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What Do You Struggle With Most With Bpd?


Beanz1980

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maddy, i agree with mischa. You're not a bad person or weirdo who doesn't deserve having close friends. it's hard and when it keeps happening (abandonment and being hurt by the people you care about and trust) it's hard to see it in any other way or explain it differently. I struggle iwth the same feelings of abandonment. I feel like i bother my friends too much or i can't do enough for them and sometimes you and i and others need a little more reassurance we aren't bothering them and that's okay. you deserve great friends who are there for you and will help you through the tough times. we all do. i know you definitely make me smile : )

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For me it's not being able to see the other persons point of view or seeing it from their perspective it causes a few problems, I then instinctively keep firing questions until I get an answer that makes sense which causes more problems. I would like to find a way of explaining that I don't understand without the interrogation, it has made my partner feel bullied amd I really don't like that, does anyone have any pointers on how to approach this differently

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Hi DGraves, sorry I don't have any advice for you. My marriage is the pits at the moment. My husband and I are not communicating well at all and it is generally just awful. I am considering marriage guidance, I can't really think of anything else

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  • 4 months later...

Hello,

Some great tips and it was somehow 'comforting' to read that so many of you out there reflect what I am feeling. 

I love social occasions but then it ALWAYS turns into hell for me. I usually feel left out abandoned and more alone sitting in a group of friends than as if I was lost on a desert island with no chance of rescue!

Because I feel like this I always say something totally STUPID or inappropriate and regrett it for weeks later. Reliving the hole situation again and again in my amazingly imaginative brain ( because we can all feel emotions better than anyone else can't we as we are so wonderfully sensitive).

I also fall in love constantly with anyone who takes interest and can't stop the emotional rollercoaster that comes along with this however I also enjoy the thrill. This means I can't get off the rollercoaster as I just NEED the thrills otherwise I am NOTHING. The NOTHINGNESS is a killer. But it is difficult to choose when one wakes up in the morning, shall we feel nothing today and behave like a brick wall or should we let the drawbridge down and flood our world with anger or euphoria. Both of which gallop uncontrollably around swapping who takes lead. And once they are out is so hard to get them back in!!!

Take care all of you out there

Elizabeth

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I know for me, its anger & paranoia/trust.

I can be fine one minute & in the blink of an eye I'm angry for no reason.

Trust doesn't exist. I trust nobody.

 

Those are the 2 major things I have the hardest time dealing with.

It changes with the tides but right now: trust, w reckless impulsive behavior for coping, anger, and fear of abandonment.  

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Slowly over the years losing all my friends as people just won't put up with my behaviour, like tantrums and excess drinking.

Feeling as I'm in my mid 40s, that it's too late now and this is how it is always going to be as I simply do not know how to change. Wondering what it feels like to be happy and content with life. 

Not being bothered about anything at home or at work. Wondering what the point is to life? (although I'm not suicidal). Having no feelings or emotions about anything in real life.

Having no interest in leaving the house or getting washed or dressed. Feeling really jealous of people being happy online on FB and Instagram but not having the energy or the know how to change so I can do stuff too.

Seeing people I went to college with, who have homes and careers and marriages and children and families and wondering why I haven't had a BF for 15 years and can't hold down a job or a relationship. 

Trying to work out where I went wrong in my teen years, what choices did I make that made me end up like this. Is it my fault? I was a shy, small child. Should I have tried harder to make friends and fit in. I was clever at school, I was on target for Medical school, until all the depression and mood swings hit at age 17. Then feeling bad ever since that I wasn't and still am not good enough and had to do a lesser course (in my eyes) and can only manage to do temp/locum work and not hold down a job and have a ladder climbing career. 

Sharing a house with an aged parent and wondering when they will die and leave me all alone, and what will I do then. Will I become a recluse and never leave the house. Buying everything off the net and getting it delivered? How will I fill my days?

Wondering if it is all genetic and my parents are to blame, and should I hate them?! Wishing I had been born and raised differently to a rich middle class family. Does growing up in near poverty (council/comprehensive) make you more prone to a personality disorder? 

Feeling that no one is that bothered as I'm treated as a bit of an oddity or eccentric. 

Thinking, will I mellow with age?, or am I going to spend the next 40 years of my life like this and become old and bitter at all I missed out on like family and career. 

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Fears of abandonment.I'm not sure if I have control issues but my boyfriend says Im too clingy and smother him and he feels tied down like he can't go anywhere without me.he says I have really bad separation anxiety.I obviously can't go anywhere alone and it's horrible.next would be trust issues.paranoia.like somebody is always about to do something bad to me.the way I see myself.I think I'm nothing and I'm ugly and I'll never be good enough for anyone.no matter who tells me different that's how I see me.

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  • 3 weeks later...

My current issues are being mean to myself, suicidal ideation, anger or abusiveness towards loved one and splitting.

I worry about being abandoned and always have done, although I tend to act in ways that are unreasonable and ruin things. Relationships are very hard for me and if I'm honest I'm an A-hole at times. 

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