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Poems From A Mind In Turmoil


Stellar

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Split
---------
He was away with it
If there is a place to go
The other self,split in Two
With multitudes of woe
A place not far away
Where lows compete with highs
The other self,split in Two
Or maybe in disguise
To be aware of everything
Yet totally unaware
The other self,split in Two
Leaves chaos everywhere
To numb the body and the mind
Release alternate soul
The other self,split in Two
Then loses all control
So confused when looking back
At all this self destruction
The other self,split in Two
Offers no construction
Time covers up the years of hurt
Yet buries so much more
The other self,split in Two
Lost,spilling on the floor
Exploding like a Nail bomb
Showering conflict on self harm
The other self,split in Two
Takes ages then to calm
History repeated then
With each confusing act
The other self,split in Two
Where negatives subtract
Eats away into the core
Slips deeper to decay
The other self,split in Two
Throws all last hopes away
There is really no solution
Mind Doc's fail to get within
The other self,split in Two
Succeeds,but does not win
Stellar
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Laid Bare
-------------
Peel me,reveal me,do you like what you see
Take your time,anticipation,inhalation of me
Enthuse in my essence,let it wash over you
Do you feel waves of pleasure,do you think that I do
How many layers,have you reached my extremes
Locked away in a dungeon with my hopes and my dreams
Dig in those nails,take your time,make me bleed
Salivate in your lust,strip back my layers with your greed
Transfixed,can you feel,I am wet to the touch
Maybe its the way that you thrill me so much
What am I to you,just a thing to abuse
To linger and finger,anything that you choose
The centre is strong,are you hooked on my scent
How many times will you come till your spent
Breath in,you love it,like a Dog that's on heat
Tuned into the source whilst regarding its meat
A meal to be had,as you prepare the main course
Animalistic desire,or just pure intercourse
Primitive displays as unbridled with passion
A vegetable stripped,is the height fetish of fashion
Some are easier than others,give in easy to sin
Others have skins that are fragile or thin
There are those laid wide open,no depth to the soul
Yet once under my spell,I have full control
Do you cry,do the tears stream,cascade down your face
Desire drives you crazy,as you peel with disgrace
I slip through your fingers,try as you might
Grip me tight,look away,as we both struggle and fight
To hold captive,you are captive,to that innermost charm
As you open me up,do I care,I self harm
Regard now with relish,because for me its to late
Like an Onion,laid bare,revealed on your plate
Stellar
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Anathema
--------------
ABANDONED in ethereal haze
Arms outstretched to the stars
IMPERFECT in his Emerald gaze
Littered now with scars
EMOTIONAL,never acquiesce
Transience tears the soul
Light flips back to darkness
When never in control
BORDERLINE,this dreamer
A lifetimes contradiction
WASTED years pass,Anathema
TRAPPED within constriction
LOST,dysthymic,full of doubt
NOTHING left to give
DYING from the inside out
EMPTY things don't live
GONE,futile benediction
Can't start afresh,renew
A year tops!!,the prediction
PAIN over,ended,through!!!
Stellar
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Hello stellar, the mousie poem was lovely..

but these, are, so powerful, for me, to read..the, wow, is different..

Thank you, for sharing your work..

Well wishes, Moonbeam beth.

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Thanks moonbeam beth,I have a hundred plus more of similar.

Some very,very dark ones,others passionate,others comical

Stellar

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KILLERS
A cupboard full of sweeties
In every shape and size
Those that make your eyelids droop
Some open up your eyes
A fascinating arrangement
In a large bag one foot square
Maybe i should finish things
I'll pay a visit there
Oops,totally forgotten
Afraid i have already
Swigging my fourth bottle now
Nice feeling am unsteady
A larder of a squirrel
A stockpile of delights
Can see you through the darkest days
Or blank out most the nights
A warm and heady feeling
Drift tingling of some kind
Like blends of pure Malt Whisky
New sensations fill the mind
The relaxing of the body
Drugs coursing through the veins
Reality is so distant now
Gone are most life's pains
As things reach a conclusion
With mixed Alcoholic rush
The only question in one's head
Is how far do I push
Stellar
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Bridge of Sighs
---------------------
The light illuminous through those heat drenched glistening windows
Why does time stop listening intent upon that hour
When caught abandoned in perspirations turmoil frozen,
Obliviously aware there,for betrayers to devour
The world sleeps warm in shallow breathes harmonic
As others gasping awaken suddenly those fears
Descending then to the psychic depths dreams access
Behind that overflowing waterfall of tears
For anybody to endure would then accept that
To mimic as a puppet dangling on a string
It's those controlling who in trust your heart is then placed
Who hold that rope that holds that final bell to ring
As peeling off the outside through the layers
Desperate fingers dance upon those feelings to defile
Still standing in acceptance sounds another
Where all that's left are dreams caught distant on a smile
That distance,is now way to close for comfort
Revealing all,yet nothing,but to much
If silence is a virtue in the minds eye
Then all is empty to the ears,the sight,the touch
If only there were answers to those questions
There never will be as the incline becomes too steep
As what has gone,still remains there,never alters
So the descent in its parallel will creep
Across the heart,into the soul,it's all consuming
Wrings the last hope from the warmest,faintest breath
When searching,pleading innocent those misfortunes
Becomes a constant from conception through to death
Do not fear that which unknown which calmly beckons
As fortunes truthful hide behind that mystics eyes
Leads you down a path with frangrances now tranquil
When weeping over depths below the "Bridge of sighs"
Stellar
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Who am I ?
I am the raging sea,a gull
Wings ruffled hiding plumage torn
A Redwood dance around my girth
Time on shoulders foliage worn
I am a drifter lost in time
Two as one and one alone
Life listens in acknowledgement
In itself now can,t atone
I am the one void of what is
What also never was at all
Selectively caught in a drift
Of ice too bitter to recall
I am the one with eyes that watch
Sharp aural intake honed through time
A sense of self so sharp yet not
When all seems good or just sublime
I am in destiny's chosen grip
If hell has chosen no surprise
A thousand truths that cannot match
The hand that holds a pack of lies
I am the joker void of smile
The aces never held that hand
What else can happen with what's dealt
When things go up and never land
I am that turned inside and out
When what was in is out but blank
Head links with heart,heart links with head
When heart tells head how low it,s sank
I am that silent scream and more
When things crowd crazy in a queue
The harp so sad plays notes that cry
When time itself encumbers you
Stellar
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On a lighter note,

Caress
Words Magical with Angelic tones,
Soft fabric traces left concealed
Spun spellbound woven tapestries
Lay hidden yet revealed
On harmonies harp sweet notes are stroked
Soft music lights the pages
Serenity cries in plaintive chords
Through complex interchanges
With words as lush as life itself
Born of pure conception
A flowing Waltz,a heartbeat skip
In Mitral valve reception
Those sad reflective Melodies
Tears tumble never cease
This gifted,learned Harpist bard
Plays silk caressed relief
Stellar
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  • 4 weeks later...

Angels Weep False Crimson Motherly Tears

----------------------------------------------------------------

ANGELS in hopes desolation

Whisper in dark hideous ears

Consort now with the Devils offspring

Cast shadows on sad lonely tears

WEEP in silent Hells confinement

Bright Red contrast Virginal

The Hymen torn once guarded closely

Now blood Red spilt from chalice full

FALSE impregnations,womb eternal

Spurts the last free flowing flood

The vampires feast weeps sacrificial

Fangs drip with Lambs Angelic blood

CRIMSON splattered in its contrast

Purest White midst haemorrhaging rain

Stands helpless in the latest downpour

Feet soaked in deep Red pools of pain

MOTHERLY thoughts wrenched from repression

Hang foggy on the morning dew

Drained,sucked,emptied of all Maternal

Yet still stands arms out offering you

TEARS for a Mum caught on the thorns

Eyes dry now hide a soul drained numb

The child still clutches blood Red Roses

Held out in hope one day she'll come

Stellar

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Nothing Nothing

-------------------

Whatever,whatever,whatever

The magician plays his trump card

But is only his own endeavour

Cos that that's hurt beyond the pale

Won,t twitch an inch,by tooth or nail

With arms aloft you,ll count on it

You think i'll say my wrists i'll slit

But No,will sit here where I'll sit

Annoying you each bit by bit

Staring with longing for the split

The blood to spurt all over it

Bathe in the death of a misfit

Whose history now they will omit

Make them feel like total shit

When all in nodding judgement sit

With final verdict

"He's a tit"

Born that way,a spore adrift

No more than that,left,hitch a lift

A Bitch that never cared at all

Have phone number,never call

Thrust into a world of woe

Now,Fuck off,I hate you,I must go

Never,Never,Never alter

Why my footsteps always falter

Left upon a tide of hope

yet shackled with a tarnished rope

Which bears no weight

Just keeps the ties

Which mirror lost the image dies

With Motherly suckling nothing/NIL

Suck on abandonment until

The taste is toxic in the throat

Whilst those who think they know still gloat

When hair is torn in many shreds

Canes whistle crashing on warm beds

Nothing ever good enough

Then like a Dog ain't bad enough

He stokes and strokes and finds the tickle

leaves you in lost like her in pickle

Mixed and TOSSED,Completely torn

Exposed beyond the realms of porn

Divided,sub-divided ,shot

Ripped in to but utter not

Misplaced,hurt,left whilst clutching skirt

Comes mocking laughter,deep the hurt

As dirty pigs shall not be heard

Don,t whistle like a Myna Bird

Stifle the screams across the pages

Though nobody understands the pain that rages

Sleep comfortable those tucked in your bed

Whilst dreaming wish that you were were dead

When everything is blown away

Those who punish never pay

Those that suffer,suffer still

Illness heaped upon the quill

As ink pours out across the paper

Not a hopeful tale or caper

But heaped in terrifying visions

Adults with pains circumcisions

Cut off before the first chapter

Strung up on the highest rafter

Never to come gently down

Birthday bumps,the lonely clown

A joke,especially now to see

Revealing inner parts of he

Because when you don,t really care

You cut off all your troubled hair

Prepare a speech ,an epitaph

Still certain they will mock and laugh

Point at the failure standing there

Look!!,he's chopped off all his hair

Look at his eyes,just how they stare

Because his soul,he has laid bare

As stood there lacking underwear

Exposed now in the public's glare

Who turn their backs

Why ?they don,t care

Why ? because they just see NOTHING there

The nothing with that empty stare

Who yearns for love,yet does not care

When everything is intense yet numb

The body last thing to succumb

Although already been struck dumb

Foetal position ,sucking thumb

The seed of his despair

Bereft with nothing there

Nothing

Stellar

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BLOOD(thirteen)
--------------------
The cord pulled tight,the dawn of light
The BLOOD red heart beats on
With voices background murmering
Life over,ended,gone
Gone like all the yesterdays
With BLOOD left on the floor
It matters not,who's who,says what
Veins open bleed some more
Just as the BLOOD when I was born
Tainted,in stagnation
Cast adrift,alone with death
His ultimate salvation
The BLOOD that drips from childs thick lip
A teddy for a mate
BLOOD in his tears,on teddys cheek
Resigned to this his fate
BLOOD haemorrhaging,it squirts and squirts
From each and every pore
Just pile the F****** angst up high
Embrace it,give me more
With body stiffened,as if in fit
Eyes fixed with tortured soul
Drift following a calming light
Lifes BLOOD has reached its goal
Goodbyes are said as weight is shed
Pain,numbed up till i'm full
Sit with BLOOD,it's all too late
Erased this life,anull
Somehow with pain and BLOOD soaked rain
Drowning in the sorrow
With BPD symptoms,they confound
Convinced won't see tomorrow
The BLOOD concealed by gaffer tape
It soaks right through and down
I knock back Whisky as I write
BLOOD memories hope to drown
So here I visit forum
Reveal what's underneath
But as street fighters always say
Life sucks! through BLOOD soaked teeth
Stellar
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I can relate to your poem split, and I like caress too, well I like all of them, they're all so beautifully written, such a rich use of wording, and it's all so relatable. You definitely have a talent :) Post more! :)

Rogue xxx

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Hi,

Thanks Rogue,

Will post more,have loads,plus always adding more .Took a peek at your site a short while ago.Like it,seems we are in a similar musical sphere.

Take care

Stellar

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Little sad(a 5 minute ditty)
------------------------------
Little sad person,sits all on his own
Life gone before began
Beyond all helps construction
Little sad person,sits all alone
Slit wrists,from which blood runs
Which offered no obstruction
Little sad person,sits all alone
Praying not to be
The him that maybe she
Little sad person,sits all alone
Open to all vice
Knows,what is wrong is nice
Stellar
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Other me
-------------
Little miss mischief
She rice paper slides
Then glides into view uninvited
Sucks her finger to seduce
To squeeze some more juice
In control again,get you excited
With a click of deft fingers
Make you beg her for more
She will make you get down on your knees
One flick of her hair
A bite of her lip
You know she's eager to please
Splits from my body
Cuts me in Two
Don't care if I do or I don't
To think in control,yet totally not
If asked to reveal
She just won't
Stellar
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Like a kite in the wind

Like a bird on the wing

Like a knife to the heart

As in death do us part

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well yet another mystery.At 12.25a.m on 3rd May i Write "other me",which i remember.At 2.59 a.m on 3rd May i post a 4 line untitled piece which i have no memory of whatsoever.This happens a lot with me,and seems to be increasing in frequency.I can only assume i dissociated somewhere along the line again.

Stellar

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  • 3 weeks later...
Vomit
--------
Not needing
Anything,when all is nothing of what's left
Nothing,when all that's left ain't anything
Not trying
To live,to grow,to have a path
A path to overgrown to have to live
Insignificant,you will find me
Stuck alone in the void,the chasm
The emptiness within the depth of a scream
Black ashes in a death charged dream
Not seeing
Anything to live for,in a vacant,silent stare
Life of silence in a vacant stare of death
Not hearing
Dead words on empty ears that end
Dead-ends on empty words in ears
Straddling the knife slide,opened wide
Pouring out the dull release of life
Breathing in to expire already bereft
Add to the pit,vomit all of nothing left
Not tasting
The bitter,toxic vomit mix of highs
The toxic highs of bitter vomit mix
Not loving
The image that's reflected in the love to hurt
The reflection back that hurts the unloved image
Dead to the pulse in darkened veins
Spill out the in to insidious
Squalid in vomit the scraps of life remain
Adhering loosely to the pain
Not feeling
The pain that numbs the feeling
The numb feels nothing of the pain
Not breathing
The in's too little then to fill the out
The out's to much again to fill the in
Unworthy now enough to see or feel
As forever deserving no respect
Submissive,slice me to the core
Used and sullied on the floor
Not living
When death is just vomit in the Astral core
Drowning now forever in this state of living death
Termination in each vomited last breath
Stellar
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  • 1 month later...
No-one really there
---------------------------
The letter summoned him,be there!
They felt the need to see the real
Did they not know,he diden't care
Numbed to the core to never feel
Within himself,the other mind
The battle raged from deep within
Yet on the surface,you will find
An outer shell instead of skin
Emotions shattered through his being
Seagull screech inside his head
Explosions,depth charge,yet not seeing
The most inside,already dead
A corpse,a waste of ****ing space
Rag Doll body,dirty slut
He's marked in gross disgrace,deep scars
Bare witness,smiling,every cut
The plan,sharp objects with him
Calm as an ocean before the storm
Open both wrists there before them
Give them blood,fresh,red and warm
In the waiting room,his brain
So calm,lack of meds perhaps
Retreating to that place when pain
Becomes too much with each relapse
Deciding then to wait and see
The Doctor payed by ESA
Was kind and friendly as can be
So there he sat in disarray
The him that's him,the other him
Looked at the him that was sat there
Out of body,escaping on a whim
With things to hard for him to bear
Nearly in tears he sat before him
He seemed to understand his pain
Monotone and not quite with it
Split in Two inside his brain
Other me can see inside
The souls and minds of everyone
This man of letters,he could not find
Reason to"Take off on one"
Did he see the other him?
He can't remember much to care
He didn't ask a Thousand questions
Maybe because he wasn't there?
No examination,just brief skim
He felt no need,or so did seem
He looked at himself who looked at him
A passenger caught in a dream
He asked me things,this that,childhood
Drifting from my body more
Into the places I keep hidden
Padlock,key and bolted door
Did he detect that me,not normal
Maybe just a long lost cause
Or have I in the depths of formal
Ground to a stop or maybe pause
"Do you have thoughts to end your life?"
"All of the time"was my reply
Looking at myself in this freefall
Pathetic,worthless,wondering why?
I'm still alive,when oh so dead!
Most flawed person who exists
As thoughts renewed rush through my head
To empty myself through my wrists
The best that I can do however
Is sit,that part of me and stare
Out of my mind or perhaps whatever's
Left of no-one really there
Titan
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Over
------
I have given up
The last of me is dead
Struck off,this insignificant
Sick body and in head
Piss illness,medication
Synthetic,toxic mix
O D goes round in circles
Each tranquil,self-harm fix
Smashed hand is mummified now
Right handed,Daddy dud
More useless now than ever
Without the sight of blood
Sit,staring into space now
Feel life is at an end
Can hardly pen to paper
Head spinning round the bend
Last shards left of my being
Now left upon the wall
Life over,soon and gone then
Forever,beyond recall
Titan
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  • 3 months later...
Inadequate
---------------
Inadequate,he can't see,be seen
Does not deserve to even be
The stupid,feels misunderstood
Inside,beside the other he
Into the floor and through the walls
Inadequate,has nowhere to go
Sits,nothing,idiot in his face
Upon it massive nose will grow
Eyes Enormilluminate
Self- conscious,ugly,sticky face
Inadequate demeanor,awkward squirms
Transcending to another place
People look,they laugh and sneer
Inadequate goes where no-one can
Inside,beside the other him
Worthless,poor excuse of man
At this moment,dies inside
Revives,then dies a Thousand more
Inadequate spills out everywhere
Up the walls,the ceiling,floor
This feeling,constant,never goes
Hates himself enough to let
Himself inside what others see
Total loss inadequate
Stellar
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