational therapist said it existed but she felt I had no mental health problems so I wasn't entitled, I was just of very low intelligence and a bit short of confidence. But she really thought I should stay with my mum.

Citizen's advice told me to go home and sort things out with my mum.

The mental health advocate broke confidentiality and then said he was discharging me because he'd contacted my social worker, who'd said there were no problems between us. This action created another problem between us. The advocate did get a slap on the wrist for this but the advocate who replaced them didn't help at all. He wrote asking what was wrong, then he replied to my email, asking me to say what was wrong again or he'd discharge me, then he wrote again and asked me to write again with a minimum of 3 problems or he'd discharge me. I got no advice or support of any kind.

The housing people knew nothing and I could never get any straight answers out of them. My mum says she might be able to bully some answers out of them but although she probably is using the term loosely I don't really like the sound of it.

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Contact shelter and see if they can give you any advice and guidance.

I would imagine the council and said social worker view you as adequately housed and in no great need because you are living comfortably (in their eyes) with your parents.

Aurora :)

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I've found a form for contacting shelter by email. I didn't find this the last time I looked so thank you Aurora for making me look again.

Do you think this sounds okay? I'm trying to give a general overview but maybe I need more info on my mum and less info on my health etc. I am really scared though because if shelter helps me move my mum mustn't know it's shelter, they have to think it's a council flat. I don't want to force shelter to lie but maybe if they can give me guidance I might end up with more points for a council flat. it's going to be difficult though as I can't talk to them on the phone and they can't visit my house and I can't go to see them without giving my mum a good reason for leaving the house (though if I see them soon I can say I'm going Christmas shopping and then do that as well) Going into town will make me ill for a couple of days afterwards but what's a couple of days if it means I can get away at last? I've wanted to get away or so long, I actually remember running away when I was 3 with no shoes on and being caught at the end of the road. My dad took me home and one of them pulled my knickers down and hit me (though I can't blame them for being annoyed about that).

I really want to move out of my parents' home. I am over 18 but treated like a child. I have little privacy. My parents find it perfectly acceptable to walk into my room whenever they feel like it.

I am in contact with a publisher who is interested in my novels and my mum wants to know the content of their emails so she can tell me what to say in reply. I admit I'm not great at it but her method of helping makes me feel I'm such a useless person I'm wasting my time. She thinks it's unreasonable that I won't tell her my email password. I have told them I don't like living like that but my mum gets really angry and tells me I'm a horrible person.

I have never had a job due to severe mental and physical health problems. I get about £500 a month, I pay £200 monthly rent to my parents and I give 12% of my benefits to charity as I don't pay tax.

I am on the council house waiting list but I only have 50 points and none on medical grounds even though I'm very ill (thyroid/heart/auto immune disease/suspected fibromyalgia/digestion/depression/anxiety/suspected PTSD). My mum says I'll never get to the top of the list.

An occupational therapist offered to help but this would have involved directly challenging my mum's decisions on how she runs her home. I did not want this to happen as I was terrified of what my mum would say. She would agree while the OT was in the house but she would show her anger afterwards.

My mum hasn't hit me since I was 14 but I still find her words really hurtful. I think this is part of the reason why my mental health problems have developed. She misunderstands a lot of what I say and thinks I've said something horrible to her so we end up arguing (or rather she tells me why I'm horrible and wrong and I don't say much because I'm too scared). Half the time I actually agree with her but I don't get the chance to say that. I feel like I mustn't raise my voice ever and making any other kind of noise like a cough is terrifying because I want to be as silent as possible.

I don't think assertiveness training would be appropriate when dealing with my mum. For a lot of young people in my situation all they need is to develop some confidence and conversational skills. But with me and my mum I think we are dealing with two very complex people with different emotional issues. While I am willing to accept help for use in general situations I don't think it would work with my mum unless she too is willing to make changes. She thinks I'm wrong and she's right and that's just how it is.

If I had my own home I'd be away from her influence and able to develop some confidence without having it knocked out of me every day. Also if I can live near the city centre I might possibly be able to work as there are a lot more opportunities.

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I think that's a good start Emma. Firstly though, please don't stress yourself at this stage about the 'what ifs' e.g. what if my mum found out it was shelter etc - that will waste way too much energy and it really isn't worth worrying about hypothetical scenarios. (Although I know this is far easier said than done.)

Secondly, I think you need to put just as much emphasis on your health issues (physical and mental) as you do your mum. If you can, try and give examples of how your symptoms actually affect your daily life. I know you've given some examples but I think perhaps you could make them a bit more specific e.g. how your mum putting you down affects your depression and then how that affects things more meaning you feel like you can't make any noise etc and then because you're depression has been triggered you feel worse day on day maybe. I think you need to make them realise that you don't just not like living with your parents but how it is actually making you more ill. If you could get a dr or someone to back you up in writing that might help but I understand this might be difficult to organise and might not be necessary at this early stage.

I don't know, those are just my immediate thoughts, I'm sure others will have different / additional views.

I think it would be a good avenue to try anyway - even if they can just offer some advice it's worth it.

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Thank you Artemis, that is good advice.

I have a 3000 character limit for the email so that's why I wanted to list the problems and then go into details later. Once they've replied I might be able to email direct from my email account to theirs so I won't have a character limit anymore. If not then I can go into details when I go to see them. I'll try to do what you say though.

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Hey emma that is a good email. maybe show that to the doctors u see and see what help they can give u. If ur looking at shelterd housing i dont know much about that, but the email u gave should of come from ur doctors and be given help.

Good luck hun xx

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That is a good idea Barbones but I can't show it to the doctor as my mum will be there :(

I'll just have to do it myself but I don't mind. Maybe I should wait till my blood test results are back though?

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My son was on the list for 18 months before he was housed. He was homeless and due to this he bid for every property the council would accept as suitable for him. He had to accept a studio flat, anything bigger would have taken much longer. To be honest the property is ok for one person, if he finds work it will be much easier to afford to run as the rent is low, takes little energy to heat too.

You mention that you don't feel emotional skills will help you deal with your mum. I disagree having been through similar with my parents most of my life. I didn't understand how the idea of changing your response would cause a different response in anyone else, even though many had tried to explain lol. Then at the age of 36 I found a good therapist. I often focused on the on going problems with my parents, the therapist worked hard to get me to see that the problems weren't mine to take responsibility for.

So, eventually when it clicked in my head, I started using what must be an emotional coping skill, stayed calm, thought about my response before I answered and reacted as I would to a close friend. A few phone calls from my dad full of blablabla .........in stead of reacting to his words and getting upset, I started to say, how awful for you dad, I couldn't cope with that either. I pointed out that much as life was tough for the family, I had given up my business, home, friends etc and moved away because the situation was awful, but at least he had his house, pension, wife, etc. Golly, he wasn't happy, but couldn't find any response to my sympathy and understanding, I refused to rise to his bait and get caught up in it all.

My response to his behaviour changed, therefore he had to find a new way to respond and was so thrown by my calmness he was like a fish out of water. This was 7 years ago, things now have changed so much he actually gave me £1000 to go on holiday, knowing I would go to Egypt again, even with all the trouble. I was stunned, although I am nearing 50 now and have travelled many times with just 3 small children! :-)

So, anything to do with emotional coping skills could help, remember, you are working towards living alone and after the novelty has worn off, you may well find your emotions are intensified. I

Keep at it, things usually fall into place if we consistently make an effort x

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