thesecondhalf Posted August 1, 2014 Report Share Posted August 1, 2014 Please don't judge, I am trying very hard. This is the first time I have reached out for support to talk to other people. After being diagnosed with BPD I stopped talking about it and seeking help. It is a hidden problem that only my soon to be ex husband knows about. (The worst of all, I am leaving him because my second half can't love him the same way he loves me in the way he wants to support me through all of this) I have two lives. The one where I am a twenty something year old drinking, random sex, and immature. Then there is the other half, who used to be happily married and has a kid. I have custody of my child 3 nights a week. It's a shame, because I am the mom. I don't know when it happened or why, but last year I went from a loving and caring stay at home mom to a (lets be honest) whore who cares about nothing. Really, I don't even know what I work for anymore but the obsession for leaving and moving out of the country. I don't know why I am making this topic. I just don't know what to do. Because I know what is right, but the other voice inside my head tells me no. So I keep doing what is wrong. I feel like I can't change, and I really don't want help. I just wish there was only one person I had to listen to because the two extremes are slowly killing me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carthraziel Posted August 1, 2014 Report Share Posted August 1, 2014 Hello there SecondHalf Really well done for making a post and reaching out. It is the hardest part and takes much courage. You are in good company here, people can relate to each other as we have all exprienced a similar hell. We are listening. And I hear you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allison30love Posted August 2, 2014 Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 Hi thesecondhalf, Welcome. I am newbie to this site….. I was diagnosed with BPD Nov'13. Im 36, 37 Feb. I reckon I've had BPD for a long, long, long time. I also have PMDD!!! That's a bit of my background and believe me it has been themed with varied mental health up and downs…. My initial thought(s) after reading your story is please try not to make BIG decisions - sit on them, even if it's a bit longer than you have. There sounds to be a lot of confusion, uncertainty. I once left the love of my life. 2 years ago I talked myself into my ultimate nightmare and to this very day I have regrets. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should or shouldn't I just think you need to be 100% or as close as were possible. Hope this helps a little at least. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted August 2, 2014 Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 you need to seek out some mh advice and support many of us here identify with not knowing who we are and with parts of us doing/saying/thinking things that other parts wouldnt its good that you came here and can share it with people who understand keep doing that but also seek professional help you say your bpd is hidden yet it clearly isn't - it is there and cannot be shut away it is influencing your life and your decisions in a very big way xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelsiexx Posted August 6, 2014 Report Share Posted August 6, 2014 I'm new here too..I can really relate with ur symptoms im exactualy the same I constantly shift from being happy and settled down to single crazy etc..looked up flights to australia and yacht prices when I have children and a life here..its very confusing here if you want to chat xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lapwing Posted August 7, 2014 Report Share Posted August 7, 2014 Hi, just wanted to echo others, and say welcome, and keep talking to us... we're here to listen, and it's a friendly a place x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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