maddy harper Posted May 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 20, 2014 i managed to go out the house with my carer today with out flipping out in my head she's a quiet calm person and that helps me a lot. my anxiety returned as soon as she went out the door. though so i am back where i started!!! sy!!! aaaarg!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 20, 2014 i've squashed the anxiety with clonazepam because i cant handle the fear inside the only issue now is, i feel dead in the head i'm not anxious any more but i cant think straight, i can just about type... talking is out the question...Cause i cant find the words.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 21, 2014 woke up to my heart going at 115 beets a min this morning. felt really paniced and had to take clonazepam again if i don't at least have 1 a day i fall apart with out them so yes, i have a problem with them i think but that was the docks making not mine if it was my choice when i went in to hospital i wouldn't have taken them. but i was forced to Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 22, 2014 told a friend about how i was feeling and his answer was to go to the docks. i'm scared if i tell my gp what's going on they will admit me and my entire world would fall apart. anxiety is still there but i had 7 hours sleep last night, i took a zolpidem and slept through till my alarm went off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 25, 2014 update--- been taking zolpidem for the last 6 days to try sort my sleep issue out as that was making my voices worse which was then making my anxiety worse so i was trapped in a circle... my anxiety is stil there but its a bit better than it was... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 25, 2014 the zolpidem is helping me get my sleeep back on track. i've not gone for a nap today all day which is unusual for me i usually have at least 1 nap a day, even if its just for an hour, i know that doesn't help in the long run. but its hard to brake the cycle once your in it 1 day at a time that's my mauto at the moment and it seems to be pulling me through. ish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 26, 2014 my anxiety is so bad a t m its recking everything i cant enjoy the simplest of things with out it creeping in through the cracks. grrrr!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 26, 2014 had to take clonazepam today again to control the fear i've cut my dose down from 3 to 2 a day as the 3rd one was making my life unlivable. i was really slow, didn't want to talk much, i just wanted to sit in the same place for hours. so, something had to be done Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 26, 2014 managed to go out with out having a panic attack... had one when i came home instead I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 26, 2014 i've just found out that i've supposed to have been paying for my care that i get each week they want over 100 a week from me and i owe them about 300 now this is causing me some anxiety!! i'm afraid!!! i cant aford the care each week but i need it... i guess i'll have to pay this bill off then cansle the care then i'll have to rely on people that i trust to read my mail when it comes through why is this happening to me?? i should have more support... i havent seen my social worker since last october when i saw her she said my house is a shit state then she cut down my hours then left. i havent seen her since. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2014 i went out with the dog yesterday and got lost... managed to find our way back home thankfully. hasn't helped my anxiety much but playing with the guineas does... grooming honey helps with it to sorry i aint been on here much... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2014 woke up this morning to my heart rate going at 120 bpm felt like i was running Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2014 stil anxious but i've been playing with the pigs and that's helped me a little my pigs are my theropy really. Honey is my eyes so i cant spoil her like i would like to so the pigs get spoiled she gets new toys all the time so i guess thats spoiling her... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2014 i hate this, the fear, the scared feelings, the pounding heart, the feeling that something bad is gonna happen but i don't know what or when its gonna happen... everything.... i cant handle it!!! i just want it tostop!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine001 Posted June 9, 2014 Report Share Posted June 9, 2014 (((((((Dear maddy)))))))) Love from Christine xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted June 9, 2014 Report Share Posted June 9, 2014 Anxiety sucks. That--and depression--are pretty much the only emotions I can feel anymore, and I'm sick of them. I can only get thru the day--and night--by taking my Xanax and Ambien, and I wish I had an unlimited supply of both. I just want to zone out and not feel anything. Nothing interests me, I have no friends, no hobbies, no nothing. It's like I'm dead but my body just hasn't figured it out yet. I wish it would hurry up, I am sick of this!!! This is also my experience - like I am dead inside. I've been a shell instead of a person ever since I was a really small child. Chronic, long term abuse from an early age must have made my essence leave my body and it has never come back, despite much work. I abuse drugs to get me through the day also. Sorry for derail Maddy, see my replies below. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted June 9, 2014 Report Share Posted June 9, 2014 i'm still on the clonazapam for my anxiety unfortunatly i'm on 2 tablets a day instead of 1. so i am a bit pissed off at my self tbh. Don't beat yourself up. I've experienced benzo withdrawal and you get a compulsion to beat yourself up. I think that the initial cut from 3 klonopin a day to 2 is what made your anxiety ramp up. I get anxiety really badly and life disruptingly, so I feel your pain. Cutting from 2 to 1 a day is just going to lead to real trouble. It's way to fast. If you're gonna reduce your benzo dose, you need to do it really slowly, but it is possible to reduce your dose in a safe way that has no symptoms, you can pm me for details if you want. For now, it's a good thing that you are back on 2 a day. Please, no more cutting big chunks out of your benzo dose, you can do this slowly, without worsening your anxiety. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted June 9, 2014 Report Share Posted June 9, 2014 Hi Maddy, it's me again. Sorry for the flurry of posts, it was easier for me to reply to each one individually. I've now read your whole thread. WOW, what a strong person you are, and I am saddened to hear you have such little support. I am also sorry to hear that your care does not come free. What type of world are we living in, really? Where abouts in the world are you? Is there no government help for people with disabilities in your area? How about charities and other support agencies? It seems really harsh that you have to pay. Dosing intermittenly and unevenly with zolpidem and klonopin is a sure-fire way to increase your anxiety. You need to be taking the same dose each day, so that your receptors are not confused. Klonopin is a really strong benzo, and there is a whole world of difference between, say, 0.25mg and 0.5mg. Also, chillingly, doctors are not aware of how strong it is. They think 1mg is a tiny dose, when really, it's the equivalent of 20mg Diazepam, enough to put anyone on their back. I know you have visual challenges to deal with, and was wondering if you could get some support around your doseage of klonopin. Maybe you need more than two, but less than three, a right dose so that you are not over sedated. If you were somebody else, reading this thread, you would see a very strong and resilient woman, as you would have an outside perspective of the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2014 today has been a nightmare anxiety wise i havent been able to go out side mind you, its been raining here and i didn't wanna get honeys fur wet aas she is getting older now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 18, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2014 i'm really struggling with my mood at present especially the an xiety aspect of my disorder i have panic disorder as well as bpd, autisum and atention deffisit highperactivity disorder so, my life aint easy right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 18, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2014 i think i've let my self down by having 3 clonazepam today feel like i have failed my self i was doing really well just having 1 but then it went bck up to 2 now its gone up to 3 again which is the dose i'm aloud but i don't like them they make me feel dead in the hed slow and stupid. i cant think straight let alone going out to the shops ah well, swings and round abouts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 19, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2014 my anxiety was so bad this morning that i had to take 1 mg of clonazepam, that's 2 out of the 3 i have a day right now so i only have 1 left for today bugger!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 my anxiety has gotten so bad i'm back on 3 clonazepam a day which is supposed to be my normal dose but i don't take that many through the month because i run below the tablets running out i'm a bit tired so sorry if this post dont make sence... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 21, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2014 took some zolpidem last night to knock my self right out this is the second night where i've taken it and i've had 12 hours sleep both times trying to get rid of the voices aint i Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2014 after having a pretty good run with my anxiety not bothering me to much its all come crashing down... today is a write off... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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