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I Love My Therapist


lonelyheartemma

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I hope I'm not going to get too attached to him but I'm really impressed with him so far.

He is a trainee but when he doesn't know something he is honest about it. He didn't resort to "why would you want to know that?" or an untruthful "I told you that weeks ago!" like the trainee social worker.

When he doesn't know something, he says he'll find out in time for the next session and he almost always has the answer. If not he at least gives me an update.

But one thing he does definitely know is what 'validate' means. Just small things like "that was a horrible thing for your mum to say" really mean a lot.

He's interested in my whole life, not just the things that make me feel bad. He wanted to know what I'd been doing since I last saw him. I showed him my book and he loved it. He thinks my imagination is amazing. I find it odd that he would admire things I do but he does.

He's told me almost nothing about himself and I don't quite like to ask but he seems like a human being and not a blank wall. I find it so much easier to talk to human beings.

He warned me that a letter was coming as he was worried the wording of it might upset me- it says I'm signed up for 10 sessions but he says that doesn't mean it's "10 sessions and then goodbye", it's just he does things 10 sessions at a time, then we review, then we extend if I'm in agreement. I think it's really good he's aware that little things like that can be upsetting.

He has a sense of humour- maybe not vital but it is something I appreciate.

I like how he looks at things in a positive way. Getting my own flat is a positive step, it's not just an escape from my parents.

He didn't quite say he liked me, that's probably unprofessional but he gave me a whole list of reasons why I'm not a horrible person. And I think he does like me. As a person. I thought he fancied me at first because I didn't think anyone would like my actual personality but I think he does like my personality. When I was a teenager all I wanted was for someone to think I was hot but being liked for my personality is even nicer.

I wish I could clone him so you could share him.

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I'm really glad that your experience has been so positive so far, Emma!

I really hope that I end up having as positive an experience as you do when I'm eventually contacted about sessions. I do fear being lumbered with somebody I just don't connect with at all and then feeling like I'm back at square one. Even so, I hope that your sessions continue to be so positive! xx

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Em,

It makes me smile to know that you are being treated so well, like you deserve. I really hope this guy can give you all the support you need. :D

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Hi Emma

I am so pleased you have a therapist who you trust and feel comfortable with and who is reliable and does what he says he will - he sounds great and I am glad you have a good person to do some important work on your journey with. Really am pleased for you.

Take care xXx

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Thank you for your replies :)

I really feel so lucky, not just because I have my therapist but because I have friends like you who are happy for me.

I really hope your therapist is just as good as mine Setting Sun. In my experience good therapists have been rare but I've read about lots of people's therapists on here so I know there are lots of other good therapists out there. I actually didn't click with this therapist straight away. I really liked him as a person from the first session but I wasn't sure he'd be the best therapist for me. But in this session- my fourth- I really began to value him as a therapist.

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This is brilliant emma and I am also pleased for you :)

I also feel lucky to have a good therapist who I connect with and I think that's very important in therapy.

I hope that your T extends your sessions with him. xxx

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I really hope your therapist is just as good as mine Setting Sun. In my experience good therapists have been rare but I've read about lots of people's therapists on here so I know there are lots of other good therapists out there. I actually didn't click with this therapist straight away. I really liked him as a person from the first session but I wasn't sure he'd be the best therapist for me. But in this session- my fourth- I really began to value him as a therapist.

This is quite an interesting point and one I know I'm going to have to be wary of - not confusing liking my therapist with whether they are any good or not. Obviously I hope that I like them and that they are good - that would be nice!

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  • 3 weeks later...

I hope your therapist is exactly what you want and need Setting Sun :)

My therapist is still good and usually once a fortnight is perfect but I really want to talk to him now about lots of things and I have to wait till Monday. He told me to keep a diary which is the kind of thing that really bores me but I'm doing my best. I'm writing it in Welsh so my parents won't be able to read it.

But I think it's positive that now when things are really bad I want to talk to him. It's not just that I want someone to help me, I specifically want to talk to him. And I don't just want to talk, I want to hear what he thinks of it all. I value his opinions and I'm glad I've got a therapist like that.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I have to comment because 1) it is lovely to read that you are having such a positive experience with your therapist and 2) it made me laugh out loud that you are writing it in Welsh so that your parents can't read it :D I can't say exactly why that would amuse me but it does, and good on you :)

I wish I could clone these kinds of therapists and personally deliver one to every single soul suffering with BPD the world over. I think that would be a job well done, kind of like Santa but for those of us with BPD :)

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Safiya I also find humour in the most unexpected places and I can never explain why I'm laughing. But we need to take laughter and happiness where we can find it and if it doesn't hurt anyone let's keep laughing!

A therapist Santa, that sounds lovely! Though I hope he would work more than one day a year.

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so glad you have found a good therapist emma, they are so so of value to us..

i also have an amazing therapist, i've been seeing her a long time, i love her and also sometimes hate her but that is just part of the good therapy she provides..

xx lali xx

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We haven't spoken for so long, but to hear you sounding so positive and so much happier is heart warming because you are a genuinely harmless and lovely girl.

You really deserve a confidence boosting person in your life and I am so glad you have found one.

The difference between your older posts and this one is very poignant.

I hope you get your own place soon and the freedom you so very much desire xxxxx

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Thank you Lali- I'm glad you have a good therapist too. I haven't hated mine yet but I wasn't thrilled with him last week. But today he phoned and admitted he behaved wrongly. I didn't say much on the phone because my mum was listening but when I see him next Monday I'll tell him I appreciated his phone call.

Aww it's nice to see you too ILH! It has been way too long. I hope we'll both be sticking around for a while but RL can get in the way sometimes. Thank you for saying I'm harmless. I have been told I'm exactly the opposite and it was the most hurtful thing ever. So hearing you say that really is amazing and special.

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Aww it's nice to see you too ILH! It has been way too long. I hope we'll both be sticking around for a while but RL can get in the way sometimes. Thank you for saying I'm harmless. I have been told I'm exactly the opposite and it was the most hurtful thing ever. So hearing you say that really is amazing and special.

In all the years I have known you (cyberwise only I know) but I have heard a harmful word come out of your mouth. I was thinking about your situation with your mum yesterday actually and wondered if there is possibly some envy there from her, and her need to control you is a way of feeling in control herself. And it doesn't matter who it comes from...but any type of such extreme control over another will make the controlled one feel so dependant on that person, that it seems impossible to break away as the thought of being independent is too scary. People say such hurtful things to keep you in that place in their actual own fear of losing their sense of importance. You are an individual and have the absolute right to be who you are. xx

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I'm sure there's a lot of truth in that ILH. She hates the fact that she can't control my sister anymore. She wanted my sister to phone her every Tuesday at 9pm but she only phones a few times a year- usually when she wants a bed for the night!

I think she does envy me. Her mother (my nan) didn't want another baby and didn't treat my mum well at all. But I (according to my mum) have a brilliant mother and I think she's jealous that I have a mum like her and she didn't. She has no idea that she's more like her own mother than she realises- and I hope she never finds that out because a discovery like that would be soul destroying. But given the choice between my mum and my mum's mum I do think I got the best one.

My mum asked me recently "what could you get from having your own home that you don't get here?" The first words that came to my mind were 'privacy' and 'respect' but she genuinely believes that she gives me a lot of privacy and that respect has to be earned. I haven't done anything to earn people's respect. I told her I just wanted what nearly everyone wants at some point, my own home to run and look after xxx

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I am really pleased the the relationship with the therapist is going well, Emma.. I hope the good relationship will be a pathway to a new life and that you can deal with the issues with your mum.

I don't know you well, but from what I've read about you, I like you.

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Aww thank you Data! I like you too. I admire your intelligence but I also like you because you're a very kind person and you put so much thought and effort into the way you talk to people and try to see their points of view, not just on here but also when you talk about dealing with your family and people at work. Lots of people don't care about things like that.

I hope it will continue to go well. I sent him a letter last week telling him off (in a nice sort of way I hope) for arranging an appointment with my mum instead of me and he phoned back as soon as he got the letter to say I was completely right and he shouldn't have done it and he was glad I wrote to him. It's a shame he made the mistake in the first place but it shows he's prepared to listen and accept criticism. So many mh workers think they're right all the time and it's impossible to be right all the time. Usually in a situation like that I don't stop worrying about it until I have proof that he won't do it again but I'm just not worried about it.

I also think that by taking the criticism well he's set me a good example. That's something I really struggle with but my parents hate criticism as well so I probably haven't had much experience of people responding well to criticism. Maybe he can teach me to be more like him.

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Emma, PLEASE HEED THIS WARNING PLEASE I BEG YOU: If you even slightly begin to feel attracted or loving towards him, change your therapist. This happened to 'someone I know' and she made the mistake of telling her therapist how she was beginning to feel and instead of telling her its a feeling of transference etc he went on to RAPE her for a whole year. Instead of having appointments, he would make her visit his home so he could abuse her in the worst ways. And because he was a 'Trainee' the police couldn't get him struck off etc and the motherfucking bastard got away with it while 'someone that I know' is having to deal with flashbacks, memories, PTSD, BPD and threats of them losing their children. Please tell me where the fucking justice is in this fucked up, bitch assed place.......So again Emma......I BEG YOU PLEASE DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO GET INTO THIS SITUATION.

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I'm so sorry about your friend. It's terrible he treated her in that way and that he was able to get away with it. My trainee social worker was nothing like as bad as him but her mistakes were quite harmful to me. I really hope the mh place is offering your friend help and support though I wouldn't blame her if she didn't trust them. I hope she's getting support from somewhere. It's terrible the police didn't do anything as trainee or not, rape is rape.

I don't love my therapist in a romantic or sexual way and if I did I wouldn't tell him. He's not allowed to visit me at my home so if he ever did show up I wouldn't let him in. I also wouldn't go to his house as that also isn't allowed.

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Yeah my friend has major trust issues now with anyone in the medical profession. As for support.....pah. Mental health places around here are so slow they don't even know how to deal with their own paper work without worrying about the people who really need them. I now have a major issue with people getting away with things and having watched the TV show Dexter, its all combined to create a very harmful personality in me. If only that so-called "therapist" knew what he had caused in another human being, he'd possibly feel some regret but people like that never feel any guilt, thats all left to the victims.

I'm pleased to hear that yours isn't allowed to visit your home and that you have taken on board my plea. Thank you, saving one person from the Hell my friend went through is enough to make me feel like I've made a difference in this shithole of a world.

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Thank you for your posts. It's good of you to want to help and it must have been difficult if it reminded you of your friend. That's so sad (but so understandable) she can't trust anyone in the medical profession because of him.

I think the chances are my therapist is nothing like your friend's but you're right, I can't afford to take any risks. If he's prepared to break a major rule by visiting me I'd have to ask myself what other rules he might break. But he hasn't done anything like that yet so at the moment I still trust him and like him.

Therapists probably have training to stop them from feeling guilty. If they felt guilty for everything bad that happened to their clients they could end up in an even worse state than us. But they still need to feel compassion and your friend's therapist had none. I hope he wasn't able to become a proper therapist.

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