Fear Of Leaving My Flat… But Not Because…

[Alittlelost]

I have a fear of leaving my flat but not because I'm afraid of open spaces, social situations or public etc. I'm afraid something bad will happen to my flat. For example, there will be a fire, burglary, something bad will happen to my cat etc. If I leave my flat I have to take every precaution to prevent these things happening. I panic when I'm away from my flat, again not because of the social aspect. I spend my time away from my flat riddled with anxiety worrying what if this happens or that happens. I find myself making excuses to rush home, I make sure friends come round to mine. I can spend up to a week without leaving my flat, and when I do it's because I have to, eg grocery shopping. It's starting to become a big issue, I struggle getting out because of this fear.

Unsure what to do here.

[moonbeam beth]

Hello alittlelost...just wanted to say, that I heard you...

I can understand, this fear...my safe place, needs protection, my home, my world, my safe space...

I am sorry that right now, I cannot share, techniques and methods, that I use, to assist me with this,

my own stuff has got me occupied with coping...

But I do need methods, the way I live is extreme, no one, gets in, I fight, to get out, leaving my fortress un-protected...

I have needed therapeutic support, to challenge, this way of life...

My support worker, was the first to say, stop! We must help her with this!

He got official support,and started, to come into my home...

The GP, got involved, and started, to pull me out of my home...

I do not say that you need this, or you are this extreme, or that we are the same, but I wanted you to know, that I deeply, challenge these, issues, everyday...

Well wishes, moonbeambeth.

[Alittlelost]

Thank you for replying moonbeam. I'm sorry you struggle with this too. My CPN has called in the community intensive support team, however, my CPN is unaware of this struggle, although I'm guessing she will get feed back from the woman I saw today. She is from a community intensive support team (ICST) who is meant to get you out and about socialising. I actually didn't acknowledge this issue until today. The lady from ICST, took me for coffee and I spent the time explaining why I was anxious and why I wanted to go home. Was actually a little embarrassed.

[moonbeam beth]

Hello again,

I can understand, your sense of embarrassment, but I would not want you to feel that way, you would not want that for me either!

Top Job, on acknowledgement of what the truth of your experience is...

not wanting to come of patronizing, but, truth expressed, is to be celebrated by me, it is just my way!

Very good to know you, have support, and start your process...

My type of delusions are strong, not the type to be challenged, more, worked with, and work with I do...

will be doing as soon as I finish sending my thoughts to you and others here, I will start my process...to leave the fortress, and leave my castle, unattended!

If you feel that my, well, just honest, 'how I do' information, from me may help (as you know how I feel!) I will post it here for you...

like I said, I am aware I am extreme, but maybe that can be of use, to those that are not so!

Well wishes, moonbeambethxxx

[Alittlelost]

Thanks again for another enlightening post moonbeambeth, and thank you for understanding my embassment with this. I don't think you are extreem and would love some tips on how to manage this. I'm pleased that you trying to find ways to work with this fear. I admire that. As for going out alone, the furthest place I manage unattended is to my landlords shop four doors away for cigarettes , further than that I need constant reassurance. I don't know if you are the same but being with safe people makes me feel like I can just about deal with the unexpected. Is this a type of phobia, do you know? Or just an odd fear? Thanks again moonbeambeth, I look forward to hearing from you.

[moonbeam beth]

Heeloo,

Forgive me. I was unwell, with no internet.

This is to say. Ok, I will be back here, to reply to you, and share, what strategies I use, to help me leave my fortress.

I have thought of you often, I was frustrated that I could not respond.

Well wishes, and talk soon, moobeambethxxx

[moonbeam beth]

Hello again, so about the phobia thing...

To be honest, there will be some title, for your suffering, some of these titles and diagnoses change, depending on which professional you present to, and even how you present on that day.

I really only start to learn, the labels, now, for communication and to aid my informal studies.

If you need a professional diagnosis, I am sure, you will get assistance for one, for myself, I pay no mind as yet for what this was labelled as,

but, I do not feel safe with other people, so,

I am responding, mainly to the common ground, of being with fear that something will, destroy or invade, my fortress, I feel the same about my person and personal space! So I am of no help, for some things! I had to build up tolerance for people, in the same way as I did, for leaving the fortress....lol...

I have tried to add as an attachment, the epic long, attempt, to share with you, how I live with and through this process.

Well wishes, moonbeambethx

[moonbeam beth]

Hello again, not sure where the attachment ended up...

If I cannot open this, I am not sure how you can... so I am going to put the epic long, underneath this post now...

I did not want you to think that I had just forgotten you....

Well wishes moonbeambethx

[moonbeam beth]

So as you know, this is personal, I am not a professional, in fact, for many people I really think my ways of life could be harmful….

So I will try to write out for you, the precautions that I already took, and the way, I reassure myself, the strategies that I use…

Making safe my fortress, paranoia for; Fire, flood, Gas, intrusion.

I have regular gas safety checks, now only once a year! I have the certificate, laminated and stuck to the boiler, to combat my, ‘what if’…I have sealant tape around the gas mains tap, which I take a picture of once a week, to reassure me, it is safe, it is not broken, the gas, really is fine. I do the same for all my water pipes, it really was quite a mission to wrap all my pipes, in sealant tape!!

I do the same with the electricity, I have a picture of my mains electricity and the circuit breaker, to reassure me, that if one appliance, ‘blows’ the remaining appliances and my home are safe, because the circuit breaker, will switch off the other circuits in my home. I contacted, housing office, long time ago, they gave me numbers, and I was able to get two, free smoke alarms, but truthfully, I do not remember, which agencies, sent these to me. Ask every, professional, someone might know!

So I use my mobile phone, before that, digital camera, before that good ‘ole fashion pen and paper! But to tell you the truth, the pictures changed all of this pattern for me!

I have a set of check lists, example, Kitchen: Windows, air vents, plug sockets, Gas appliance, water taps and electrical appliances. The fridge I have placed on absorbent foam padding, and once a month, I clean the back of the fridge, take a picture. I check the plug for dust, and take a picture.

I close and lock window, take a picture. Then close and lock air vents, take a picture.

I turn of the mains electricity for the oven, take a picture. I unplug all other appliances, like kettle, take a picture. I move to the taps, close them tight, take a picture. I turn off the boiler, take a picture.

I never leave the washing machine on when I am out. All off the rubber piping and the joins for the pipes, are covered in tape, I follow, the picture check, unfortunately, every time I use it, so I already will have a picture for this, which I check from the phone, as I am looking at the machine.

The fridge, I have already placed, absorbent foam padding underneath it, I switch the mobile, into my file of pictures for the kitchen, check the picture and date, of the last clean and plug check, reassure myself, close that file, and take a picture of the fridge.

Now I am standing at the kitchen door, I step out, check the pictures, that I just took, one by one.

Now I close the kitchen door, I have a Velcro, tag, which I made very cheaply myself, which, one side is attached to the door frame, and the other to the kitchen door, I seal the tag, and take a picture. I now delete, the pictures that I just took of the kitchen, keeping only the last picture of, the sealed door.

Now, I have, proof, in my hand, that I have made all reasonable (and obsessive, lol.) attempts possible to safe-guard my kitchen.

I have the same system for each room. As this is natural for me now, I already have a filing system for the pictures on my phone. This only takes me 4 to 7 minutes for each room now, so I am down to maximum, 20 minutes before I am ready to leave, most days.

As you are a smoker, may I suggest, that you have a system, for being sure, there are not ashtray issues, as you leave. Sorry, I am extreme, I have mini sand bucket, home-made, as ashtray, I only smoke, in one room, in one place, that ashtray, is outside my door, as I leave, I can’t do that kind of what if! I used to get up at night, to check I had not left a cigarette burning! As you are sociable, mini sand buckets or closed ash trays, along with your smoke alarm, will alleviate, worries around fire.

The main door, I lock, take a picture, I title this, Everything in My Power.

The point of the photographic proof for me, is I can look, again and again, to reassure myself that I have done everything that I can, that is in my power, to safe-guard my home from, fire, flood, gas leak, etc….

I strategy that I use, for staying away from home, is building up tolerance, slowly, a little every day. Honestly, I set the programme, and I am here, doing it, getting out, leaving my fortress, un-protected! This was practical application of the technique that all the professionals call ‘ Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy’, CBT.

I used the CBT, for both the practical arrangements, and challenging my, thoughts and feelings about just being outside and away from my fortress. I used other techniques for the panic attacks, taught by the Trauma Therapist.

At first, I could, only leave for less than twenty minutes, ruining every attempt for professionals to support me, and really messing up my head and my confidence, panic attacks ruining my physical health.

With my safety checks, I have learnt to TRUST MYSELF, I am extremely obsessive, with all the attention to detail that goes with that, I have the picture in my hand, I have done Everything In My Power. I begin to trust ME. With the CBT, I lessen the panic and checking of the mobile pictures, I can now often go over an hour, without the, heart-jolt-panic-thought-fortress-not safe-must be there-.

With several years persistence and perfecting, I can leave the fortress, un-guarded, for up to 5 hours.

During trying to respond to you, I see that, I may not be so good a conveying this kind of information, even though, for me, this is just how, I live! Maybe seeing one extreme, will help you, either, not get this obsessive and preoccupied, or see that is possible, no matter how extreme, to challenge and move through these realities.

I really wish you well, with, your challenge, to overcome these struggles and issues within (and without!), around this anxiety, and the reasons that brought you to feel this way, my thoughts will be with you.

PS, after all that writing, this information, includes nothing about, outside issues, paranoia around other people’s behaviour, neighbours, and the like!! It is all about, My Personal Journey, to challenge, my struggle, to leave my home, and distance my experiencing, from the panic and distress, that this causes me...