Dreams About Therapist

[lonelyheartemma]

I keep having dreams about my therapist and it's freaking me out. They're like nightmares when he kisses me and stuff and it's horrible but there's some reason in the dream why I can't do anything about it. I don't always know the reason but it's always there.

Last night's dream was especially strange. I was still at school but I had a baby with a guy I was no longer in a relationship with but we'd decided to get married for the sake of our daughter. But I'd become friends with another guy, I loved him and I knew he loved me but I didn't know what to do about it because I was engaged to the father of my baby. I didn't want to do so I went to therapy and we did role play, we acted out breaking up with the baby's father and telling the guy I liked how I felt, this role play ended with us getting engaged. After therapy I saw the guy I liked so I had the conversation with him and it went really well, we got engaged but agreed to keep it secret for a while. Then I saw my therapist again and I realised he'd thought the role play was about me and him and he thought I was now engaged to him. So I was engaged to 3 different guys at once! But again as with the other dreams I felt completely powerless and telling him he'd made a mistake just wasn't an option, I felt trapped into marrying him.

This problem continued through different dreams, there were a few different dreams set at school where everyone was teasing me saying I was so ugly I'd never get a boyfriend and I was wishing I could tell them that actually I was engaged to 3 guys. Then I had a dream in my English class where we were all told to talk about our current relationship status one at a time and me and my friend (who wasn't at school with me, I've actually never met her) were dreading it because her only relationship had a sad end and I really wanted to keep my relationship situation secret till I'd worked out what to do. We got round it by somehow shifting the conversation to family relationships, my friend talked about her friend who's like a sister to her and somehow I got missed out so I didn't have to say anything. Then there was some other dream when the school bully gave me back a pair of my knickers she'd stolen (which never happened in real life- and the school bully wasn't even at my school, she was just someone I'd seen in a play) and when I got them back I was feeling really relieved because I'd assumed my therapist had stolen them and I'd been really freaked out about it.

I don't usually attach too much meaning to dreams, dream analysis never worked for me anyway because the things I dreamt about were never in my dream book. I think part of it is that my imagination is so active in my life, it just keeps going in my sleep and makes up these elaborate stories. But I've had so many dreams (nightmares?) about my therapist and it's just horrible. I'm sure he has no interest in me, he's hinted he's got something going with the receptionist but we actually are going to do some role play in our next session and now I'm really worried about it.

[lonelyheartemma]

I know no-one's replied and that's fine, it's a long post and I know sometimes the words don't come or it just seems too far outside your experience for you to add anything.

But I'd like to say thank you to you all for making this site into a place where I feel able to make posts like this. A place like this is special and valuable- and very unusual I think. And just posting it made me feel better, it got the creepiness out of my system a bit.

[Settng Sun]

I've started attaching a lot more meaning to dreams recently. Plus there have been a couple where I've woken up crying which has NEVER happened before. Your dreams are certainly vivid but one thing I've noticed is that when I'm more 'on', emotionally, I tend to dream more vividly as well.

I don't think there is any reason to worry about your roleplaying. Then again, I also think it is perfectly reasonable for a young woman such as yourself to be concerned about a situation such as this but hopefully he will be able to put your mind at rest before the sessions starts. I hope it goes well xx

[jenny1471]

Hi

I wanted to reply to this yesterday but was worried I wouldn't be able to express myself quite right. And I don't want to upset you by saying something strange. I guess I should say that I'm coming at this reply from my own experiences of therapy, my own dreams and my interpretations of my own dreams.. so this may be totally off track but is just my thoughts.

I used to think dreams weren't important or didn't mean much. All those books you buy on dream interpretation, are, in my opinion, just silly! Dreams can really only be interpreted by the person who has dreamt them and maybe with the help of a therapist (one such as a psychoanalyst who has trained in the studies of the unconscious etc). But recently I've had a lot of dreams about my therapist and about life in general. And talking them through with my therapist has really opened my eyes to them... Freud would say that our minds help protect us. So for example when we dream we may replace items in our dreams which may be distressing, with something less distressing.. so that we can process it in a safer way. Of course, many many disagree with Freud but whatever your thoughts about him are.. I personally wondered (and I'm in no way trained, as I said this is all my thoughts from my own experience..)...

...whether your dream about your therapist kisses you and you can't do anything about it.... I've had similar dreams. Dreams where my therapist violates me in some way. In my dream it's often something physical or like I'm trapped in her room and she won't let me out or something. And when I've discussed these with her (and of course she knows me personally, knows where I'm at in my journey and relationship with her) we've come to the agreement that my dreams are representing my fear that she is violating my MIND. Like for me I cannot stop thinking about her. It's like she's in my mind 24/7. I think of her and cannot get HER out. She is violating me but of course she's not actually violating me in the physical sense, rather emotional sense and not of her doing. So my dreams are showing me this fear.. fear that I won't be able to get her to stop.. fear that she's taking over me.. and that I'm completely vulnerable to her. She has the power (in my mind not in reality) and I am powerless.

As I say, this is my experience of my dream and my therapist, so it may not fit right at all. Are you able to talk about your dream with your therapist at all? I don't know what type of therapy it is or if dreams are ever talked about but it's a thought. I hope your roleplay goes ok

Jenny x

[lonelyheartemma]

Thank you for your post Jenny. It's really interesting. I'm kind of 50/50 about Freud, he made some good observations but he also took some of his theories too far and damaged people. So I don't consider him a good man at all but that doesn't change the fact he was clever. Do you know the Aliquis story when a friend of his said a quote and missed out the word aliquis? That was very clever and I'm sure that kind of thing happens all the time.

I'm having CBT which is ending soon. I don't think I could talk to him about it. I wrote him a letter saying I'd like to talk about rape but only if he felt comfortable with it. He hasn't referred to it so I'm assuming he's not comfortable. That's a shame for me but every therapists have their own boundaries and I don't want to push him to cross it. I might get private therapy when I stop seeing him and maybe then we can address those issues.

I've started having nightmares about other people too. There was one where my sister and her husband (who I see once or twice a year and don't really speak to) forced me to have a threesome with them. That really worried me because even though I know they don't really like me I do know they would never ever do that to me. So I don't know why I was dreaming it. But your post really helped with that. I wouldn't say I really feel 'safe' with my sister or her husband. I don't really know them and I don't feel comfortable with them. Whenever they can I'm always in a big state of anxiety. But at the same time I know I'm safe from the things that happened in my dream about them.

So like you say I've replaced something distressing (rapists) with something less distressing (sister and brother in law).

And looking at the other thing you said about people violating me in my mind, my sister is always violating my mind because I compare myself to her constantly and I'm humiliated by the fact I don't measure up to her. She doesn't violate me in real life- she doesn't even speak to me! Though I suppose not speaking to me could be some sort of inverted form of violation. But the main things that bother me the most are things that I assume other people are saying and thinking about us. My mum has told me that people often say to her "It's a shame about Emma but at least C's normal." So I know some people really are saying and thinking it. But some people doesn't mean everyone.

Jenny seriously thank you so much. I don't know if I can tell my therapist about the dreams I've had about him but I would like to speak to him about the ideas of replacement and mental violation.

[artemis84]

My mum has told me that people often say to her "It's a shame about Emma but at least C's normal." So I know some people really are saying and thinking it. But some people doesn't mean everyone.

Just wanted to say Emma.... if you read what you have written carefully it doesn't mean that 'some people are really saying and thinking it' at all - it means that your mum says some people are. Knowing what I do about your mum (from what you've said on here before), that might be no reflection of the truth but more what your mum wants you to believe about yourself. Just a thought anyway - don't believe everything you're told!

[addy2]

Hi Emma I didn't reply I'm not sure my reply was appropriate I do dream of my therapist well my male ones especially my cbt therapist he was very nice looking and although I left him 3 yrs ago I still dream of him the most recent one was last night and we were having sex see it's wrong it's not like I ever would have but then again knowing me I probably would have had he offered not that he would he was decent, kind and caring and very respectful. I have had similar dreams about my dbt therapist too and my relationship was not so good. I think maybe it's me wanting to feel wanted and loved by people or even liked and I'm my experience and life sex has played a big part right and wrong so I guess I get confused about it. Sorry if I rambled hugs Emma xxx

[ekim]

Man, the last dream I had all I did was eat a banana and vacuumed the house.

Yep, I housecleaned in my dream and nothing else that I know of.

This thread tells me I'm seriously failing at dreams.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but ethically speaking, if a therapist learns their patient has starting to get sexual feelings for them, doesn't that usually mean it's time for the therapist to switch you to a new one?

I don't know, that never happened to me. All my therapists and shrinks were way too ugly for me to ever have this problem.

[lonelyheartemma]

Addy I'm really sorry for not replying to your post. I hope you didn't think I found your reply inappropriate. I have never found anything you've written inappropriate. You are always very kind, insightful and helpful but I really should have said that before. I'm really grateful to you for this post. Everyone wants to be wanted and loved but for some people it's such an important need we would take love wherever it's offered, even if it's not actually love. I think it's like that with me as well.

Ekim I think most people have dreams like yours. My mum says most of her dreams are about being in supermarket queues. My best friend has the occasional strange dream (she once dreamt about her daughter's favourite singer peeing onstage) but usually it's mundane, everyday things.

With your question I think it varies - I read a book when I was at school that said it was fairly common for people to develop a great fondness for their therapist and for some people that translates as sexual or romantic feelings. It says that in itself isn't a reason to change therapists but you have to take it case by case. Some therapists will accept it as normal, some won't be able to deal with it. Some clients will be uncomfortable about continuing but others would rather work through it and stay with a therapist they're used to. And I think in my case, where the therapist is a trainee, their mentors might have a say in it too. But if my therapist made the decision not to be my therapist anymore, there wouldn't be a replacement. I'd just be left without any therapist at all - which is going to happen in a few weeks anyway. But I have no sexual feelings about my therapist. In my dreams, he's the one having sexual feelings for me and it's terrifying. I don't think I really do sexual feelings.