maddy harper Posted May 22, 2014 Report Share Posted May 22, 2014 i've not eatin anything since sat night, nothing at all. i'm even limmiting my fluid intake now. what the fuck is wrong with me??!! anna is being so distructive to me. i'm now calory counting things even though i'm not eating i don't understand i hate my head!!! fuckin bpd/anorexia!!! thanks for taking the time to read/responde in advance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted May 22, 2014 Report Share Posted May 22, 2014 Maddy do you know what happened on Saturday to trigger this? that is a long time to go without eating, you need to eat and to drink as well, I had a period of time where I couldn't eat without throwing up, I had energy drinks to keep body sugars and salts up, but even then i lost about 2 stone and I fell very ill, maybe I can be a voice telling you to eat, I can be quite a loud and shouty voice if I need to be would that help? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 22, 2014 the doctor knows about my eating disorders as its in my notes from when i was in hospital. they have given me build up drinks to try help me put on waight. i havent lost any you'll be pleased to know the drinks seem to be stopping me from dropping even more than i all ready have.so that cant be a bad thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 22, 2014 i had a really bad flash back in the night on friday, i think that's what triggered this bout off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted May 22, 2014 Report Share Posted May 22, 2014 anything I can do to help? do you want to talk about it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2014 thanks for your reply bob... i am really struggling today i still havent eatin anything. and i'm scared i'm drinking though now which is a start but it still isn't food is it??? my friend made me some pasta last night and when i picked up the bowl i felt really sick looking at it in my hands... i know i cant look at it really, just a figure of speech. i'm hate my self!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b0bulat0r Posted May 23, 2014 Report Share Posted May 23, 2014 I'm sad that you hate yourself, I think you are a lovely person who is very kind and compassionate to others. I am worried about your health, not eating for so long is going to have a detrimental impact on your health, you need to eat to stay healthy, I am sorry the prospect of food is making you feel sick, have you had this before in the past? what normally works to get you back to eating again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 23, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 23, 2014 theproblem i have is this... when ever i eat food it makes me feel dirty inside where as if i don't eat anything i feel clenzed and clean inside my teeth are all broke up because years of being sick all the time so much so that the dentist wants to remove them entirley and give me plates thats how bad they are i can still eat with them though which is a mirical in its self Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 24, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 24, 2014 i had 4 slices of jam on toast this morning that's a start Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 26, 2014 still struggling with anna tbh i forced my self to eat something yesterday but i hated the feeling of the food in my stomach [[[no perdging]]] so what i ate stayed down... i like the feeling of being empty, clean and clenzed when i don't eat food can anyone else relate to that??? i know that this is totally fucked up but its me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted May 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 26, 2014 today the urdges to perdge have been as strong as i can remember trying to fight them but not sure how much longer i cant give in for i know, i know, i've done really well and it would be a shame to ruin the pattern but there just to strong. HELP!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pennx Posted May 28, 2014 Report Share Posted May 28, 2014 Maddy, I hope you are safe first and foremost Ive been struggling with mia since I was about 7 (I am 21 - as of today!) and want to let you know you are not alone in your feelings. I too go through phases of fasting anywhere up to ten days usually and have a very restricted diet... all the time I am not bingeing Ive had to spend £1500+ now on dental work because of purging and need 3 more root canals so I also relate to your dental trauma! For that reason I have forced myself to stop perging. Dissimilar to you (I think?) my binges are so excessive (20,000 kcal per day usually) I have gone from a bmi around 19 to 29+ and could not quite put into words just how traumatic it is to look in the mirror. Today is my 21st birthday and rather than be happy and having the time of my life I have been awake since 2am feeling sick from yesterday's binge already panicking what I'm going to wear that doesn't make me look too disgusting or show people how much bigger I am and if it takes 13 outfit changes just to leave the house like it did yesterday then why even bother? Sorry. I fell into the trap of my own pig ignorant selfishness. The point of my post was that you are not alone. You are beautiful, inside and out. You are worthy of love, good health and happiness. There is nothing wrong with gratification in feeling cleansed when you are empty, but please remember to cleanse your body also with the healthy foods that help it work and help you to flourish. Fruit, vegetables and nuts are an excellent place to start. You can maintain comforting cleansed feeling and know your body is also doing well for it. Lots of love xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 3, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2014 i've not perdged any food since last feb... eating little and offen right now baby steps... that's what's gonna get me over this i hope Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 4, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 4, 2014 i've been struggling with perdge urdges really hard recently but i havent done anything so i'mdoing well right??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted June 6, 2014 Report Share Posted June 6, 2014 Maddy have u never went to doctors or seeked help in your eating? Your doing some first steps but u need to get some little help with ur problem in eating. So is there any help u getting are u diagnosed with eating disorder? If so ask for help if u can xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pennx Posted June 7, 2014 Report Share Posted June 7, 2014 Maddy you are fabulous well done keep channelling that strength. We are all rooting for you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2014 i'm on build up drinks from the dr to help me put on waight they work to a certain digree they stop me dropping to much waight wise. they taste really sweet because they're laktos based they really nice tbh especiially the chocolate, strawberry, banana and vanila one the coffee/mocha flavours are horible how ever and i hate drinking them ones... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2014 i still havent perdged anything... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiffany01 Posted June 10, 2014 Report Share Posted June 10, 2014 Be cool man, I don't anything and I mean anything at all for 24 hour only. It's not a big deal. My brother don't eat anything at night for over 12 years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2014 i'm still struggling with food tbh its an issue for me still i'm still not eating properly and i don't know why i hate my self so, so, so, much aaaaarg!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 17, 2014 i have no intrest in food i don't waant to smell it, touch it, eat it... don't wanna do any of that atm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted June 19, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2014 the urdges to perdge have come back big time i don't know what to do about them when ever i have tryed to talk to my dr about it they don't see it as a major issue i'm on build up drinks from the doctor but i don't take them there is no point they will only make me fatter than i all ready am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted July 18, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2014 now that they have put me on the morphine i don't wan eat anything really i feel really sick all the time.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lapwing Posted July 18, 2014 Report Share Posted July 18, 2014 no helpful advice to offer I'm afraid, I have similar issues and thoughts as you at times and haven't found a way through, despite 1 year as a day patient at an ED clinic... that's no help is it? Sorry - I wanted to try and offer something positive to hold on to... I hope that knowing you've been heard and understood might help a bit? x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted July 19, 2014 Report Share Posted July 19, 2014 Offering you many warm hugs. Sorry I'm no more of an help. Might I ask why you're on morphine? Hope it's not a too serious problem. Take good care of yourself and drink your build up drinks when you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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