Am I Paranoid? Is There Something Wrong With Me?

[BlueFoxe]

I am seriously concerned about my mental health, I talked to a psychiatrist but we only talked for 5 minutes and I just unloaded all my past history with her and she said I'd be better suited for counselling, without actually getting a chance to delve in to my actual thought process?

Sometimes I feel as though Aliens are watching me, especially at night. I try to avoid uncovered windows or going close to doors that lead outside.
Daytime I can cope, as I feel safe amongst the bustling of other people.

Although sometimes I feel as though people are watching me in their cars, or friends/family have cameras hidden in different parts of their house specifically to single me out and spy on me, make fun of me, analyse me, as well as use things I do against me.

I have the constant feeling I am being watched.

I sometimes envision a scary image of someone stood behind me staring at me and screaming inside my head, but in the room. Not auditory out of my head but I can hear it in my head if that makes sense? Even though it partially feels like its in the environment around me.

Sometimes I feel I may be possessed.

Sometimes I have violent thoughts, that I feel guilty about and are not as common as other thoughts but deeply disturbing. Some of my thoughts are just of people dead, in pools of their own blood not of my own doing but there. Usually at places I frequent, particularly places I live. Sometimes I enjoy these thoughts.

I haven't told anyone these things before.

I also find it hard to feel some strong emotions and feel slightly in limbo? I may just be slightly depressed which is why I am feeling that way. But it's hard to feel normal with these thoughts riddling my mind?
I also find it hard to connect with other people.

I am really scared about the shadow image of the same person/thing/whatever it is because it just doesn't seem to go away and bothers me even in the day? It's very intrusive at times, and feels as though it is just in my face SCREAMING but in a sort of sound proof bubble with a little sound coming through. And it seems to make my head go haywire and feels like I get sucked into it and can't focus kind of like static on a television.

It gets worse the more I notice it, but I find it hard to deter away from it as it just won't let me! Is this just an obsessive thought pattern???

The cameras are also in public toilets, pubs, usually secluded areas or not as busy areas. (I know there is CCTV that doesn't bother me because they aren't hidden, though they still make me slightly uncomfortable, it's the hidden ones that are bad)
I don't have the issue at work, maybe because i am preoccupied and do not give myself time to think about it? though now i've noticed it i may start to..

I have heard voices in the past, sometimes I get a random out of nowhere voice, sometimes my own or someone elses that sounds like it is in the room with me.

I have banged my head against walls, hurt myself and go slightly crazy when angry/and or upset.

I just can't talk to anyone about these things, and the easiest thing for me to do is go online to do it?

Though sometimes I feel the internet is out to get me because things appear that I have been thinking about or there is a hidden message for me placed by people/things who are watching me to try fuck with me..

I do notice there is a problem.
But I do get points where I cannot function and refuse to do so and I become very confrontational and angry.

Otherwise I just try to get on with it but it's not a nice day-to-day feeling.

Help??

[Saharah Blue]

Have you ever been on meds? There are anti-psychotics that are very helpful in managing both paranoia and delusional thought patterns.

[Threemoons]

I also think that meds could be an option for you. It really helped me control my irrational thinking. Why would it not help you too? Hope that you can get helped.