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A Telling Of A Day In Which There Was Much Laughter


Riverspell

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Things I learned today in no order of importance. This may be long, but I'm hoping entirely worth it after the rather alarming turns my day took.
- Being woke up at 7 am and told to shower is usually not a bad thing. That is until you throw off the covers and are assualted by jolly Mr. Frigid of a room.
- Standing and freezing to death in an equally cold bathroom usually isn't such a bad thing once you step into the water. In this case however, any part of me not in the water immedietly developed frostbite.
- Also, the bottom of the tub remained as cold as ice this whole time.
- Be prepared for surprises. Try not to run away from the ominous hoody on the back of the bathroom door. Trust me, it's not actually floating and full of ghost. And your bum really does not appreciate being pressed into the icy wall.
- Any experiments in easing off a mother's grumpy attitude should be done in caution. See below.
- Jokes are fine with mom. Just realize when she says she doesn't want to "hear it", it's not an invitation to begin chanting the word "it" over and over again.
- If someone tries whacking you with a solid plastic cup on your head, don't bother trying to run backwards to ensure full use of your hands. You are far less likely to be hit if you just turn and run.
- Washing machines are hard. They are not meant to be landed softly upon.
- Laying on the floor making noises that can be considered laughter, no matter the original intention, will make mother laugh. So don't expect sympathy when your whimpers turn out to be laughter to mom.
- Whimpers can turn to laughter. And it hurts. Seriously.
- Soapy water tastes gross. Facial contortions will also incite laughter in mom.
- Dead raccoons aren't a joke. So, when mom says they kept Rocky for the last year in the freezer don't just brush it off and forget about it.
- Dead and very frozen raccoons can still manage to level their beady, little and very accusatory eyes at you. Just with far more class and with a bigger emotional impact.
- Also, when mom says she can't help you get something out of the freezer don't believe her. She might just sneak up on you while you are staring at the lump of plastic that is Rocky the Raccoon.
- Heaters appear to be unreliable in warming up one's room. Also, since when was my room this cold?
- Mothers and family in general always seem to manage to decide the world is ending when you are either using the restroom or attempting a much needed nap. Also, locking either door will do nothing to save you.
- By this time, most any face your mom makes will send you into hysterics. Which will eventually cause her to lose what little bit she has left and both leave you in a sobbing mess.
- It is quite possible for pot holders to be possessed. The one in question appears to be possessed by a bird. Either that or it's a U.F.O.
- When mom walks into the living room and announces in horror that she ate half of the very large quiche, your response should be sympathy. Not laughter that has you oozing over the chair. Simply because the number of faces mom makes when she tries to decide to laugh, cry or pout eggs you on.
- Again with the pot holder, I am pretty sure that thing flapped its stunty little corners to make it that far.
- A game of pot holder frisbee is usually not a good idea.
- One should check their rooms temperature long before bedtime. If one had, you would have realized the heater is busted and has been filling your room with cold air since you turned it on this morning. AKA, your room is Antarctica and you don't have enough blankets.
So yes, my day was quite interesting. My experiment on whether or not I could make my mom a laughing wreck instead of a grumpy couch potato worked. However I found myself injured as a result. All in the name of science though, right?
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Thanks Riverspell, really made my morning reading this! Sounds like you had an eventful day! Also, I really like your writing style :)

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