mousie Posted January 5, 2014 Report Share Posted January 5, 2014 just read a post that brought me to the conclusion that i intentionally go for things that don't bring me closer to happiness but rather meaningfulness, purpose, value and worth. but is my possibly echo-like (to narcissus) intrinsic to my psych makeup or part of a condition to be worked on? here's the post..... http://bps-research-digest.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/whats-difference-between-happy-life-and.html so my question is, do folks that identify with bpd or carry the diagnosis typically aim for meaningfulness rather than happiness? cos when it comes down to it - striking creating a balance aside - what should i be striving for as a priority? the needs of others? my needs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pepsimeg Posted January 5, 2014 Report Share Posted January 5, 2014 I want both Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saharah Blue Posted January 5, 2014 Report Share Posted January 5, 2014 I do not find it is possible to give to others without first being able to attend to our own needs. Learning how to do this for yourself is also what makes it possible to teach others how later. If I learn to be happy in myself, this happiness will rub off to those around me. I will smile more, be more patient, socialize in calmer ways, & generally share my joy. Caring for others can be fulfilling, it can also be a distraction and diversion from a healthier self. For instance my mother is aging and needs more attention and help. Well actually she has always needed attention and help, lol. I have spent a lot of time int he last 3 years with her through illness and various surgeries, just helping her. This is not rewarding in particular. But the reward for me is the connection that I am finally starting to grow and build the relationship I have always wanted with her. She finally has the time and attention to give me, I have always craved. However I couldn't do this for 3 years running if I didn't take the time to learn my own boundaries and limits. Like when and how Sah needs to rest and recharge, if to feel to much is being asked, too much is being unrealistically expected I feel taken for granted, easily frustrated, angry, and very little use to those around me. It is not all or nothing, one over the other like the article makes out to sound for the sake of writing an article. Life ebbs and flows and we ebb and flow with it. What we may want and need at a particular time frame in our lives will always be changing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted January 5, 2014 Report Share Posted January 5, 2014 I went to a meeting called 'philosophy in pubs' recently where the leader mentioned a 'thought experiment' called the Experience Machine. I've struggled to find a simple/good write-up of it that matched what she said, but the wiki page is here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Experience_machine. Apparently they got people and suggested to them a hypothetical situation where there was an experience machine that you could connect to, which would give you a nice virtual reality life, like in the film The Matrix. The experience wouldn't be real, you'd just be connected to a machine, but you would think it was real. But as the experience was simulated, they could give you a really nice life. They asked people if they would choose to use such a machine if it was available. Then they asked people what they would do if they were told that their current life was run by a machine. Would you turn it off, and experience real life? Scary stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brisbane Posted January 6, 2014 Report Share Posted January 6, 2014 interesting topic, lots of thoughts coming to mind. interesting that they don't correlate more closely, meaning and happiness. intention is so important, especially when engaging in meaningful activities. is the intention to help others and oneself or to grow relationships etc, or is to fill the hole so i am no longer a bad an unworthy person, or something else, where does the drive come from. and often motivations are mixed bags of many things. i also think about the stuff i learnt in a cbt course about balancing "doing" and "being" and how both are necessary. and that too much doing will lead to fatigue, one also needs time to just "be" present and mindful, without too much forward focus. i envy people who can just go about life without looking deeply into meaning or purpose... and simply seek happiness... its sounds blissful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mousie Posted January 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2014 the thinky type melanie klein and others had the idea about depression that the schizoid position (in psychoanalysis) is kinda suspended reality where i can be numb to things and feast on things around me but it can feel empty - hollow and that's where the meaningfulness cuts in and the shift to the depressive position is hyper reality .... some have said the depressed are just very engaged with reality maybe its on a continuum... playfulness/creativity/enjoyment to serious/depth/commitment to connect? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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