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Recovery....how To Do It?


farneston

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I think I may need therapy....I want to get better but then I'm scared of it...And I've been feeling down for a long time...but then I think in reality its for really silly reasons, when others have more serious traumas/issues:

- I can't be accepted/myself by my family, as I am a reserved person, and my thoughts, beliefs and attitudes get continually questioned and even mocked. I say not to do it, but then it's no use in the long-run. Not being around them as much has contributed a lot in handling it.

- I don't have as many friends as I'd like, but then I don't think I'm any more or less accommodating than others, it's just something I cannot put my finger on. The thing is, most therapists I've seen tell me to "smile" and "be nice all the time", which for me is impossible. I'm 35 and have never had a gf before, which is very sad by most people's standards, but then I'm trying to resolve it. And many therapists tell me that "sex is wrong" and "liking casual sex is 'not mentally balanced'".

- I make life goals, but then people close to me always try to deny them/knock them down, so I feel deflated.

- I try to make associations with people, but then they turn away, or act luke warm. I had joined a few groups and made some associations, and the people in question even said or implied they like/respect me, and even suggested we go out sometime, but then they're now acting very cold, and I don't get it. Ordinarily, I wouldn't give a damn, but then for now it's rocked me since it reminds me of when I was younger, this used to happen a lot. For instance, I told one that I was considering moving away to sort out my career goals, she said that I should consider my options and she wished me best, but then lately she's acting very cold. And another said she found me warm to talk to, and even provided pointers in how to start my new career as she had worked in it prior. But then now, she's distant. I'm not being absolutely discouraged though, but I was reminded of dark/distant parts of my life.

- I feel like all of this stems from not getting the same knowledge as others did when young. So because of this disadvantage, I am where I am. Some good things do happen (well they happen to all), as I had completed my degree and have some strong career/personal goals, but then I just want to manage my life/moods, and there are too many obstacles. I also think that therapists are innately more sympathetic to others who see them, and who would voice these things. These are not very serious issues, and I feel a bit guilty for saying them, but then I think the issue for me is that I'm not acting per my own nature. I'm a flexible person, and I just feel I cannot be seen as complex, and even flawed, human being.

I had said to a few here that I wouldn't post much, but then I've been feeling a bit deflated of late. It's because I have nobody else to speak with, they're not sympathetic or won't help me address the situation accounting for my own needs.

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Hi Farneston. I'm sorry you've been avoided and mocked when you were younger. Could it have affected your view of how the others behave on you? Maybe those you speak of are not truly being cold but they may have their own preoccupations too? I'm sure you can make good associations with a bit of self-confidence. Have faith in yourself. What job do you want to do? Congratulations for having so neat goals, I'm still in the mist myself.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So why did everybody get knowledge, and I didn't? Who excluded me. and why? I just want to find them and hurt them... Just getting the same standard knowledge all others got will help me a LOT....I don't care who gets angry at me not having it....I don't care, if people even random people attack me, so what? I'll just tell the police....

And I may sound symptomatic, I don't care......i detest therapists/professionals, they just pick and choose who to treat based on who is nice and cute....they tell me stuff they NEVER tell anybody else....since when is medicine partial and subjective?

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