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complex-lemon

Better Day

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complex-lemon

Yesterday was very average to put it mildly.

Today I managed to drive over to a mates place and his anxiety has been beyond extreme over the past four or five years.

Basically rarely ever leaves the house which he shares with his now very elderley parents.

Gradually overcoming my own big time anxieties in recent years.

Was over his way for quite some time and even ventured out and about.

Felt uncomfortable and had anxieties but glad I did it for his sake, because it did put a bit of a spring in his step which I never thought I would ever see with him again, so was very pleased for him.

Was very very tired when got home, but am ok now.

I think I am finally beginning to relax in my own home now.

Taken me a very long five years to feel comfortable in this town where I knew no one at all when moved here and at that time was suffering with massive panic attacks which I did think that that was how it was always going to be.

But bit by bit it has begun to happen - no thanks to a non existant family presence and support though, but feel I am beginning to make peace with that one.

It was no wonder I never had any confidence in relationships considering the bullying that has gone on within the family.

The thing that I have finally realised that their view of me is actually far far from who I am.

In a way I am grateful for their incessant criticism despite knowing so little about my day to day existence.

So much searching in my life, job, friends, religion etc, but at the end of the day I am decent and kind and not weird either as they may think.

I am me. I try my best. I think compassion for others is good, but if people who meant to be close not onside then cheerio.

It is a two way street. Give and take!!!

I am seriously thinking of a day to myself in my warm flat on Xmas day.

Many times I really really can't do me on my own, but currently it seems good.

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jenny1471

Hi

I'm glad that you had a better day. It sounds like you've been doing a lot of thinking about your life, and your family etc. I hope that if you do spend Christmas in your flat this year, that it's a peaceful one for you.

Take good care of YOU
Jenny

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complex-lemon

My thinking seems to change very rapidly Jenny.

Much calmer than yesterday.

Thanks for reply.

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Threemoons

I'm glad that you had a better day. Hope things keep improving and that you have a merry Christmas day.

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