Boydevil66 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Hey everyone. I totally new to this so please bear with me. I've been with my partner for almost 3 years now and when we got together I knew he was diagnosed with depression and PTSD. As the years have gone by there have been really great times and really bad times also, until a couple months ago when it got really bad. I'm talking about the house being totally upheaved things broken stuff like that. I've always felt the anti depressants he is on don't help, he just walked into a public clinic and walked out with a prescription after he told a doctor he was feeling depressed. One night after a huge fight he was telling me about when he was around 12 he was online looking up different mental health diagnosis because he just didn't feel normal and was just about to start reading about BOD when his aunt caught him and told him he was fine and turned off the computer. We'll I started doing some reading and he joined me that first night but then wanted to hear nothing of it. We both agreed that night that it was a strong possibility that it might be true and I still do. Reading peoples stories about living with it and I feel like someone else has been watching my life. Every once and awhile we talk and he wants to get tested to see if it's true but when I bring it up again we fight, he does drugs so he feels "normal" which I say only compounds his issues, I don't know what to do anymore I need some advice, I want to help the best way I can. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashley5472 Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 Hi, I am definitely not a specialist on the subject, but I was diagnosed with BPD last year. It was a real wake up call for me. First, I suggest he get evaluated by a psychiatrist. Second, I suggest that he get a second, and third opinion. BPD is not clear cut in my opinion. In the past few months I was evaluated by yet another psychiatrist who believed I was having a hypo-manic episode, similar to what someone would experience with bipolar disorder. I am no longer sure that I fit into any clear-cut DSM category. I think the most important thing is that he is self-aware enough to acknowledge that he has a problem. Speaking strictly for myself, I have been in a relationship for just over 4 years. In that time, I have broken up with my boyfriend many times. I have thrown things against the wall, ran screaming down the street, struggled with alcohol abuse, and slept with someone immediately after he proposed to me. Since the last incident of sleeping with someone else, I was diagnosed, been to therapy and am markedly better, but still struggle with abandonment and trust issues. Yes, I have been in a depressive state when I was younger, which medication helped at the time, but continual use was of no real help. The only advice I can give, is to have your boyfriend get help. The one thing you have to keep in mind, is that he is the one in the driver's seat. Try not to provoke him as much as you can, and at the same time, do your best to not be provoked by his action/reaction to his fear. Saying things like you are sorry he is feeling the way he is, and it must be terrible for him are supportive. Also asking him how you can help is another way to potentially calm him down. If he is flipping out, I would go further and say that you should tell him you love him and things will be okay, but you need a time-out for several hours until you can come to a solution that will work for both of you. That being said, not all relationships can overcome this. It is very hard if your boyfriend is not being treated. If it is too much for you and things don't change enough for a workable relationship, leave. I hope I have been of some help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 hi there. You come to the right place for support thats for sure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hopeangel Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 Hi there! I understand! Please remember that whatever he puts you through it is just a projection of his own internal suffering so try to not internalise it, try to rise above the painful stuff and show kindness and compassion for that is what is desperately needed. It is very complex and as confusing for the sufferer as it is for the loved one! Read 'Overcoming borderline personality disorder' by Valerie Porr , this book will help you understand the things you are both going through! You are a good and kind person to seek this help for him and yourself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boydevil66 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 Hi, I am definitely not a specialist on the subject, but I was diagnosed with BPD last year. It was a real wake up call for me. First, I suggest he get evaluated by a psychiatrist. Second, I suggest that he get a second, and third opinion. BPD is not clear cut in my opinion. In the past few months I was evaluated by yet another psychiatrist who believed I was having a hypo-manic episode, similar to what someone would experience with bipolar disorder. I am no longer sure that I fit into any clear-cut DSM category. I think the most important thing is that he is self-aware enough to acknowledge that he has a problem. Speaking strictly for myself, I have been in a relationship for just over 4 years. In that time, I have broken up with my boyfriend many times. I have thrown things against the wall, ran screaming down the street, struggled with alcohol abuse, and slept with someone immediately after he proposed to me. Since the last incident of sleeping with someone else, I was diagnosed, been to therapy and am markedly better, but still struggle with abandonment and trust issues. Yes, I have been in a depressive state when I was younger, which medication helped at the time, but continual use was of no real help. The only advice I can give, is to have your boyfriend get help. The one thing you have to keep in mind, is that he is the one in the driver's seat. Try not to provoke him as much as you can, and at the same time, do your best to not be provoked by his action/reaction to his fear. Saying things like you are sorry he is feeling the way he is, and it must be terrible for him are supportive. Also asking him how you can help is another way to potentially calm him down. If he is flipping out, I would go further and say that you should tell him you love him and things will be okay, but you need a time-out for several hours until you can come to a solution that will work for both of you. That being said, not all relationships can overcome this. It is very hard if your boyfriend is not being treated. If it is too much for you and things don't change enough for a workable relationship, leave. I hope I have been of some help. Yes you were helpful, thank you! It's really reassuring to have someone from "the other side" tell me everything I have been telling myself about that I should keep in mind. What would your advice be to help get him to even going and seeing someone? He tells me one day that he wants my help to find someone and that since he has such a bad memory that he doesn't have a problem with me making calls, but when I do he gets mad at me for talking about his problems with other people. Or his other reason he keeps telling me he keeps putting it off is that there is too much other stuff around the house he needs to take care of first, which honestly are little craft projects which I feel he is just using to not have to face the real issues. I don't really bring them up often because I know there is little he feels happy about and that he can get done so he doesn't feel as though he is "failing at life" as he puts it. Also what other tips do you have for helping me with my wording to help him realize what his words cause to me? A lot of the time I think he is just miss saying what he is trying to tell me but it comes out the complete wrong way. I know that I need to keep myself calm but sometimes its just hard especially after the 3rd hour or day depending. Sorry about rattling on, but its nice to be able to talk and vent to someone who knows what I am going through on a personal level. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boydevil66 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 hi there. You come to the right place for support thats for sure Thank you for your reassurance! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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