maddy harper Posted October 12, 2014 Report Share Posted October 12, 2014 I cant stand my self. I am never happy n my own skin. I also hear voices that tell me to s h. tablet increase helping get them out my head. sometimes they still get through but thats on a bad day. I dont like the impulsive feelings iether now that i think about it. cronic feelings of loss and emptyness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncg41 Posted October 12, 2014 Report Share Posted October 12, 2014 I struggle most with fears of rejection, the pushing people away, then the guilt and pain that brings. Every day seems like a bad day and a struggle to get through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted October 12, 2014 Report Share Posted October 12, 2014 i know how u feel n c g... I can so relate to your post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncg41 Posted October 12, 2014 Report Share Posted October 12, 2014 I have someone in my life you wants me but doesnt trust me, also she struggles to understand what i go through in these cycles. But i am determined to make it better. I have a good counsellor in place now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhyAlwaysMe Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 I struggle mostly with the guilt of the things I've done to loved ones. Deep down everyone close to me knows I'm incredibly kind and thoughtful but I've put everyone through hell. Both physically and mentally. I've now pushed everyone away and I live in complete solitude. It's an awful existence but at least they're safe from me. I know have 24/7 constant thoughts of suicide. It's the only way I can stop hurting people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted November 12, 2014 Report Share Posted November 12, 2014 Hi Whyalwaysme, welcome to the forum. I wanted to say that, even if protecting others is important, your safety is also something to look at. You can't live 24/7 suicidal just so the people you love are safe. Would they be better if they knew how you feel? There must be possible to do a compromise. See some of them or call them just a few minutes so they're not too exposed and it breaks your solitude. I hope you can find a balance. Please don't sacrifice yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexx Posted November 14, 2014 Report Share Posted November 14, 2014 For me it's the anger and trust issues. I get so mad instantly if my bf doesn't like text back immediately and automatically get suspicious. Idk how to control it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunar Fox Posted December 1, 2014 Report Share Posted December 1, 2014 The rage without warning The sadness that follows the rage The endless loneliness The feeling that my intentions are visible to the world vs the logic that this can't be true, sets up a duality of opposites that I swing between either acting the way I'm supposed to or not caring because nobody will notice anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kivutar83 Posted December 3, 2014 Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Anxiety - having panic attacks over the smallest of things and once one thing sets me off everything else spirals. My friend cant just have a cold, in my mind it is going to kill her and she is going to leave me. She cant just be late home from work, she has had a crash and is never coming back. i just cant deal with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tara91 Posted December 5, 2014 Report Share Posted December 5, 2014 My anger, Lying to people, Not knowing what I want, paranoia, trust issues being manipulative, my self harming, my selfishness in fact I just hate myself unless im on 1 of my hyper 1s I love life then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessieLou131 Posted December 8, 2014 Report Share Posted December 8, 2014 I'm new to this forum and only recently diagnosed although I now realise I've been suffering for many years. For me the hardest thing (apart from all the things you have all said which are hard to choose from) is knowing or feeling like you can't cope like a "normal" person would. Like my brain can't deal with life like it should be able to... Feeling broken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jorli Posted January 4, 2015 Report Share Posted January 4, 2015 not being able to have a stable friendship/relationship because my head fucks it up sooner or later anyway..combined with trust issues, that end up in paranoia like "they cheat anyway" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squi333 Posted January 26, 2015 Report Share Posted January 26, 2015 Pushing people away who I loved very much to the point they cut me off. And not being able to be 'normal'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toridactyl Posted January 28, 2015 Report Share Posted January 28, 2015 Right now it's paranoia and not regular paranoia but psychotic features type of paranoia. I hate it so much. I want to feel real. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MischaD Posted February 12, 2015 Report Share Posted February 12, 2015 Anxiety caused mainly by fear of abandonment, rejection and paranoia that people don't like me or are angry or annoyed with me. I generally never feel good enough. The mood swings, especially the anger and jealousy which can be overwhelming when I feel threatened or betrayed. Fear really is a big feature. Thoughts about the things I have just mentioned are obsessive and I can think 24/7 about something I perceive to be true e.g. my friend hates me. A lot of the time I feel I have an emptiness inside, as though I am constantly heartbroken and alone. I would love to just be at peace..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Its_Sim Posted March 2, 2015 Report Share Posted March 2, 2015 Carthraziel, you describe the feeling so well. In stable relationships. With Friends. Out having a good time... you're right. I don't have the words to explain it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Its_Sim Posted March 2, 2015 Report Share Posted March 2, 2015 Carthraziel, you describe the feeling so well. In stable relationships. With Friends. Out having a good time... you're right. I don't have the words to explain it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted March 3, 2015 Report Share Posted March 3, 2015 i struggle with the self loathing. The identity crisis that i perminantly seem to be constantly going through. The cronic feelings of emptyness. having no self worth. My eating issues. the list is endless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bug-error Posted March 3, 2015 Report Share Posted March 3, 2015 Theres a lot I struggle with... I don't think I can point to one thing in particular and say that's what i have the hardest time with. I think the constant emptiness, quick mood swings where i go from feeling nothing one second to crying uncontrollably the next, my lack of motivation to the point getting out of bed feels like a hard task, my lack of identity, my hopelessness, my helplessness, all the other things i struggle with definitely don't make bpd any better (trauma, adhd,), my dissociative episodes that last for hours, my dependency on others, etc... I feel very isolated and alone. I feel like I'll never be good enough or healthy enough for a relationship. Today I took the decision to close the doors to relationships for an indefinite time because after this break-up i'm going through I can't trust or allow myself to "love" someone again for a long ass time. There's a lot...i would talk about it more but i'm so tired and spent right now... Thank you for making this thread and thank you to anybody that has read this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted March 5, 2015 Report Share Posted March 5, 2015 i hear you bagera and can relate to some of what you have written. Sorry i know i spelled your name wrong i am relying on a screen reader to read and post. I too dont like the co dependence iether, it does my head right in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bug-error Posted March 5, 2015 Report Share Posted March 5, 2015 it's okay maddy being so codependent does suck :/ it's a struggle to not attach yourself to someone/depend on them so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted March 6, 2015 Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 it seems to be my natural instinkt to become co dependant. i dont understand why. It just is. Wonder if its got something to do with me being blind. Hmmm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BPDBarbie Posted March 6, 2015 Report Share Posted March 6, 2015 i would have to say ANGER defiantly, black and white thinking, loniness, trust, and i ted to coldly cut people out of my life. i also am very controlling as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted March 7, 2015 Report Share Posted March 7, 2015 i struggle with relationships. Always have done. The thought of being abandoned gets so stron that people usually get fed up with me and i lose them. thats what has always happened guess i am a bad person who is a total wierdo who deserves not to have any close friends. Putting my trust in someone else is really hard for me for some reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MischaD Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Maddy, you are not a bad person - it's the illness making you think that. You are always on here supporting others so that in itself makes you caring. I do have the same feelings about you re abandonment and then feeling I don't deserve things. I totally get that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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