Ocd Housework! Kicking It Where It Hurts.

[I_Love_Cheeses]

I've not been formally diagnosed with OCD and I don't think I have it really, but I notice trends in myself. Most noticably, when I get a housework urge. The urge itself springs from a need to gain control, in the first place, but then when I begin this "voice" won't let me be sensible.

For instance, if I clean the bathroom basin and taps, the voice insists that I didn't do it thoroughly enough; if I clean the floor the voice tells me there are corners that are still dirty, and I should have used a wet mop and I ought to give it a coat of polish as well - and so on!

If I start rearranging things in the cupboard, then the voice makes me feel ashamed for not taking everything out, and washing down all the shelves, the top, the doors and everything before replacing the contents.

This has been true all my life (probably a hangover from my parents) but these days I talk back to the voice! I tell it to shut up, and I swear at it, and I tell it to back off and let ME decide what's good to do. It doesn't NEED to be perfect!! I'm doing enough!

But you know - sometimes (too often) after all that arguing back, I feel obliged to carry out its demands anyway. I resist like crazy, but I can't rest until I really DO wash down the shelves, or polish the floor. Sigh.

Is this familiar to anyone else?

[Saharah Blue]

I can relate to the high standards of tidiness but I don't have the punitive parent voice in the background. I suppose there is a part that feels if it is possible to go above and beyond I will feel more acceptable to myself.

*hug* to the inner child that needs to feel they are good enough just the way they are. The fighting with self sounds exhausting, maybe some self care is needed, bubble bath and chance to just be?

[Lily-Bee]

Yes selfcompassion I think matters here.

I will give an example of what I would do to give you an idea;

I would tell myself gosh this is really hard for me,I feel really bad feeling I am not doing good enough. Recognise that and approach yourself with kindness.

As for the voice,I would try to let it be,I would say it it thank you for trying to help but this ok for now. Trying to stop the voice wont work but you don't have to take it on, you can see it as residue from your parents and have compassion with yourself for struggling with that. Then try to do as you, not the voice think is ok and every little bit that you manage to do as you think is right praise yourself for being so brave, for going against your anxiety.

[I_Love_Cheeses]

Thanks for that! I will certainly remember this next time. I know I have to ease up on myself - what i don't like is disobeying "the voice" and ending up with an uncomfortable, restless, uneasy and unfinished feeling that ruins the work I actually did. I'm doing it to "fix it" and to "set to rights" the situation, so if it's not done according to the rules then the payoff is hardly there at all. So I have to go back the next day, or later in the day, and actually obey. GRRRR.

But on a slightly different subject, thinking about that little girl who is still there in my history/past/life/psyche, I decided to see her as a genuine reality who truly exists in a timeloop somewhere and I time-travelled back as my adult self and held her, let her cry, let her feel my care and attention, let her be understood, and I told her that she need have no fear, whenever she feels alone and misunderstood and humiliated she can come and share it with me, and I will love her no matter what.

I even told her she was bright, funny, intelligent, sensitive and loveable. And because she never got to hold anyone or get a hug, I held her for as long as she needed, to give her some healing, and take away the fear of being all alone.

I guess somebody might criticise this procedure, but I say - whatever it takes to gain the healing, is okay by me. And becuase she is ME - at every stage of my life - that healing will be active in ALL myselves and change me in the present day. I choose to believe that.

[addy2]

I have severe OCD and for some reason people assume OCD is a bout cleaning I'm not saying you don't have OCD but it's all different. Mine is checking, counting and tapping I have six kids I so things in sixes or twelves it's about safety and keeping them safe I can't boil the kettle with refilling it six times I rinse a glass six times I wash my hair twelve times, ironing is a nightmare it can never been some right or enough times to keep them safe I can't wear certain clothes on my kids or five them certain food, medicine is another nightmare. I have rituals I am compulsed to complete I have to like no amount of nothing can make me walk away. If my partner washed my kids clothes I sometimes have to throw them out sometimes I can re wash them but even then it's not safe and sometimes I don't put them on my kids again. I have rituals for almost everything I do even food I can't eat certain food if I am out I can't eat if someone offers me a sweet or even buys me a drink no way can I take it, it's not safe. I mean OCD is a major issue for me it controls my entire existence I always get slightly annoyed when people say it's about cleaning I wish it was about cleaning not every tiny single detail in my life. Sorry for rambling not trying to make little of your experience x

[I_Love_Cheeses]

Hi - thanks very much for your input. What you endure sounds truly stressful! Certainly my own little niggles are nothing, and I can sometimes even ignore them. I suppose I don't have a name for what happens to me and it isn't classic OCD for sure. I admire that you can manage to live with this. It must take a lot of time and energy.