addy2 Posted December 27, 2014 Report Share Posted December 27, 2014 I have spent all year trying to be someone I'm not in saying that I don't know who I really am but anyway. I wrote positive stuff on fb as I thought people ignored me as I was always negative I was nice to people I didn't like I didn't argue with people like I used to you I kept it all in and guess what no one really likes me anyway and I mean this in my rl not here, family still ignore me and others it's just me they don't like for whatever reason and changing me isn't going to do anything is it? I've been crying at night because of my parents and other family members but really what for there isn't one of them who cares, so I've decided I'm going to be me I'm going to say what I want and do what I want no more pleasing others then if people hate me they have good reason! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PDBPD Posted December 27, 2014 Report Share Posted December 27, 2014 Being honest with yourself will make you happier...that is a good enough reason alone Addy Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagleheart Posted December 27, 2014 Report Share Posted December 27, 2014 Well done sweetheart. Trying to be pleasing to everyone is a waste of your precious energy. I am so happy that you have come to realise this. The real you is beautiful. Even your bad points are good because they make you who you are. And you are appreciated & loved.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted December 27, 2014 Report Share Posted December 27, 2014 I wrote positive stuff on fb as I thought people ignored me as I was always negative I get that feeling sometimes also. Or they get frustrated with you because they lose patience with your negativity. They try and rationalise away your problems with common-sense solutions like "its not really that bad" or "look at the positives". And sometimes I agree with them but I don't believe it. I acknowledge what they say because it seems polite. But sometimes you can't use common sense to change how you feel, you just feel bad and want people to hear your pain. no one really likes me anyway From what I've seen of you, I like you. I'm going to be me I'm going to say what I want and do what I want no more pleasing others then if people hate me they have good reason! Good for you! Don't deliberately piss people off, don't be a bully. But say how you feel and be yourself, not what other people want you to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted December 27, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 27, 2014 Thankyou all , it'll be hard steve I don't even know who I am well I do a bit but I'm very negative that can't be good but then In saying that if I ever do get excited or happy someone is always there willing to knock me down again. Thankyou eagle you are always so kind and lovely to me I know I should learn to accept me maybe others would then too instead of me hiding me and then being angry at them because I'm pretending but as you know my partner can be an ass and I have to pretend for him as well I can't win. Thankyou data I am genuinely a fair person and I am kind I do think of people and would go out of my way not to hurt people but I have a side where I react so quick if someone insults me or makes me angry then I have reacted before I've had time to think then I feel bad, not in an overly bad way but I wish I didn't do it, like a man in asda one day was pissing me of big long queues and it was my turn at the self check out they stress me out anyway it was saying remove item and he shouts up take the bag of it he was all angry and impatient I told him to mind his own fucking business my kids get annoyed at me but in my eyes he was stressing me in an already stressful situation then I felt bad see that is me the reactive one and then feeling guilty then, maybe it's easier to keep pretending maybe the world couldn't cope with me I know my partner certainly can't and he doesn't want to he said just keep pretending he doesn't care how I really feel x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 28, 2014 Report Share Posted December 28, 2014 So sorry to hear your having a bad time at the moment addy. huge hugs to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted December 28, 2014 Report Share Posted December 28, 2014 You did overreact at the checkouts but nobody is perfect addy. I've done similar plenty of times. All we can do is try not to make it happen again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 28, 2014 Report Share Posted December 28, 2014 I dont like the fact that the chip and pin devices are all different. Wish they made them all the same. Would make my life much easyer. They dont think of blind people when they make things at all unless there made by apple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artemis84 Posted December 28, 2014 Report Share Posted December 28, 2014 You did overreact at the checkouts but nobody is perfect addy. But I would say that the man did too if he was all angry and impatient in how he said it! I hate those self-checkouts with a passion, stress me out completely and it always feels like everyone else in the queue is watching you which I can't bear. Still, maybe I should be writing this on a supermarket forum (if one exists!) and not here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 28, 2014 Report Share Posted December 28, 2014 Doing what you wanna do is a good thing. dont beet your self up for doing things you wanna do iether, i am a huge disappointment to my family so i have stopped trying to please them. i do what i wanna do most of the time anyway. if people dont like it they can fuck off! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
complex-lemon Posted December 28, 2014 Report Share Posted December 28, 2014 Sometimes I guess Addy, the people we really do think should be so so much more supportive -really aren't I have had an awful couple of years because my sister's supposed grown up behaviour was to kick a man when he was down ie me. It did lead to a great deal of anger from myself directed their way. Can't say in the end, I actually acted very grown up at all with regards to it all either. I wanted them back in my life, the more I pleaded, the more it fell on deaf ears - I lost it for a while - but these days my life is much better without them in it in anyway. I know initially I tried really hard too - it was just never reciprocated - they had no interest in the nice me or the angry me either, but it is sorted in my head now, so the anger I had is simply not there now, ie they aren't registering in anyways in my day to day living. They are like people who I simply lost touch with. Yes and re self service tills - sounds like you under a lot of stress ie family and relationship too - so very understandable. You certainly not alone with that one too. I have full blown conversations at times with those machines too. We had a group session recently, where we were shown a supermarket and a lion and which we were more scared in. I know lots do get anxiety and stress in very busy supermarkets, but looking at it in relation to a lion, does make all of us who can get worked up in such places a bit of a reality check, but honestly try not to give yourself a right going over with this, there are many many others who have done likewise. Hope you can at least chill a little this evening. Best wishes Lemon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 28, 2014 Yeah those self service tills are a nightmare I hate them with a passion too Artemis I struggle in shops at the best of times and then when someone speaks I react that's the big part I struggle with reacting too quick and I never seem to get any better at it my mouth is open and it's out before my brain has even engaged. I try not to data I really do I think it's because I feel under attack or critized and then I just react. Your right maddy do what suits you and no one else who cares what they think it's hard too though isn't it we still worry what others think. My family sound like yours complex lemon I did try to make it up with them even though I wasn't at fault I visited her called her and made an effort until one day my bother threatened to bust my face in my mother didn't stick up for me so I left and they wouldn't let me take my 8 yr old daughter and started a scene so I went home in an awful state my partner rang the police who went and got her. Then a few yrs ago we had a house fire and my son went to stay at my mothers he's a teenager so it was his choice my brother started again threatening and saying I was using them but the truth was I was letting her see her grandchildren not using her so I rang her and said why does she let him do that could she not forgive me for anything I had done an she said no afraid not she said I can't forgive you I asked what I did and she said I sided with my partner instead if her which I didn't I shouldn't have been made to choose and then I said well then I don't see why I should forgive you for abusing me for yrs and allowing others to abuse me and she said that's all I was worth anyway so that was that I hung up. Two yrs later I let my kids go back she never asked but I decided to send them for their sake, I will never ever speak to her again and she also sent me a solicitor letter to try and shut me up about the abuse but it's her loss. Families are a nightmare I just wish it didn't hurt so much I need to sense it into me they didn't love me anyway xxz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 28, 2014 Report Share Posted December 28, 2014 I dont care what other people think of me. If they like me good, if they dont then they can fuck off as i said before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
complex-lemon Posted December 28, 2014 Report Share Posted December 28, 2014 That is so so tough for you Addy. In the heat of the moment, words are said on both sides, which am certain both feel they really could have dealt with this a heck of a lot better and if it carries on - like it did for me too - the words and actions either solve it or gets worse and worse. Guess I have learnt lessons like my sisters have too. But yes if you get more support elsewhere then this is more like family than your actual family. But yes it does hurt because even if in name only they are your birth family. The words get worse and worse on either side if these things drag on. I can't say never though. Two, three years down the line who knows. But in the meantime I will get on with my life in the best way for me, which is all you yourself have to do too addy. Yes but I know these emotions can be extremely raw - yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2014 That's the worse thing complex lemon I don't really have support anywhere I have no friends I don't trust anyone and my partner is more a practical support than an emotional one and it comes at a price I have to put up with a load of crap from him he said no one could love me and the fact that my own mother doesn't love me proves it there isn't much to say to that. I also found out he was messaging his ex and when I asked why he said because I had already ruined our relationship by allowing the guy who attacked me to do what he did then he said he didn't believe I was attacked that I just allowed him to do it. Sorry if that's too much information it's what's in my he's these days. I am glad your getting on with your life the best you can that's all we can do isn't it I really hope some day it's easier for you as well x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 29, 2014 Report Share Posted December 29, 2014 hugs addy... Hope you find some happyness soon. Xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2014 Thanks maddy xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted December 29, 2014 Report Share Posted December 29, 2014 Wishing the same to you, Addy. Big warm hugs your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 29, 2014 Thanks threemoons big hugs to you too, it's so cold today we would all need to hug someone xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 29, 2014 Report Share Posted December 29, 2014 There s nothing wrong with a nice hug now and then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
complex-lemon Posted December 29, 2014 Report Share Posted December 29, 2014 Hugs all round Take care people Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddy harper Posted December 31, 2014 Report Share Posted December 31, 2014 How are you today addy? Xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2014 Not so good maddy I was awake most of the night I feel anxious and sick. I don't know why it gets like this sometimes. How are you maddy? Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Threemoons Posted December 31, 2014 Report Share Posted December 31, 2014 Sending big hugs to you, Addy. I hope that your new year evening is gentle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
addy2 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2014 Hugs to you too threemoons I hope you have a good evening, I'm still really anxious and stressed I should have called someone but I didn't want too xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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