Surpressed Feelings

[AlwaysJhoping]

The last couple of moths I've tried working with myself and my own feelings. It did help a lot, but recently I came to know that I've been supressing very strong emotions of abandonment form my parents(I'm only 16 now). I've had a hard time eating and sleeping, and the 3 times I felt like i've been to close to these emotions it felt like my head was all empty and I was just ready to die, it scared the hell out of me. These feelings finally came to the surface when I found out a few days ago that I'm going to high school alone, and my best friend is propably leaving so I won't see her for 2 years. I rely a lot on my best friend because she is the only person I feel completely safe with and open up to right now. I've had symptoms like feeling depressed when I'm alone, being unable to control my anger, feeling depressed when my friend is going home even though I'll see her the next day, make myself believe that my friend in reality is trying to avoid me, thinking that something serious happened just because someone didn't reply to my message and earlier I'v been attracted to bad relationships. Also, the feeling of my best friend leaving scares me the most, it made all the deep emotions surface, but even if she leaves ot not this is something that is hurting me and i want to deal with and get through. I'm going to see a doctor tomorrow, and hopefully I'll also see a psychiatrist soon. Also I wanted to mention that still my parents don't feel lik actual parents. My mom keep on switching between critisising me and praising me, and she spents a lot of time yelling at me and y family if we do the smallest thing wrong, or if there is a possibility we will. My dad just doesen't get the situation at all, earlier he ignored me being sad and told me not to scream if I cried, and he always only showed me worry and never safety. Also my sister is still supressing a lot I think(if she does feel like me) But she changed a lot, and quite frankly she become kind of a person who thinks she's better than everyone else.

But I wanted to ask how I can deal with these supressed emotions and panic? and how I might be able to eat and sleep?

[mousie]

hi AlwaysJHoping and welcome to the forum

its great that you've reached out here

its helped me to be able to share things on here that i have nowhere else to take them

i've felt heard and that i matter

i hope this place really works for you

i hope its ok to say but please keep your identity and contact details safe

its just recognising your age and that there are adults on the internet that can take advantage

and i'm sure you know that already.

but just to say, because on the forum we try to look out for eachother here

it takes courage to see a doctor and a psychiatrist so it is really good that you've done so

on how to handle supressed emotions

i would encourage you to write about how you feel about your folks here

and be open to receiving feedback from the many good people on the forum

from what you've written, how you're feeling is quite understandable

its natural to want and need a safe sanctuary and to know that you matter

and when parents don't show it and are so wrapped up in their own worlds, you're left outside

i went through the same thing and i shrank into my own world

i think i would have coped better if i had had a place where a community like this was there for me

so... take your time and perhaps ask loads of questions

in the here and now, maybe google stuff on mindfulness

i use it every day and when i feel overwhelmed etc its the one thing that keeps me more ok than anything else

another is i write and draw in a journal. just a small sketchbook. and that is a real refuge for me at times

so perhaps if don't already have one, put one together for yourself

things transform as i write and/or draw them, which is cathartic and sometimes changes how i see them and myself

with feelings of panic, there are certain steps i've learned

first thing is to breath out... which seems a strange thing to do but apparently that's what's recommended

and to recognise that you are going through a process, and hold that in mind, that this will rise and drop away

rolling with the whole experience, observing it, knowing that it is something that will pass through

and alongside this, is there a smell of something that really calms you and/or comforts you?

cos if you have that with you, perhaps in a plastic bag or something (i like essential oils)

then if you smell them if you feel distress coming, that can be helpful

and if you have a comfort object - i have a plushie that i sometimes carry with me, that can be useful too

i'm sorry if these ideas are silly. they're just suggestions

so again, welcome to the forum and please keep yourself safe on here

i hope it works for you and you get what you want and need