lonelyheartemma Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 ...but I thought I'd look at the positives. I've always been the stupid one in my family but I am still studying and learning out of choice and I am enjoying it. Much more than I did at school. It was difficult to enjoy or learn anything when I had people talking to me almost the time, telling me how ugly I am or throwing things at me. Also someone said today how it would be awful if I made a suicide attempt and got brain damage and I realised it would be awful because for the first time in my life I am using my brain and I like using it. Maybe I'll never get a job but I don't ever have to stop learning. Even if I feel this ill for the rest of my life I'm sure I can still learn things. Music- I'm teaching myself to play the cello, I'm often too ill to play but after 6 months I am about Grade 3 standard which is quick. Maths- my GCSE maths was a disaster but I thought I'd have another go. It's very hard and I need lots of things explained but I'm getting there. I understand about powers of 10 now, I never did before. Eng Lit- one good thing about being in bed is there's lots of time to read. My concentration is bad, even when I'm enjoying the story I'll have moments where I feel ill and/or in pain and I have to stop reading. But I'm reading books and plays I've never been able to read and understand before. I've discovered I love Shakespeare, I've tried him before and found him so boring and difficult but now his plays are just amazing. And maybe there are other subjects I'd enjoy as well like biology or another language. So I thought I'd do a kind of 'before I die' thing. I always thought they were pointless before because there was nothing that was nicer than the idea of being dead. Now I'm not so sure. But before the end of 2014 (health permitting) I'd like to be starting work on my Grade 5 cello, halfway through my maths book, to have read and understood 10 Shakespeare plays (I'm up to 3) and to have learned a bit about a new subject. If my health continues to be bad I'll forget the end of 2014 and count it in 'working days', i.e. days when I'm able to work. And you know it might be possible, it took me ages to write this post but I got there. But I think maybe I do have some intellectual ability after all. Not as much as the rest of my family but some. I don't think being a little bit clever makes me a better person but if I'm getting some fun out of my brain that's good right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitsune Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 https://www.coursera.org/ I just found this site today and have enrolled for two free classes, maybe it could be useful in your pursuits to learn something new? Well done on wanting to do all these things, and also for learning the cello so quickly! Can you read music or have you had to teach yourself that too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted February 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Thank you Kit Yes I could read music but not really bass clef, I still get confused about the names of the notes but I can play the right notes (sometimes even at the right time) What level are the courses on that site? They all seem to be uni level :/ Which courses are you doing? I hope you enjoy them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrangeLamp Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Well done Emma All positive stuff! Can vouch for the Coursera as well, I've done a few on there and it's very well managed...helped me get back on my feet after I hadn't studied in a couple of years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kara. Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 I'm really sorry that you were made to believe that you were not clever. The worst about it is that one starts playing a role that was not meant to be her/his. I'm really glad that you are discovering that you are able. I grew up thinking that i was stupid as well, for more or less the same reasons as yours, and i spent great part of my life trying to prove to myself that i was not. This reminds me of a story by Oliver sacks "Rebecca" that is in his book "The Man who Mistook his Wife for a Hat and other clinical tales" I just found the whole book! Oh google!! http://robinlea.com/pub/wife-hat.pdf It's on page 87 if you want to read it. I have really identified with her and longed for some eyes to see me. Hugs. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gandalftheginge Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Wow Em, that's so awesome! I think you should feel really proud of yourself. Trying to learn again after finishing school can be really tough, but it sounds like you're doing well. I'm so happy for you! You have so much potential. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyheartemma Posted February 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 It does look like you can't do Coursera at your own pace though. I think it's a great idea and the fact it's so short is something that appeals to me in theory but I can't guarantee to be healthy enough to complete each week's work I'm glad it's worked for you OL Karaindrou I would love to read the story but I can't read pdfs. I'll see if I can buy it in book form. I'm glad the story has helped you. It's amazing when you find a story that means that much to you. Thank you Ashley. I just really hope I can realise my potential. That's probably the hardest part of all. I think it helps that I'm not scared of getting things wrong anymore. There's no teacher to tell me off. I didn't get told off very often at school but I was always scared they would tell me off and tell my mum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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